Jake didn’t know why Border was there or what would come of it, but he knew it wouldn’t be what he’d once wanted. And as for Maya? They’d firmly placed themselves in friendship territory, and that was where they would stay. However, no matter what, he knew he couldn’t be with a woman he truly didn’t love just because he thought he had to settle.
Because that was something that would break Holly. She was a nice girl. Happy and radiant. And one day, she would make some guy a very happy man. He was just not that man.
He let out a breath, his stomach aching but not quite as much as it had before, and stood up on slightly shaky legs.
“I, uh...I need to get back to work.”
The two men studied him before nodding and helping him clean up. They said their goodbyes, leaving Jake alone in his house with a new resolution settling over his skin.
He could do this because if he didn’t, he’d break them all.
Jake went back to work, knowing his mind wasn’t truly into his art, but he could at least do some parts without being fully into it. By the time the sun had set, his back ached, and his heart hurt, but he was resolved.
The doorbell rang, and Jake let out a breath. It could be anyone, but he had a feeling it would be one of the three people in his mind—Holly, Border, or Maya. Holly wouldn’t just come into his home even though he’d told her she could. That might have been a warning sign for the relationship, but he pushed that thought away. Maya used to walk in whenever she wanted but had stopped doing that once Holly started to stay over. Once again, another warning sign he’d ignored. As for Border? Well, he didn’t know this Border now, did he?
When he opened the door, he wasn’t sure if he should have been concerned or relieved. Holly stood on the doorstep, her lip between her teeth and a worried look on her face.
“Hey, can I come in?” she asked.
Jake stepped out of the way so she could move inside. He didn’t lean down to kiss her or pull her close. Something was off, and frankly, he wasn’t sure how he was going to start the conversation they clearly needed to have.
Tension radiated off her, and Jake frowned. “What’s wrong, Holly?” He helped take her coat, but before he could put his hand on her shoulder, she shuffled away.
When she turned and met his gaze, Jake froze. Tears coated her eyes, but she hadn’t let anything fall down her cheeks yet. In fact, she looked…determined now.
“I don’t think this is working, Jake.”
He blinked, shocked, but not as hurt as he should have been by her words. She was breaking up with him? The day he’d finally decided to be true to his feelings and not hurt the woman in front of him. But with the tears in her eyes, maybe he’d already done that. Well, hell. He hadn’t planned on this, hadn’t seen it as a possibility. He was the one who was going to break her heart, not the other way around. Though would that happen? Could she break him when she’d never had him? When he’d never allowed her to have him?
Hell, he was a fucking idiot, angry because she was the one doing this and not him. There was something fundamentally wrong with him if these were the thoughts he was having instead of freaking out that she was going to leave him.
The silence spread between them as he wrestled his thoughts and swallowed hard. “What isn’t working?” He knew what wasn’t working, but he needed to say something.
Holly gave him a sad smile and the sheen in her eyes cleared. “You know what I’m talking about. I shouldn’t have let this go on for as long as I have, but I thought that maybe…” she sighed and shook her head. “Well, let’s just say I thought that one day I’d be enough.”
Jake took a step toward her, hand out. “Holly…” He felt like a fucking heel. All this time, thinking he was doing his best, it seemed it wasn’t good enough.
She stepped back and held up her hands, palms out. “No, don’t touch me, okay?”
He froze his brows raised. “I’m not going to hurt you, Holly.”
“But you kind of already did,” she said then cursed under her breath. She didn’t curse often, but when she did, it was usually because it was important. “I shouldn’t have said that. I’m the one that allowed myself to be hurt by you.”
“That’s not how this works, Holly. I hurt you, and I didn’t mean to. This isn’t about you allowing me to hurt you in the way you’re thinking.”
“Well, either way, I should have stepped away. I like you, Jake. You’re sweet, caring, and just a good guy. I thought that eventually we could find a future together, but that’s not going to be.”
“I’m sorry, Holly.” He might have felt like he should have been the one saying these things, but Holly looked like she needed to. It was the least he could do. But still, he should have been the one to do it. Because what would that mean to…others…if they knew he hadn’t been the one?
Fuck.
He pushed those thoughts from his mind.
“It’s okay, Jake,” Holly said and smiled again. He loved her smile, but he didn’t love her. And that was on him. “You need to be with your heart, and I’m not it. I’m not going to say it doesn’t hurt that I’m not it, but I should have stopped this a long time ago when I first figured it out.”
He frowned. “What are you talking about?”
She shook her head and sighed. “You know exactly what I’m talking about. Look closer, Jake. Look at the person at your side. The person that isn’t me. She is everything for you, and you’re not doing anything about it.”
Jake’s mouth opened. Closed. He couldn’t think of a damn thing to say.
“Tell her how you feel, because standing off to the side for the rest of your life isn’t fair to either of you.”
“I don’t know what you’re talking about. I’ve always been here. I’ve never cheated, never been with someone else.” Panic set in, and he tried to push it away, only to have it claw at him again.
“I know that. I know that you never once acted on the feelings you’ve tried so hard to repress. But you love Maya, Jake. She’s your best friend, and yet I know there can be something more than that.”
She paused, as if trying to figure out what to say next while Jake felt like he’d been kicked in the stomach. He’d never said the words aloud, and frankly, never wanted to. Because if he did, then the fragile hold he had on his sanity would be lost.
“Holly…” His voice cracked.
“Tell her, Jake. And I don’t know exactly what happened with Border in your past, but face that, as well. Hiding everything in your life will only hurt you in the process.” She moved toward him and put her small hand on his chest. He swallowed hard but didn’t move, couldn’t move.
When she reached up to kiss his chin, he blinked back tears. What the fuck was happening to him?
“Be happy, Jake. That’s all I want for you. I’ll find my happiness. I thought I had it, but if I had to think that hard, then it wasn’t meant to be.” She moved away and went toward the door. “Don’t wait too long, Jake. Don’t lose what could be.”
And with that, she opened the door and made a sound. Jake didn’t look over because he already knew who would be on the other side. He could damn well feel it. Because, of course, Border would be on the doorstep to witness this. Why would life treat him any differently?
“Excuse me,” Holly whispered and was gone.
Border’s big feet shuffled in, and he closed the door behind him. Jake let out a breath and forced himself not to look at the other man.
“I need a fucking drink,” he bit out and went to the kitchen. He pulled out two beers, opening one and downing a good swallow before going into the living room. He sat down on the end of the couch opposite Border and wordlessly held out the other beer.
Border took it, careful not to touch Jake’s fingers, and Jake put his beer up to his lips again. They sat there in silence while Jake’s entire world shifted. He didn’t try to speak, didn’t move over to try and figure out what the hell to do. Because things weren’t done changing yet, and he had a feeling
that everything he thought he’d once had would be fucked up beyond all recognition for a while yet.
But for now, he just needed to drink and brood. And then maybe, just maybe, he’d figure out what to do. Because he didn’t want to think about the fact that Border being here made it just a little better—or that Jake wanted Maya by his side for this. She was the one he turned to when things went to hell.
But what happened when he changed things?
Who would he go to then?
Chapter Five
Maya woke up sweaty, with her hand down her panties and unsatisfied. Fucking sex dreams never letting her actually get off when she wanted to. Annoyed, she pulled her hand up and let the other currently cupping her breast fall to the side.
She banged her head against her pillow a few times before rolling over so she could let out a little scream. This was the fifth night in a row where she’d had dreams of having sex with Jake. One night, they’d been at her shop where Jake had bent her over the stool, ramming into her from behind as she shouted his name. Another time, he’d eaten her out on her dining room table for breakfast. They’d had shower sex, missionary in the bedroom, and cowgirl on her couch.
And yet, she’d never gotten off from it.
Instead, the bastard would shoot his load, and she’d reach the crest, only to wake up unable to come and pissed off at the sun for daring to shine in her eyes and wake her up. Fucking sun and fucking mornings.
She closed her eyes and sighed. This was probably why her family steered clear of her until she got her coffee. If she could, she’d probably have stayed away from herself at this point. Instead of rolling out of bed and zombie-walking to her coffee maker, she made her way to her bathroom so she could shower off the scent of unsatisfied sex. She hated that smell. And once she was clean, she’d throw the sheets in the washer so she could ignore the twisted blankets from her sex dreams. Then she’d get coffee and try to caffeine the bitch out of her system. The latter had never fully worked, but there was always hope in sugar and dark roast.
After she took care of business and brushed her teeth, she stripped off her clothes and turned on the shower. Once she was sure she wouldn’t freeze herself to death thanks to shitty pipes, she stepped under the spray and closed her eyes.
The dream had been so vivid. She swore she could still feel Jake’s hands on her hips, his lips on her neck. If she tried, she could still smell him on her skin, and yet, he’d never been there. It had been, what, thirteen years or something since they’d had their night together, and yet she could still remember the feel of him.
The water slicked over her skin and she let her hand fall between her legs. When her fingers brushed over her clit, she bit into her lip. This was so wrong. She shouldn’t be remembering Jake like this, not when he wasn’t hers, but she couldn’t seem to help herself. She’d never gotten herself off in the shower while thinking of him, not even during the few weeks after they’d first met. But now she wasn’t sure she could help herself.
She rubbed her fingers over her clit while leaning back on the cool tile. Between that and the hot water rushing over her breasts and down to her cunt, she had to swallow hard. She arched her hips, slowly teasing herself with one hand and plucking at her nipples with the other. When she slid two fingers into her pussy, she gasped. She was so wet, so hot, she knew she was close. She imagined Jake’s deep voice telling her how dirty she was to be thinking of him while getting herself off, imagined the feel of his beard on her silken inner thighs.
And then she was gone.
Coming hard, her body shaking and her cunt clamping around her fingers. Her knees went weak, and she slowly slid to the floor, grateful she hadn’t hurt herself by falling. When she finally came down from her high, she found herself shaking on the shower floor, her arms wrapped around her knees and her heart heavy.
That was the first and last time she would do that.
It wasn’t fair to Jake, to Holly, and it sure as fuck wasn’t fair to her.
She rested her head on her arms and let a single tear fall. This was it. No more Jake. No more feelings. She’d toughen up and be the bitch she let everyone think she was because she couldn’t do this anymore. It would ache until she couldn’t breathe, but she would watch Jake fall in love with Holly fully and stand back as he found his happiness.
She’d find her own, too, because she couldn’t be this person anymore. She didn’t like this shell who cried in the shower because she was too late to figure out what she wanted, what she needed.
She was Maya Montgomery, and damn it, she’d be okay.
She’d dry herself off, and she’d find the life she needed.
Tomorrow.
Today, she’d wallow and cry.
Tomorrow, she’d be Maya again.
Tomorrow.
Later that day, Maya rubbed the back of her neck and looked down at the resume of one Blake Brennen. She and Austin had put out the call for a piercer two days prior and had already had three-dozen people put in for the job. Apparently, people wanted to work for Montgomery Ink. While that might have—and would later—made Maya happy as all hell, right now, she just wanted to get to drawing up her latest design and not deal with paperwork.
Blake sat out in the waiting area while Maya frowned over the woman’s details. She had about a decade’s experience and was the same age as Maya, actually. Apparently, Blake wanted a change of scenery, and Montgomery Ink was it. Austin had called her references and said that as long as she fit into the family, he’d hire her. He hadn’t even seen the woman, and Maya was glad about it.
Because if Austin were single, she knew her brother would have drooled over the chick. Hell, Maya was salivating a little, and she didn’t swing that way. All dark hair and curves plus wide eyes filled with an attitude Maya could appreciate.
Other than the curves, she and Blake didn’t look alike, but Maya had felt a kinship the first moment she saw Blake. While Maya’s eyes were blue, Blake’s were a honey brown. While Maya had dark hair with blunt bangs, Blake’s was a little lighter and a little wavier. She figured Blake to be an inch or two taller, as well, even though it was hard to tell with the high-heeled boots the other woman wore. Blake had as much ink as Maya, but just as everyone was unique, so was their artwork.
Either way, Maya liked the woman on sight, and that pissed her off some. Blake had the resume and the skills according to her former employers, but just because she looked like a badass, didn’t mean she’d fit in with the Montgomery Ink crew. They may joke that the family collected strays easily, but that was just a façade. They only let in those who worked well with them as a whole. But once a Montgomery had that connection, there was no getting out of the web that was the family.
Maya set down the resume and rolled her neck. Time to see what this woman could do. Not that they’d be piercing anyone today since they didn’t have the shop set up, but that would come in a couple of weeks. Her family was fast when it came to a small project like this. They’d built the place years ago to accommodate changes like this so it wouldn’t be that long before their new piercer could start.
Maya just needed to make sure Blake could be it.
She came out of her office and strolled toward the front of the shop, her eyes on Blake. The other woman had her attention on Sloane, or rather, Sloane’s work, and Maya had to appreciate that.
“Blake?” Maya asked.
Blake shifted her attention to Maya and stood up. She didn’t smile, but she didn’t frown either. Maya wasn’t quite sure what to make of this other woman, but hopefully, she’d figure it out because there was no way she’d hire Blake without finding out what made her tick.
“Yes? Did you need more references or something?”
Maya shook her head. “No, we have what we need.” She frowned and crossed her arms over her chest. “You’re qualified for sure, and everyone we’ve talked to says you know your shit, but I’m not convinced yet.”
Blake snorted, her gaze going to Maya’s eyebrow ring.
“You’re pretty pierced already. Brow and tongue? What else?”
Maya smirked. “Wouldn’t you like to know.”
Sloane let out a deep chuckle even as he worked on the back piece in front of him.
“Got a problem, Sloane?” Maya asked even as she kept her gaze on the other woman.
“Not at all,” he drawled. “Though watching you two size each other up is sure interesting.”
Blake met Maya’s gaze and raised a brow of her own before she turned to Sloane. “Is that because we’re women? Are you thinking we should strip down to our bras and panties and find some pudding to wrestle in?”
Sloane met both of their gazes and snorted. “Never get pudding or sweet things near any area a man—or woman—might need for later. Make it mud. That’ll wash off pretty easily.”
Maya threw her head back and laughed, Blake joining in. “We take no shit here,” Maya said once she could breathe again. “But, from what I see, you don’t take shit either.”
Blake shrugged. “I like to poke at things so I figure I’d better get used to being poked at.”
Sloane laughed again. Maya glared at him, and he held up both hands, a tattoo gun in one of them. His client laughed silently, and Maya held back the urge to roll her eyes. “I’m not touching that one,” Sloane said finally.
Hailey, the café owner next door and Sloane’s girlfriend, walked in at that moment and tilted her head. “Maya Montgomery, are you being mean to my man?”
She edged up to Sloane and kissed the top of his bald head. He grinned at her before leaning to her front and sighing. The change in his demeanor was so drastic it caught Maya off guard for a moment. She was so damned happy for her two friends. They’d spent far too long away from each other, and now here they were, together and adorable. And Maya didn’t use the word adorable lightly.
“Just a little, but he deserved it,” Maya said with a laugh.
She sighed, knowing she was just stalling at this point. Austin was at his son’s school for an event of some kind, so she was the one in charge. He’d given her permission to hire Blake if Maya felt it was right, and Maya wouldn’t take that role lightly.
Ink Enduring (Montgomery Ink #5) Page 6
