by Sue Grafton
Dace’s will went unchallenged, in part because the legal costs would have been prohibitive, but more importantly, because it would have been inconsistent to claim in a civil suit that their father was of sound mind and body and a victim of premature death at the hands of Reed, thereby justifying a monetary award, and at the same time assert he was so debilitated as a result of drink that he could not competently decide as to the disposition of his assets.
You may wonder (as who has not?) what I did with the half a million dollars that fell into my lap. After less than one minute of consideration, this is the plan I came up with: I made a generous donation to Harbor House and then I put the rest in my retirement account. Do I feel at all apologetic about my good fortune? Of course not. Are you nuts?!
But these are procedural odds and ends, some of them months in the making; dry matters when laid up against the lives of Terrence Dace and Felix Beider. I paid to have their remains cremated with the intention of scattering their ashes at some future date. According to the municipal codes governing this matter, I learned that it is illegal to scatter ashes at a public golf course, a public beach, or a public park. Though it was not specifically spelled out, I was certain that flinging them off a freeway overpass would be frowned upon as well, so I set that decision aside temporarily.
I put William in charge of the memorial service, which was held on the grassy area at the beach where the homeless congregate most days when the weather’s good. There was no sign of Ethan, but Anna was in attendance, as were Ellen and her young family, who’d driven down from Bakersfield. The children had never seen the ocean, and they ran barefoot and shrieking to the water’s edge under Hank’s watchful eye. William was amused by their enthusiasm, smiling to himself as they danced in the surf.
Henry had adapted and copied portions of Dace’s botanical folios to create a program commemorating the farewell. Pearl and Dandy were there, along with their new friend, Plato the preacher man. Ken and Belva and other volunteers from Harbor House made an appearance, along with assorted staff members. There was no drinking, of course, and I’m happy to report Pearl only excused herself once for a quick smoke behind a tree.
The day was sunny, the temperature in the midsixties. William wore his best three-piece suit as was fitting for the occasion. His white hair was riffled by the breeze coming off the ocean, and his voice, powdery with age, rang clearly in the open air—in consequence, he later pointed out, of his early mastery of elocution.
William selected and arranged for the music, saying no send-off would be complete without hymns. He’d hired a solo trumpeter (on my dime, of course), who opened the service by playing “Amazing Grace.” Strangers passing along the beach path recognized the solemnity of the gathering and paused, looking on respectfully. Cyclists, walkers, joggers, and mothers pushing strollers lingered at the periphery until the crowd numbered close to sixty by my count.
When the trumpeter finished, William welcomed everyone and thanked them for coming. He recited the Lord’s Prayer and those who knew it chimed in. He read the Twenty-third Psalm. There was no proselytizing and none of the formalities rested too heavily on the Christian side of the equation. As he said, his purpose was not to convert, but to express the optimism of faith in all its forms. He and Henry then joined in a duet, singing an a cappella rendition of the spiritual “Going Home.” Their two strong tenor voices blended in a harmony that was both simple and sublime. I’d never heard Henry sing and certainly not in concert with his brother.
Thereafter, William invited remembrances from those who’d been acquainted with Terrence and Felix. Ellen couldn’t bring herself to speak; too shy in a public setting and far too upset to talk about her father. Anna talked about his love of nature, and then Dandy and Pearl both told stories about the two. Their recollections were varied and amusing, with more laughter generated than you’d expect. Or maybe the laughter was exactly appropriate. I’ve never attended a funeral yet where those present were not bound by both tears and mirth. It was William who captured the sentiment.
William’s eulogy was brief.
We are here this afternoon to mourn the passing of two good friends, Terrence Dace and Felix Beider. They were homeless. Their ways were not those we most desire for ourselves, but that didn’t make them wrong. We seem determined to save the homeless, to fix them, to change them into something other than what they are. We want them to be like us, but they are not.
The homeless do not want our pity, nor do they deserve our scorn. Our judgments about them, for good or for ill, negate their right to live as they please. Both the urge to rescue and the need to condemn fail to take into account the concept of their personal liberty, which they may exercise as they see fit as long as their actions fall within the law. The homeless are not lesser mortals. For Terrence and Felix, their battles were within and their victories hard-won. I think of these two men as soldiers of the poor, part of an army of the disaffiliated. The homeless have established a nation within a nation, but we are not at war. Why should we not coexist in peace when we may be in greater need of salvation than they?
This is what the homeless long for: respect, freedom from hunger, shelter from the elements, safety, the companionship of the like-minded. They want to live without fear. They want to enjoy the probity of the open air without the risk of bodily harm. They want to be warm. They want the comfort of a clean bed when they are ill, relief from pain, a hand offered in friendship. Ordinary conversation. Simple needs. Why are their choices so hard for us to accept?
What you see before you is their home. This is their dwelling place. This grass, this sunlight, these palms, this mighty ocean, the moon, the stars, the clouds overhead though they sometimes harbor rain. Under this canopy they have staked out a life for themselves. For Terrence and for Felix, this is also the wide bridge over which they passed from life into death. Their graves will be unmarked but that does not mean they are forgotten. The Earth remembers them, even as it gathers them tenderly into its embrace. The sky still claims them and we who honor them will hold them dear from this day forward.
In closing, the trumpeter sounded “Taps.” When the service ended people hugged and shook hands and wiped their eyes and blew their noses, connected for that small window in time. The camaraderie might never rise to the fore again, but I believe it was heartfelt and genuine while it lasted.
As for the matter of the ashes, William and Henry and I considered scattering them along the beach, thus committing an act of civil disobedience, but in the end, Henry came up with a better idea. We took the ashes home with us, and in a private ceremony of our own, we folded them into the rich earth in Henry’s flower beds, where they’ll nourish the roses when spring comes again.
Respectfully submitted,
Kinsey Millhone
• • •
For a complete list of this author’s books click here or visit www.penguin.com/graftonchecklist
AUTHOR’S NOTE
A few words about the basic underpinnings of this novel:
Addiction medicine and scientific fraud are both complex issues, and I lay no claim to a comprehensive understanding of the two fields. It’s my hope that in folding pharmacological research and crime into the same mix, I do no great disservice to either. For errors, witting and unwitting, I offer my apologies. Insofar as I manage to represent these matters with any accuracy, I am indebted to the following:
Angell, Marcia, M.D. The Truth About the Drug Companies: How They Deceive Us and What to Do About It. New York: Random House, 2004.
Bass, Alison. Side Effects: A Prosecutor, a Whistleblower, and a Bestselling Antidepressant on Trial. Chapel Hill, NC: Algonquin Books of Chapel Hill, 2008.
Broad, William, and Nicholas Wade. Betrayers of the Truth: Fraud and Deceit in the Halls of Science. New York: Simon & Schuster, 1982.
Elliott, Carl. White Coat, Black Hat: Adventures on the Dark Side of Medicine. Boston: Beacon Press, 2010.
Graham, Allan W., Terry K. Schultz, Michael F. M
ayo-Smith, Richard K. Ries, and Bonnie B. Wilford. Principles of Addiction Medicine, 3rd ed. Chevy Chase, MD: American Society of Addiction Medicine, 2003.
Judson, Horace Freeland. The Great Betrayal: Fraud in Science. New York: Harcourt, 2004.
Kohn, Alexander. False Prophets: Fraud and Error in Science and Medicine. Oxford, UK, and New York: Basil Blackwell, 1986.
A MARIAN WOOD BOOK
Published by G. P. Putnam’s Sons
Publishers Since 1838
Published by the Penguin Group
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Copyright © 2013 by Sue Grafton
All rights reserved. No part of this book may be reproduced, scanned, or distributed in any printed or electronic form without permission. Please do not participate in or encourage piracy of copyrighted materials in violation of the author’s rights. Purchase only authorized editions.
Published simultaneously in Canada
Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data
Grafton, Sue.
W is for wasted / Sue Grafton.
p. cm. — (Kinsey Millhone mystery)
ISBN 978-1-101-63645-9
1. Millhone, Kinsey (Fictitious character)—Fiction. 2. Women private investigators—Fiction. I. Title.
PS3557.R13W17 2013 2013019292
813’.54—dc23
This is a work of fiction. Names, characters, places, and incidents either are the product of the author’s imagination or are used fictitiously, and any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, businesses, companies, events, or locales is entirely coincidental.
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