by Joanne Fluke
He had it now. Dan raised himself on his arms, his palms flat on the ice. He lunged forward and slid, flopping down on the hard surface. He hit his chin in the process, but he was a foot closer to Cliff.
Dan took a deep breath and did it again. Damn his useless legs! He felt as helpless as a baby, and Cliff needed him.
His progress was slow but steady. Again and again, he used his arms for leverage, punishing his body cruelly for each inch he gained, until his arms were trembling with fatigue.
“Once more . . . gotta make it!” He listened to the sound of his own words for courage. The rink was spinning now, tilting and fading in front of his eyes, but at last he reached the still boy on the ice.
There was no blood. Dan held his breath as he felt for a pulse. He thought he could make out a faint heartbeat. Cliff’s arm was twisted at a crazy angle, and he didn’t have the nerve to touch it. Somehow he had to get help!
It was after four. Dan gritted his teeth and lifted himself to his arms again. There was no telling what had happened to Marian. She might be stuck in line at the grocery store. He’d have to go for help himself.
His teeth were chattering by the time he propelled himself to the edge of the rink. By sheer determination he inched his way to the top of the bank and plunged down the other side. The snow was trampled here, and it would be easier than trying to crawl through unbroken snow. He had to get back to the school and holler for help.
Up. Forward. Up. Forward. Dan forced his body to obey the rhythm of his mind. The wind had picked up again. Snow stung his face, and his lungs were aching from the frigid air. His hands were so cold, he could no longer feel them at the ends of his arms. Looking down, he realized that he had lost one of his gloves. No matter. He couldn’t go back for it. He had to get to the school just as fast as he could.
The huge pine trees in front of him were blurring, and there was a rushing noise in his ears. Still, he dragged himself forward, digging in with his elbows. He couldn’t pass out. He had to do it. There was no one else. He had never been so alone in his life.
They sure threw away a lot of paper at the school! Lars Engstrom picked up a nearly empty notebook and tossed it into the cab. One of Lucy’s kids would be tickled pink to get it. He found lots of good stuff when he picked up the school’s trash. Last week there had been a box of pencils, red ones. And a whole bunch of old books.
Lars chuckled as he picked up a barrel and dumped it in the back of his truck. They thought he went straight to the dump, but he took the stuff home first and sorted through it. Over the last ten years he’d come up with some real treasures. There was a broken desk that needed a little fixing, a couple of shades that now hung in his living room, and a slab of blackboard that he cut down for the kids. Collecting trash was good work at a place like this.
He stopped for a moment, an empty barrel balanced against the tailgate. He could swear he heard someone hollering. The wind was blowing hard now, and he could’ve been mistaken, but it sure sounded like it was coming from the hockey rink. Maybe he should take a look.
Lars turned his face to the wind and nodded. Yep, that was somebody hollering. Kids weren’t supposed to be on the hockey rink during vacation. Someone could get hurt on the ice.
He spotted them as he climbed up the crest of the hill. Cliff Heller was down on the ice. And Mr. Larsen! That poor, crippled Mr. Larsen was crawling through the snow on his elbows, legs dragging out behind him. There was a bleeding cut on his face, and his wheelchair was tipped on its side by the edge of the rink.
“I’m coming! Hold on there! I’m coming!” The wind whipped the words from his mouth as he broke into a run. “Are you hurt?”
“Call an ambulance!” Mr. Larsen saw him at last. “I’m all right, but Cliff needs help. Hurry!”
Lars turned and ran back toward the school. Seeing a pitiful thing like that made him glad he had two strong legs. There was a phone on the corner, and he dialed the clinic. He sure hoped they’d be all right. Cliff was a nice boy, and he liked poor Mr. Larsen. What a bitch of a thing to crawl through the snow that way!
The nurse said Dr. Hinkley would be right in to see her. Marian sat in the green plastic chair and shivered. She didn’t want to be here. Every time she was in the doctor’s chair, he had something dreadful to tell her. Dan had to be all right. He had to. Everything was her fault for letting him go to the hockey practice without her!
Marian clasped her hands together and tried to stop shaking. Dan was in a regular room, and that meant he couldn’t be hurt too badly. The nurse had said room eleven. It was the same room he had been in before. Perhaps they were leaving it vacant, just for him.
Don’t admit anyone to room eleven. That’s Dan Larsen’s room.
Didn’t he go home?
Yes, but he’s back. We’re saving it for him. There’s bad luck in that family, you know.
Her mind was wandering. Marian sat up straighter and tried to pull herself together. It was too much, that was all. The snowstorm, the cold afternoon, the same time of day as when Laura had died.
She had to stop thinking like this, or she’d go crazy. Marian took a deep breath and turned to the window. Curtains of snow blew against the plate glass.
“Marian?” Dr. Hinkley called her name twice before she dared to turn around. She masked the fear in her eyes and faced him.
“He’s going to be fine, Marian, but I think we’d better keep him overnight.” Dr. Hinkley pushed some forms across the desk toward her. “As far as I can tell, it’s minor lacerations coupled with a case of exhaustion. His hands will be painful for a while, but there’s no evidence of frostbite. I’d say he’s a pretty lucky guy.”
Yes, lucky. Marian managed to hold the pen without shaking. His daughter was dead, his wife was unfaithful, and he was injured and paralyzed. How lucky could one man get?
“He’s got a lot of courage, that husband of yours.” Dr. Hinkley was talking again, and Marian forced herself to listen. “Lars Engstrom said he crawled almost fifty yards through the snow to get help. He’s in surprisingly good shape for what he’s been through. We’ll keep him under observation tonight, and he can probably go home with you tomorrow.”
“And Cliff?” Marian was almost afraid to ask. Dan would never forgive himself if Cliff was badly hurt.
“He’s a little worse for the wear.” Dr. Hinkley sighed. “His wrist is badly sprained, and there’s the possibility of a concussion. Cliff won’t be playing any hockey this season, but he’s going to be all right.”
“Have you told Dan?”
“He knows. I’m afraid he blames himself for the accident, Marian. He thinks Cliff was pushing too hard, just to please him. And he’s convinced that Cliff’s injuries would be less severe if he’d gotten help sooner. Of course, that isn’t true, but you know how stubborn Dan can be.”
“I’d better go to him.” Marian stood up and handed the papers to the doctor. “Room eleven?”
“You can peek in on him if you want.” Dr. Hinkley joined her at the door. “I gave him a sedative so he won’t wake up until tomorrow. It was quite an ordeal for him, and he felt so bad about Cliff. I thought he could use a good night’s sleep.”
Her heels clicked down the hospital corridor, keeping rhythm with her thoughts. Poor Laura. Poor Dan. Poor Cliff. And poor her. Too many bad things had happened, and there were more to come. She could feel the pall that hung heavy over her life, and she was so tired of fighting. She wanted to give in and sink into despair. If it weren’t for Laura, she’d have no reason for trying to cope with it all.
He was sleeping, just as Dr. Hinkley said. The lines of fatigue were deep on his face, and he looked like an old, tired man. Marian had thought she was incapable of more pain, but she was wrong. Her heart broke as she stood with her hand on the door.
CHAPTER 12
Marian got into her nightgown and turned down the covers of Laura’s bed. She had slept up here every night since the teachers’ party. Dan didn’t want her downstairs with him. He said she need
ed her rest and the television would keep her awake, but Marian knew the truth. She should have been upset, but she wasn’t. She was much happier sleeping up here in her baby’s room.
There might be another note from Laura tonight. Marian smiled as she slipped into bed. Laura’s room was so comforting.
Dan had been home for three days now, and Marian was tired from the strain of being so carefully polite. He was a stranger to her, friendly but distant. It was like having a roommate in college.
Her eyes were closing now. Marian felt a warm glow as she slipped into her dream. Laura was calling to her, trying to tell her something. It was something very important, but Marian couldn’t make out the words. She listened intently, but Laura’s voice grew fainter. Now it was no more than a whisper.
She called out, but her baby was leaving. Laura was walking backward, holding out her hands. Her mouth was moving, but Marian was too far away to hear. The space that separated them was growing wider and wider. What was it that Laura was trying to tell her? What did her baby want?
Marian awoke with a start. It was daylight, and the sun was peeking in the yellow curtains. Laura’s diary was on the little table, where she’d placed it last night. It was blank.
“What’s wrong, baby?” Tears came to Marian’s eyes. “Tell Mommy, and she’ll make it better.”
“I’m going to run in and see Dan today.” Ronnie sipped his morning coffee and watched Sally make pancakes. “I just can’t believe the bad luck he’s having. That poor guy’s going to go crazy if things don’t look up.”
“I talked to Marian last night.” Sally turned a pancake and poured another on the griddle. “Do you think she’s all right, Ronnie? I’m more worried about her than I am about Dan.”
Ronnie shrugged. “You know her better than anyone, honey. What do you think?”
“I think something’s wrong. It’s just a combination of little things, but Marian’s changed.”
Ronnie was looking at her questioningly, and Sally tried to explain. “Last Wednesday I walked past her classroom. The kids were at lunch, and Marian was all alone. She was sitting at her desk with her eyes closed, sort of concentrating, you know? I wasn’t going to bother her, but then I heard her talking. At first I thought she was talking to me, but she didn’t know I was there. Then I realized she was talking to Laura!”
Ronnie looked doubtful. “Are you sure, Sal? Maybe she was just talking to herself.”
“That’s what she said when I asked her. But there’re other things, too, like her roll book. Laura’s name is still there, Ronnie. I can understand that. Maybe Marian can’t bear to erase it. But Marian marks her present ! There’s a little red P right next to her name. I checked again, right before vacation. According to Marian’s attendance records, Laura’s been in school every day since she died!”
“That’s pretty strange.” Ronnie nodded. “Do you think . . . ?” He stopped in mid-question as Jenny came into the kitchen.
“Pancakes!” Jenny grinned, showing the gap where she’d lost her baby teeth. She plopped down in a chair and put her elbows on the table. “I heard what you said about Mrs. Larsen, Mom. I’m worried about her, too.”
Sally bit back her automatic comment about eavesdropping. Maybe Jenny had noticed something in the classroom.
“Why are you worried, Jenny?” Sally carried a stack of pancakes to the table and set out the butter and syrup. “We want to know.”
Jenny forked three pancakes and poured syrup on them before she answered. Sally could tell she was thinking.
“It’s hard to explain,” Jenny said at last. “I’m in the Bluebirds. That’s a reading group, Dad. There’s the Bluebirds and the Robins and the Sparrows. Laura was a Bluebird before she got killed. Now there’s just five of us Bluebirds, but Mrs. Larsen passes out six workbooks. At first we passed the extra one back, but she got so sad! Now we keep it and hand it in later. She does it every morning. There’s always one too many workbooks. It’s like Mrs. Larsen doesn’t know Laura’s gone. I think she’s trying to fool herself so she won’t be sad.”
Sally raised her eyebrows and looked at Ronnie. It was an astute comment for a seven-year-old.
“You mean she’s pretending?” Sally encouraged her.
“Sort of.” Jenny took a bite and chewed. There was a long silence while they waited for her to swallow. “It’s like Mrs. Larsen’s playing a game with us, only she doesn’t know it.”
Ronnie and Sally exchanged glances over Jenny’s head. “Anything else?” Ronnie asked.
“There’s the folder.” Jenny chewed again. “Mrs. Larsen’s got a blue folder on her desk with Laura’s name on it. Every time she passes out homework, she puts one in there. I asked her what it was for. She said everyone should keep up with their homework. I don’t understand how Laura can keep up with us kids when she’s dead. Is there any blueberry syrup, Mom?”
Sally nodded and got the blueberry syrup down from the shelf. Jenny had a disgusting habit of mixing blueberry and maple in puddles on her plate. But she was right about Marian. The homework folder proved it. It tied in perfectly with the attendance records. Marian had never accepted Laura’s death. She was living in a dreamworld where Laura was still alive.
“Why don’t we ask Mrs. Larsen to come to the sledding party? She should have fun. Mrs. Larsen forgot how to have fun.”
“That’s a good idea, Jenny.” Sally beamed at her daughter. “I’ll call her right now and ask her. Or better yet, why don’t you call?”
Sally didn’t say a word as Jenny ran for the phone. There was a rule about leaving the table in the middle of a meal, but this was an exception.
“That was Jenny on the phone.” Marian set Dan’s breakfast tray on the bed. “She said Ronnie was coming in this afternoon to see you. And she invited me to the children’s sledding party on New Year’s Day. I think Sally put her up to it. She probably thinks I need some diversion.”
Diversion? Dan almost laughed. She had gotten plenty of diversion the night of the teachers’ party!
Marian walked to the Christmas tree and turned on the lights. “That looks better! How about the presents, Dan? Do you think it’s too early to put them under the tree?”
For a moment he didn’t know what she was talking about. Then it hit him, and he winced slightly. Laura’s presents. They were hidden in the hall closet upstairs.
“There’s no sense putting Laura’s presents under the tree, Marian. If they bother you, get rid of them.”
“Yes, of course.” Marian shivered slightly. “I just forgot for a minute, that’s all. I’ll send them home with Ronnie. Jenny can have them.”
“No!”
For a moment, his rage got the best of him. Those were Laura’s presents! He had bought them for her. Jenny didn’t deserve them. If Laura couldn’t have them, no one could!
“What’s the matter, Dan?” Marian was staring at him in surprise.
“Oh, nothing.” Dan managed a smile. “I wasn’t thinking clearly, that’s all. Of course you should retag them for Jenny. That’s the sensible thing to do.”
Marian stood on tiptoe to get the presents out of the closet. She always hid them on the top shelf so Laura couldn’t peek. She carried them to the bedroom and made new tags. “To Jenny from Santa,” she wrote.
There were quite a few packages. Marian tore off the old tags and replaced them automatically. When she got to the large red and silver one, she stopped.
This was Laura’s Pretty Patty, the doll she had begged for. She couldn’t give it to Jenny. Laura had to have something for Christmas!
Marian picked up the box and carried it across the hall. She put it on Laura’s little table. “To Laura from Mommy,” the tag read. “Do not open until Christmas.” It gave Laura’s whole room a festive air.
She was doing the right thing, Marian was convinced. Dan might think she was crazy, but she knew she was right. Every little girl needed a new doll at Christmas. And Laura would have her Pretty Patty.
Some
noise had awakened him. Dan listened. There were footsteps above his head. Marian was in Laura’s room again.
He was worried about Marian. She had lost weight, and there were dark circles under her eyes. Dan knew she was sleeping in Laura’s room every night, waiting for another note. At first he thought the notes were good for her, but now he knew better. Marian’s delusion had gone too far.
At least she was coping. Dan supposed he ought to be grateful. Marian had been a model wife for the past few days. She took good care of the house and made wonderful meals. If only she’d let go of this crazy note business.
Now it was quiet again. Marian must have gone to sleep. Dan sighed and closed his eyes. He really should be nicer to Marian. They needed each other.
She was finished now. Marian put Laura’s present under the tree and stood back to admire her work. The small plastic Christmas tree was all decorated, and the lights twinkled brightly. She had almost forgotten, and that made her feel bad. Now Laura had her own little Christmas tree for a nice cheery night-light.
All the miniature balls and decorations had been stored in the attic. It had been a task getting them down. She had to work quietly. Dan was asleep. He wouldn’t like the idea of putting up Laura’s Christmas tree this year. Dan still thought Laura was dead.
CHAPTER 13
“Surprise!” Marian was wearing a red and green holiday apron. She carried in Dan’s breakfast tray and set it down with a flourish. She had made eggs Benedict just for Dan. It was Julia Child’s recipe, and everything had turned out right. Of course, she couldn’t buy truffles in Nisswa, but a slice of ripe olive looked almost as nice.
Marian was determined to make this holiday a cheerful occasion. Laura was watching. They had to pretend to be happy for her. Laura would be sad if they didn’t have a special breakfast on the day before Christmas.
