by Alice Raine
Unfortunately, the next hour didn’t make comfortable reading. At all. It seemed from all I’d read that as a youngster Sean had used his success to gain film roles and sexual conquests, being the cheeky chap around town and making the most of his fame by bedding a string of beautiful young actresses along the way. Since his return to Hollywood his reputation hadn’t improved much, with him described as being moody and unpredictable, with a fiery temper and tendency to lock himself away as a virtual recluse. Depressingly, it all seemed to ring true. Stupidly, I’d been hoping that underneath his prickly veneer there might be a light-hearted guy waiting to burst free, but it looked like I was going to be sorely disappointed.
As I read on, things only got worse. Most of the gossip pages I read painted images of him as not just a cheeky chap trying his luck, but a bad boy when on location, with rumours that he’d bedded many, if not all, of his leading ladies. Depressingly, it even said that during his absence from the spotlight he had maintained this habit, attending celebrity parties and events and leaving a trail of broken hearts behind him after using them and coldly casting them aside. Hmm. Perhaps this was what he’d been referring to earlier when he’d said it was nice that I hadn’t been judgemental of him. I certainly would have been if I had known all of these depressing morsels.
A lump the size of a tennis ball seemed to lodge itself in my throat as I grimaced and tried to absorb this thoroughly depressing news. Looking up to the television screen, I saw Sean’s young, handsome face intently concentrating on defusing a bomb and realised with a pang of shame-laced anger that I was no different to every other woman in his life. He had used me for sex, and as soon as the snow was gone I too would be cast aside and forgotten. It was as plain, simple, and depressing as that.
Mind you, I could have said no during either of our encounters but I hadn’t, so really, I was no better. I’d slept with him before I even knew his name, for goodness’ sake, it was hardly like I’d been expecting a long-term relationship to blossom from it. Just as well, because seeing who Sean was, that clearly would never have been an option. This thing between us, whatever it was, would be done and dusted in a few days. The confusing thing was the accompanying sadness I felt at this realisation – this should have been a short, snowbound fling. There was no way I should have allowed myself to get even marginally attached to him.
Sighing, I closed the celebrity gossip pages and went back to my initial search results skimming the titles to see if anything caught my eye. My gaze paused when I saw the word ‘Tragedy’ and I instinctively found myself clicking the link. As the page opened it became obvious that it was an old news story from the period where Sean had been playing the lead in the series of action movies that had gone on to make him really famous. The article stated that his girlfriend at the time had been Elena Bortsova, a pretty Russian model, pictured with Sean. My lips curled fondly as I looked at the photo; this was more like the Sean I recognised from my teen years – he looked almost baby-faced, his manly chin less defined and his forehead free of the scowl I had become used to in the last few days, because for a change he was actually smiling. My eyes left the picture of Sean and drifted to Elena. She was utterly stunning, with long, black hair, perfect skin, and vivid green, almost cat-like eyes. It was easy to see how she had gotten her career.
Reading the article, I found myself leaning forward in interest as a frown creased my brow. Blimey, Sean’s past was horrific– apparently Sean and Elena had been on holiday together in Greece when she’d been in a snorkelling accident and a boat’s propeller had caught and killed her almost instantly. Blinking in shock, I sat for a second, staring again at the photograph of her. A beautiful girl dead before she’d even reached twenty-five.
Shaking my head sadly I finished reading the article, which said that Sean had never forgiven himself for not going on the snorkelling trip that day, and hadn’t officially ‘dated’ anyone since.
Wow. Talk about an eye-opener. The date of the accident was given as nearly thirteen years ago … had he really never dated anyone in all that time? Biting my lip, I sat back and frowned as my mind went into overdrive. My eyes suddenly narrowed as my brain tried to put together several pieces of information. The Wikipedia page said he’d come back to acting three years ago after a ten-year break. Even my terrible mental arithmetic could add those two totals together to get thirteen. So the accident had happened thirteen years ago, and so had the start of Sean’s career break? Her death must surely be the reason he had dropped so suddenly from the Hollywood scene then? It seemed too great a coincidence for the two not to have been linked. If he had loved Elena and she had died so tragically and suddenly, I suppose it would certainly go a long way to explaining his break, and why he was always so miserable. Perhaps his reluctance to forgive himself also explained his casual attitude to the women he supposedly bedded?
Running a hand through my hair I flipped the long tresses over my shoulder and pursed my lips. Who knew what went on inside that complicated mind of his? Certainly not me, that was for sure. He’d thrown me into a tailspin from the minute I’d met him, and now, after spending several days cooped up together I still felt like I was plummeting to the ground at full speed whenever he was around.
Taking a break from my search, I placed the laptop on the coffee table and sat back to watch the end of the film. It was actually very good – action packed with a great storyline – but I found I just couldn’t enjoy it, not when my mind was preoccupied with Sean and his dark moods. Although God knows why I bothered – he clearly wasn’t interested in me for anything other than food and sex.
TEN
Allie
At the precise moment that the credits began to roll, I heard the door behind me squeak, and turned my head to see Sean entering the room. He glanced briefly in my direction, then lowered his head and moved to loiter by the large windows, his back still to me as he stood watching the snow fall with his hands rammed deep into his jean pockets.
My eyebrows rose in surprise at his near-perfect timing and I wondered if he had secretly been watching me and waiting for the film to finish. I quickly pushed such a stupid idea away with a dismissive grunt – this man was in no way organising his daily schedule around me, of that much I was almost certain.
I was getting quite familiar with the sensations that coursed through my body whenever Sean was near – the tingling hairs on my arms, thumping pulse, flushed skin, and rush of blood to my core as my arousal peaked – but familiarity didn’t make it any easier to deal with. Especially when I had the view of his fine bum teasing me just a few feet away.
Standing up with a sigh, I decided to escape to the kitchen for a coffee refill, but almost as soon as I moved, Sean turned and stared at me with those intense blue eyes of his, causing me to stumble to a standstill just a few steps in front of him. Swallowing loudly, I internally kicked myself for letting our eyes connect. That had been my mistake, because his gaze just seemed to somehow hold me captive.
He might be a movie star, and probably the most magnetically attractive person I had ever met, but after my depressing readings about his endless string of sexual conquests I decided that I needed to firmly keep my distance from now on. Having unplanned sex with him in the heat of the moment was one thing, but I was way too attracted to him to let it continue without putting my heart in serious danger.
Upping my resistance to the next level, I straightened my back and drew in a fortifying breath. It couldn’t snow for much longer, so I’d just have to return to avoidance until I could escape. Not having to speak to him would help too, because that way I wouldn’t have to hear his lovely raspy tones. Unless he started a conversation, of course, then I’d have to reply because I was a bit too polite to go for out-and-out ignoring.
With my plan set I ripped my gaze from his – an action that almost seemed to cause a physical pain in my chest – and turned towards the kitchen door. However, before I could take any further steps, Sean swiftly sidestepped so he was in front of me,
blocking my path with his huge body and captured my shoulder with a surprisingly gentle grip. Instantly, fire seemed to spread across my skin from his point of contact, weakening both my knees and my resolve to stay away from him, and I inwardly groaned as I desperately fought with my body’s warring emotions.
‘Did you enjoy the film?’ he asked softly, tipping his chin towards the TV as his hand left my shoulder to reach up and stroke some stray hairs away from my face.
Shattered. That was the only word I could think of that adequately described what his touch did to my common sense. One brush of skin and I melted like some pathetic loser. As his fingertips touched my cheek again, I found my head marginally leaning in to his touch and only barely managed to hold back the groan of pleasure rising in my throat. If only he was always as soft and caring as this. Although, ironically, I recognised that I would actually rather miss his domineering side if it disappeared altogether.
His almost sweet gesture simultaneously made me feel like yelling at him, throwing myself at him, and melting into a pool of hormones on the carpeted floor. Physical contact from this man was going to be the death of me, but I did my best to rein in my rampaging libido and try to look unaffected as I took a marginal step backwards but failed to dislodge his hand. He was so bloody confusing, and movie star or not, I’d quite frankly had enough of his cold shoulder and bizarre mood swings over the past few days, so I stiffened and forced my face to look neutral.
‘The film was fine,’ I said blandly, trying to ignore the way his fingers had lingered on my cheek and felt as if they were searing into my skin.
‘Just fine? It got three Oscar nominations,’ he joked lightly, and my eyes shot to his face at the sound of a small chuckle leaving his throat. A smile, oh my God, Sean was actually smiling. It was only a small one, but in the flesh it was so much better than it had been on the television screen and my heart leapt into gear. The expression warmed his entire face, and was almost charmingly boyish, causing a small dimple to appear in his cheek that I instantly wanted to caress.
As lovely as his smile was, it was all coming a bit late for me, and I just found this new side of him ramping up my annoyance as I shook my head while letting out a heavy sigh. ‘I’m getting a headache trying to keep up with your mood swings, Sean. One minute you can’t stand me, the next you’re all over me. I feel like my head’s going to explode.’
After a brief pause where he almost looked genuinely regretful, his new, half-amused expression and dimple were back. I couldn’t decide if I liked it or not. As appealing as he looked with the smile and little creases at the corners of his eyes, it seemed fake or forced. Staring at me intently, his lips twitched in amusement again.
‘Am I keeping you on your toes?’ he murmured. Keeping me on my toes? A bubble of annoyance expanded in my chest before swiftly exploding as his comment sunk in. The arrogant arse! How dare he play with my emotions like this, how bloody dare he? Finally getting up my resolve to break the physical link between us I shoved his hand away from my face, ignoring the sense of loss that hit me as our contact was severed.
‘You’re such an arsehole, Sean,’ I whispered, shaking my head before stomping past him into the kitchen.
Making it to the safety of the empty room, I sagged against a counter, my trembling fingers clutching at the cool marble as my ears remained alert and on guard in case he followed me. After a minute had passed I decided that I was safe – for now – and tipped my head back from the stress of it all as my eyes fluttered shut. Holy shit. Talk about intense. My entire body was vibrating with a confusing mix of anger, lust, annoyance, and attraction.
I couldn’t decide if this new, jokey, talking Sean was a better option than Mr Mean and Moody who never said a word to me and then randomly jumped my bones when he got the opportunity. God, what a mess.
Pulling in a long, wobbly breath I decided against more coffee and moved to the sink to get some water instead. Turning on the tap I tested the water temperature with my finger and while feeling distinctly numb, I filled a glass and took a few shaky sips until I felt more controlled. I could do this. I’d just managed to channel my inner confidence enough to knock his hand and walk away from him, so I could do it again. I nodded decisively, and decided to get my laptop and retreat to the safety of my room.
With one more sip of water, I placed the glass down, straightened my posture, and walked back into the lounge hoping I could grab my computer and get out quick. I might be channelling my inner beast, but hiding in my room was still an easier option than sharing the same breathing space as Sean, even if it was decidedly gutless.
My eyes immediately located Sean, who was now standing beside the sofa, still with his hands buried in his pockets but now with a slight slump to his usually proud shoulders. His eyes flashed to mine, looking a million miles away from the jokey man he’d been a few minutes ago, before turning away and seeming to focus on the coffee table again. Letting out the most almighty sigh, Sean’s knees suddenly seemed to buckle as his six foot something frame sank down onto the soft leather sofa in a rushed heap. What on earth was wrong with him?
‘You’re right, I am an arsehole.’ He dropped his head into his hands and rubbed his face. I was so shocked to see him crumple that I forgot all about my plan to escape back to my room. This wasn’t how I’d expected things to go at all. Where was the cocksure, moody man I had become used to?
Unsure of how to respond, I stayed at a distance, running a hand nervously through my hair and moving to the bar area, where I rested myself on one of the tall stools and watched him carefully.
‘You don’t even know the half of it,’ he said thickly, indicating my laptop screen with a jerk of his chin. As my eyes followed his gesture I realised to my utter horror that my search about Sean’s relationship with Elena was still on the screen.
Shit, shit, shit!
Cringing at being caught in my blatant snooping, I felt my cheeks begin to burn as I frantically tried, and failed, to think of a suitable excuse. Whichever way I thought about it, there was no excuse for that article about him being on my laptop. Bugger.
‘I … um … I didn’t mean to pry …’ Which was obviously a lie, because if I hadn’t wanted to pry, I wouldn’t have been searching about him on the sodding internet. This was awkward. I couldn’t believe I’d left my laptop lying around in his house like that – I was such an idiot sometimes. ‘I was just curious about you … and that came up. I’m sorry.’ I stumbled over my words, completely mortified to be caught looking into his private life like some stalker fangirl.
‘Not as sorry as I am.’ For a second, I thought he meant that he was angry at my snooping, but as he turned his head towards me I saw Sean’s frown line was the deepest I’d ever seen it, making him look far older than his years as his face contorted with pain so palpable that I felt the urge to go and comfort him.
As I held my ground on the stool, our eyes met as Sean started yet another round of our mutual staring. This seemed to happen so frequently that it was almost becoming our ‘thing’. A heavy, tense silence hung between us as his eyes burned into mine, before he finally shook his head and observed me thoughtfully.
‘I don’t know what it is about you, Allie, I barely know you … but you … you make me feel like I can open up. I’m starting to want things with you that I haven’t allowed myself to want for a very long time.’ Behind my ribs, a small explosion of happiness burst from my heart as it fluttered with hope, my chest expanding with the idea that perhaps Sean also felt this incredible connection between us. Could it really be possible?
Just before I did something stupid like throw myself into his arms, I thought it through again and brought myself harshly crashing back to earth. What the hell was I doing indulging my fantastical imagination where Sean Phillips was concerned? I’d literally just read about the string of women he had bedded and discarded – the very long string of women he had bedded and discarded. Was I completely stupid? This regretful, puppy-dog eyed, sympathy act was n
o doubt a strategy he had used on countless girls before.
‘Oh, really?’ I said, raising an eyebrow sarcastically and refusing to let myself fall for his smooth lines. He might be stunningly handsome and amazing at all things sexual – OK, really amazing – but I was savvier than that, and regardless of how much I was drawn to him, I would not allow myself to be added to his list of conquests. Well, not again, anyway.
Seeing my casual brush-off, Sean looked momentarily shocked, before frowning, standing, and turning his body in my direction. It looked like he was about to charge across the room and melt my defiance with some of his magical touch, but instead, both of his hands shot to his hair and ran through the dark locks until it was well and truly messed-up. Suddenly looking at me with oddly alert eyes, Sean rolled his neck and began to walk toward me, every one of his long, sure strides raising my defences until he was right before me and I was bristling with panicked awareness.
What was it with him and ignoring the usual etiquette of personal space? Could it be that he just couldn’t help himself because he felt the odd magnetism between us too? Oh God, I’d never had so many conversations running through my brain at once – this man well and truly scrambled my usually logical thoughts. Once again his close presence set my body on fire and melted any vague resistance I might have to him. I drew in a shaky breath, desperately trying to cling to the last threads of my composure and not throw myself at him like I wanted to.
‘I can see why you wouldn’t believe me …’ Sighing as if he had the weight of the world on his shoulders, Sean shook his head as a torrent of emotions seemed to play across his troubled face. ‘It’s just difficult for me to explain.’
He stared at me for what seemed like an eternity, his eyes trying to convey some message to me that I was completely unable to decipher. As I sat there with my emotions on a full spin cycle, Sean must have opened and closed his mouth at least six times, on each occasion closing his eyes and clenching his teeth together as he went to speak, as if whatever it was he wanted to say was too painful or too difficult to vocalise.
