There had been a lot of lonely nights as she matured. Zack had long escaped into the human world, but she thought of him often. He had been the only male who dared speak to her, but that was only because of his friendship with her brother. Her father had tried countless times to marry her off to princes from neighboring kingdoms, but she’d always refused to even consider it. None of them were Zack. They didn’t make her stomach churn or her heart flutter. They didn’t make her feel anything. They couldn’t make her laugh or smile. Not the way Zack had always done.
And that was their biggest flaw: they weren’t Zack.
Now, with Vardok, she had no choice in the matter. She couldn’t cry to her father and have him cancel the arrangement. No matter how much she didn’t want the marriage to happen, she knew that it would. Her luck had run out. Childhood was over. She would have to give herself to that beast and no one could help her now.
Alix suddenly felt crushed by the weight of her dread and fear. Trapped. There was no escape for her. The rest of her life had been predetermined and she was forced to accept it.
“I’m sorry,” she said quietly. “Never mind. It’s not important.”
Zack shifted and moved a little closer to her. She kept her face turned away from him so he wouldn’t see the tears shimmering in her eyes. She hated to let anyone see her be weak.
“It is important,” Zack said. “Ask me whatever you want.”
Alix hesitated a moment. There were so many things she didn’t know. She’d heard stories from her friends and had a rough idea of what to expect, but that didn’t seem to apply to her situation with Vardok. The males her friends chose as mates were kind and giving. They were completely harmless and gentle, and their stories of the first time they mated were wonderfully loving.
But someone like Vardok… even with no experience with males, Alix knew that being with him for the first time would be tortuous. There was no love in him, no chance of gentleness or empathy. He would do whatever he wanted to do with her body and she would have no choice but to try to survive it.
The thought brought fresh tears to her eyes.
“Why is it so important to him that I’m a virgin?” Alix’s voice was soft. She pulled her knees up to her chest and hugged them. The blanket felt like her shield against the world.
Zack took a breath and slowly sighed. “Well… for someone like him, he might think that if you’re not a virgin when you marry, your first child might not belong to him.” Zack fell silent for a moment, suddenly grim. “He could have you and the child killed.”
The thought horrified Alix, but also made sense to her. Vardok could easily murder a child. And he would kill her without a moment’s pause. She sniffed and blotted at her eyes with the hem of her blanket. She couldn’t bring herself to speak for a few minutes. The words just wouldn’t come out.
Then she felt the weight and warmth of Zack’s hand on her shoulder and she looked up quickly. He moved closer to her and they leaned against the couch, facing the fire. He slipped his arm around her shoulders and she felt some of the weight of her fear easing. She kept her eyes on the flames in the fireplace; if she looked up and saw kindness in Zack’s eyes, she would cry again.
“I…” She took a deep breath and then sighed. “I just don’t know what I’m supposed to do. I know what happens during mating, but… I don’t think any of that matters to Vardok. I’ve heard stories about him…”
Her voice faded as she thought of the rumors and gossip she had heard. Vardok was said to be as cruel as he was handsome, and that the females he chose to take to his bed were always badly hurt when they were returned to their homes. If they were returned. Many of them were never seen again. Vardok was said to be brutal, without a drop of kindness or gentleness. The females who managed to survive him never wedded or had offspring. Some even said that they were not physically capable of it anymore. He hurt them that badly.
“It’s okay…” Zack gently rubbed her shoulder, an absent-minded movement that made Alix’s whole body relax against him. She couldn’t describe the way he made her feel; it was more like he made her feel everything at once.
“No, it’s not.” Alix pulled away from him. “It’s never going to be okay.”
Zack was silent. She could feel him watching her.
“Maybe it would be different if I wasn’t a virgin,” she admitted, “but the males I was interested in had no interest in me.”
“Like who?”
Alix managed to meet his gaze. “You.”
Zack half-laughed, his brows furrowing. “You hated me when we were growing up.”
“No,” she said with a faint smile, “I didn’t. I just didn’t want you to know how I felt.”
“Why not?”
“Because you were Braydon’s friend, and you were older and had all these other females following you around.” Alix’s smile grew slightly. “I remember all of my friends talking about how handsome and dangerous you were.”
Zack chuckled at that. “Dangerous. Okay.”
“They thought you were so mysterious and fascinating since you were a wolf shifter. You weren’t like the dragon males we knew.”
“That doesn’t explain why you avoided me.”
Alix fixed her gaze on his, a sense of sadness suddenly washing over her. “I was afraid that if you knew that I liked you…”
“I’d make fun of you?” Zack asked quietly.
Alix nodded. “I thought you’d laugh at me. Or you’d stop being friends with Braydon because of me.”
Zack fell silent, shaking his head. A faint smile curled on his lips, but it had a sour slant to it. Alix immediately regretted her words. It might have been better for him not to know, but she couldn’t stop herself now. She’d never have this opportunity again, and she knew it would eat away at her if she never told him how she’d felt.
“After you left for the human world,” Alix continued, “I had no interest in any of the matches Father made for me. I only went to the celebrations and festivals because it was my duty. Mother and Father wanted me to be like my friends and have lovers and mates, but I couldn’t. I didn’t want anyone but…”
Her voice trailed away and her cheeks felt as if they were blazing hot. She sounded like such a child. Both of them were too old for games. Zack had made his way in the human world, and he had grown up without her. She would never know everything that had happened in his life in the years they were apart. In many ways, they were virtually strangers. He had a life that would never include her.
“This is silly,” she finally said, pulling the blanket tighter as she began to rise to her feet. “I’m going to sleep—”
“Wait…” Zack caught her wrist as she stood. “Please… stay just a little while longer.”
Alix sighed heavily and sank down to the floor beside him, miserable. She had said too much, exposed too many feelings. Now Zack would feel sorry for her, the poor little princess who didn’t get what she wanted. The thought made her cringe.
“I shouldn’t have said all that.” Alix managed to glance up and meet Zack’s arctic blue eyes. In the dancing flame of the fire, she could see the wolfish side of him, the animal just beneath the surface. Deep inside, she felt a flicker of desire that she immediately tried to ignore. She couldn’t let herself feel anything. Not now. Not ever.
“Why?” he asked.
“Because…” She took a deep breath and sighed. “Because we’re not children anymore. We’re adults. We don’t worry about ‘liking’ or ‘not liking’ someone. You have your own life now and I have mine. Childhood crushes need to be left in the past.”
Zack studied her for a moment and she felt as if he could see past her false front. He gently touched her cheek, a faint smile on his lips.
“Alix…my feelings for you are the same as they’ve been since we were kids.”
His words electrified her. “What do you mean?”
“I mean…” He hesitated a moment, his eyes searching hers. “I mean that I love you. I always have.”
Alix had no words. She had dreamed of a moment like this, comforted herself on those nights when it seemed she’d be alone for the rest of her life. In those fantasies she had been self-assured and confident as she boldly took control. Now, in reality, she trembled, scared of the fierce surge of longing that pulsed with every heartbeat.
Zack slowly leaned closer, closer, until their lips barely brushed each other. Alix’s eyes opened wide at the rush of electricity that zipped through her at the touch. Zack pulled away slightly, a faint smile curling the corner of his lips. Did he know that she’d never been kissed before? Was her inexperience that obvious?
“Zack, I don’t—”
He silenced her with another soft, sweet kiss and she could feel herself melting as he languidly teased her lower lip with the tip of his tongue. She parted her lips and he deepened the kiss, gently cupping the side of her face in his hand. She met his tongue with her own and followed his lead, mimicking his movements, slowly growing bolder.
Zack raised his head away from her and her eyes snapped open. She wanted more.
“Are you sure you want this?” he asked, breathless.
“Yes,” Alix whispered, her gaze locked onto his. “I love you, too.”
It was as if her words had unlocked floodgates. Zack slid his hand down to her shoulder, to the hem of the blanket wrapped around her. Alix released her hold on it and the blanket fell away. She watched Zack’s expression change as he gazed at her breasts, saw the hunger spark in his eyes, and felt an exhilarating burst of relief and joy. He wanted her.
She said nothing as he slipped his hand beneath her right breast, fingertips barely touching her skin, and circled upwards to her nipple. She half-closed her eyes as he moved on to her left breast, his touch featherlike. She wanted him to do more.
He kissed her again, a desperate, hungry kiss, and Alix felt herself floating backwards as he lowered her to the rug. He kept an arm beneath her head, half-lying on his side as he pulled the covers away from their bodies. The light of the fire made his skin golden, deepened the shadows of his face, flickered in the paleness of his blue eyes. For a few moments, he simply gazed at her, saying nothing as his eyes swept the length of her body. She felt an ache deep within her womanhood, an emptiness that needed to be filled by him.
“We’ll go as slow as you want,” he said quietly. “Whatever you want to do, we’ll do.”
Alix looked up into his eyes as he hovered over her, feeling suddenly brazen. “I want to touch you.”
That faint, wolfish smile pulled at the corner of his lips as his eyes lit up. He supported his head on his fist as he leaned back and stretched beside her. Alix’s eyes roved over his naked body, finally able to get her fill of looking at him. His muscles were long and lean, his chest wide and his hips narrow. She reached out and touched his chest, outlining the muscles there with her fingertips, drawing down the flat ridge of his stomach. It was there that she hesitated.
“You can touch me there,” Zack said in a hoarse whisper.
Alix studied his penis for a few seconds before gently stroking the shaft, fascinated and aroused by its reaction to her touch. She heard Zack gasp softly, his eyes closing, as she wrapped her fingers around its thick width and gave it a gentle squeeze. Emboldened, she gave his cock a few more strokes, feeling it grow even harder, even thicker, in her hand.
“Wait…” he finally gasped, opening his eyes again. He managed a faint smile as he lifted her hand from his cock. “You’re going to make me come too fast.”
Alix half-frowned. “Come?”
Zack chuckled and a shiver shot down her spine.
He lowered his head to her breasts and kissed the valley between them, sliding his open lips to her left nipple as his hand came up to caress her other breast. He took her nipple into his mouth and tiny explosions rippled through her body as his teeth and tongue teased and suckled. He shifted to give her other breast equal attention and Alix gasped, digging her hands into his shaggy hair, urging him closer.
Zack slid his free hand down the length of her torso, over the curve of her hip. As his fingers slipped closer to the downy place between her thighs, she suddenly tensed. She ached for him to touch her there, but suddenly she wasn’t sure. What would happen to her if she went to Vardok and wasn’t a virgin? Would he be able to tell? What would he do to Zack?
Zack felt the change and raised his head, questioning. Alix’s eyes filled with tears of fear and frustration. She wanted Zack so badly… but what if it was a mistake?
“What’s wrong?” Zack pressed soft kisses against her lips, her cheeks.
“I’m afraid…” she whispered.
Zack began to move away from her. “Oh… I’m so sorry…”
“No! No…” She grabbed his arm, pulling him closer. She wanted to feel the weight of him atop her, the solidness of his body. “Not of you. Never of you.”
Zack’s gaze softened as he realized what she meant.
“Vardok…” he said quietly. He positioned himself to lay on his side, slipping his arms around Alix as she nestled closer to him. She felt her curves fit perfectly into his contours, felt the strength of his arms as he held her tightly. She tucked her head into the warmth of his chest, feeling—for the first time in her life—utterly safe.
“I want to make love to you,” Zack said softly. “But I don’t want you to be afraid of what he might do to you.”
“Not to me,” Alix said, raising her head to look at him again. “To you.”
Zack studied her intently for a moment. “There is nothing he could do to me that would make me regret loving you.”
Alix knew he was telling her the truth. And she knew that she felt the same. Vardok could torture her, beat her, even kill her, and she would never regret this time with Zack. These might be the last good memories she would ever have.
She urged him closer and kissed him with all the passion and urgency that she felt building inside her. She didn’t want him to go slowly or be gentle. She wanted to be taken. She wanted to feel him inside her.
Zack’s hand returned to the cleft between her legs, dipping his fingers lower, until he cupped her sex in his hand.
“You’re so wet…” he breathed, watching her eyes as he slipped his index finger inside her and stroked her clitoris with his thumb. Alix gasped, parting her legs unconsciously, eyes half-closing as waves of pleasure rippled through her body. He slowly slid his finger in and out of her, rubbing at her clit with every movement. Alix opened her eyes and saw him watching her reaction, his eyes darkening with lust.
She welcomed it.
“Does it hurt?” he asked softly, moving his fingers in gentle circles against her, inside her.
“No…” It didn’t hurt, but it felt so strange having something inside, filling her, stoking the flames of want that she never knew existed. She pushed against his hand, wanting more.
“You’re tight.” He withdrew his finger, leaving her momentarily bereft, but then slid two fingers inside her. “So goddamn tight…” he groaned.
The new sensation rocketed through her body and she lifted her hips to press closer. She felt her muscles loosening, her legs falling further apart, opening herself fully to him. His fingers weren’t enough. She needed more of him.
“Please…” she whispered, arching her back to be closer, to feel the wiry hair of his chest tickling against her nipples. She reached for his cock, saw the flinch of surprised pleasure as she stroked the full length of it. He was so big… if she was so tight around his fingers, how could he possibly fit inside her?
“I need to make sure you can take all of me,” he whispered, moving his hand against her, sliding his fingers in and out as he rolled his thumb over her most sensitive spot. “Relax, sweetheart… just close your eyes and feel everything I’m doing…”
Alix sighed into his mouth as he kissed her deeply, feeling her entire body going liquid beneath his hands. He slipped a third finger inside her and she gasped at the sudden sense of fullness. She felt too
open now, too stretched. It almost hurt. Zack immediately slowed his hand but didn’t remove his fingers.
“It’s okay…” he whispered as he kissed her lips, her throat. “Just relax…”
Alix struggled to make her inner muscles relax around Zack’s fingers. He slipped his thumb around her clitoris in small, slow circles and she could feel herself getting wetter, widening her legs as she adjusted to the strange fullness and found herself wanting him to go deeper.
Zack withdrew his fingers and she felt the loss acutely. She looked down at their bodies and saw his cock, thick, straining, the tip already wet with anticipation. It bobbed as he re-positioned himself, moving atop her body, slipping between her spreading legs. She welcomed his weight as he slipped one arm under her head to cushion her and bring her mouth closer to his.
“I love you,” he whispered, and she felt his other hand down between her thighs. He took his cock in hand and gently rubbed the tip of it against her lower lips, nudging slowly forward, until he was just barely inside her. Alix wanted to scream, to pull him closer, to have every inch of him insider her.
Instead, he entered her slowly, a bit at a time, pausing if he saw her wince, pressing on as she sighed in pleasure. The feelings of pressure, of fullness, deepened as more and more of him slipped into her tightness. She watched him grimace in restraint and felt a rush of power. She was doing this to him. She was giving him a pleasure she had never imagined in her wildest fantasies.
She lifted her hips slightly and he sank fully into her, a growling moan in his throat as he buried his head in her shoulder for a moment. He kept himself perfectly still, as if he were afraid he might shatter her. Instinctively, she knew that he was close to his release. She slipped her arms around his back and gently raked her nails down the line of his spine. He shuddered and raised his head, wonder and surprise in his eyes.
Alix didn’t know how she knew what to do, but she let her body guide her. She wrapped her legs around Zack’s waist, raising her buttocks off the rug, and pulled deeper yet, until there was nothing between their joined bodies. She rolled her hips slightly, feeling his cock shifting inside her, watching the agonized ecstasy passing over his expression. He caught his breath and then smiled almost tauntingly.
Undercover Wolf Shifter Page 8
