Normally, a smile from Zack would have made her feel as if she were filled with butterflies, but something was wrong. Brady would never go off and leave her if she were in trouble. And why would he leave her with Zack, of all people? Zack’s reputation with females had made it all the way back to the shifter world.
“Why are you here?” she asked.
“Brady asked me to keep an eye on you,” Zack said. “Just in case what’s-his-name tries to stir up any trouble.”
“Why isn’t Brady doing that himself?”
“I suggested that he and Casey bug out of New York for a while.” Zack’s expression was more serious than she had ever seen it. “I don’t want them caught in any cross-fire.”
“So you think Vardok will come looking for me?”
“I don’t know,” Zack said and shrugged. “But I don’t want to wait around and find out.”
“I just don’t understand any of this,” Alix said, curling up in the chair and tucking her feet beneath her.
“Maybe he just wants you.”
Alix said nothing for a moment, studying him. She would never admit it to another living soul, but sometimes she would find herself staring at his lips, wondering if they were as soft as she imagined they might be. Or his hands, imagining his long, graceful fingers touching her body, slipping into all the secret places that had never been touched before.
“I don’t like this,” she said quietly, referring to her feelings as much as the situation.
“I wish I could fix it for you,” Zack said with a faint smile. “Life sucks sometimes.”
Alix took a deep breath and sighed as she stood, keeping her back to him as she went to the window. This wasn’t the time to renew her crush on Zack. It wasn’t the time to feel sorry for herself, either. In a way, she had always known that she and Zack would never be together, just as she had known deep down that eventually she would be matched in an arranged marriage. That’s how things were done. Kingdoms merged. Lands were joined. Marriages were fair trades with no love involved.
She had just never imagined that it would actually happen. How many times had she told Father she didn’t want to marry anyone? How many times had she talked with Mother about the uselessness of males and the silliness of the idea of love? Had they never listened to her? They’d always nodded and agreed at the right moments, but sometimes she’d felt like mere background noise.
“Father wouldn’t even let me go out of our village alone,” Alix said softly, staring at the lights of the city. “Mother agreed with him, of course. They said I was too young and inexperienced and that I wouldn’t know what to do in a bad situation.”
“How would you ever learn, then?”
“That’s what I thought.” Alix half-turned her head towards him, the faintest of smiles on her lips. “Eventually I stopped asking. I knew what the answer would be. And when I tried to sneak out and do it anyway… someone always caught me. Father would have one of his soldiers following me. ‘Guarding me,’ he said.”
“Like me,” Zack said.
“Yes. Like you.”
“I’m not your guardian, Alix.” Zack rose and joined her at the window. He stood behind her, watching her reflection. “I just want to help.”
Her faint smile held a touch of sadness as she gazed out at the lights. “You never looked at me twice when we were young. Why do you want to help me now?”
“We were kids,” Zack said, his own smile twisting wryly. “I was stupid. You were the little sister of my best friend. I thought you were the biggest pain in the ass I’d ever met.”
Alix nodded, remembering all the times Zack and Braydon had told her to go home and leave them alone. They would go out into the wilds to explore and play, while she stayed safely behind the gates of the castle.
“I thought you didn’t like me,” Alix said.
“I didn’t.” Zack’s smile widened slightly. “But that was a long time ago.”
“I used to be so envious of Braydon,” she said, half-turning to him again. “He was going to be king and he didn’t even want it. He always complained about the lessons and the training. I always blamed you for talking him into leaving.”
“He always used to say that you’d make a better king than him.”
Alix laughed lightly. “I would.”
They said nothing for a few moments. Alix stared at the vast sea of lights and the hugeness of the world just outside the window. She knew Zack was watching her. She couldn’t understand why she always felt his gaze on her. The way he looked at her reminded her of the way her father looked at her mother, or the way Brady looked at Casey. It was as if he wanted something, but Alix had no idea of what it might be. Sometimes she realized that she looked at him in the same way, feeling an odd yearning that she didn’t understand. The only thing she knew absolutely was that she would never feel that way for Vardock. Ever.
“Have you met him?” she asked. “Vardok, I mean.”
“I’ve had the displeasure, yes.”
Alix moved away from Zack. Suddenly he felt too close. She went back to the chair and tucked her feet beneath her as she sat. Zack followed, sitting near her on the couch.
She tented a hand over her eyes, hiding them for a moment, pressing against the sudden throb of pain in her brow. As much as he might try, Zack could never understand her frustration at being an observer to her own life, at having her future decided by men who only wanted what was best for themselves. As far as her father and Vardok were concerned, she might as well be a parcel of land or a nice bit of gold. She was property to them, pure and simple.
And it hurt. She didn’t want to admit it, even to herself, but it hurt.
“Why is he doing this?” she finally asked, voice soft. “Father wouldn’t even let me go out and play by myself. Why is he giving me to this… monster?”
Zack said nothing, but Alix sensed that he was holding something back. Something that he wasn’t eager to tell her.
“Maybe he’s just trying to wait me out.” Alix looked to Zack again. “Whenever I disagree with him, he goes silent until I finally apologize and act like I’m the one who’s wrong. Even when I’m not.”
“Like now?” Zack asked.
“I’m not wrong for not wanting to marry Vardok,” Alix said as she sat down beside Zack on the couch. “I know I’m not.”
“Maybe your father has his reasons—”
“What reason would he have to sell me off?” Alix could hear her voice rising in anger and struggled to calm down. “He doesn’t need land. He’s got everything he could want.”
“Alix,” Zack said as he reached out and caught her hand in his. “You’re not going through this alone…”
Without thinking, Alix yanked her hand away, as if burned. She saw a flash of surprise on his face. She immediately wanted to apologize, but she couldn’t make the words come out. Zack wasn’t going to be able to fix things just because he was a male. No one could fix it.
They fell silent. Alix couldn’t bring herself to look at him.
“You’d better get some sleep,” he said quietly, standing up and grabbing a faux fur cover from a nearby chair. He tossed it onto the couch before peeling his t-shirt over his head, completely ignoring her presence. Alix glanced up and found herself openly staring at his bare back, at the movement of his muscles, the leanness of his torso. He half-turned to face her and she saw that his chest was covered in a dark mat of hair that tapered all the way down to his navel and disappeared into the waistband of his trousers.
This is insane, she thought as she stood quickly and stalked through the apartment to the small bedroom area. She had too many other things on her mind. Important things. She had no time for this childish behavior. So what if Zack was handsome? She had seen handsome males before. Why would a glimpse of his furred chest or his lean muscles make her feel so…so…
So what? she asked herself. So confused? So aware?
“Good night, Alix.” Zack called after her.
His voice soun
ded strange. Lifeless. Cool. Alix turned to face him again. He still wore his trousers, but had undone the first few buttons at the waist. Now she could see more clearly the mat of dark hair on his chest, the flatness of his belly…
She couldn’t help it. She allowed her eyes to dip lower, even though she really didn’t know what she was looking for.
Zack cleared his throat, and Alix felt her face go hot as she swiftly turned away and hurried to crawl into the bed and pull the covers over her head. None of this made sense to her. She was about to be sold to the highest bidder, yet she was acting like a fool over someone she had known almost her whole life. Someone who had never shown the slightest bit of interest in her.
Her mind felt like a whirlwind. Too many thoughts crashed into each other. And despite her anger and fear, she hated the fact that she was so exquisitely aware of his nearness, that she could peek out from beneath her blanket and watch him lazily stretching out on the couch. He folded his hands over his flat stomach and settled into the cushions, watching her as she watched him.
She rolled onto her side, turning her back to him, and closed her eyes, willing herself to fall asleep. Maybe it had been a mistake coming here to Brady’s. Maybe it would have been better to find another Arch and emerge far away from everyone and everything she knew.
Maybe.
But for now she was here, stuck, with no place to go.
Odd, muted laughter woke her.
She sat up, confused, driving a hand through her hair as she struggled to orient herself. This wasn’t her straw-stuffed bed; it was a plush, soft cushion. She couldn’t feel the night winds through her open balcony windows. The darkness was heavy, absolute, except for a flickering glow near the couch.
Alix climbed out of bed, shivering, and crossed the apartment. Zack was awake, bathed in dancing lights, his attention fixated on the tee-vee, as Casey had called it. He didn’t see her at first, so she took a few moments to enjoy the view. Zack’s wolf form was powerful, compact, muscular. She had seen him shift many times over the years, always thrilled by the transformation of sweet, funny Zack to a snarling, intimidating wolf. She had watched him grow from a scrawny, gangly young male to a tall, formidable man.
Now, as he watched the images on the screen, she was able to take a closer look at him. His hair, russet brown and auburn, hung in shaggy waves into his eyes and around his face. He looked as if he was trying to grow a beard, the stubble the same rusty auburn as his hair. He had filled out well over the years, with a wide, muscular chest and strong arms. Everything about him seemed powerful. When she looked at him now, she saw the ghost of the boy she had loved so long ago.
“You gonna stand there all night or are you going to join me?” Zack smiled and gestured for her to sit beside him on the couch. He was still shirtless, the faux fur cover tossed onto the floor. “I couldn’t sleep. What about you?”
She shook her head. She’d never been so close to a half-naked male before and she didn’t trust her voice not to waver. She fought the urge to reach out and stroke his furred chest.
“There’s nothing on TV at two in the morning,” he said and pointed a small box at the screen. The picture jumped from a black and white image to a man with greasy hair who shouted at them to buy a car. Another click and the picture changed to an undressed man crouched on his apartment floor, painfully transforming into a wolf.
“Man, this movie got it all wrong,” Zack said with a laugh. “If I had to go through all that crap, I’d never shift. That just looks painful.”
Alix studied him as he watched the screen. Had he ever been aware of her the way she had always been aware of him? Had he ever wondered what it would be like if they kissed? Or what her hair might smell like? Or if her skin would feel soft beneath his touch? Had he even thought of her over the last few years? She thought not. He’d been too busy living among the humans and bedding other females to think of a silly girl from his childhood.
The thought made her sad. When she was younger, she had almost idolized Zack. He had rescued her from bullies who teased her about being a princess. He would go out of his way to make everyone laugh, always turning around to make sure she was watching and smiling. Once she had kindled a fantasy about being wed to him beneath the Arch, just as Casey and Braydon had wed.
But then he had gone away, leaving her alone with her thoughts and memories. He’d moved on with his life, while she remained frozen.
“Hey…” Zack hit a button and the screen went silent, even though the picture continued to move. “What’s the matter?”
Alix shrugged, forcing a faint smile. “Just thinking.”
“Want to tell me about it?”
She looked into his eyes, so icy blue and yet so warm. “It’s nothing. Really.”
“Listen… I’m sorry if I made you mad earlier.” A melancholy frown flitted across his features. “I didn’t—”
“No…” She shook her head, a thoughtful smile curving her lips. “You were just trying to make me feel better. I’m the one who should apologize.”
She expected a sarcastic joke in reply, but Zack said nothing, waiting.
“Why did Brady and Casey have to leave?” she asked. “Did I put them in danger by coming here?”
The thought of anyone being hurt by her rash decision to run made her stomach cramp with worry. She hadn’t considered anything but what she had wanted when she came through the Arch.
“Maybe. I don’t know.” Zack’s honesty made her feel only slightly better. She wanted him to dismiss her fears and tell her that she was making too much of things. “If Vardok’s the evil bastard he seems to be, then I don’t put anything past him.”
“Are…” She caught herself and softly cleared her throat. “Are you in danger? Because of me?”
Zack smiled with beautiful candor. “I don’t think so… but if I am, it’s because I chose to be.”
“Why?”
“I don’t like bullies,” Zack said, growing slightly more serious. “And that’s what Vardok is. He’s a dangerous bully, but he’s just like all the assholes I’ve dealt with my entire life. Nobody’s ever stood up to him before.”
“And you can?” Alix chuckled and shook her head. “Have you seen him in his dragon form?”
“Yep.”
“And you think you can fight him?”
“I do.” Zack’s eyes were serious as he met her gaze. “And I think I’ll win, too.”
Alix nodded, shifting to curl her legs beneath her on the couch. She shivered with a chill and Zack immediately had the faux fur blanket in hand, draping it around her shoulders. She smiled a silent thank you.
“Brady told me you’d be helping out at the club tomorrow.” Zack took a bit of the blanket and, much to Alix’s dismay, covered his bare chest. “Do you think you’ll be able to hack it?”
“Hack it?”
“Handle it.” Zack’s smile slanted. “It’s hard, dirty work, you know. Not something a princess is used to doing.”
“I’ll be just fine,” she said, smiling at the familiar teasing tone of his voice. She’d grown up hearing it and hadn’t realized how much she had missed his irreverent attitude about her royal pedigree. “I know how to work.”
“Sure, Princess. Okay.” He laughed as she lightly slapped his upper arm in mock anger. “I give! I give!”
“What about you?” she asked, still smiling. “Are you going to work tomorrow?”
“Nah,” Zack said as he stretched his legs out to a small ottoman and crossed his ankles. “I’m taking some time off.”
“Why?”
“Well… this whole thing, for one.” He gestured at her and the apartment. “And…” He sighed heavily. “I’m just tired of it all.”
Alix could almost feel his weariness. The smile left his eyes and his face became drawn, almost grim.
“Is your job that bad?” she asked softly.
He didn’t answer, and for a few moments she thought he might not answer at all. He leaned his head back agains
t the couch, staring at the ceiling.
“It can be,” he said, voice subdued. “I have to live with these people who are destroying their lives. Killing themselves and each other. Sometimes I’d go weeks living with them, trying to blend in, hoping that nobody blows my cover.” He sighed. “I’m thirty-two years old and my nerves are shot to hell. I feel like I’m always waiting for something bad to happen, and that gets old real quick.”
The sadness in his voice broke her heart. Alix wanted to gather him closer, hold him tight against her breast, and stroke his hair until the tightness left his brow. Instead, she did as he had tried to do earlier; she reached out and took his hand in hers.
“Is there anything I can do for you?” she asked, searching his eyes.
“You’re doing it now,” he said as a faint smile flickered on his lips. “Sometimes I forget how good it is to have someone to talk to.”
“Me too.” Alix gave his hand a quick squeeze, suddenly overwhelmed by a rush of emotion. She had to do something to dig herself out of this mess of feelings, to distract herself from the fierce wave of affection crashing through her soul.
“So…” she said and smiled brightly. “What exactly are you watching on this… thing?”
“It’s called cable,” he said as he stretched his arm over the back of the couch. Without thinking, Alix leaned into him, nestling against his side. She brought the blanket up, and they both covered up. “And it’s the greatest invention known to mankind.”
Alix laughed and rested her head on his shoulder, feeling perfectly at home in his arms. For a few precious moments, she didn’t think about Vardok or her father’s betrayal or anything from the shifter world. She thought only of Zack and the way he spoke, the way he smelled and felt and laughed and touched.
And even if he didn’t love her the way she had adored him since they were young, it was almost enough.
6
Zack
“What if I break a glass?” Alix anxiously fumbled with her apron. “What if I get everything wrong?”
Undercover Wolf Shifter Page 4
