“And then?” she asked, her voice quiet.
“And then we’re done. I can’t be with you anymore. The risk is too high. I’m sorry. I didn’t get the commission. I don’t know if I’m staying in town or not, but either way, we can’t be together.”
She heard the words and knew what he meant. He wasn’t willing to take a chance. Not on them or on her. They were breaking up. They weren’t going to be together, hang out, laugh, make love. He was moving on.
The flash of pain was so hot and so bright she thought it might blind her. He couldn’t do this, couldn’t mean it. She loved him. She needed him and he needed her. They were good together. How could he walk away from that? How could he not know what was happening between them?
Passion consumes. She remembered his words. However foolish she thought them, he believed. She’d fallen in love with him and he was moving on.
She wanted to scream he was wrong. She wanted to beg. She wanted to run. Only she couldn’t. Nova and Joel were depending on her and that mattered more than what was happening with Nick. That mattered more than anything. She forced herself to breathe deeply, then willed herself to be strong.
“Fine,” she said crisply, ignoring the ache in her heart. “If that’s what you want. However, I would appreciate your commitment that you won’t run off right in the middle of things. If I can’t depend on you to be there for the wedding, then tell me now. I’ll find someone else to help. Making everything right for Nova and Joel is my priority. The rest of it can wait.”
“I’ll be there.”
For the wedding. Just not for her.
* * *
CAROL SAT NEXT to Pallas on the sofa. Pallas wrapped her arms around her midsection, as if that would hold in the pain. She’d spent the past fifteen minutes crying and would have sworn there weren’t any tears left, yet more filled her eyes and spilled down her cheeks.
Her friend was patient—waiting for her to calm down enough to speak. Carol would wait for as long as necessary. When Pallas had called, asking if she could come over, Carol hadn’t hesitated. Pallas knew she could always depend on her friends. They would be there for her—no matter what. In time, that would be enough—just not today.
“I’m sorry,” she said, her voice tight and thick with tears. “I’m a mess.”
Carol hugged her. “Don’t you dare apologize. Ever. I’m here for whatever you need. If it’s zebras, you just have to ask.”
The light humor distracted Pallas long enough for her to catch her breath. She had to get control. There was so much work to be done for Nova’s wedding. That was what was important to her. Not Nick and his idiocy. Only telling herself that didn’t help.
“Nick and I broke up,” she managed as she wiped tears from her face.
Carol continued to hold her.
“You’re not surprised?”
“I’m going to be surprised if you tell me he was stupid enough to dump you. Otherwise, I had a feeling the tears were about a man. You’re not usually a crier.”
“I know, right?” Pallas rested her head on Carol’s shoulder. “He broke up with me and I don’t know why.”
Carol swore. “That makes no sense. I’ve seen you together. You’re great and I know he totally adores you. What was he thinking?”
“I have no idea.” She swallowed a sob. “Why do I care so much?”
“You’re in love with him.”
“I know.”
Pallas straightened. Carol shifted back so she could reach the pot of tea she’d brewed, then poured them each a mug.
“Start at the beginning,” her friend told her.
“You mean I was born in the summer of...” Her voice trailed off. “Sorry. I just can’t take it all in.”
She took the offered mug of tea and sipped the warm liquid. The familiar scent of orange and black tea offered a small measure of comfort.
“Nick told me before we got together that he doesn’t believe in relationships. He thinks they cause too much emotional damage.” She made air quotes with one hand. “Passion consumes. It’s his thing. He doesn’t get too close or too involved. He was supposed to be leaving for Dubai, so I knew it wasn’t forever. I told myself that was fine. He and I would have some fun and that was all. But then it became something more—at least for me.”
A wave of pain washed over her. They’d been so good together. How could he not see that?
She wrapped both hands around her mug. “When I was little, I always felt I had to earn attention from my mom. I was never good enough. Love had to be earned and I wasn’t very good at getting it right. I always felt less than. It was different for Cade—he didn’t have the same rules. He didn’t have to try to fit in.”
Carol shook her head. “I’ve seen how your mom acts. I hope you’re not blaming yourself.”
“I’m not. I was the kid—the rules came from her. But recently my grandfather told me some stuff that changes things. He said that my dad was more interested in the bank than his wife. Mom never had his attention, which is really sad. Maybe she was doing the best she could. Maybe she was trying to get me to try harder because she felt she hadn’t tried hard enough. I don’t know.”
She drew in a breath. “Either way, I always figured it was about the rules and how I wasn’t doing well following them. I was always so careful not to expect anything, except with my friends.” She managed a slight smile. “You have always been there for me.”
“I am pretty great,” Carol teased gently.
Pallas smiled. “You are.” Her smile faded. “Then Gerald left me the business. I had no idea he was going to and I was totally freaked because I hadn’t earned it. He just loved me. Then Nick came along and we were so good together. I started to realize my feelings. I didn’t say anything because I didn’t want to pressure him. I loved him without expecting anything in return. And it felt great. Until he dumped me.”
Tears burned. She blinked them away. “Maybe I should have told him. Maybe it was a mistake to not let him know how I felt.”
“Only if it would have made you feel better,” Carol said quickly. “I’m serious. This is all about you. I’m team Pallas, all the way.”
“Thank you. I don’t want to have any regrets.”
“I don’t want that, either. If you think you would feel better having him know you were in love with him, then tell him. If you are comfortable with how you handled things, then the jerk doesn’t need to know.” Carol grimaced. “I’m just sorry we don’t have any predators on the preserve. It would be fun to let a hungry lion loose in Nick’s truck. With him inside, of course.”
“You’re just saying that. I happen to know you’re not the least bit bloodthirsty.”
“Not usually, but he hurt my friend. I care about you.”
“Thank you.”
“You’re welcome. I can’t believe how stupid he is. I know I said that already, but it’s true. I’m sorry things turned out this way. I know he’s going to regret letting you go. He has to.”
The support felt good. It would be a while until Pallas was herself again, but she figured if she’d finally learned how to fall in love she would also be able to learn to fall out of love. Eventually. Until then she had to figure out how to fake being normal and dig deep to be brave.
* * *
PALLAS HADN’T REALIZED that installing a zip line for the wedding would involve math. When the installer started his conversation with the charming phrase, “Your drop can’t be more than six percent of your length,” she felt the first hint of the headache that was sure to follow.
After clarifying that when he said your length he actually meant the length of the zip line, she waved him in the direction of the second-floor balcony.
“Whatever you can do would be much appreciated,” she told him. “We’re looking more for the spirit of a zip
line than an actual thrill ride.”
“At a wedding?”
“So it seems.”
The zip line was so the least of it, but why take the time to explain? There were a thousand other details that needed her attention.
The courtyard and building swarmed with people. The floral setup was going to take a whole day. Wynn had already started on the printed paper panels that would set the scene for the gaming world. Violet and Cade and even Drew were working together to braid different thicknesses and textures of ribbon to hang between the panels. This was a wedding, after all, and it required decoration.
Pallas wanted as much as possible set up today so that tomorrow they could focus on the ceremony and reception themselves, rather than prep work. That meant getting tables and chairs in place this afternoon. She would wait on the decorations until the morning, but she had to confirm all the deliveries. At two the DJ wanted to do a run-through with the sound system. The caterer would be by to check on the flow of the room. One hundred and fifty guests weren’t that many, but all the world-building elements provided interesting obstacles for serving staff.
From the corner of her eye, she caught sight of Nick. He’d brought his papier-mâché flowers that morning. The plants themselves were incredible—detailed replicas of the computer-generated images from the game. He’d matched the colors perfectly. She happened to know there were only three different flowers, but the way he’d arranged them, it was difficult to tell.
She did her best to avoid him. Honestly, she had no idea what she was supposed to say. Pretending they were just friends was impossible. With everyone running around getting things done, a personal conversation wasn’t going to happen—not that he seemed to be in a hurry to get close to her again. Fortunately fate seemed to be on her side in the form of people asking her questions and Nick staying busy with his flowers. She was able to keep her distance without making it obvious.
A little before noon, Nova, Joel and Tim showed up. Nova’s father looked pale and thin, but happy as he walked in with the bridal couple. Pallas hurried over to greet them.
“You made it,” she said happily, hugging all three of them.
“We did.” Nova kept her gaze on her father. “Dad’s feeling good.”
“I am.” Tim smiled. “I’ve been given the gift of a little more time and I plan to use it to see my best girl get married.”
Pallas watched Joel stay close to his father-in-law-to-be, offering a steady arm if Tim needed it.
“I have a lot to show you,” she said. “First, some details.” She turned to Nova. “Your dress was delivered to the hotel this morning. I’ve arranged for two of my best tailors to meet you at two. They’ll work their magic and have the dress back to you first thing in the morning.”
Nova’d had her first fitting before she’d shipped the dress to Nick but there were always final adjustments.
“I’ve tried to keep my weight steady,” Nova told her. “I’d lost a few pounds, but when Dad rallied, I started eating.”
“She’s not kidding,” Joel teased. “We went to an all-you-can-eat buffet and the manager finally had to ask her to leave.”
“That’s my girl,” Tim said.
Pallas pulled one of the chairs from a table and moved it close to Tim. He smiled and sat down on it.
“I can’t wait to see the dress,” Nova admitted. “Nick sent me pictures. I can tell it’s stunning but I know it’s going to be even better in person.”
“You’re going to be blown away,” Pallas told her. “Whatever you’re imagining, it’s ten times better.” Not only was Nick talented, this had been a project of the heart for him. Like everyone else involved, he’d wanted to make Nova’s and Joel’s dreams come true.
She allowed herself exactly two seconds of missing him and feeling the ache in her heart before turning back to Nova.
“We’ll walk through the ceremony right now.” Pallas glanced at her tablet. “It’s pretty traditional, so nothing you haven’t seen before. You’ve looked at the bridesmaids’ dresses?”
“I love them.”
“I do, too. So we’re a go on that. Let’s go inside and check out the setup there. The panels are up and we’re adding the embellishments as we speak. Atsuko assures me her costume is ready, so we’re good there. You’ve talked to the caterer already and Silver has the signature drink options ready to go.”
They went into the main ballroom. The chairs were already set up in even rows. Ten-foot-high frames held printed panels representing the landscape of the gaming world. Long braided ribbons looped across the top of the panels. They were also attached to the sides of the chairs by the center aisle. A glittering white runner cut between the chairs.
Up front, where the ceremony would take place, what had been a traditional, simple, white gazebo had been spray-painted silver. Several of Nick’s large papier-mâché plants nestled together. Silk flowers were scattered on the walls of the gazebo.
“We’ll place the real flowers tomorrow,” Pallas said, showing Nova and Joel where they would be attached by the chairs. “They’re a variation on your wedding bouquet. We’ve also created this—”
She pointed to an arch at the far end of the center aisle. “When it’s time for the ceremony to start, we’ll dim the lights and turn on the arch.”
She walked over and flipped several switches. The lights faded and the arch glowed. “It’s black light. Nick painted your dress with black light paint. As you pass through it, the dress will change colors. Once you’re on the main aisle, we’ll raise the lights back up so everyone can see the ceremony.”
Tears filled Nova’s eyes. “We can’t thank you enough.”
“You can and you have. We’ve all enjoyed getting things ready for you. The wedding is going to be wonderful and we’re all thrilled to be a part of your day.”
Pallas walked them through the rest of the venue and the plan for the following day. Nova, Joel and Tim headed back to the hotel. Pallas went through her to-do list and made sure she wasn’t forgetting anything.
Sometime during her meeting with the bride and her family, Nick had left, which allowed Pallas to breathe a little easier. Just knowing he was around made focusing difficult. With him out of sight, she could ignore the throbbing pain inside of her chest and get the work done. She would mourn later, she told herself. When there was time. Right now she had more important things to do.
Which sounded just so mature, but was difficult to actually do. She walked over to one of the papier-mâché flowers and touched the lifelike petal. From what she could tell, Nick had painted it at least three different shades of yellow. He’d spent so much time, she thought wistfully. Just because he’d wanted to help—and maybe a little for the challenge. Still, he hadn’t done it for glory or money, but because he was a good guy.
Not news, she told herself as she turned to look at the chairs set up for the ceremony and the panels depicting the alien world. When the ballroom was empty, it was just a big open space with high ceilings, but with a little planning and some imagination, it could be nearly anything. The great hall of a castle or an undersea cave or an alien world. She might not be in Nick’s league, but in her own way, she was an artist, too. One who took words from clients and used them to create an event worth remembering.
She thought about where she’d been only a few months ago—the new owner of a business she wasn’t sure what to do with. Funny how she’d been so caught up in wanting to work at the bank that she’d nearly walked away from the most wonderful gift anyone had ever offered. Only she hadn’t wanted to work in the bank—instead that had represented what she’d been looking for her entire life. Acceptance. She’d wanted her mother to simply love her for herself.
Knowing what she did now, she wasn’t sure that was ever going to happen. Maybe they were both too damaged. But what she did know was she was whe
re she belonged. She was happy with her work. Blessed, and she would be grateful. No matter what.
CHAPTER NINETEEN
NICK STARED AT the recently delivered tree trunk in front of him. It was perfect—nearly four feet across and eight feet high—straight and strong. The scent of wood drifted to him. All he had to do was figure out what the piece was supposed to be.
He stood in the afternoon sun and waited. And waited. It had been three days and he still didn’t know what the hell he was going to do with it, just like with the last trunk he’d tried to work with. Instead of possibilities, there was only silence.
He’d picked up his chainsaw at least a dozen times, only to put it back down. There was no point in starting until he knew where he was going. And he didn’t.
He threw the tarp back over the wood and stalked into the studio. He swore silently and felt the anger inside of him. Funny how after all this time, he understood his father a bit more. When emotion overwhelmed, acting out like a four-year-old made a whole lot of sense. Or in his case, firing a few pieces of glass against a wall would ease a lot of tension. Only he’d promised himself that would never happen again. He would handle his frustrations in another way. Although he had no idea what that was.
He was restless, confused and angry. The latter made no sense—who was he supposed to be mad at? Himself? The selection committee? Pallas?
Not her, he admitted. She’d done nothing wrong. If anyone had the right to be pissed, she did. He’d dumped her with no warning, no reason other than he was a broken coward without the strength to...to...
He stood by his desk and wondered what he was supposed to have the strength to do. Stay? Be with her? Take a chance on them? No, not on them, on himself. Because she wasn’t the problem—he was. He was the one who had looked into the depths of the abyss and sworn he wouldn’t go there. He was the one who refused to take the chance. Not her. Never her. She was amazing and beautiful and funny and kind and sexy. She was perfect. He was the problem.
You Say It First--A Small-Town Wedding Romance Page 25
