by K L Wood
“Reed!” My mother grabbed hold of my arm, and it was the only thing that kept me from throwing his ass out of here.
My mother stood in front of me, glaring at me with that dagger stare of hers. “Go to your room and cool off,” she said under her breath.
I didn’t hesitate. That asshole had frat guy written all over him, and if he was that fucking comfortable touching her like that, he must’ve roamed other places. I slammed the door to my room and ran a hand down my face. The image of him on top of her, pumping her like a damn rag doll, clawed through my head until it throbbed with pain.
Of all the guys in the fucking world, she had to go and choose him?
I sat down on the bed with my mouth pressed against my fist.
Why didn’t I call her sooner? FaceTime with her?
No, instead, I acted like she didn’t exist. That I didn’t miss the fuck out of her.
I lied and told her I didn’t love her.
It was my fault. I knew it was my doing, but it didn’t simmer down the heat and anger I felt.
For the past eight months, I was a wreck, and here she was moving on. Eleven years she was mine, and in less than a year, she went from claiming love to fucking another guy.
Or maybe she was still a virgin. That very thin shred of a possibility was the only thing that relaxed me a little more. That dickwad could not be her first time.
My door flung open, and my mother walked in before closing it. She didn’t look pissed off like she should’ve been. This was one of the rare times my mom felt sorry for me.
“I should have told you. Prepared you, at least.” She sat down on the bed next to me and rubbed my back. “You don’t let me in that head of yours. When you didn’t come home for Christmas and seemed to be happy with your new job, I assumed you’d moved on.”
“I don’t want to talk about it. Just let me deal with it in my own way.”
She placed a hand to her forehead, forcing out a long breath. “You’re going to be the death of me, Reed Walker. I don’t know why you’re so closed off from everyone. Did I do a bad job? Did you not feel loved enough?”
“What? Jesus, Mom, if it wasn’t for you and Dad, I’d be ten times worse.” I shrugged. “This is who I am.”
She let out a soft chuckle. “Yes, a snarky, impatient, ill-tempered, handsome man with a heart that feels so deeply it will consume him if he doesn’t pour that love onto someone else.”
I didn’t respond. I didn’t need to. We both knew she was right.
“Who knows? Maybe in the future, when the time is right, things will be different.”
I wanted that shred of hope to squeeze through and fester inside me, but my heart felt like it had been dipped in hot steel, hardening until I could barely feel a thing.
Tabitha
Cold, aloof, curt, and about ready to explode at any minute, Reed made everyone around him uncomfortable…except for Tyler, who seemed to enjoy pissing him off. The more Reed glared at him, the more touchy-feely Tyler got with me. Auntie Jo frowned at him every time I gritted my teeth and whispered for him to knock it off. My dad wasn’t all that impressed, either.
I knew Reed could be over-protective with me, but this? He went a few extra miles and then some. If I knew he was coming, I wouldn’t have brought Tyler home with me.
No. Screw that. I had every right to date anyone I wanted without him ruining it because he didn’t know how to behave like a normal human being.
I flipped my hair and smiled, determined to ignore Reed. “Auntie, this prime rib is delicious, and the macaroni and cheese. You always make the best.”
“Thank you, sweetie. I can teach you to make it if you want.”
“I’d love that.”
“So what frat house do you belong to, Tyler?” Reed sank a massive piece of meat into his mouth and chewed, awaiting his answer.
Crap.
My father coughed and swallowed down his bite. “You’re a frat guy?”
“Yup.” Tyler grinned like everyone at this table should be impressed. “Chi Phi.”
“Their motto is truth, honor, and integrity,” I added.
Reed snorted.
“Personal Integrity,” Tyler corrected. “Our motto is truth, honor, and personal integrity.”
Reed picked up his wineglass. “And I bet you’re just brimming with it.”
“It’s a good motto,” Auntie Jo said while giving Reed a warning stare.
“Are girls allowed to stay over at your frat house?” My dad’s jaw shifted, and his eyes narrowed.
Reed grinned then gulped down the rest of his wine.
WTF?
My mom elbowed my dad. “Derek, stop.”
“What? I’m just asking.”
“No, Dad,” I finally said. “I don’t sleep in frat houses with a bunch of other guys, so can we drop this now?”
“Never?” Reed’s mouth tightened, and his shoulders tensed.
I grabbed my napkin from my lap and threw it on the table. “Excuse me.”
Thankfully, no one stopped me nor asked where I was going. Reed pissed me off to the point I couldn’t ignore him if I tried. I beelined it to the bathroom and closed the door. I pulled at the strands of my hair near the scalp, letting out a frustrated grunt.
Gawd, he can be such a jerk at times!
Heat flushed my face, planting red blotches over my skin. I turned on the faucet and splashed cold water on my face, not even caring if it ruined my make-up.
Reed acted like I was the one who rejected him. He made absolutely no sense, and I was so done with trying to figure him out.
I dried off, reached for the handle, and swung open the door. Reed stood in front of me, hands gripping the frame.
Tingles rushed across my skin as I stood close enough to feel the heat emanate off his body. Those lips, the intensity of his stare, the way a piece of his inky black hair fell across his forehead…I hated that, even in this moment, I wanted him to take me in his arms. I wanted to know his kiss, his real kiss, where he fully let go and ravished me any way he wanted to.
Ugh.
He had no business being this freaking beautiful.
“Excuse me,” I said curtly and went to slip by him, but he didn’t let me pass. I crossed my arms. “What do you want?”
The black of his pupils seemed to swallow up the blue of his irises, making him look even icier than he was from across the table. “Did you fuck him?”
It took me a few seconds to absorb what he asked.
“My sex life is none of your business.” I pushed on his bicep, attempting to force him out of my way. He didn’t move an inch and had no intention of letting me leave.
Reed looked down at me, his eyes bluer, but still dark. “Just answer me one question.” His lips began to move, but no words came out at first. “Do you love him?”
I swallowed as his gaze hooked me in. For the first time in my life, Reed was the one who looked vulnerable and unsure and confused. I knew that if he told me right here and now that he loved me, I would cave.
“Why do you care if I love him or not?”
“Because he’s a sophomoric douchebag, that’s why.”
I briefly closed my eyes and reminded myself not to get caught on the never-ending roller coaster that was Reed Walker. Maybe he did have a heart in there like I’d once believed, but I was done chasing it, searching for it, and sitting by his feet like a dog, gobbling up whatever scraps he decided to toss my way when he felt like it.
This ends now.
“I’ll answer both your questions and give you one more you didn’t ask. Yes, I am fucking Tyler. He was my first.” His jaw clenched even tighter, but I didn’t let it deter me. “Love? Tyler is a rebound, someone who made me feel wanted when someone I loved rejected me.”
He closed his eyes and hung his head. “Tabitha, I’m sorry.”
“Don’t be, because I’m not.”
His eyes opened, and that glare of his began to penetrate through me.
I still loved him and was ho
pelessly in love with him.
But I needed to let go.
“I don’t love you anymore, Reed…not like that.”
He turned away and slowly brought his arms down. “You should get back to the party.”
That’s it? That’s all he had to say?
The pain of tears swelled in my throat, but I refused to cry in front of him. I never wanted to shed a tear over Reed Walker again.
I brushed past him without another word. The sound of a door slamming shut echoed in my ears behind me. Like closing a book, the story of Reed and I finally came to an end.
II
How It Ends
So the darkness shall be the light, and the stillness the dancing.
T.S. Eliot
14
Hot Dog Girl
Present
Tabitha
My phone buzzed on the table for the hundredth time, reminding me over and over about the most humiliating experience of my life…and for an extra bonus? The whole freaking world got to enjoy it. I glanced down at my phone. A message from Shelly.
S: Saw the video. Ouch. How are you holding up?
Shelly lived in Chicago, but for two years since graduation, we had kept in touch on a weekly basis. I thumbed through my phone to reply.
T: Don’t ask.
S: How’s Mark?
A bubble of guilt that already sat in the middle of my chest grew even larger.
T: Not good. He’s staying with a friend. He hasn’t returned any of my texts. I feel so bad.
S: What the hell happened?
T: I panicked.
I left out the part about Reed popping into my head…and my heart. No need to mention my brief moment of insanity.
S: Just tell him it was cold feet. That’s normal.
T: Cold feet happens before a wedding in private and not in front of 37,000 people with smartphones recording that moment and plastering it all over social media.
S: Damn, I’m so sorry.
T: The plan is to fix this before our trip in two weeks with Paige and her boyfriend. He has to come home at some point. All his stuff is still here.
S: If you still love each other, you’ll work through it…but you’ll probably have to do some serious ass-kissing for the next couple of weeks. :p
T: Big time!
S: Good luck!
T: Thanks, Shell.
I opened Twitter and caught “Hot Dog Girl” trending. I quickly closed the app, not able to stomach seeing that video again.
Ugh.
Mark got down on bended knee, asked me to make him the happiest man in the world and marry him.
After standing there like an idiot for an excruciating twelve seconds, Mark got, “I’m gonna get a hot dog,” as a reply. That’s all I said before I ran down the stairs into the underground tunnel in front of a hushed crowd. If that wasn’t bad enough, I got to see the aftermath I missed on someone’s shaking phone with, “Oh my gawd. Poor guy.” Total dejection and embarrassment spread across his face once he absorbed what had happened. Then he half-smiled and shrugged to the crowd before he hung his head and walked away.
I dropped my face in my hands, wanting this whole miserable experience to end already.
And the worst part? I was a walking reject until I met Mark. I’d dated six different guys in the last five years that ended with them dumping me, starting with Tyler Wall. I finally found a guy who wanted to spend the rest of his life with me—a really great guy—and what did I do? I ruined the moment and possibly our relationship over Reed freaking Walker!
“Stupid” would be an understatement.
After a long week at work, I opened the door to find Mark sitting on the edge of the couch with a suitcase by his feet and a few boxes and plastic bags sitting by the door.
My stomach turned, and bile rose up my throat. “You’re moving out?”
He looked up, his brown eyes flat and stern. “Yes.”
Not good.
I slipped off my heels and slowly sat down on the chair. “Can we at least talk this through before making any rash decisions?”
“I’ve done a lot of thinking this past week…”
Oh no. Not a break-up speech. I’d heard them so many times I could probably quote what he’d say verbatim.
I interjected before he had the chance to continue. “I’m so sorry about what happened. I froze in front of the crowd.” I shrugged. “Cold feet. But I’m over it now.” I got up and sat down beside him, my fingers slipping around his.
He didn’t take his hand away, but it still felt limp in my grasp. He looked up at me, a mix of confusion and hurt hanging in his eyes. “Cold feet? Tabitha, you always know what you want. We talked about marriage and even planned out our future. I thought this is what you wanted.”
I squeezed his hand, but he didn’t respond. “I do want it.”
He pulled away. “I saw your face, watched the video over a dozen times. It was like I didn’t even exist. Your mind was somewhere else in those very long twelve seconds.”
Dammit, Reed.
I turned away. “I’m so sorry.”
“What was going through your mind?”
Lie. I could lie and make this all go away. My mind tried to scratch and scrape for any excuse that could save this, but I came up empty.
“It’s complicated,” I finally said.
“Complicated?” He scoffed. “Marriage is complicated. Raising children and being parents is complicated. You have to be sure about what you want and who you choose to commit to…and when the moment came to finally make our plans official, you ran away and left me standing there.” He slid a hand down his face.
No! I am not losing a good guy over Reed.
I took both of his hands in mine. “Ask me to marry you again.”
For a brief moment, his eyes softened but soon grew sad, like he had given up. “I can’t.” He shook his head and pulled his hands away. “I thought I knew you, but I obviously don’t. The Tabitha I know would have never run away like that. And honestly, that’s not the kind of partner I want to share my life with. I’m sorry.”
Rejection.
I knew the feeling well. I should be used to it and made of iron by now, but instead, it chipped away at my confidence and punched another hole through my heart.
Even Paige and Shelly’s advice and my girl power playlist had lost the effect it once had.
But this one? This felt like the final nail in the coffin of my pathetic love life. Doomed for eternal failure because I didn’t know how to fully let go of the one person who made my life miserable.
Mark stood up and gripped the handle of his suitcase. “I already talked to the landlord about my leaving and paid rent for the next month. Will you be all right handling the utilities yourself?”
I nodded, wiping away tears from my cheek.
He sighed and pinched the bridge of his nose. “This wasn’t an easy decision for me. Please know that.”
But you made it.
He hesitated like he wanted to say more but, instead, turned and walked out the door.
15
Truth Time
Tabitha
With a bowl of homemade hot fudge brownie sundae on my lap, I dug in my spoon and stuffed a huge scoop into my mouth. I opened my Kindle and started a book about an FBI serial killer chase. Breakup rule #1? No reading anything that can induce crying fits, so romance was on the back burner for now.
A knock sounded on my bedroom door. I closed my eyes, regretting that I came back home, but I couldn’t stay in my apartment when everything in there reminded me of Mark and what I’d lost. My mother had been doting on me all day and continually checking in with a big ol’ dose of pity smacked across her face.
“Come in.”
“Hey.” She frowned when she looked down at my pajamas. “Aren’t you going to get dressed? I thought we could take a walk and get some fresh air. It’s a beautiful day.” Her sunshiny spirit clashed against the blackness I preferred to wallow in at the moment, an
d I internally groaned.
“Can’t. Paige is coming over soon.”
“Oh, great! Did you change your mind about going on the trip?”
Did she really think a romantic couple’s trip on a tropical island—a trip Mark and I planned together—was what I needed right now?
I stared down at the screen of my Kindle. “Already canceled it. No refund.”
“That’s too bad, sorry.”
“It’s fine. I wanted to cancel it.”
“You really should think about getting dressed. It’s already past two in the afternoon.”
Grrrr.
“I will.”
“Okay. Well, I’m here if you need me.”
My shoulders tensed. “Yup, thanks.”
I set the bowl on my old nightstand, losing my appetite. I couldn’t even enjoy my regular breakup routine with my mom around.
I grabbed my phone and texted Paige.
T: Please come over and save me.
P: Lol. Your mom doting too much?
T: I seriously don’t think I can handle another week here.
P: If my house was finished, you know I’d let you stay there. Hell, I can’t wait to get out of my parents’ place and have my own space! :p
T: It still sounds better than here. :(
P: Go stay with my parents for a bit.
