Except that Alex didn’t look like a man interested in teaching her anything. He looked more like a man embarrassed by a momentary indiscretion, precipitated by something she’d initiated, however innocently.
She had kissed him first, after all. Alex’s response had probably been automatic for him, like his flirting. A woman kisses you and you respond. Like Pavlov’s dogs.
She thought about all the girls he’d dated in high school, about the call from Amber, about what Rich Brennan had called “the Alex McKenna revolving door.” She didn’t want to be one of those women, with him for a few casual months and then gone. She wasn’t wired that way. And Alex wasn’t wired any other way.
“I’ve got to find Will,” she said again, speaking carefully, like a drunk doing her best not to slur her words. She patted Alex on the arm, wanting to convey somehow that it was all right, that he didn’t need to be embarrassed, that she understood. He looked unhappy, which was nice of him. In his own way he was a gentleman. He would have taken back the kiss if he could.
Which was the difference between them. Because even though she was embarrassed, too, even though what she was feeling now terrified her, Holly was glad it had happened. At least now she could say she’d had one great kiss in her lifetime. Every woman should be able to say that.
Even if it had only been great for her.
She had been there with him, Alex told himself over and over that night as he lay awake. The post-game celebration had seemed to go on for hours, but Alex had barely noticed it through the pain and confusion he was feeling now.
She’d been there with him. He was sure of it. The way she had leaned into his kiss… He’d never been turned on so hard and so fast in his life. She was so fiery, so passionate. If only she could let herself go….
But she couldn’t. You’d think he’d know that by now. Holly had always shied away from expressing her passion, the passion Alex had always seen in her, the passion she was so careful to hide from the world.
It made sense, really. Holly was a person who needed to feel in control, and passion was about giving up control. She would never take kindly to a feeling that took her over, that swept her away, that put someone or something else in the driver’s seat—even if it was only for a little while. Holly might be a smoldering flame but she would never, never let it show except in flashes. Once when she was drunk. Once when her house burned down. And once when her son had just won one of the most dramatic football games Alex had ever coached.
He’d come home to find the two of them there before him, Will still pumped up with adrenaline and excitement, telling his mom for what was probably the hundredth time how calm he had felt taking that snap, how he’d known, just known, he’d be able to complete the pass, how he hadn’t let fear stop him. He’d seen Alex come in and jumped to his feet, the happiness bubbling out of him until Alex couldn’t help but smile in response, in spite of the anxious look he shot at Holly.
“It really was an amazing game,” she said, meeting his eyes with what looked like complete self-possesion. So much for his hope that she might still be affected by the mind-blowing kiss they’d shared. “So amazing that a person could possibly get carried away by all the emotion.” She gave him a rueful look, her lips forming a silent “sorry” behind Will’s back.
Alex gave her the universal forget-about-it gesture, a quick wave of the hand, and that was that.
The three of them spent the next two hours together talking and laughing, with Will doing most of each but Holly and Alex contributing more toward the end of the evening. The two adults were a little uncomfortable at first but slowly grew used to each other again until, finally, things felt almost back to normal.
Normal.
Alex sighed and scrubbed his face with his hands. Oh, he supposed it was better this way. It was what Holly wanted. Just because he wanted something different didn’t mean it was going to happen. In fact, it was pretty clear now it was never going to happen. A woman who could walk away from a kiss like that was not a woman he’d be able to talk into anything, especially if it went against her better judgment.
And her judgment was probably right. He was more attracted to her than he’d ever been to any woman, but that wouldn’t be—shouldn’t be—enough for Holly. She was a woman who deserved forever, and he didn’t do forever. The most he’d ever offered a woman was a few months of fun.
Holly deserved more than that. She deserved everything a man had to offer, including his heart. And that was something Alex had never offered to anyone.
So it was all for the best, right? They were both cowards when it came to love.
Not that this was about love, of course.
There was heat between them, even if Holly refused to face it, but there wasn’t love. Friendship, yes. Respect and affection, yes. A deep connection, yes—for him, anyway. And a long-standing crush that he had, apparently, never gotten over.
But love was about forever. And when it came to Holly, it was about Will, too. What in his track record would give anyone, including him, the idea that he was ready for love and commitment with a single mother and her teenage son?
No. Holly had been right to run from their kiss, even if she’d run out of fear. Alex had never believed in listening to fear, but when it came to his feelings for Holly, he was prepared to make an exception.
Saturday morning was Pancake Day, Will and Holly informed him when he came downstairs at ten o’clock. By the looks of things they’d already done some damage pancake-wise, and Holly was at the stove flipping three more. She grinned at him, wearing jeans and his Bengals jersey. Her hair was in a loose braid down her back.
“What did you do, raid my T-shirt drawer?”
She looked down. “Oh, right. Sorry. This is one of the shirts you brought me that first night. They’re so comfortable, and when I went shopping last week I sort of concentrated on work clothes and didn’t really get anything casual. Is it all right if I borrow it a little longer? This one and the Pittsburgh one? Just until I can get a few of my own.”
He waved it away. He was getting pretty good at that. Don’t worry, it’s as if it never happened, what’s a little toe-curling kiss among friends?
“No problem,” he said out loud. “Comfort is important.” He cleared his throat. “So what are you two doing today? Anything exciting planned?”
“I’m going to teach my mom to throw a football.”
Alex gave Holly a skeptical look as he dug into the huge pile of pancakes she put in front of him, which were, predictably, delicious. “Are you telling me you actually want to learn to throw a football?”
Holly grinned. “I wouldn’t say I’m brimming over with excitement, but in case you hadn’t noticed it’s a gorgeous fall day out there and running around in your enormous backyard has its appeal. I’m going to the gym later, too. I haven’t been since the fire, which is a mistake. Missing workouts always makes me cranky. My job is good for intellectual stimulation but not physical stimulation. I need both.”
Alex tried not to think of the physical stimulation he’d like to give Holly. He was turning into one of those guys who had a sexual thought every seven seconds and couldn’t say two words without one of them sounding like an innuendo.
He sighed. “I have about an acre of leaves to rake. I’ll keep you company.”
Will looked delighted. “That’s great! We’ll help you rake after we throw some passes. That’s good exercise, too, right, Mom?”
“Fine with me. I like creating order out of chaos, as you know. Raking is a very satisfying job. You start with a yard full of messy leaves and end up with tidy piles. Just my kind of thing.”
Holly was right: it was a gorgeous day. Blue, blue sky, and maple trees all around with leaves like flames. The colors looked as if they’d been drawn by a child: bright gold, brilliant red, burnt orange. The neighbors next door were burning leaves and the sharp, acrid scent drifted on the wind, mixing with the cold clean smell of the air and the dry sweet smell of the leaves e
verywhere, on the trees, underfoot, fluttering down onto their shoulders.
Holly was looking autumnal herself, with her copper-colored hair and the brown sweater she’d put on.
The raking was forgotten as the three of them ran around like little kids, occasionally tossing the football back and forth but mostly just running, spinning, taking in huge cleansing breaths of the autumn air.
After a half an hour of that Will decided it was time to get serious. “Okay, Mom, Alex will show you how to throw a spiral pass and I’ll be your receiver. Your hands are kind of small but I know you can do it.” He took off at a trot, stopping at a distance Holly thought was well beyond the point she might hope to heave a football.
The sunlight was brilliant and Holly squinted across the yard at her son. “He’s delusional,” she said as Alex handed her the football.
“He just has faith in you. You should be flattered. Now grip the ball with your fingers on the laces and plant that back foot like we talked about. Cock your arm back and—no, not like that.”
“What do you mean, not like that? What am I doing wrong?”
He should just show her, like he would one of his players. Of course that would involve touching her, which would be bad. Or good. Or—oh, what the hell. He came up behind her and adjusted her arm position. “Like that, see? Much better. Now turn your upper body. Keep your eyes downfield. Good!”
Alex let himself enjoy the contact for just a moment before he took a step back. “Okay, now, let it fly. Concentrate on your mechanics.” He watched critically as she made her first attempt. “All right, kid! Not bad!” He reached up for a high five and she slapped his hand in triumph as her pass made it close to where Will was, so that by running forward he could catch it easily.
“Hey, this is fun!” she said incredulously, smiling radiantly at Alex.
“You’re adorable,” he said before he could stop himself, and she blushed, but he hadn’t messed anything up because she was still grinning over her success when Will trotted back to them. The next few hours passed in a happy blur of running, passing and kicking, until the three of them threw themselves down under a maple tree to rest, staring up at the patterns of branches and flaming leaves against the azure sky.
“I feel so happy right now,” Will said after several minutes of companionable silence. “It almost hurts in my chest, I’m so happy. Has that ever happened to you?”
Holly laughed. “Once or twice in my long life. How about you, Alex?”
“Once or twice.” He fell silent, looking up at the leaves fluttering in the breeze, the restful quiet all around punctuated by bird calls, sharp and sweet. “I’m on Will’s side about today,” he said after a few minutes. “This is pretty perfect.”
“Can we stay here forever?” Will asked.
Yes, Alex wanted to say.
“Well, not forever,” Holly said, and when Alex turned his head he saw her scrambling to her feet, brushing leaves off her jeans. She wasn’t looking at him. “In fact, I should get to the gym if I want to work out today.”
She smiled goodbye and walked back toward the house, leaving Will and Alex in the exact same positions they’d been in, under the exact same tree and the exact same sky, except that some of the golden sparkle seemed to have gone out of the afternoon.
Chapter Eight
On Tuesday, Will came to a decision.
He couldn’t figure out why his mom and Alex were taking so long to get together, until it occurred to him that he might be a factor. After all, they were all living here, and his mom could be kind of old-fashioned. Chances were, she wouldn’t feel comfortable letting anything happen with Alex while he was around.
Well, okay. He could fix that.
Tom mentioned that he and his dad were going on a fishing trip over the weekend, and Will asked if he could go along.
He decided to announce his plans Friday morning, so his mom wouldn’t have any time to adjust or come up with a counter plan. Not only was she old-fashioned, but when it came to anything emotional—her own emotions, anyway—she wasn’t exactly brave. He didn’t want her to find a way to duck out of a weekend alone with Alex.
In the meantime, the days were falling into a familiar pattern: school, football and dinners at home.
The dinners were fun. So fun, in fact, that Will started to wonder if maybe his mom and his coach had the right idea. Maybe friendship was the way to go, after all.
Then he caught Alex looking at his mom one night when the three of them were watching a football film.
“I like this,” Holly said suddenly, causing Alex to jump guiltily.
“What?” he asked, trying to sound as if he hadn’t been staring at her for the last ten minutes.
“Football,” she said, her eyes on the screen. “It’s like financial planning. Lots of strategy and taking the long view, but also reacting to what’s happening in the present moment. Making a game plan and sticking to the broader goals you want to achieve, but being willing to explore different ways to achieve them if what you’re doing isn’t working.”
Alex looked surprised. “That’s exactly how I look at football. At least the game-planning part.” He paused for a moment. “I can’t believe I’m about to say this, but you’ve been such a good sport about all this football stuff I feel like it’s only fair to show a little interest in what you do. Tell me about financial planning. If anyone could make it sound interesting, you could.”
Holly turned to look at him, and there was a glint in her eye that Will recognized.
“What?” Alex asked warily.
“That pit of chaos you call an office. You’ll notice I haven’t so much as crossed the threshold on one of my ‘cleaning sprees’ as you call them. I’ve stuck to the common areas and respected your right to live like a college student in your bedroom and your office.”
“And I appreciate it,” he said even more warily.
“Well, no more,” she said. “At least, I guess you can still have your bedroom, but we’re going to organize that office until it resembles a human habitat and then, my friend, we’re going to balance your checkbook, examine the state of your finances, discuss your long-term goals and risk tolerance, and come up with a personalized financial strategy for you. No, don’t thank me. It’s the least I can do after you gave me and Will a place to stay. Really, it’s my pleasure.”
She was grinning, and Will knew his coach was sunk. Apparently he knew it, too.
“How long will it take?” Alex asked, resigned.
“Hours and hours,” she said cheerfully. “Days probably. There’s no game this week, right? So you’re not as busy as usual. We’ll get started tonight.”
As Alex reluctantly followed a determined Holly out of the room, Will shook his head. Financial planning. How many more ways could they come up with to avoid dealing with what was right in front of them? He was starting to wonder if even leaving them alone together this weekend would do the trick. Oh, well, all he could do was hope for the best.
Why did adults always make everything so complicated?
On Friday morning, Holly got up early to make breakfast. She’d been doing that all week, telling herself it was because she wanted to be the one sending her son off to school with a nice hot meal inside him instead of the other way around. In truth, it was also because she liked seeing Alex before they went to work. After all, eventually she and Will would be moving out, however settled they seemed to be here. Her meetings yesterday with an architect and a firm of contractors was a reminder that their stay here was temporary. Holly intended to soak up as much Alex as she could before then.
Five minutes after her son came downstairs, that suddenly seemed like a bad idea.
“I’m going away this weekend,” Will said casually, as if it was nothing, as if he wasn’t about to remove her best defense against the feelings she still entertained for Alex, late at night in the privacy of her bedroom. The feelings she couldn’t possibly act on because of the fifteen-year-old down the hall.
/> “What do you mean you’re going away?” she demanded. “You can’t tell me this on Friday morning.” She glared at Alex. “Do you know anything about this?” He shook his head, clearly as taken aback as she was, and she turned back to her son. “Kindly explain to me exactly where you think you’re going.”
Will took a bite of oatmeal. “Tom and his dad asked me yesterday. I forgot to mention it till now. You can call Mr. Washington if you want, to clear it. We’re going camping. We’re leaving right after school.”
“Tonight? You’re going to be gone tonight?” Holly felt panic rising and briefly considered asking if she could go along.
“Tonight and tomorrow night. We’ll be back Sunday afternoon.” He picked up a cinnamon roll, his expression cheerful.
Holly cleared her throat. “You know, I haven’t been camping since I was a little girl. Do you think Tom’s dad would—”
“Nope. Sorry. It’s kind of a guy thing. Also the tent’s only big enough for three. Besides, you guys have all that financial planning to do. And it’s supposed to rain. You’d be miserable out there.”
“Why won’t you be miserable?” Holly asked, knowing she was beaten but still clinging to a straw.
Will grinned. “We’re planning to do a lot of fishing. Fish bite great when it’s raining. I’m all packed and everything, Mom. I can bring my duffel bag on the bus so you don’t need to worry about a thing.” He got to his feet and gave a jaunty wave. “Have a great weekend, you two. See you Sunday.”
And before she could think of anything else to say, he was gone.
The silence felt a little awkward. Holly was sitting at the kitchen table, frowning down at her cinnamon roll, and wondering what Alex was thinking. Probably he didn’t care much. Why should he? They were friends.
Winning the Right Brother Page 11
