by Alice Raine
‘I feel awful, still to this day I blame myself for her death. If I’d been there I would never have let her go near the propeller, but instead I was balls deep and screwing some waitress.’
Gulping down my shock at his blunt honesty, I swallowed the huge lump that had formed in my throat and hesitated, completely unsure as to what to say or do. As irrational and insensitive as it was, I initially felt a pang of jealousy, but had to forcefully push that aside and consider how to respond. His girlfriend had died, for goodness’ sake, I needed to get a grip on my emotions, not turn into some nutty green-eyed monster over some waitress.
It turned out I didn’t have to say anything, because after drawing in a long breath, Sean continued, his voice low and rough. ‘Elena and I had met on a film shoot and both being single we had ended up fooling around a bit – we weren’t ever officially dating, even though the press declared us as an item, but we were filming together for months and hooked up every now and then. I suppose it was kind of a friends with benefits set up.’
Reaching up, he ran a hand through his hair in apparent agitation, scratching so hard at his scalp that I heard his nails dragging through the skin and winced before reaching over and taking his hand in mine, pulling it away from damaging himself further and interlocking our fingers. I don’t know what prompted me to do it, but Sean paused, staring in apparent wonder at our joined hands for an age before licking his lips, looking briefly at me, and continuing.
‘The day of the snorkelling trip, I’d been chatting to a pretty waitress at breakfast. She knew I was part of the acting team staying at the hotel and made it perfectly clear that I could have her if I wanted. I’ll be honest, the prospect of a hot blonde in my bed beat a snorkelling trip hands down. That’s why I wasn’t there to help Elena. Perhaps it would still have happened, who knows, but I felt like utter shit. I’ve never dated properly since in case I fail like that again.’
Wow, so the speculation in that article I’d read really was true, Sean hadn’t dated again since Elena. As traumatising as this conversation was, I couldn’t help but wonder what Sean had done instead of dating, because he certainly wasn’t lacking skills in the bedroom department. As much as I didn’t want to think about it, that must be where the string of devastated women came into play – he didn’t date, but he did fuck around. How depressing.
My gloomy thoughts made my body go limp in his arms, something Sean obviously picked up on, because he then rolled me backwards and manoeuvred himself so he was hovering over me, his blue eyes troubled but intense as they connected with mine.
‘You need to understand that I’ve changed Allie. I was young and stupid back then. I had just turned twenty-five and was living in a dream. I took everything for granted; my career had practically fallen into my lap, and with it had come a life of excess. Women, drugs, drink, you name it I was offered it.’ Sean paused looking thoroughly ashamed of himself, his cheeks flushing red as he nervously chewed on his lip. ‘Elena and I both saw other people, it wasn’t technically like I cheated on her because we weren’t together. I swear I’m not like that now, Allie.’ I hadn’t meant to look sceptical, but I wasn’t born yesterday; he was a Hollywood actor with looks to die for and a track record of being a heartbreaker, so his claims seemed fairly weak to me.
Blinking rapidly, he licked his lips and sighed. ‘I’ll be completely honest with you, after the accident I went even more off the rails for a few years. I walked away from acting, shut out my family and began drinking heavily and sleeping around in the hopes that it might help to dull the guilt.’
Ugh. The thought of a younger Sean on a reckless bender of women and booze was not a pleasant one, and I winced as various images of him developing his sexual skills with a flow of different women flooded my mind. I felt my earlier feelings of sickness returning with a vengeance and had to swallow hard to stop from gagging. ‘What about now?’ I asked softly, needing to know but dreading the answer.
He looked a little embarrassed by my question, his cheeks flushing as he pursed his lips again.
‘That phase only lasted a year, thankfully my sister Evie hadn’t given up on me and managed to talk some sense into me and make me see how awful my lifestyle choices were.’ He gave a dry, humourless laugh. ‘She locked me in her house in Ireland for six entire months. Six,’ he emphasised, his eyes wide. ‘It was like her own version of rehab, and at the time, my own version of hell.’ Shaking his head he smiled fondly and then nodded. ‘I owe her a lot.’ Sobering his expression he looked me directly in the eye. ‘Actually, I probably owe Evie my life.’
Wow. What an incredible woman, I’d like to meet her and thank her for believing in her brother when no one else did. Rolling his neck until it gave an actual pop, Sean sighed. ‘As for now? I don’t drink spirits any more. Just wine occasionally, and it never causes any issues. And with regards to women? I’m only human, Allie, I have physical needs just like everyone else,’ he whispered. ‘As much as I might have avoided formal dating over the years I do occasionally indulge myself with a short fling here or there.’ So I was a short fling? An indulgence? His words felt like they’d pierced me straight through the heart – it was what I’d expected, but not what I’d wanted to hear.
‘As I said, I’ve been too scared to form emotional attachments in case I let someone down, but Hollywood is a strange place. There are always actresses or crew members to be found who are happy to have a no-strings attached, one-night stand, so that’s what I’ve done over the years. Always with women who wanted the same thing, only ever for one night with the same person, and never resulting in any broken hearts.’
Only ever for one night? He’d slept with me more than once … did that mean something? Or was it more out of convenience because I was here and we were stuck together?
This was really unpleasant to listen to. I might be the one currently pressed up against his gloriously naked body, but it seemed that I was far from in the minority in that experience, and a small irritated huff of air left my lungs. ‘I’m sorry, but I’m just being truthful with you, Allie. If it makes you feel any better, I hadn’t slept with a woman in over a year before I met you.’ Narrowing his eyes, he cocked his head as he thought and then shook his head, ‘Actually, more like two years. As I’ve got older I’ve gotten sick of the emotionless sex so gave it up in favour of my own right hand. I’m sure you’re sceptical, but believe me, it’s true.’
As incredible as it seemed, I did believe him. I had no reason not to, after all – he could have hidden his past from me, but he had openly admitted that he’d been a player and a drinker. Besides, he might be an actor, and a very good one at that, but I highly doubted he was faking; his eyes were glazed and sincere, and the look of utter desolation on his face when he’d been taking about Elena had been so real that my own eyes had begun to sting with unshed tears.
Nodding my head, I found myself biting the inside of my cheeks to try and stop myself getting too carried away and blurting out more than he would want to hear. ‘I believe you,’ I whispered simply, instinctively pushing myself up so I could place a quick peck on his lips. Raising one hand, I stroked his stubbly cheek and shook my head. ‘The accident wasn’t your fault, Sean, you need to forgive yourself. It was a horrible, horrible thing, but it could have happened regardless of whether you were there or not.’
I watched as he squeezed his eyes shut tight, and felt a share of his pain settle in my own chest. ‘Maybe.’ His eyes opened, pupils dilating as he stared at me, his gaze softening along with the tenseness that he had been holding in his jaw. Stroking my cheek, a small smile curled his mouth that was so sweet it made my heart flutter wildly.
‘I’ve avoided relationships, but I was attracted to you instantly. As crazy as this sounds, Allie, as soon as we met I felt a connection with you that I haven’t ever felt before, and that terrified me.’ Pausing, he pursed his lips and I couldn’t help but follow his movements with my eyes. ‘I hope this goes a little way to explaining why I was so brusq
ue with you at first. I was doing the only thing I could think of to keep you at a distance. It was a shitty thing to do and I’m so, so sorry for the way I treated you. But my self-control failed miserably and attraction won out.’ My self-control had been pretty pathetic too, I thought with a smile. ‘I’m really glad that it did though,’ he finished with a shy smile. I knew exactly what he meant, because I had done my own share of attempting to deny the connection between us only to fail miserably and melt into his hands.
‘I felt it too, Sean. I mean, I still do, but on that first day it nearly knocked me down with the power of it. It’s crazy.’
‘It is, crazy and wonderful,’ he admitted, smiling and looking incredibly pleased by my admission before he swallowed loudly and the smile fell from his face. ‘I … I don’t want to let you down like that again, Allie. I couldn’t bear that. I need to keep you safe.’
Wow. He looked completely serious and was almost talking as if this was a long-term relationship and not just a few-day fling. No matter how much I wished that would be the case, I didn’t let myself get too caught up in his words. He was full of emotion at the moment, his memories of Elena no doubt affecting his words, so I didn’t pass comment, instead just nodded at him.
Letting out a long breath as if finally releasing some small fragment of his past, Sean lowered his forehead onto mine, closed his eyes, and simply seemed to breathe me in for a few minutes.
Finally blinking those gorgeous big blues of his, he rubbed our noses together and placed a soft kiss on my lips. ‘Thank you for listening and not judging. It means more to me than you can imagine,’ he murmured, before flopping onto his side and pulling me into his arms for a crushing hug. His cuddle this time had nothing at all to do with sex. It wasn’t even a prelude to something naughty, but to me, the minutes spent in his arms were some of the best of my life so far. Perhaps this Christmas would be a good one after all.
ELEVEN
Allie
Christmas Day morning literally couldn’t have started off in a better way. First, I woke up snuggled against Sean’s side with his arm wrapped around me as he possessively held on to me in his sleep again – how he managed to grip me so firmly and still sleep I had no idea – which made me grin as broadly as a Cheshire cat. Then, after drifting back to sleep for a while, I was woken by the confusing sensation of a delicious warmth travelling up my leg from my knee to my inner thigh.
As well as warm, my leg felt a bit wet, and I squirmed as I tried to work out what on earth was going on. Blinking several times, I began to properly wake up and glanced down to see a large lump in the duvet between my thighs, which appeared to be the cause of my warm, wet wake-up.
After wafting the duvet, I got a brief glimpse of Sean’s dark hair by my stomach, before the covers were pulled down from my grip which left me lying there at his mercy as Sean continued his onslaught under the covers. I couldn’t feel any other part of him touching me, so it was just Sean’s warm, wet mouth that continued with the teasing as he gave me a morning welcome by exploring what seemed like every inch of my skin with his lips and tongue.
Giggling at the ticklish sensation as he nibbled by my knee, I tried to squirm away from his teasing exploration, only to hear a low warning growl before Sean pinned me to the bed more firmly with his hands. ‘Stay still, my gorgeous girl, or I’ll stop,’ he mumbled from within his duvet cocoon, and even with the muffling effect of the quilt I could hear the edge of demand in his voice. What he was doing felt amazing and I didn’t want him to stop – obviously – so I did as commanded and calmed my wriggling body, which caused him to let out a happy little sigh before continuing.
This happened several times, because no matter how much I knew he wanted me to stay still, there was only so much of his talented tongue I could take before I lost control and either gripped his head or flailed below him. Every single time he would stop, demand that I lie still, and only continue when I had obeyed him.
His self-control really was enviable, because mine was quickly fraying at the edges from his delicious torture as I climbed closer and closer towards the peak I so desperately craved, only for him to stop every single time I was about to come.
Eventually, after what seemed like hours of his incredible torment, Sean’s hands and tongue left my skin and I watched as the duvet formed an even larger lump as he obviously sat up on his knees. Hearing the rip of a condom packet I experienced several seconds of almost unbearable anticipation before I felt his hot, hard frame crawling up my body.
His stunning face emerged from below the covers with flushed cheeks, ruffled hair, and a thoroughly wicked twinkle in his blue eyes which I couldn’t help but grin at in delight. He looked the happiest I had ever seen him.
‘Merry Christmas, Allie,’ he murmured as he shifted to his elbows, aligned his shaft with my entrance, and pushed himself inside me in one firm thrust.
He went so deep so quickly that my first Christmas greeting to him was a soft swear word at the suddenness of his intrusion, but then recovering myself with a gasp, I managed to shift slightly to accommodate his size and smile shyly up at him. ‘Merry Christmas, Sean.’
Our rhythm was slow, relaxed, and exactly what I craved this morning. After a particularly barren spell in the sex department over the last few years I was surprised that all this sudden usage hadn’t left me sorer, but surprisingly I was OK, and more than up for a Christmas round of naughtiness.
Pausing briefly as he hovered above me, Sean’s eyes locked on mine, his depths glimmering as a slight sheen of sweat built on his forehead. ‘You’re the best Christmas present ever,’ he murmured, before using his skilful hips to thrust smoothly in, rotate, and then pull out of me, making sure to hit all the right places, but at a tempo that while turning me on immensely, wasn’t quite fast enough to take me over the edge. He was proving to be a master tease this morning, and if he didn’t let me come soon I was fairly sure I would explode from delicious frustration.
But Sean didn’t let me come soon, instead continuing his teasing until I was so frantic that I gripped his shoulders and begged him to take me harder, a comment that should have left me feeling mortified but didn’t. That was the power he had – I had been reduced to desperate begging.
Seeming to enjoy my needy state, Sean grinned at first, looking mighty bloody smug, before his features softened and he nodded his compliance, hammering himself deeply inside me and causing us both to bark out noises of shock and pleasure. Taking me with more speed and force, he began to thrust deep and hard until our hips were banging together and our earlier gentle rhythm was well and truly forgotten.
Oh God. It was so good, so perfect. He was perfect. I would never get enough of him.
The sound of our pleasured moans and sweaty bodies moving against each other filled the still air around us, and after several more hard thrusts I came undone, screaming his name and gripping his back so hard that I no doubt left marks. With a throaty groan of approval, Sean bucked inside of me twice more before finding his own release and collapsing on top of me.
My arms dropped from his shoulders so they were flung above my head, Sean lay practically unconscious on my stomach and my body was still receiving lovely little aftershocks from my incredible orgasm. Wow. Best sex ever.
Upon recovering, Sean propped himself up above me with a smile, looking well and truly dishevelled. ‘Shower time,’ he murmured, practically leaping to his feet, scooping me into his arms, and striding towards the bathroom before I had even realised that I had left the cosy confines of the bed.
Not complaining about my positioning in his arms I rested my cheek on his chest and hummed my contentment. This was obviously more of the ‘caring’ that Sean had talked about yesterday, and I was happy to allow him his way. It seemed that today, instead of just a quick wipe down with a washcloth I’d be getting the full works in the shower.
Popping me on my feet beside the bath, he ducked his head and ran a cheeky swipe of his tongue across one of my sensitive nippl
es, which made me yelp and clutch at his hair. I couldn’t move back because I was trapped by the sink so I had little choice but to gasp and giggle as he repeated the same treatment to my other breast, his own laughter sending warm waves of breath across my tingling flesh, before finally leaving me be.
Lifting his head, Sean wiggled his eyebrows playfully and turned to sort out the shower temperature, leaving me standing on wobbly legs and grinning like a giddy schoolgirl. Turning towards the mirror, my eyebrows jumped to my scalp as I took in my wayward appearance; my cheeks were red, eyes shining, and my long hair was an absolute mess of tangles. I looked a complete state. Or perhaps ‘thoroughly well fucked’ would be a more appropriate description.
Satisfied with the water temperature, Sean ushered me under the soothing spray while he rooted around in the cupboard under the sink before producing two bottles and joining me.
Eyeing the white bottle in his hand I read the label and smiled – shampoo and conditioner. Perfect. And both of a brand that I recognised, unlike the masculine shampoo I’d found in the en-suite of my room. It was just what my poor bird’s nest of hair had been crying out for since I got stuck here. Seeing my pleased expression Sean shrugged, suddenly looking a bit self-conscious. ‘It’s not mine, my sister left some things for when she visits,’ he blurted. ‘But this is good for long hair, right?’
Nodding, I suddenly felt a bit overcome with emotion at just how thoughtful Sean was being, and found myself hiding my glassy eyes by leaning forwards and placing a quick kiss in the centre of his lovely chest. ‘It is. Exactly what I need to tame this wild mess,’ I murmured, trying, and failing, to run a hand through my tangled hair.
