by Dana R. Lynn
Paul felt the sudden stabbing pain, then heard a shot from behind. Sharps slipped off Paul and onto the ground, screaming.
Shepherd had hit her target.
Too bad she was too late.
Paul felt himself topple over and was out before he hit the ground.
* * *
What was going on in there?
Irene paced, worrying her lower lip between her teeth. Paul had told her to run, so she had. She knew that the worst thing she could have done at a time like this would have been to stay and distract him and the other cops. Staying would have inhibited their ability to respond to the threat Sharps represented.
She knew that in her head, but in her heart, she felt she had abandoned Paul. The man who had stepped up to be her protector. The man who—and now she could admit it—she’d fallen in love with.
Something was wrong. She’d heard a shot, and there’d been screaming. Then another shot. Now the police officers around her were all converging on the building.
One phrase penetrated her mind. The chief’s been injured.
A dark chasm opened inside her. Paul had been hurt. She had no idea how bad. Was he even still alive? She tried to get to the building, but the officer at the door wouldn’t let her through.
“Sorry, Mrs. Martello,” the young woman said quietly. “This is a crime scene. And I can’t let you contaminate it.”
Irene stared at her. Even in her grief, she recognized a kindred soul. This woman had seen love and loss before. She understood. “Is he... I mean is Paul—”
She couldn’t say the words. They were too raw, would make it too real.
“No. He’s not dead. He’s been stabbed, and is losing a lot of blood. That’s all I can tell you.”
She hated it, but Irene had to be satisfied with that until the ambulance arrived. When it pulled up, Seth got out with Sydney. He squeezed her shoulder as they walked past. They seemed to be inside forever. When they exited, carrying Paul on a stretcher, she gasped. A dark stain had spread out across his shirt. His shoulder was covered with several layers of thick bandages. It must have been bleeding heavily. She knew her first aid. You apply bandages and pressure until the bleeding stopped. The ragged sound of his breathing was loud. Everyone was silent as he passed. His ashen complexion terrified her.
Tears ran down her face, but she ignored them. Her heart was breaking.
Not again. She thought she’d die from the pain of losing Tony. She couldn’t bear to lose Paul, too. Oh, why had she opened herself up to this kind of grief again?
She wished Jace were back. She could really use her big brother right about now.
She began to step toward the stretcher and was stopped by a hand touching her arm. Jackson stood beside her. She was aware of Dan Willis taking position on her other side. Other officers moved in every direction. Everyone was pale, their eyes as somber as she had ever seen them. Paul was a man who commanded great respect and affection in those who worked with him.
“Irene.”
She looked over at Dan.
“He needs to get to the hospital quickly,” Dan said.
“I’m going with him.” It wasn’t a question. She wouldn’t give way on this one. Not a chance. To her surprise, no one argued. Or maybe that was not surprising. They were very observant. No doubt, everyone knew that she was falling for the chief.
“I figured” was all Dan said. He helped her into the ambulance. She was aware dimly of the vehicle moving, its siren blaring, but her attention was focused on the dear man in front of her.
The ride to the hospital seemed to take forever. Irene held Paul’s hand in hers, eyes glued to his pale face. He stirred once, opening those deep, dark eyes to see her.
“Irene,” he murmured as his lids drifted shut again. “My Irene.”
Her throat constricted. In her mind, she replayed her memories of Paul. Paul laughing in high school. Paul charming as he flirted with her. Paul cold and distant as he avoided her after he left her at the dance. Paul standing up next to Jace on his wedding day. Paul holding her face as he kissed her. Was that really only last night?
So many memories in her life were centered around this man. The thought of him suddenly disappearing from her life was devastating. But, if he lived, she would always have the worry hanging over her that this could happen again. What if he got hurt? What if he didn’t come home? Maybe she’d been naive once, thinking such things didn’t happen in LaMar Pond. But she had seen too much in the past few years to believe that anymore.
They arrived at the hospital, and she walked beside the stretcher as it was brought in through the emergency room entrance. Then she was left behind as the man she loved was wheeled into surgery. She called her mom, holding back tears as she talked to her babies. Her mom wanted to come, but Irene convinced her to stay home. This wasn’t a place for kids.
For the next two hours, she paced aimlessly across the waiting room. The room began to fill with people. Paul’s officers. Their wives. Dan came in and gave her a crushing hug. She held on for a moment, needing the connection. When she pulled back, her face was wet and his eyes were too bright. Parker and Jackson stood together, not talking though she had the impression they were giving each other support. The two new cops—she couldn’t remember their names—also stood together. The woman wore a shuttered expression. Brooding. Her companion’s face was openly concerned for Paul and—she guessed—for his fellow officer.
Melanie and Maggie sat with her, offering whatever comfort they could.
She felt apart from it all. Oh, none of them had done anything to leave her out. In her numbness, she had a disconnected feeling. Would she ever be able to feel anything again?
“Irene.”
And just like that, she shattered.
Jace was back. She hadn’t heard him come up to her, but there he and Miles were. Weeping, she flung herself into his arms and buried her head in her brother’s shoulder. Her tears turned into great heaving sobs. Jace wrapped his strong arms around her, rocking her as if she were a baby instead of a twenty-nine-year-old woman.
She had no clue how long she cried. When she finally lifted her head, she was almost dizzy from it.
“When did you get back?”
Jace brushed a hair back from her face, almost like a parent. She’d made the same motion with her children.
“Not long ago. We came straight here from the airport.” Jace kissed her forehead.
Irene opened her mouth and forgot what she wanted to say. She had just noticed that all the officers had come and gathered around her and Jace. Not to gawk. There was something almost protective in their stance, and their expressions were full of compassion.
She felt stupid, letting herself lose control in front of Paul’s colleagues.
Then she realized something. “Wait, Jace. Paul’s mom and sister. Did anyone call them?”
Jackson responded. “I did. Mrs. Kennedy is on her way. Cammie is catching the first plane. They should both be here by this evening.”
Good. She couldn’t imagine not being able to be there if one of her children needed her.
Talking ceased when the doctor entered the waiting room. His face appeared solemn, but it was softened by the tiniest smile curling at the edges.
“I’m assuming that you folks are all here for Chief Kennedy?”
As one they nodded.
“How is he, Doctor?” Irene stepped forward. If any of the cops felt it odd that she was the one asking, none of them said anything. They seemed to accept it as her right. So how obvious had her feelings been, anyway?
“The surgery went well. Chief Kennedy was very fortunate. The knife missed the carotid artery. The muscle damage was minimal. He will need lots of rest, but should make a complete recovery.”
The cheer that went up was so enthusiasti
c that Irene expected someone to run in and yell at them to quiet down. No one did, though. Weakness invaded her knees. She stumbled over to a chair and sat, leaning her head back against the wall and closing her eyes. The seat next to her creaked. She opened one eye, then closed it again when she saw Jace. He seemed to understand that she didn’t want to talk.
Through the next hour, the officers went in to see Paul, two at a time. His mother arrived and was rushed in.
She came out and walked over to Irene. “My dear,” she said, and patted Irene’s cheek. “Paul is asking for you.”
Irene wished with all her heart she could say no. She realized what she needed to do, and it would be like tearing out her own heart. She knew it would hurt him, too.
Instead, she nodded and walked on numb legs to his room. She opened the door. His eyes were closed. She was able to convince herself that he was asleep. His lids drifted up and he met her gaze. Her heart sank.
Here goes. She entered the room. He smiled, a great open smile. When she didn’t return it, his smile faded. Confusion twisted his face.
“Irene. I wanted to see you. Make sure you weren’t hurt.”
Her heart was beating so fast. “I’m fine. You saved my life.”
“Irene, come here. I want to talk with you.”
Her feet were leaden. She moved to the side of his bed.
“Today, when I knew you were in danger, I knew I had to tell you that I loved you. That I wanted a chance with you...”
She shook her head. No, no, no. This was all wrong. She had to stop it.
Paul’s face paled. “You can’t tell me you don’t love me. I know you do.”
He was right, she couldn’t tell him that she didn’t. “I won’t lie to you. I have feelings for you. Strong ones. But I can’t go through this again. I can’t be a cop’s wife again, living with the uncertainty. It would destroy me.”
“Irene.” Paul reached out his hand to her. His eyes swam with tears.
She couldn’t stand it. Shaking her head, she backed up, then walked out of the room, tears on her cheeks. Her shoulders shook when she heard him call her name. She ignored it and kept walking, knowing Jace was at her side. His glance kept going between her and down the hall where his best friend lay.
Poor Jace. She hadn’t meant to put him in this position, and yet she couldn’t do anything about it. “Take me home, Jace.”
His mouth tightened, but he nodded. He took her home and dropped her off. Their mother and her children greeted her.
She answered their questions without emotion, feeling empty inside.
She had left her heart at the hospital.
SEVENTEEN
Irene pulled into Gina Martello’s driveway and shut off the engine. She sat for a moment, staring blindly out the front windshield. Her last client for the day had canceled, allowing her to leave work early. Her sons and her mother-in-law weren’t expecting her for another thirty minutes. She could go in and grab the boys, and maybe they could pick up a pizza on the way home. It would be a special treat for them. Yes. That’s exactly what she would do.
She didn’t move.
Paul. Two weeks had passed since she’d left him in the hospital. Christmas was four days away.
What was he doing tonight? Was he still at work, neck-deep in a new case? She could picture him, strolling around the police station as if he had no cares, whistling the theme song for the Andy Griffith Show.
How she missed him.
He had said he loved her. His eyes had been filled with that love the last time she’d seen him. And pain. Pain from his wound, true. But even more pain because she had rejected him.
But it was the right move, wasn’t it? After all, did she really need to risk her heart again?
Her mind flashed back to a conversation she’d had with Jace two nights ago. He’d told her she was being dumb, letting the past ruin her chances for love again.
“I just want to be happy,” she’d shot back.
“Because you’re so happy now?” he’d countered. “Really? Are you?”
She couldn’t answer. It didn’t matter. He kept talking. “When are you going to realize that we are always in danger of losing those we love? We have lost Dad, Ellie and Tony. We didn’t have any choice about that. But you have a choice. Paul is still very much alive. Do you really want to lose him, too?”
Did she?
Too late.
The truth sank in deep. It was too late. She was already soul-deep in love with the man. How had it happened? She had tried to protect her heart, and it hadn’t mattered in the end. She had fallen.
Now both of their hearts were broken.
Not to mention the suffering of her boys. Oh, they didn’t say anything. A mother knew when her children were sad, though. She could tell they missed Paul. He would have made a wonderful father for them.
Stop it! What’s done is done.
Impatient with her maudlin thoughts, Irene got out of the car, slamming the door shut. And closing her mind to thoughts of Paul. Of his strength and courage. Of his gentleness. That deep voice...
Enough!
She stamped through the snow on the walkway up to the door and let herself in. She could hear muted voices in the playroom. An Italian aria was playing in the kitchen. She followed the music.
Gina was baking cookies.
A wave of love for her late husband’s mother flooded her. The woman had become more than an in-law. She was a true friend. Just then, the older woman seemed to become aware of Irene and turned, a welcoming smile on her face.
“Irene! Did I lose track of the time?” Gina turned to glance at the clock on the wall.
“No, I got off early.”
Gina started to speak, then she narrowed her eyes at Irene and pursed her lips.
Irene knew that look. The woman was dying to say something and was trying to hold her tongue. “What?”
“What? What do you mean ‘what’?”
Irene rolled her eyes. “Come on, Gina. You know you want to say something.”
The woman held her tongue for another ten seconds before she gave in. “Ah, me. You know I love you like a dear daughter, Irene? I don’t like to see you unhappy. Or the boys.”
Irene walked over and kissed her cheek. “We’re fine, Gina. Or we will be.”
“You are in love with Tony’s boss, Paul. I can see it.”
Irene opened her mouth to deny it, but couldn’t. Distress filled her. The last thing she wanted to do was cause her mother-in-law pain. How would the woman feel knowing she had let another man into her heart? Fearfully, she gazed at the woman.
Gina gave her a gentle smile in return. It was a bittersweet smile.
“Irene, my son loved you with all his heart. Until the day he died, you and the boys were his everything. I know you loved him, too.” Irene’s heart thumped hard in her chest. Where was this headed? Gina continued. “I will always miss my Tony. I wish he were here to see his sons grow. It breaks my heart to know he won’t. But you are young. If God has given you a second chance at love, who are you to deny it? Or to deny my grandsons the blessing a good stepfather would bring?”
“But Gina,” Irene choked out. “Paul is the chief of police. How can I love a cop again? How could I survive the worry, the pain again?”
Gina clucked her tongue. “Shame on you! Where is your faith? God will always see you through. You can’t live without pain. Or love. That’s life. Embrace it, Irene. It is a gift.”
* * *
It’s a gift.
Irene pondered and struggled with those words until Christmas Eve. Each day, each moment, the conviction grew inside her. She had made a mistake to reject Paul. He had a dangerous job, but being with him would be worth the risk. There was a hole in her heart without him at her sid
e.
Was she too late?
She’d soon find out, she thought, as she pulled into the church parking lot for the late-night service. She arrived early. The choir performed Christmas music for an hour before the service began. Her boys had taken a late-afternoon nap so they would be able to last through the service. Paul was already there. She recognized his car the minute she pulled in. Her insides began to quake. Would she be able to ask him for another chance? And how would she handle it if he rejected her?
Jace and Mel pulled into the lot at the same time. Her mom had driven in with them. Together, the small group moved inside the church, alight with decorations and candles. People smiled and greeted them as they passed. Irene acknowledged each greeting, though she didn’t stop. She had a goal in mind.
Paul was sitting near the front. Alone. Not for long.
Setting her jaw, Irene started to lead the group toward him. At first Jace looked startled, and then a satisfied smile settled over his face as he saw where she was headed. She ignored him. Nothing mattered other than getting to Paul. Her heart ached at the slump of his shoulders. She had put that there. He had taken many blows in life, but she had never seen him dejected. It was a posture she never wanted to see again.
She reached his row. He still hadn’t looked up. Sucking in a deep breath, she started to enter.
Jace stopped at the row behind them and ushered their mother into it ahead of them. Melanie followed, holding a sleeping Ellie in her arms. Jace moved in after them. As he moved behind Paul, he tapped his boss and best friend’s left shoulder. Paul turned his head to see Jace.
Irene slipped into the seat beside him. Matthew looked around her and saw who was sitting there.
“Chief Paul!”
The exclamation brought Paul’s head swinging around in shock.
His startled gaze connected with Irene’s. He opened his mouth. Closed it again. Then he blinked his eyes, fast. And swallowed.
Overcome, Irene bit her lip. One tear slipped past her eyelids even though she tried to hold it back. Paul lifted a trembling hand and wiped it away.
