by Joanne Fluke
“That’s my feeling exactly.” Harvey nodded. “Dan could certainly handle his history classes, and we’d work out something for hockey practice. The important thing is to keep up morale. The state championship is only eight weeks away, and we’ve got a good crack at it if Dan comes back. Do you think he’s well enough, Marian? We’d make every concession possible.”
“I’ll ask Dr. Hinkley.” Marian nodded. “Yes . . . I’m sure Dan could handle it if everyone cooperated. It might be a good idea to send over some of the boys from the team to talk to him. If he knows they need him, it might help.”
“It’s as good as done.” Drew was grinning, and Marian smiled back. Drew would be relieved to have the hockey team off his back. The basketball championships were coming up too, and Drew had his hands full with his own department.
“That’s it, group.” Harvey Woodruff dismissed them. “Only two weeks until Christmas vacation. And let’s watch the tree lights this year. Last year’s power bill was definitely out of line.”
“Do you think Dan’ll come back right away?” Edith picked up her stack of papers and walked with Marian to the door. “I think getting right back to work is the best medicine. Look what it did for you. You’re amazing, Marian. I always knew you were a tower of strength.”
“Thank you, Edith.” Marian put on a smile, but her heart wasn’t in it. She just hoped Dan wouldn’t feel everyone was pressuring him. He had a kind of stubborn pride. She knew he’d never go back to work if he thought he couldn’t do the job. And then he’d turn bitter and disillusioned if he stayed cooped up in the house day after day with nothing to do but watch television. Somehow she had to convince him to go back to work. It was the only solution.
As she stepped out into the icy twilight, Marian drew in her breath sharply. Fear, deeply hidden in the depths of her mind, came crashing to the surface. What if Dan wouldn’t go back to work? What if he never got better? Could she even pretend to be strong enough for both of them?
“They’re coming tonight?” Dan frowned as Marian gave him the news. “Oh, honey . . . isn’t there some way you could put it off for a while?”
“They’re anxious, Dan. Drew says they even signed a petition for you to come back.”
Dan sighed. He supposed there was no way to get out of it now. He’d have to talk to them whether he was up to it or not.
“I’ll make supper right now, honey.” Marian smiled brightly, and Dan tried to concentrate on what she was saying. “Would you like pork chops or steak?”
“Either one’s fine. It really doesn’t matter, Marian. How about some scalloped potatoes? We haven’t had those in a long time.”
The scalloped potatoes were a stroke of pure genius. Dan was proud of himself for thinking of it. Now Marian would be tied up in the kitchen, and he’d have time to think. He had to come up with something to say to stall the team. There was no way he was going back to work in a wheelchair. The boys might not understand, but certainly Drew would have a little consideration for his feelings!
Dan raised himself up in bed and leaned against the backrest pillow Marian had bought him. His shoulders ached, and he was tired. He’d tried to be cheerful for Marian, even though he hadn’t felt like it. Poor Marian. It had been a rough afternoon for her. She’d cried when she told him about Laura’s empty desk, and he had felt like crying right along with her. It must have been painful, facing all Laura’s friends and classmates. Dan knew he couldn’t have done it.
Dan knew Marian would worry about him if he confessed he hated the children who were Laura’s age. He had tried, but he couldn’t control his feelings. They walked past the house in the mornings, laughing and throwing snowballs on their way to school. They were so damn happy! It just wasn’t fair. Why should they be happy when Laura was dead? It should have been one of them and not Laura!
The boys filed out the door, full of enthusiasm and spirit. Drew pulled Marian to the side, out of the cold draft from the open front door, and draped a friendly arm around her shoulders.
“Talk him into it, Marian.” He stood close to her, and she could see the fine lines of concern on his face. “He told the boys he’d give them an answer by the end of the week, but it doesn’t look good. The kids think he’s coming back, but I’m not so sure. Dan’s changed. Oh, he smiled and kidded with them, but he’s not the same Dan.”
As Marian nodded, Drew pulled his stocking cap over his sandy hair and sighed deeply. “Frankly, I’m worried. If we don’t get Dan out of the house soon, he’s going to hole up in here like a hermit.”
“I’ll do my best, Drew,” Marian promised. Drew did look worried. His usual carefree expression was gone, and the tips of his small mustache seemed to droop. Everyone was worried about Dan. She wondered if Drew was worried about her, as well.
He seemed to sense her unspoken question. Drew slipped his arm around her shoulders again and hugged her close. “It’ll work out somehow, Marian. Don’t despair.”
Tears came to Marian’s eyes, and she blinked them away. “I . . . I don’t know what to do.” She faltered. “There’s got to be some way of convincing Dan to go back to work.”
“Is there anyone else Dan would listen to?” Drew frowned slightly. “How about someone he’s close to? A real friend?”
“Ronnie Powell’s a friend,” Marian began hesitantly. “Do you think I should ask Ronnie for help?”
“Sure.” Drew flashed his easy grin. Marian could tell he felt better with a plan of action. “Call Sally, and get the Powells in on it. Ronnie can talk some sense into him. Dr. Hinkley might be able to help, too. I’d talk to him if I were you.”
Drew turned on the top step and looked back at her. “If you need anything, Marian, just give me a call. I’ll be here over the Christmas break.”
Marian almost asked, but he was already halfway down the snowbanked sidewalk. Just today the teachers’ lounge had been full of gossip about Drew’s Christmas vacation. Everyone thought he was going to Aspen with his stewardess girlfriend. One of Drew’s legendary romances must have suffered a setback.
She stood staring after him until he turned the corner. She didn’t want to go back in the house and face Dan just yet. She felt unprepared and defenseless. She needed a little time to herself before she talked to him.
Marian shut the heavy front door and leaned against it wearily. A burden far too heavy to bear had settled on her shoulders. She had to be strong for Dan now. She had to make him see that hiding here in the house would do nothing but hurt him more in the end. Dan had always been the decision maker, and now she was faced with an unfamiliar role. She had to decide what was best for him and do it.
Quietly, almost stealthily, Marian climbed the stairs to the phone in the upstairs hallway. She called Sally, and Ronnie promised to come in to talk to Dan on Friday. That was his day off. Then she dialed Dr. Hinkley’s number.
“You’re absolutely right, Marian.” Approval was clear in the doctor’s voice when she finished her explanation. “I’ll get in on it too. When I see Dan on Wednesday, I’ll tell him to go right back to work. He’s brooding, Marian, and the best cure for brooding is work.”
“And how are you getting along, dear?” Dr. Hinkley’s voice was kind. “You went back to work today, didn’t you?”
“Yes.” Marian smiled wryly. “It’s good to be back, and I’m fine. Or I would be if I weren’t so worried about Dan.”
“Just leave Dan to us,” the doctor reassured her. “We’ll shake him out of that house. Do you have enough pills, Marian? You have to be careful to get your rest. I’m concerned about you, too.”
Dr. Hinkley sounded so kind that for one shaky moment, Marian almost blurted out the truth. She wanted to tell the doctor that things were not as well as they seemed, that she was suffering, too. This morning she had awakened to find herself clutching the pillow as if it were a life raft, and the only way she could make it through the lonely hours was to rely on her secret hope, her crazy fantasy that Laura was not really gone, that an
y day now Laura would write her a note from the other side.
“Yes, I’m just fine, Dr. Hinkley.” The moment for confidences passed. “Now, I’d better get back to Dan. And I’ll tell him to expect you on Wednesday.”
Marian sat down on the top step and cupped her chin in her hands. She had seen Laura sitting this way many times, staring off into space, lost in her own secret world. Marian wondered what her daughter had thought about in those quiet, reflective moments. Did Laura have dreams? Did her mind take secret flights to faraway places? Was Laura in such a place now? Watching her and listening to her concern about Dan?
A worried expression settled over Marian’s face. She had to believe that Laura was out there somewhere, not really dead but waiting. It was the only way she could go on. Dan believed. And she had to believe, too. But it would be so much easier if she had another note.
Her legs were stiff when she got up at last. Marian gripped the banister and steadied herself. Her eyes were drawn to the end of the hall, to Laura’s door.
She knew she shouldn’t, but the room drew her like a magnet. Marian hesitated for a moment in the upstairs hallway, then pushed open the door to Laura’s room. Faint light spilled in from the hallway, and she didn’t have the heart to switch on the lamp in the room. She knew what she would find. There would be a fine cover of dust on all Laura’s toys and books. The room would be empty, neglected. In her weaker moments, Marian thought that perhaps her friends were right; she should pack away Laura’s things and put the room to other use. Sally had suggested a sewing room or a guest bedroom, but Marian couldn’t bear that. It was so cold . . . so final.
Marian swallowed hard as she gazed around her daughter’s room. The brightly patterned clown wallpaper mocked her with its cheerful motif, and Laura’s sweater was draped over the edge of the bed, where she’d tossed it before the snowmobiling trip. Her flannel nightgown was folded untidily on the top of the dresser, and her shoes peeked out from beneath the chest of drawers. Everything was exactly as it had been, untouched and empty without Laura’s bright presence. Tears began to form in Marian’s eyes, and she squeezed them shut tightly. She had never felt so bereft and alone.
She sat down in the rocker, the same rocker in which she had cuddled Laura when she was a baby. She remembered the little, downy head pressed against her breast, the sweet, tiny fingers that clasped hers, the first time Laura smiled up at her. The birthdays, Laura’s first Christmas, the memories came in a flood. And now Christmas was coming again. Marian couldn’t bear to think about Christmas without Laura.
Her tears were an endless well. Marian pressed her hand to her mouth to muffle her sobs. The rocker moved as she cried, squeaking against the old floor. The familiar motion of comfort had turned into unbearable pain.
There was a noise upstairs. Dan turned down the volume on the television and listened. Marian was in Laura’s room. He could hear the old rocker creaking and the sound of her muffled sobs. Dan wanted to run up the stairs and take her in his arms, smooth back her hair and dry her bitter tears. He had to do something to comfort her. He couldn’t bear to hear her crying like this.
What could he do? He was stuck down here, a prisoner in his bed. There had to be something!
Another note from Laura would comfort her. Dan picked up the book by the bed, but there were no more pieces of folded paper stuck inside. He wished he could write one and say it was from Laura. Would it be wrong? It was a deliberate deception, but it was a small price to pay to ease Marian’s grief.
The pen was in his hand before he had made up his mind to do it. Then he was writing, forming large block letters on the notepad he found in the drawer.
Be happy Mommy. I love you, Laura.
There was a cookbook by Marian’s side of the bed. Dan opened it and stuck the note inside. Then he called out for Marian as loud as he could.
Her eyes were red and puffy as she came into the room. Dan felt an almost physical pain as he came face-to-face with her grief. It didn’t matter whether he’d done the right thing or not. He’d do anything to see her smile again.
“It’s another note, Marian! I found it in your cookbook.”
Her hands were trembling as she reached for the note. There was a long silence, and then she sighed. It was a sigh of peace, a sigh of contentment. Then a radiant smile transformed her weary face.
“It’s true, Dan.” Her voice was shaking with happiness. “Laura’s here, watching us. I never really believed until now. Oh, Dan! She’s not dead! This note proves it!”
What was she talking about? This note was like the last one. It was supposed to be an old note he’d found in her cookbook.
“Don’t you see, darling?” Her eyes were shining as she smiled at him. “That cookbook is new! I got it in the mail last Friday. And look at the printing. This isn’t an old note. The letters are perfect. Laura’s written me a note from the other side!”
For a moment he was stunned. What had he done! Now Marian thought Laura was writing her notes from the grave!
He had to say something, do something, to clear up her misunderstanding. Dan was mute as he gazed into his wife’s ecstatic face. There was no way he could admit he had written the note. That would force her back into a terrible depression. She’d never trust him again if he told her the truth.
“Dan? What’s wrong, honey? Don’t you believe that Laura wrote me this note?”
“Of course I believe it.” Dan made his lips smile. “It’s just a shock. That’s all.”
Now her arms were around him, her lips on his. “I love you so much!” she whispered. “Everything’s going to be all right, Dan. I’m sure of it now.”
A moment later she was up, smiling and happy. “I haven’t done a thing for the holidays. We really ought to set up a Christmas tree in here. Laura would be upset if we didn’t. How about that corner, Dan? Do you think a tree would look nice there?”
“Sure.” Dan nodded. “Whatever makes you happy, Marian.”
She was already in the doorway, face radiant, eyes sparkling. “I’ll run out and buy a tree right now. The Red Owl’s still open. A small Scotch pine would be just perfect. It’s Laura’s favorite!”
After Marian left, the worry began to grow in Dan’s mind. Had he unwittingly fostered an unhealthy fantasy? Then he remembered her happy smile as she ran out to buy the tree. With the hope he’d planted in her mind, Marian was full of cheer and energy. Maybe now she’d be all right. He didn’t know what he’d do if Marian expected more notes from Laura!
CHAPTER 6
Marian awoke with a smile on her lips. It was a quarter after six, and she was wide awake. In this hour, just before dawn, the room was filled with a half-light. Solid objects were dark shadows against the dimness.
She slid out of bed and stretched, her body tingling with energy. Then she picked up her robe and slippers and tiptoed out of the room. She’d let Dan sleep until the coffee was ready. This was a perfect time to have the house to herself, to think about Laura, to rejoice in her happiness.
Laura wanted her to be happy. She’d said so in her note. Marian patted the pocket of her robe, and the paper crinkled reassuringly. She would carry the note with her today so she could look at it whenever she felt lonely.
By the time she had finished dressing, the coffee was ready. Marian poured a cup and sat at the table, savoring its steamy flavor. The kitchen was light now. It was almost seven. The sun was hiding behind storm clouds, and more snow was predicted. It could turn into a blizzard, but the weather had no effect on her happiness. The day was beautiful. Laura was here.
“I hate these gray days!” Sally set her tray down next to Marian’s at the long Formica table. “Are your kids restless today?”
“No.” Marian smiled happily. “We finished our Christmas candles this morning. They turned out even better than I expected. And after lunch we’re going to start a new unit in reading.”
“What’s your secret? I haven’t been able to accomplish a thing. Are you taking a new
kind of pep pill?”
Sally was joking, and Marian laughed. In a way, Sally was right. She did have a secret, but she couldn’t tell Sally. Marian knew why things were going so smoothly today. Her good spirits and enthusiasm were all due to Laura’s note. Everything was easy now that Laura was here.
“How’s Jimmy Dahl doing this year?” Sally tried the stew and made a disgusted face. “Roger just got back this morning. He was out for two weeks with the measles. Do you think Jimmy could help him with his makeup work?”
“I think he could handle it.” Marian waved at Harvey across the room. “I have to talk to Harvey for a minute, Sally. My grade book’s right there on the table. Why don’t you check for yourself?”
Sally paged through Marian’s grade book. Jimmy was above average in every subject. He’d make a fine tutor for his little brother.
Marian was deep in conversation with Harvey. Sally flipped to the attendance page and found Jimmy’s name. He hadn’t missed a single day this year. The measles must have passed him by.
Her eyes skipped down the page. Laura Larsen. There was a check mark for “present” in today’s column. Present? Sally frowned. That was certainly strange. She could understand Marian’s reluctance to take Laura’s name off the roll, but to mark her present? Marian must have made a mistake.
The Red Owl was crowded, and Marian didn’t bother to get a cart. All she needed was milk and some cereal. She avoided the crowd of shoppers at the produce section and cut around the back of the magazine rack to the cereal aisle. She grabbed a box off the shelf and hurried to the dairy case to pick up the milk. A moment later she was in the ten items or less line.
