Beans and meat had never been so fucking sexy.
Jake licked his lips and nodded. “Really good. Not too spicy, but it has a kick.”
Border let out a slow breath before washing off the spoon and setting it to the side of the pot. “Good. That’s what I was going for.”
Jake leaned against the fridge and folded his arms over his chest. “What are you doing here, Border?”
Border moved so he could rest his hip on the counter. He mimicked Jake’s pose unconsciously but didn’t move back. Jake wasn’t talking about the chili, and Border wasn’t going to bother to pretend that he was. “I’m moving back.”
Jake’s eyes widened. “For good?”
“Yeah, for good. I told you that already.” Didn’t he?
“You might have mentioned it, but I wasn’t sure if I believed it, you know? You were gone for a long time, and there are other places you could have stayed.”
“And I stayed in those places. I wanted to be here.”
“Here as in Denver, or here as in with me? Because I don’t know what you want, Border, let alone what I want.”
Jake wasn’t ready for this conversation, and they both knew it, but it wasn’t as if Border could back away now.
“I ran for too long, saw some shit I didn’t want to see, did some things I didn’t want to do. Now I want to come home. Because no matter where I went, Denver was always home.” You were always home.
“Is that really the case? Because I have no idea what you were doing the entire time you were gone.”
“And you never asked.” Yeah, it hurt that Jake hadn’t asked. And, apparently, Border was going to be a dick about that.
Jake threw up his hands and scowled. “I’ve been a little busy dealing with my own shit life at the moment, thank you.”
Border shook his head. “Shit life? I don’t see a shit life. I see a man with a fucking fantastic family, a man with a job and a home he loves. I mean, fuck, you can work from home, and I’ve seen your art.” He gestured around the house. “I’ve seen it here, and out and about. You’re talented, and you always have been. Yeah, Holly dumped you, but you told me yourself you were done with her.”
“It’s not that simple!” Jake yelled.
“It never is, but hell, Jake. Make it was it is, not what you think you need it to be. You’re not pissed off because you and Holly aren’t together anymore. You’re pissed you didn’t get to do it. You’re broken up because she’s the one that did it first.”
“Fuck you, Border. You don’t know me. You don’t know what I’m feeling.”
Border leaned forward. “And whose fault is that? Whose fault is it that I don’t know the man you are now?”
“Yours, you fucking asshole. Yours.” Jake straightened. “You’re the one who left. You’re the one that decided I wasn’t good enough. So don’t get all butt hurt over the fact that you don’t know me now.”
He’d stepped into that one for sure. “That’s not what I meant.”
“Yeah, well, it’s what you said. I wasn’t good enough. I wasn’t a chick. You didn’t want to really be fucking me, you just wanted to get your rocks off and call it a day. I get it. But don’t act like you did nothing wrong. Don’t act like you have a place in my life now.”
Jake’s chest heaved, and Border wanted to punch his pretty face for saying all the right things even though they were all wrong.
“Oh, shut the fuck up. I didn’t leave because you were a dude. I left because I fell in love with you, you prick. I left because I might have been twenty, but I wasn’t a man yet. My dad would have killed you if he’d found out. You get that, right? He would have killed you because he wasn’t able to kill me, even though he sure as hell tired. If he hadn’t killed himself thanks to the booze, he’d still be trying. I left because I didn’t know who I was without that man trying to beat me down, and that wasn’t a man worthy enough of you. So, yeah, I left. I did it a shit way, and I can’t take that back, but I’m here now, and you can’t seem to face the fact that I am.”
Jake took a step back, his eyes wide. “We were adults, Border. He couldn’t have touched us.”
“You know how he was, so don’t lie to yourself. And, Jake? You never said anything. You never told me what you felt. For all I knew, I was in love with you and you just liked fucking me to make the women we were with hot for us. I. Didn’t. Know.”
Jake paused for so long, Border was afraid he’d fucked up again. “I…I didn’t know either. I’m bisexual, Border. I’m not afraid of the label.”
Border let out a breath and closed his eyes. “I’m bisexual, too. We were young and stupid and didn’t know what we were doing. We’re older now, but I still don’t think we know what we’re doing.”
“I thought I did,” Jake said simply. “I thought I was figuring it out, at least. I had a job, a home, and a girl I thought I could marry.”
“You didn’t love her, Jake, and we both know it. Holly knew it.”
Jake’s jaw clenched. “So she said.”
“She also said something about Maya.” He needed to meet this woman; the one that actually held Jake’s heart and not the one Jake had thought would be good enough. Because there was something there, something Border needed to deal with. There was something in the back of his mind, an idea he couldn’t quite grasp when it came to the three of them, but he needed to figure it out.
“Shut your mouth about Maya. You don’t know her. You don’t understand.”
“You want her, Jake. I can see it when you say her name.”
“She’s my best friend,” Jake bit out.
“And I don’t doubt she is, but you want her.”
Jake growled, “And you’re saying I want you, too? Is that what you’re saying?”
Border tilted his head. “Do you?”
“Fuck you, Border. You can’t come here and change who I am. You can’t just mess everything up.”
“Things seemed to be falling apart already without me.” He was being an asshole, he knew it. But if he didn’t force Jake to face his thoughts and fears, there would be no moving on.
“Fuck. You.”
The fist to the jaw shouldn’t have surprised Border, but it did. His head shot back, and he winced, rubbing a hand over his chin where Jake had punched him.
“Feel better?” Border asked. He ran his tongue over his teeth to check if any had come loose. The damn man could hit hard.
Jake shook out his hand. “No. Your jaw is like granite.”
Border snorted. “Not so much, but thanks.”
“I don’t know what the hell I’m doing here,” Jake said after a moment. “And you being here isn’t helping.”
Something kicked Border in the chest, but he did his best not to show it. “You want me to go? I can. But I’m not leaving the city. We need to talk.”
“I thought we just did,” Jake snapped. “What the hell do you want, Border?”
“You,” he bit out then wanted to hit himself. Well, now there was no going back, even if he’d fucked it all up. “I want you, Jake.”
Jake went pale for a moment, and Border held back a sigh. Not the best reaction he could have hoped for when he told the man he wanted his feelings.
“I don’t know what I want, Border,” Jake whispered. “I…it’s been a long time.”
Border stood straight and moved toward the edge of the counter so he could give Jake some space. “I see.” And he did. He’d been gone too long, and he’d fucked up.
Jake reached out and gripped Border’s forearm. “No, you don’t see. I’m messing this up. You came back out of nowhere, but that’s not really the case, is it? You’ve always been here in some ways. You’ve been calling me off and on since you left.” Jake met Border’s eyes. “And I’ve needed those calls, Border. Even if they killed me.”
Border swallowed hard. “I needed them, too.” He closed his eyes. “But you need Maya, too.”
Jake pressed his lips together. “We’re friends.”
; “So were we,” Border countered. “Don’t lose out on her because you’re scared.”
“And what about you?” Jake asked, his voice low.
Border’s pulse beat in his ears, and he took a deep breath to try and control himself. That tingling thought in the back of his head came full center, and he wanted to call himself crazy. He hadn’t even met Maya yet, but he was about to do something monumentally stupid anyway.
“What about both of us?”
Jake froze, and Border didn’t know what to say next.
“What about both of us, what?” a voice asked from the living room.
Border turned at the woman’s words, and Jake cursed. The woman was drop-dead gorgeous. Sexy curves and an even sexier glare. Her black hair reached past her shoulders, and her bangs were cut across her forehead. She had a piercing in her brow, and ink all over her arms. Those blue eyes looked just like Storm’s.
“Maya,” Jake said softly. “How much did you hear?”
Maya Montgomery. This was the woman who held Jake’s heart, at least part of it. And Border had never felt so damn lucky or scared in his life.
“I don’t know what I heard, so why don’t you two enlighten me?”
Border sighed when Jake stood silent, his face stony as he tried to figure out what to say. “I’m Border,” he said finally. “You must be Maya Montgomery.”
Maya met Border’s gaze, and they both let out a little breath. “Good to meet you. I guess.”
He couldn’t help the smile on his face at her words. “I guess it’s good to meet you, too.”
“What are you doing here, Maya?” Jake asked finally and then cursed again. “I mean, fuck.” He moved toward her then, and brought her into a hug, surprising Border and, apparently, Maya as well.
She patted him on the back awkwardly and frowned around his shoulder at Border. “Hi, there,” she said softly. “What’s going on, Jake?”
He shook his head, and Border leaned into the counter as he watched the two’s dynamics.
“I’m fucking everything up as usual,” Jake answered. “How are things with you?”
She blinked a couple of times before meeting Border’s gaze. “What is he talking about?”
Border shrugged. “He should be the one to talk about it with you.”
Maya turned to Jake expectedly.
Jake ran a hand over his face as he pulled back from Maya. “Border and I were just talking about what happened in the past.”
“You mean between you two and the fact that he left?” she asked, and it was then that Border knew Maya knew everything about him while he only knew some about her. Jake was a damn lucky man for having her in his life if she didn’t run away from what Border had done.
“That would be it,” Border replied. His phone buzzed, and he looked down at the incoming text. Alarm crawled up his spine, and he gritted his teeth. “I need to go.”
Jake frowned at him. “What do you mean? Don’t you think we need to talk?”
Border put his phone away and nodded. “I know we do, and we will when I get back, but it’s a work thing I can’t get out of.”
“What do you do for work?” Maya asked.
He met the woman’s eyes and felt a connection immediately. The type of connection he’d only felt with one other person in his life—Jake.
What the hell?
“I protect people,” he said finally. “And I need to go. But Maya, talk to him. Ask him what’s going on. You know my past with him. Ask him. And be open.” He didn’t know why he said that. But he did.
And with that, he picked up his keys off the counter and made his way to the couple. When he leaned forward and pressed his lips to Jake’s temple, the three of them froze.
He hadn’t meant to do it, but it had seemed as natural as breathing.
And then he surprised himself yet again when he did the same to Maya. “I’ll be back. Nice to meet you.”
He left them standing in the living room, staring at his back as he closed the door behind him. What the hell had he been thinking? What was he doing?
He wanted Jake. He’d always wanted him but had been too afraid to do anything about it. But he also wanted Maya to be with Jake because the damn woman made Jake happy. He had no idea what he would do next, or even if the choice was in his hands since he’d left the two of them alone.
Either way, something was going to change, something big, and he would have to put it aside so he could work on other things. Because someone needed him in order to stay alive, and there was no way he would lose another person because of his choices.
His heart ached at the thought of what he’d seen the last time he’d failed, and he pushed it away. He wouldn’t fail. He wouldn’t lose this one.
And he wouldn’t lose Jake. Not again.
And as for Maya? Well, he’d figure that out, as well.
The hair on the back of his neck stood on end as he got in his truck. He held back a curse.
It felt like he was being watched, like someone had eyes on him. But he couldn’t afford to let on that he might be feeling that. Because if he did, Jake or Maya could get hurt. And that was the last thing he wanted.
He might not know what he wanted when it came to the man in that home and the woman at his side, but Border knew he had to push it away to deal with the concrete objectives that lay before him.
And the first thing he had to do was make sure that Jake—and Maya—were safe.
He started his truck and pulled out of the driveway, praying whoever might be watching him would follow. Border might not be able to stay at Jake’s anymore if this kept up.
Or Border was losing his damn mind and being overly paranoid. Either way, he had a job to do, and someone to take care of.
And when he got back to the house?
Well, he’d figure out the next step then. Because there was no way things would go back to normal now. They couldn’t.
And Border couldn’t help but feel the first sprigs of hope deep inside, even as they wound themselves around the dread and worry that plagued him. Things were changing, and he would have to latch on and ride it out.
Again.
Chapter Seven
Jake was going to lose his damn mind. That is, if he hadn’t already lost it. He had no idea what had just gone on in the kitchen with Border, and even less of a clue what had happened in the living room. But either way, he now stood next to Maya with his hands awkwardly in his pockets as he tried to think of what to say.
Apparently, he wasn’t as witty as he thought he was because he couldn’t come up with a damn thing to break the tension.
Maya stared at him, confusion in her gaze, before leaving him standing alone. She went into the kitchen and flipped off the chili on the stove.
“I’m going to guess this is Border’s since you don’t know how to make chili.”
Jake let out a relieved breath. He could talk about chili. That was a good place to start. “I can cook.”
Maya raised a brow at him, that damn sexy piercing glinting in the light. “I didn’t say you couldn’t. I’m saying you don’t know how to make chili.” She leaned over the stove and inhaled. “Smells good.”
She covered the pot and set it off the burner before leaning back against the counter and folding her arms over her chest.
“So, you going to tell me what just happened? Because I’m confused as hell.”
Jake leaned against the breakfast counter so he was directly across from her but not exactly touching.
“I have no idea what just happened.”
“You’re lying,” Maya said smoothly. “And you know I don’t like liars. So why don’t you tell me what was going on in the kitchen before I showed up. Tell me why your hand is red and Border’s jaw looked like someone had recently hit it. Tell me why you hugged me like you did when I showed up. Why Border kissed each of us. And what you both meant about having us both, or whatever you said when I walked in. How does that sound to you?”
She tilted her he
ad at him, looking sexy as hell. He’d done his best for far too long to forget how sexy she was in general. Every once in a while, he’d remember the way she’d danced that night, the way she’d looked on her knees in front of him. He’d even remember laughing because of her love of good oral and how serious she had been when she’d said it. He remembered all of it, though he’d done all he could to forget.
They were friends, the best of friends, and that worked because they didn’t cross those boundaries. But now, now he couldn’t see where one line crossed another, he could only see her.
And Border.
And that confused him all to hell.
“Border is back in town,” Jake began.
Maya blinked at him slowly. “I got that part.”
“He’s back because he wants this to be his home.”
Her eyes widened then. “You mean he wants to move in here permanently?”
He shook his head. “No, I don’t think so anyway. I mean he wants to make Denver home. He’s staying here because I told him to while he figures out the next step. Only I think the next step is more than just what house he’s going to choose.”
Maya reached out for him then pulled away. He didn’t like seeing her so uncertain, so unlike the Maya he knew. It was his fault, of course. He was slowly changing the game, and yet not letting her in on the change itself.
“He told me why he left, the whole of it. How he was afraid his dad was going to kill me because of what we were to each other.” He paused. “Though I don’t think even we knew at the time what we were to each other.”
Maya let out a breath and moved forward then. She put her hands on his arms and looked into his eyes. “And what were you to each other?”
“I loved him, Maya,” he said softly. He’d always been honest with her about everything but what he’d truly felt for her when he’d seen her at Montgomery Ink for the first time. He wouldn’t lie about this, not when it seemed so important. This was one of those moments where it could, and would, change everything. It couldn’t be based on lies. Jake knew that much.
Maya pressed her lips together.
“And he loved me,” he added softly. “And we threw it all away because we were young and afraid to admit what we felt.” And here he was, years older, and still so freaking afraid.
Ink Enduring (Montgomery Ink #5) Page 8
