by Angel Rose
phone about Mr. Thomas. I just assumed so because he was cursing his head off and he was starting to lose his temper. I sat smiling and cooing at the baby when I was startled by a tall woman with
bleached blonde hair, blood red green eyes, craters in her face and her lips were cracked and white as if she just smoked crystal meth. We were trained to see the signs of drug users. She had a
butterfly tattoo on her face and the tail of the butterfly extended across to her ear. I held in the pain, ignoring my spasms that radiated to my back. I wanted to curl into a ball.
“Are you Miss Heart?” she said in a raspy, deep voice.
“Yes…can I help you?” I stared quizzically at her. My thoughts were on my cramps and at this point I didn’t give damn what happened to Mrs. Thomas.
“My sister called me. Megan Thomas. She said I should talk to you.”
“Oh yes…Mrs. Thomas. Are you family?” I stared at her inappropriately as my gaze followed the tattoo on her face down to her neck. She was dressed inappropriately, and I couldn’t help but
continue to gawk at her. “I’m not from here. Yes…I’m her sister, Reagan.” I didn’t understand why she was wearing such provocative clothing to a hospital. She had a tight jean jacket with a
low cut blouse leaving nothing to the imagination, and tight, really tight jeans with a pair of stilettos. You could see the gap between her legs that’s how tight her jeans were. “It’s really hot
where I live. I’m just used to dressing like this,” she said embarrassed by the unfashionable outfit she was wearing. I nodded my head and smiled. “Are these her kids?” she said glaring at them.
“Yes.” I nodded.
“Thank you…for taking care of them.” She seemed a little tense and kept looking over her shoulder towards Dave.
“You’re welcome. Can she stay with you for a while, somewhere safe for the kids, otherwise, they’ll have to be taken from her and put into the system?” I asked as I studied the butterfly tattoo on her face. I was curious as to why she kept looking over her shoulder.
“Are you okay?” I asked.
“Yeah, I’ve had four open plane tickets to Florida on standby now for a month. I knew he would do it again that bastard piece of shit. I really thought he would kill her though. Thank God, because
of you, he didn’t get to,” she said as tears rolled down her bumpy face moisturizing her very dry lips. She grabbed a cigarette from her purse and lit it as her hands trembled.
“I don’t think you can smoke here. It’s a hospital.” She turned off the cigarette pushing the tip against the back of my chair. “Please, take those kids and your sister and run, run to the airport when she gets discharged.
I’ll have a police officer escort you. Just sign this release form and go to that office there. The social worker of the hospital will tell you what you have to do in the meantime.” I pointed towards
the office. She grabbed the baby gently from my arms and called out to the little girl running around the lobby in circle. “Tatiana! Let’s go baby!” The little girl ran to her and held her hand
tight. I waved at her, and my heart broke in half…I didn’t even have a chance to ask her name; Tatiana…what a beautiful name.
“Please, keep them safe,” I said with desperation. I didn’t care at that point that her sister might be a crack head or smoked meth, but it was better than nothing…what choice did I have? What choice
did those kids have? I just didn’t have any control…over anything. These cramps were worsening and I knew I had to go to the emergency room myself but not at that hospital.
Dave walked over to me, his eyes glaring in discontent.
“Who the hell was that?” Dave said with a look of repulsion on his face.
“That was Mrs. Thomas’ sister.”
“She looks like a filthy, crystal meth, whore…you let her take the kids?” Dave raised his eyebrows in shock.
“That’s up to the hospital right now and the social worker, but she is family. The kids would be probably be better off with her than in foster care right now.”
“That’s the type of piece of shit you put a bullet in their head and keep walking. No one would miss her, trust me.” He stood staring at her fiercely as she walked into the social workers office.
She then turned around slowly, looked at Dave, and turned her head quickly back towards the office.
“Jesus, Dave, don’t talk like that…it’s…disturbing. What’s going on? Do you know her?” I shook my head and stared at him in disgust.
“No, but she probably heard me talking on the phone telling Nick I would have blown Mr. Thomas and his wife’s head off without blinking…if he would have touched one hair on your head.” I believed him…oh how I believed him.
“Dave, I know you worry, but you’re really pushing it right now. That’s a threat and downright fucking scary.” I looked at him seriously, wondering what the hell he was thinking when he talks
out loud like that. His eyes didn’t budge from her as he watched her through the glass window of the social worker’s office. My belly was wincing and I just wanted to lie down right there on the floor.
“You look really pale, as a matter of fact, you look like shit. Are you sure you want to go back to work now?” He turned his head towards me studying my face. I nodded my head.
“I’m fine, and thanks for the compliment. I need to fill out the paperwork for this case. Can we go now?” I replied sarcastically.
“Okay, should I call Michael when I get to work? You know he’s worried about you. He…he told me about your nightmares,” he said as we walked over to the parking lot.
“No, Please don’t tell him, its okay. I’m going to be careful. Anyway, if he’s worried about me, why doesn’t he tell me that I’m having the nightmares? I thought I was actually doing better Dave. Dr. Logan said I was doing better,” I said quickly as I snapped at him opening the door to the car.
“Maybe you should change your prissy therapist. She’s too rich to care about you in her fancy office. I’m sure she could give two fucks about your nightmares. There’s nothing to be ashamed
of. Plus, you have good job now and insurance,” he barked at me as he crossed his arms against his chest. He heard the voice of Tatiana, and then the baby started to cry. He turned to look and
saw Mrs. Thomas’ sister hailing a cab and gave her the filthiest look. I grabbed him by the arm and escorted him into the car. He was creeping me out already. I needed to get the hell out of there.
He must have really wanted to kill Mr. Thomas. In a way, I wish he would’ve. I sat in the car as we drove and stared out of the window as flashbacks of today’s events clouded my mind. I couldn’t
imagine those kids without their mother. I was pregnant, feeling guilty and seeing a drunk, like my father, almost kill his wife all in one day overwhelmed me to the point of feeling like I was going
to breakdown. On top of all of this, these cramps were unbearable and I needed to go to see Dr. Joe right away. I was starting to fear the worst. I sent Dr. Joe a text.
Dr. Joe I’m cramping really badly. What should I do?
Jenesis
I’m at Mount Sinai. Come right away.
Joe
I’m on my way.
Jenesis
I hailed a cab immediately after Dave dropped me off back at the office. I didn’t bother to go upstairs and report anything that happened with Mr. Thomas, his wife and the kids. We arrived at
Mount Sinai and I walked into the hospital and asked for Dr. Joe. They paged him and he came down to get me.
“Jenesis, come with me.” He grabbed my hand and we walked over to an exam room in the radiology department. The cramping was so intense I began to cry then I started to sweat. “Jen put this gown on and remove your pants and panties. Then sit here and sit back, put your legs up here.”
I removed my pants and panties and noticed some spotting of blood. I immediately began to tremble.
�
��Dr. Joe, I’m bleeding,” I said nervously.
“Jen, hurry sit up here, place your feet up here. This is going to be a little uncomfortable. Just breathe.” He did an internal examine. I cringed with the pain and pressure I felt down there, and it hurt. As he pressed, I could feel the warm fluid flowing out of me.
“Jen, I have to call Kate,” he said anxiously.
“What’s wrong?” My heart was racing. I was sweating I was so nervous. I knew I wasn’t ready to have a baby and I felt so guilty that Dr. Joe made an appointment to terminate the pregnancy. But this pain was unbearable and something felt wrong, very wrong. Oh God… Help me.
“Call Michael, now, you’re miscarrying” What? I couldn’t call Michael. How could I?
“I can’t he doesn’t know,” I said as the tears flowed down my cheeks. “It doesn’t matter, now is not the time to hold back the truth, this could be serious. Call him, now,” he said sternly.
“Can you get my cell phone in my pocketbook, please? He reached over in my purse and handed me the phone.
I sent Michael a text. I was dying inside not knowing how he was going to react, and I was afraid to call him.
Michael, I’m at Mount Sinai. Please come ask for Dr. Joe
J
What? What the hell is going on? Are you ok?
Michael
I don’t know…please come
J
I’ll be right there.
Michael
Dr. Kate showed up around twenty minutes later, and at that point I was bleeding so much I was feeling weak and faint. I heard Michael’s voice coming from the hallway.
“Jenesis, baby, what’s going on?” I stared at him in silence. I couldn’t say a word. I was cramping and bleeding, a combination I couldn’t ignore. Besides, I had nothing to say. “Are you the doctor?” he asked Dr. Kate who was placing gauze in between my legs.
“Yes. I’m sorry for your loss. She’ll be fine though. She doesn’t need a blood transfusion as of right now,” she said as she removed her hands from between my thighs and removed her bloody gloves and tossed them in the trash.
“What? What are you talking about?” His face was strained, and his eyes were widened with curiosity. He glanced over at me. His expression was serious and cold. I think he was shocked.
“Jenesis was pregnant,” she said cautiously, not knowing if she just put her foot in her mouth.
“Pregnant?” His mouth parted, and his eyebrows crinkled. His blue-green eyes were filled with grief as he lowered his head towards the floor.
“Jenesis?” he asked, surprised as he looked up and stared at me. I could tell he was devastated, and my heart sank as his sorrowful eyes met mine again.
“Michael, I didn’t know I was pregnant.” The lie just rolled off of my tongue without warning. “I’m sorry,” I sobbed hysterically as Dr. Kate stared at me and her eyes began to tear up.
“Oh my God…I can’t believe this,” he whispered. “Jenesis? Why didn’t you tell me? Why?” His voice was trembling, and his lips quivered as he slid his hands through his hair. He kept staring at me in disbelief and soon his sadness turned into anger. “Dammit! Jenesis! How could you do this
to me? Why didn’t you tell me? Why?” he yelled at the top of his lungs, sliding his fingers through his hair and puffing his chest and I lost it.
“Michael, I’m sorry…I’m so sorry!” I cried placing my hands over my face, shaking uncontrollably. He stood there, glaring at me, clenching his fists and then finally…breaking down, placing his hands over his face. He lifted his face from his hands, his eyes gushing with tears
rolling down his face, non-stop. I couldn’t breathe sitting there watching him fall apart. I was a wreck inside, and all of the lies I’ve told were wrapped tightly right in the center of my chest. I
should’ve told him! Why didn’t I tell him? Michael leaned over and placed his hands on his knees. He looked like he was having a panic attack then, Dr. Joe walked in.
“Michael?” Dr. Joe asked.
“Who are you?” he glanced up at Dr. Joe, his eyes bloodshot red and glossy. He shook his head in disbelief then stood up straight and stared at me.
“I’m Jenesis’ Doctor, Dr. Joe. Let’s talk,” Joe said calmly.
“No. I don’t care who you are. She lied to me. That was my child she lost. The only child I’ve ever had and she didn’t even bother to tell me she was pregnant,” he said as he turned his back towards Joe.
“Look, you can be mad at her later. But, she didn’t know she was pregnant, that’s why she came to see me she was in a lot of pain, and then she started to bleed. I don’t have to explain myself to you…you’re not her husband, but I’m being respectful that you’ve lost your child, but don’t
disrespect her in front of me…ever.” His voice was harsh and unsympathetic. Michael’s face was tense. He was taken aback by Dr. Joe’s remark and looked as if he was going to lose his mind at
any moment. He placed his hands in his front jeans pockets and stood up tall, raising his shoulders as he straightened his back.
“What? You know what? You’re right…she’s not my wife…yet, but if she was, I guarantee you, you wouldn’t be speaking to me like this. I’m going to allow you to have full control in your
domain right now, Doctor, but just know, don’t fuck with me…you don’t know me…are we clear, Dr. Joe?” Michael’s gaze was deadly, and Dr. Joe’s demeanor flipped like a light switch. Michael walked out of the room as Joe walked over to me and Dr. Kate followed.
“I’m sorry, Jenesis, we’re giving you some antibiotics right now to avoid an infection. You should be feeling better soon. Just rest. You didn’t lose as much blood as we thought. You’re going to be
fine. I didn’t realize you didn’t tell your boyfriend. I’m sorry I told him.” Dr. Kate patted my back gently, and then caressed my arm.
I opened my eyes and glanced up at her “We’re engaged. Thank you…for everything.” The tears trundled down my cheeks one after the other. I was devastated, and now I had to keep going with the lie just to cover up the truth.
“You’re welcome, now get some rest.” She smiled and squeezed my hand before she turned around and walked out.
It was Friday morning, and Michael didn’t return to the hospital last night.
I was supposed to abort today, but I guess God had other plans for me and in a way, I was relieved I miscarried instead. I woke up feeling nauseous.
The cramping subsided and I didn’t know what to do with myself. I was uncomfortable in my own skin and I felt I was being punished before I had even committed the act.
“Ms. Heart? I’m Jenny. How are you feeling this morning?” a young nurse asked as she took my vital signs.
“A little better,” I said.
“Good, Dr. Kate said you should be going home in a few hours after you’ve had some more blood work and a sonogram,” she said as she started to hum a song.
“That sounds great.” I wanted to curl up and die.
“Do you have someone to pick you up?” she asked.
“Can you call my girlfriend Margaret? She’ll pick me up,” I said as I scooted up the bed a little more then I gave her Margaret’s phone number.
The nurse called Margaret to pick me up. I felt so guilty I couldn’t speak without bursting into tears.
“She said she’ll be here in a few minutes.” She handed Margaret’s number back to me on a small sheet of paper.
I slid down the bed and held my stomach for a moment. I’m sorry…I’m so sorry, baby. Michael…God…please forgive me.
I was so grateful for Margaret picking me up without notice. I don’t know what I would do if I didn’t have her in my life right now. I needed my mother…I needed her to hold me, to comfort
me. I felt so alone and confused. Margaret walked slowly into the recovery room. Her face was stressed and she seemed to be more confused than I was.
“Jenesis, what is it? What happened?” Margaret shouted across the room
.
Margaret walked in hurriedly and rushed to my bedside.
“Jen, sweetie, are you okay?”
I looked up at her crushed, lying down curled up like a baby swaddled in the warm white blanket the nurse had given me.
“Oh, sweetie, it’s going to be ok, come here. What happened?” She held me in her warm embrace.
“I...” I said as I burst into tears crying uncontrollably.
“Jenesis, my God…What is it? It’s okay…tell me,” she said consolingly.
“I…had a miscarriage,” I said the words slowly. I could barely spit them out as I was being choked by the lump in my throat.
“Oh my God! Does Michael know?” she asked as her eyes widened and her mouth fell open.
“Yes…” I said as I shook my head.
“Jen, when did you know?”
“Does it matter?”
“I mean, how far along were you?”
“Three or four weeks…or more…I’m not sure. I didn’t want to know.” “Oh honey, it’s going to be okay…Why isn’t Michael here picking you up?”
“He walked out last night and didn’t return,” I sobbed. “I don’t blame him, really I don’t. This is all my fault.”
“Look, I didn’t tell Dave I was here. Do you want me to call him?” “No…please don’t. I can’t face him right now. Jesus, Margaret, what a fucking mess I made. I wish I could get away for a while.”
“Hmmm…Let me think.” She placed her hand near her mouth. “I know…how about Tilly? She lives upstate.”
“She’s Michael’s friend. I don’t want her to know…or Eddie…especially
Eddie, he’s Michael’s best friend.”
“Don’t worry I heard Dave talking to one of the guys at work who knows Eddie, he’s going away with his brother this weekend. She won’t say a word…tell her it’s your ovary or a fibroid…look she has a house and lives in the country. You can definitely heal there over the weekend. Okay?”
“I’m not sure… Margaret, what am I going to do? How can I face him?” I said as I wept hysterically and wiped my nose with the hospital gown.
