by Alice Raine
‘I’m hardly the best person to give advice on contraception, am I?’ Cait chuckled, seemingly unfazed by the conversation. Bless her. I totally understood her caginess about dating again, but I also knew that I would hate to live an eternal life of spinsterhood like she was. I was independent and loved my life, but the excitement that meeting Sean had brought to it was indescribable. It made me sad to think that my friend would never allow herself to risk experiencing those types of feelings again.
I also noticed that she didn’t dig for any details about why or how I had come to need the morning after pill, which was the typically sweet type of thing that Cait would do. ‘What about Sarah? Is she around?’
Absently twirling some hair around my finger, I shrugged. ‘I don’t know, it’s only ten past five here, so I doubt it.’ I’d phoned Cait first because even though all three of us were besties, Cait and I had an especially close bond. But she was right, if anyone could give me advice on this subject, it was probably Sarah – she’d been a bit of a wild child as a teenager – so I’d probably have to wait a couple of hours and then give her a call.
Nodding, I watched as Cait narrowed her eyes and shook her head, ‘No … wait, it’s Monday with you already, isn’t it? She had that early contract at the school for half-term so she should be up and at work already. Hang on, let me try adding her to the call.’ I watched as Cait’s finger appeared in the video feed as she tapped a few buttons on her phone.
‘I didn’t even know you could have more than one person on a call,’ I murmured in surprise.
‘Yep, it’s like a conference call … I’m just not sure if I can do it while I’m mid-call to you. Oh, wait, I think it’s working.’ Sure enough, a few seconds later my screen split in half, with Cait now on one side and the other half black.
There was a moment of silence, then a ringing tone and a loud huffing noise as Sarah answered, looking decidedly flustered and a little pink in the cheeks. ‘Morning. You two are up early.’
‘Hi, Sarah. It’s evening here, so technically I haven’t been to bed yet,’ Cait explained with a smile. ‘Our bestie has gotten herself into a bit of a pickle and we need your expertise.’
‘Oh?’ This seemed to get Sarah’s attention, and she rapidly seemed to stop whatever she was doing, push some wild strands of hair from her face, and stare into the screen at me expectantly.
‘Yeah, I … um … I need to get the morning after pill, but I’m freaking out about it. Can I just go to my regular GP or do I need a family planning clinic?’ I blurted. As I expected, Sarah’s eyes suddenly twinkled as she grinned at me, her interest in juicy gossip well and truly piqued by my confession.
‘What happened? A vigorous rumpy-pumpy with Sean split the condom, did it?’ I winced, mortified that I couldn’t even use that as the excuse.
‘Um … no, Sean was leaving to fly back to America yesterday and we sort of, uh, got a bit carried away with our goodbye.’
‘You didn’t even use a condom?’ Sarah’s eyes were wide, and I could tell she was bouncing up and down on her heels as she spoke – the gossip was out, and Sarah was clearly in her element. ‘Alexis Shaw, is this where I need to give you the talk about the birds and bees?’ she asked gleefully, causing me to glower at her. I hated when she used my full name.
‘Shut up, Sarah. I know I was stupid. I just got caught up in the moment.’
Tilting her head, she pursed her lips thoughtfully. ‘If I was banging a Hollywood superstar I think I’d probably get caught up in the moment too,’ Sarah agreed, nodding sagely, her face completely stoic and serious, causing both myself, and Cait, to splutter out a giggle almost hysterically. I might be laughing, but she was spot on the money. When it came to Sean, I had absolutely no self-control.
Blowing out a breath, I shrugged. ‘I’ve never had to get the morning after pill before. It’s embarrassing, I feel like some cheap slapper,’ I whined, sipping at my coffee to try and cover some of my mortification.
‘Are you saying I’m a cheap slapper then?’ Sarah asked in mock horror. ‘Because I’ve needed it twice in the past.’
Oops. I pursed my lips in a typical Sean gesture and winced – my words had probably come out wrong, but luckily I knew Sarah well enough to know she wouldn’t take offence. ‘You know that’s not what I meant.’
‘It’s fine. To be honest, I probably was a bit of a slapper back then,’ Sarah said with a wink. ‘Anyway, I need to get back to work. You can usually just get it from the chemist if you have a quick consultation with the pharmacist, or your GP, they’ll both be able to sort you out, and don’t panic, it happens all the time.’
Don’t panic? That was easier said than done, wasn’t it? I was a supposedly responsible woman, but had happily allowed my unprotected body to be impaled by my virile whirlwind of a man as he once again swept me up and consumed me before dumping a lovely hot load of sperm inside me. I gave myself a mental slap on the forehead before rolling my eyes. It certainly wouldn’t be happening again, that was for sure. Well, it might. I’d rather liked the feel of him skin on skin inside me, but I’d be protected next time because I planned on getting a new implant fitted pronto.
‘I’ll go to the GP then, that way I can book to have my implant renewed.’
‘Good idea. You could lie and say you were using a condom but it split,’ Cait added helpfully. I could tell from her smile that she was joking, but actually, it wasn’t a bad idea. It was certainly preferable to telling Dr Massey the embarrassing truth.
Four hours later and I was sitting in the small waiting room of my little doctors’ practice. It was times like this when I wished I lived down the road in Buxton, or was at least registered at one of the larger practices there, because explaining this situation to a stranger would be so much easier.
My eyes flicked around the room nervously as I chewed on the inside of my lip, once again cursing myself for my stupidity. Bloody men. They really got an easy ride in life, didn’t they? Apart from a few embarrassing erections during their teenage years, what did they really have to deal with later on? Nothing. That’s what. Whereas we woman had the joy of periods, the threat of pregnancy, embarrassing doctors’ visits when we had been a little careless in bed, and then nine months of being fat and swollen if we did actually decide to have babies. Not to mention giving birth, which looked like an absolute nightmare of stomach splitting gore and pain.
Wasn’t I in a fabulous mood today! An ironic chuckle left my lips at my internal feminist rantings and I picked up a magazine to pass the time until my name was called, which as it turned out, was only a few minutes.
Walking into Dr Massey’s room I saw her sat at her desk smiling at me, and nervously propped myself on the edge of the seat before returning her smile with a limp one of my own. Dr Massey was in her late fifties, with greying blonde, shoulder length hair, glasses, and a kind, reassuring look that immediately made me want to weep and apologise for my stupidly reckless behaviour.
‘Allie, how lovely to see you. It’s been quite a while, hasn’t it? How are you?’
‘Oh, I’m fine, how are you?’ I’m fine? Where had that come from? I was in the doctors’ surgery, speaking to the flipping doctor, of course I wasn’t fine. Idiot. I was so nervous I was spouting off random crap again.
‘Very well, thank you, pottering along as always,’ she replied cheerfully. ‘Now, I see you requested an emergency appointment this morning, so what can I help you with?’
Right, small talk was over. Time to get down to the gritty details. Wincing, I just couldn’t find the words to request the morning after pill, so instead I chickened out and went down a different route, even though I suspected that I knew the answer I’d get. ‘Um, I was wondering when my, uh, my … implant ran out?’ God, I couldn’t even bring myself to say the word ‘contraceptive’. I was such a chicken.
‘You have a contraceptive one?’ she asked with a mild frown as she turned to her computer screen.
‘Hmmm. Yes.’ I was now officially
redder than I had ever been in my entire life.
‘Well, let’s have a look …’ clicking her mouse a few times she then raised her eyebrows and looked at me with a surprised expression that I was fully expecting. ‘You had it done a little over four years ago, Allie, so you won’t have been covered for at least a year. Are you concerned you might be pregnant?’
‘God no!’ I replied instinctively before realising that, really, she wasn’t that far off the mark. ‘I mean, I don’t think I’m pregnant, I’ve been using contraception …’ Well, that was nearly the truth. I hadn’t been using contraception, but thankfully, Sean had been on the ball enough to remember it each time. Until yesterday of course.
‘… but I did, uh … well, we, I mean …’ My tongue was well and truly getting itself twisted now, so with a grimace I gave in and told a little white lie. ‘We had a bit of an accident yesterday …’
‘I see. Condom split?’ she asked knowingly, and like the complete lying wimp that I was, I simply nodded in reply.
‘It happens. Don’t look so mortified, Allie,’ she said with a smile as she tapped a few keys on her computer. ‘I assume you’re here to get it sorted with the morning after pill? Or are you wanting to discuss your options? Perhaps motherhood is calling?’ Motherhood? Options? As in taking my chances and seeing if I was pregnant? Babies? Now? God no. Not yet.
‘The first one, I’d like the morning after pill,’ I blurted, the words suddenly seeming far easier to say. ‘It’s still quite a new relationship and I don’t think either of us are ready to be parents just yet.’ Although Sean hadn’t looked nearly as petrified at the thought as I’d expected.
‘No problem. I’ll sort you out a prescription,’ she replied, tapping on her keyboard again. ‘I didn’t know you had a boyfriend,’ she mused. Neither did my mother, so I really hoped Dr Massey wouldn’t let anything slip at their next dinner party. With Sean and me keeping things on the quiet to avoid media attention at this early stage I hadn’t really told anyone except for Sarah and Cait, and they were sworn to secrecy on threat of death if they even so much as opened their mouths on the subject.
‘No … we’ve only been seeing each other since Christmas, so it’s still all quite new,’ I whispered, realising just how contradictory my words sounded – it was new, but clearly not new enough that I hadn’t let him poke his bits around inside me on a regular basis.
‘My lips are sealed,’ Dr Massey said, turning to me with a wink as if she had just read my mind. The relief was immediate and my shoulders slumped slightly as I let out a loud, long exhale. ‘Thanks. It’s just that it’s all quite new and you know what my mum’s like; she’ll get all excited and start planning a wedding if I so much as mention that I’m a relationship.’ She would as well. In fact, I was fairly sure she’d already bought a hat for the occasion, even though I’d never had a long enough relationship to warrant it.
Dr Massey actually chuckled. ‘Your mother can be a tad keen, yes,’ she agreed with a nod and a knowing smile. Lots of mothers dread being a young grandparent, don’t they? But my mum was fifty-one and couldn’t wait for me to start sprouting offspring. She’d told me numerous times that she wanted to be surrounded by grandchildren in her older years, and even went through a hideous Bridget Jones style period of trying to set me up on blind dates. I was only twenty-six, for goodness’ sake, hardly past it just yet. And as for the hordes of grandkids? She’d have to reign herself in a bit, because I was certainly not ready for that, as clearly proven by this trip to the doctor.
‘Now, if you are in a relationship but not wanting children, may I suggest that you get the implant done again, or perhaps consider a different form of contraception like the pill?’
That sounded a very sensible idea. Nodding my head keenly, I smiled. ‘Yes, please, that would be great.’
‘OK then.’ Fishing around in her desk drawer, Dr Massey pulled out a leaflet and spread it out before me. ‘So, do you have any preference?’ Scanning my eyes across the page I looked at the options. The pill would be OK, but I wasn’t the world’s most organised person, so I might forget to take it. I could get another implant, but what if I suddenly did want to have a baby before three years was up? Reading the information I immediately found my answer, as the leaflet stated that my menstrual cycle would return to normal if I chose to have the implant removed at any point. Not that I was considering babies with Sean in the near future, but it was always best to check these things out, wasn’t it?
Given the awkwardness of my current situation I was quite surprised when I found myself smiling. The cause of my amusement was the last line in the paragraph about the implant which stated: ‘The main benefit to the contraceptive implant is that it doesn’t require a daily dose and in no way interrupts sex. You can be as spontaneous as you like, with no awkward pauses and fumbling for a condom.’ Remembering back to Sean’s words yesterday as he’d lain there buried deep within me and whispered ‘I love being bare inside you,’ I flushed. Sean would absolutely love this method, then. Not to mention that he liked to jump me any place any time, so this would remove the need for him to carry condoms around with him. Yep, this was definitely the perfect option for us.
With a deep breath I looked up at Dr Massey. ‘I’ll go for the implant again.’
‘Spontaneous fella, is he?’ she asked with a secret smile that made me splutter and choke out a laugh at just how accurate she was.
‘You have no idea,’ I replied, as a matching smirk broke on my lips.
‘Right then, well, let’s sort you out with a prescription for the morning after pill.’ After tapping away on the computer for a few seconds, my prescription popped out of the printer and Dr Massey signed it and held it out to me. ‘It’s best not to get the new implant on the same day as taking this, so take this today and come back in later this week or next week for the new one to be fitted.’
Nodding my agreement, I took the paper from her hand. Seeing as it was my half-term I may as well get it done at the end of this week. ‘Thank you, I’ll make an appointment for Friday, would that be long enough?’
‘That would be fine. Let me see if Nurse Sheila is available today to remove the old implant.’ She paused to check the diary then looked across at me again. ‘OK once you leave me you can pop straight next door and Sheila can whip that old one out for you in a jiffy. Ask her to book you in for Friday.’ I stood to leave, but before I had even turned for the door Dr Massey stopped me again. ‘Oh, and you’ll need to use condoms in the meantime.’
‘It’s OK, he’s away with work for a while now so I won’t be seeing him for a bit.’ Stupidly, as I said the words my mind latched onto images of Sean and just how much I was going to miss him, and I felt a sudden rush of emotion sweep over me, making my eyes sting and my throat tight. Swallowing hard, I tried my best attempt at a smile. ‘Thanks for all your help, Dr Massey. Bye.’
With that, I left to get my old implant removed, which would involve having to get over my irrational dislike for needles, but perhaps would at least focus my mind away from wandering and depressing thoughts about Sean.
TWENTY-ONE
Allie
I was in the kitchen making my first coffee of the day. Probably the first of many, judging from the huge list of jobs I had to get through before school started back. Rays of sun were beginning to stream through the window, highlighting the specks of dust dancing in the air, and would soon be helping my aging central heating to take the chill from the early morning.
Cocking my head to the side, I listened for sound. Any sound. It was too quiet. I’d still not got used to Sean being gone, his size alone filled my small rooms, making the place seem busier, and he would sometimes hum when he was feeling particularly content – although when I commented on it he had looked embarrassed and denied it, so it was obviously a subconscious action. I wouldn’t mind hearing some of that humming this morning, because it was now day two and I was definitely having some serious withdrawal symptoms.
Yest
erday’s mortifying trip to the doctor meant that I had now taken the morning after pill – thankfully with no nasty side-effects – and in addition, was also booked in to have a shiny new implant buried in my arm on Friday morning. It was quite ironic, really. Soon I’d be able to have sex and not worry about the risk of pregnancy, but my boyfriend was over six thousand miles away and on a whole other continent. How frustratingly depressing.
As I waited for the percolator to finish with its bubbling and steaming, I thought over my first task of the day – lesson planning for the following week. I normally dreaded my planning days; they tended to be rather tedious and more for the benefit of the government than my actual students – but my Year Three class had recently started their new topic of the Roman invasion, a subject I also loved, so I was actually looking forward to sorting out the lessons.
I had just topped my large mug of coffee off with milk when I heard a strange warbling noise coming from the lounge – the sound of an incoming Skype call. There was only a handful of people who Skyped me: Cait, Sarah, and now Sean, so with an excited squeal I grabbed my cup and dashed through to the dining table and my laptop, thanking whatever forces had made me turn it on so early this morning.
The screen was flashing with a blue box and eight simple words: ‘Video call from Sean Phillips – accept or decline?’ which caused me to let out a delighted yelp. As if I would ever decline a call from Sean, I thought with a scoffed laugh as I settled on the dining chair, smoothed my wayward bed-hair and clicked ‘accept’.
