by Annie Berdel
Alpha Farm
Facing Your Demons
A Prepper Chicks Series
By Annie Berdel
Copyright @ 2014 Annie Berdel
No part of this book may be reproduced in any manner whatsoever without permission except in the case of brief quotations embodied in critical articles or reviews. This publication contains the opinions and ideas of the author. This is a work of fiction. Names, characters, places, and incidents are a product of the author's imagination. Locales and public names are sometimes used for atmospheric purposes. Any resemblance to actual people, living or dead, or to businesses, companies, events, institutions, or locales is completely coincidental. The author and publisher disclaim all responsibility for any liability, loss or personal risk otherwise.
All rights reserved.
ISBN:
ISBN:
For information contact:
[email protected]
www.AnnieBerdel.com
Table of Contents
DEDICATION
This one was for me.
A purging of the Soul.
Let life begin anew.
ACKNOWLEDGEMENTS
There are certain people who come into your life that you allow the opportunity to either destroy every dream possible or they take the opportunity to cheer you on from their Balcony in your life.
To all those who said I couldn’t ….. I did.
To all those who threatened…. Bring it.
Abba ~ j'adore!
Mark. My partner in crime. Thank you for your patience.
To my children ~ because I want more for you.
To Dixon ~ because I am your human and that makes me happy. Still.
Hristo ~ No words. You see my soul.
Pauline Nolet ~ for seeing me without my make-up on and only making my words better! Your insight is much appreciated!
Sandra Parker ~ the Voice of Alpha Farm! So glad you are back!
Niall ~ Just THANK YOU! Again.
To all the Beta Readers ~ YOU STILL ROCK
1
It felt like her soul was being ripped from her body. Strand by strand, it was being unwound and exposed.
Is this how death felt? She wondered. The moment’s right before you die… Is it really this excruciatingly painful?
Her legs gave out and she fell to the floor… demons… long hidden within the catacombs of her mind screamed out.
This can’t be happening, she thought.
She curled into a ball on the cold linoleum floor to try and protect any innocence she had left. Her heart shattered into innumerable pieces. Her body began to shake with the fierceness of a spring thunderstorm…violently trying to remove her pain.
The blackness of her mind drew her deeper and deeper into the unknown, a place few people survived. Clawing at the smooth surface beneath her, she gasped for breath….. Her sanity dripping from her nails like fresh blood drawn from a mortal wound.
She felt the sticky goo beneath her fingers… pulling her farther into the darkness. Flashes of white cut through the darkness as her mind remembered. She felt the lifeblood of her beloved Dixon attaching itself to her skin. Yanking her hand away from the pool of blood that now was covering a good portion of the floor, she inadvertently smeared the red stain across her shirt as she clutched her fist tight to her chest.
He was gone. Possibly forever. Her best friend… her husband… her Tommy. The one person who she counted on to always have her back. She was alone. One. The cord of three had been broken.
Her body gave birth to the bitterness, the fear, the ugliness of life until the exhaustion took over and rocked her to a stillness.
“God why?” She whimpered through left over tears.
She faintly heard His voice… calling to her through the darkness.
“Help me” she breathlessly whispered.
She lay there in silence. Her breathing slowed. Her mind drifting. She heard Him again calling to her but He was so far away… so far away.
“Please, help me” she begged ever so quietly.
The sweetness of peace started to slowly pour into her soul. She took a deep breath, wiping the matted hair from her face. “Please hear me” she whispered.
Raising her head, she began to sit up but her strength failed her. The demons returned and angrily taunted her soul, leaving white scolding hot fear where love once was. A fear so real and honest it shook her innermost being. She had no control over her own body, her own emotions. Her body pulsated with such an intensity, such a fierceness that she cried out to God for death to be quick. But He never gave in to her pleas of release. He stayed with her until little by little, the peace started to return.
With all the strength she had left, she dragged herself to the wall and propped herself up. With her head in her hands, she started to weep. Raising her face to the heavens, what was left of her tears flowed from her heart mixing with the now smeared blood across her cheeks.
Her soul, trying to escape, pushed against her human form so hard she couldn’t breathe. Sobbing took over as she rocked herself back and forth against the reality of what had happened.
“God help me!” she cried out running as fast as she could from denial.
Drawing her legs up to her chest, she rested her head on her knees as peace once again drifted in like the waves of the ocean.
Cupping her head in her hands, she took a deep breath. Silence.
She needed the silence. The quiet. It was soothing. Her mind a mix of a multitude of thought, but the silence drew her closer.
Taking a deep breath, she was afraid to move. Afraid the fear would return and torment what was left of her soul. Taking another deep breath, a tiny grain of peace entered. Then another.
Her breathing was returning to a normal rhythm… but her mind… her thoughts… she wanted to stay in the quiet. Reality was teasing though… little snippets were trying to break into the silence. She frantically kept trying to swat them back into the darkness… she had to keep them away.
It was so hard to stay in the Abyss… one by one the memories started to sneak in… slowly at first. But like a mountain stream after a soaking rain, the memories started to flood into the cavities of her heart ripped wide open by fear.
Lifting her head in defiance, she cried out to God with such intensity that she felt the heavens quake. Rocking up onto her knees, she approached her God with such intensity that all fear …hid.
“I’VE HAD ENOUGH!” she screamed “How much is one person supposed to handle in one lifetime?”
Placing both hands on the fabric created in her mind, she tore open the inner curtain and approached the very throne of God with such blatant arrogance that she thought for sure she would be stricken down. But He allowed her to release her fear, her pity, and her mistrust until all were gone… and gently, He began to rebuild her…
Slowly she crawled to the sink. Her mouth was like the Sahara desert, arid and parched. Her face matted with hair, snot and filth from the last few hours. Reaching up a hand, she managed to pull herself up to the faucet. Not trusting her legs to hold her, she threw her shoulders farther over the edge of the counter and balanced on her stomach. Turning on the spigot, she splashed water on her face allowing it to quench the tightness of her parched lips and tongue. Scarlet swirls filled the sink, memories of long ago, of now her past that she had to accept.
Her mangled hair hanging down around her face, she allowed her fingers to rest under the stream of cool liquid… concentrating on the ripples, it simultaneously was feeding her soul… “God” she moaned, knowing that He alone knew what she needed
just then.
Placing more of her weight onto her legs, she knew she had to turn around and face her destiny. Her knees slightly buckled as she felt those little bastard demons of fear clawing again at her insides. Exhaling with force, she stood still holding onto the side of the sink. Taking one hand, she raked the hair away from her face.
“Ok chicka” she breathed out. Closing her eyes she took a deep breath and held onto it as long as she could.
Releasing the now stagnant air with force, she drew in another breath and closed her eyes. “Help me here” she asked of God. Turning slowly, the blood now streaked across her face like a warriors paint, she faced her demons.
2
Michael stood in the open doorway of the cabin. He hadn’t felt a Zephyr in ages… or maybe he hadn’t slowed down long enough to notice but it felt good to be back home with the only family he had left. A slight grin spread across his face as he remembered the look on Chloe’s face when he introduced her to his sister, Emma. He enjoyed the look in her eyes as he saw the wheels spinning in her head. Her mind could go a million miles a minute if she didn't gain control of herself. He had seen her take one mundane comment and spin it in so many ways that somehow she almost solved world peace from the epiphany she conjured in her mind. Or worse, destroyed the planet. With zombies or even worse, with bugs. Big crawly bugs that made his insides weak. If there was one thing he took from combat training, it was his distaste for the nasties. You can only have so many in your diet before it’s time to move on and when forced to eat them day in and day out, forget it. Giving a low chuckle he decided that he would have to come up with a few more epiphanies to keep that glint in her eyes.
Breathing in the cool crisp night air, Michael needed to sort out his feelings for Miss Chloe, he realized. Out of obligation to his sister, he traveled across the country to make sure this “precious jewel”, as Emma referred to her, would make it back to the farm safely.
There has got to be a story there, he thought.
Emma would not have risked his life for just anyone. Knowing his sister though, he knew she wouldn’t just tell him, or she would have already.
Pulling the cigar that Tom had given him back at the main house from his shirt pocket, he snipped the end and lit it with a wooden match. If there was one thing his brother-in-law had taught him, it was how to enjoy a truly fine cigar and what better time than when you were trying to clear your head.
His eyes squinted as the flame from the match danced before him. Drawing in his breath, he felt the smoky taste invade his mouth, teasing his lungs. Flirting with the end of the cigar with his tongue, he withdrew it and exhaled. Against the moonlight, the vapor delighted his external senses as the tension within his body began to subside. He could relax here, one of the few places on earth that soothed his soul.
Chloe. His mind recited her name over and over in his head, teasing his long fought plan of aloneness. He had a blueprint, damnit. One he had been working on all of his life.
Was it time to settle down? Man, staying in one spot? Growing roots? Monogamy? Holy hell!
A shiver ran up from the base of his spine, tingling as it nestled into the base of his skull making his hair tingle above his shirt collar.
Damn.
He had been running his entire life. On his own and no worries about anyone or anything except maybe Emma. But hell, she took care of herself. He would check in with her occasionally because he knew she worried about him but if there was a woman who could handle herself, it was Emma. Maybe that was part of his problem. Wait. Problem? Now this was a problem?
FUCK, he muttered under his breath.
Taking a long inhale, he paused, keeping the demons captive in his chest.
CHLOE, her name echoed from the trees.
Puckering his lips taunt, he slowly released the smoke. Rolling the cigar on the railing of the porch, he carefully laid the burnt tip over the edge of the floorboard. He would get back to this later. A fine cigar you just don’t throw away. Right now though, he needed to talk to his sister.
3
He pulled Nina’s cold, lifeless body from the back of his truck. The blood from her neck wound had started to seep through the tarp he had wrapped her in. Emotionless, he picked the bundle up and threw it over his shoulder. For once he was glad she wasn’t a large woman.
He had known Nina for a good number of years, being assigned to duties at The White House, Senator Varga ended up being under his care once the new President had assumed office. Well, not really his care. More like under his watchful eye. His gut told him to stick as close to this female as he possibly could without throwing suspicion or making their relationship questionable.
Sean Kissler, Lieutenant General in the United States Army now had the task of returning Senator Nina Varga’s body back to Washington DC along with a plausible excuse as why she had a gaping hole in the side of her pretty little neck. Seemed easy enough just to tell the truth but he wanted to think that notion all the way through to the end before he told anyone. No mistakes. Too much had already been lost and if there were any more screw ups, let’s just say that people who could make Nina look like chump change would start getting antsy. They would already pick apart what the hell happened with the Senator, he didn’t need them sticking their nose into his business any more than that.
Laying the bundle down on a table in the medical tent, Sean picked up a folded blanket from the shelf underneath where Nina now lay. Dreary green, the blanket seemed to absorb the emotions in the room and amplify them. Throwing the wool cover over the corpse, he reached back down under the table and pulled out the plastic packet. Ripping it open, he gently placed the lifeless cadaver into the body bag being careful to tuck the blanket in around her. He still cared about her and as idiotic as it seemed, he wanted some comfort, a sense of humanity left with her.
Tired, he would kill for some shut eye but he needed to get his men packed and get the hell out of here. He was done with this farm and done with the idiots who lived here. He wanted nothing more than to get back to his normal existence in Washington and get some R&R but knowing the occurrences in the world currently, that wasn't going to happen. Too much was at stake and the hand that was dealt had to be played out until its end. Who survived wasn't his concern, but making sure the plan was fulfilled was.
Stretching his tired back, Sean leaned back and tilted his head towards the ceiling of the tent. Closing his eyes for just a second, he ran his fingers under his hat and gave a quick scratch. He had been meaning to get a haircut and then shit hit the fan and his hair was forgotten about. One of the first thing he needed to do when he got home was to whack this crap off of his head.
He needed a new plan now. His ass was on the line with this one as he was the ranking officer. Reaching down, he pulled the zipper up on the body bag, making sure not to catch anything. He made sure everything was tucked inside as best possible. The teeth of the ligature slid as far as Nina’s chin when Sean paused. Staring down at her now lifeless face, he realized she wasn’t as glamorous as everyone had thought she was. Take away all the makeup and fancy hair and she looked quite manly. A faint hint of a mustache was creeping on her upper lip. Figuring it part of her Hispanic heritage, he hadn't really paid much attention to her attributes before but this definitely caught his attention. Sean ran his finger along her cheekbone and down to the corner of her mouth. Sliding his finger into the corner of the corpse’s mouth, Sean pushed against her teeth to try and get her mouth to open. Something wasn't quite right and he could feel it in his gut.
4
Emma reached out to grab him but he faded from her vision. Again and again his apparition taunted her. If only she could touch him. Save him. The hazy confusion taunted her. Was he real? She felt the pain that now resided in her chest, like a fire burning her from within. Her soul being ripped from her body left little doubt that she was still alive. Crying out she heard her voice be carried off into the night with no response.
Her legs failed her and sh
e crumbled, rocks digging into her knees as she hit the ground. The palms of her hands caught the full weight of her upper torso and buckled her elbows out, but she held her head high enough so it didn’t touch the dirt. Her hair, now matted from sweat and grime, dangled from either side of her face, shadowing her from seeing what was beyond.
GET BACK UP! She yelled from within.
She had to find the strength to find him. Thomas was her life. The images of him lying on the kitchen floor, blood matted in his hair, his cheek turning shades of blue and purple… his lips swollen beyond recognition.
She reached up and touched her own lips, the memories haunting her. His lips. She must have kissed them a thousand times. She would lie in bed and stare at their perfection as he slept, her husband unaware of her unwavering infatuation. She adored him. She adored every inch of him. He was her everything and she would willingly give her own life to protect him.
Droplets of water fell past her lashes and mingled with the dirt and blood staining her pale face.
LORD! She cried out. It was all she had left. One simple word. All the bible verses she had spent countless hours remembering all failed her now.
