I zip my bag a little too aggressively, the zinging cutting through the air. “Not in my vocabulary.”
He stares at me, narrowing his eyes in a way that reminds me so much of our brother, Shaw, I know it’s useless to try and deflect.
“Hung out meaning we talked about medical school, my training, my internship, and we laughed about stories of the three of you over the last year. Shit like that.”
He jerks his head. “You laughed?”
“You’re a dickhead.”
His lips tip into a cocky grin. “No, really, you rarely laugh nowadays. Even Bizzy mentioned you seem too serious lately.”
“Well, I have a lot on my mind. With Claire, you have no choice but to laugh.”
“She’s a nutcase.”
“I noticed that.”
“No, listen to me, Mathis.” His voice takes on the serious tone again. “She’s a free-spirit, a wild card, a handful. She’s not your type. She’d drive you insane in the first week.”
Seems the brotherly instinct has kicked in and he sees the same things I do. “You have nothing to worry about. I was getting to know her a little. She’s been in your life for a while, and everyone had met her but me.”
“How is it you haven’t met her before this weekend?”
“Probably because my ass has been in medical school and doing an internship.”
“Overachiever,” he jokes, and any tension from earlier is gone.
“Slacker,” I throw back.
“Is this slacker finally going to get you to some of my games?”
“I’ve been to your games, and I’ve watched every one you’ve ever played.”
“You know what I mean.”
“Yeah,” I tell him with sincerity. “I’m going to be here every chance I get for the famous Nick Bennett’s senior season. I promise.”
“Good, I’m counting on you to run interference with Shaw. He’s already on my last nerve about the draft.”
“He’s keeping his promise to you and Bizzy, and you will have the best fucking Sports Agent in the damn league.”
“I can’t tell him that. His head is already big enough.”
I chuckle, knowing exactly what he means. Shaw is extremely intense when it comes to Nick’s career. Hell, Shaw is intense always.
“I’ll be here for you, Nick, and if things get to be too much, we’ll sick Bizzy on him.”
“Hell yes, good plan.”
“Now, are you going to feed me before dropping me at the airport?”
His doorbell rings followed by Bizzy’s yell of greeting as she lets herself in. I raise an eyebrow in question.
“Bizzy insisted on going with us. She’s on a huge guilt trip about having her clinical shift last night and missing time with you.”
I open my mouth then snap it shut but not quick enough.
“She’s alone, Mathis,” Nick answers my unasked question.
I nod, grabbing my bag and forcing the disappointment down deep.
It’s for the best.
At least, that’s what I’ll keep telling myself.
Claire
11 Months Later
“Say something,” Mathis pleads with me, closing the small distance between us and skimming his fingers from my temple, down my cheek, then cupping my chin.
I allow myself to feel his touch one last time. Because that is what this is—the last time. It should have been obvious the moment I saw him tonight that things were going to change, but I was too wrapped up in the excitement of my news to pay attention.
Now, it consumes my mind. The way he undressed me carefully, made love to me gently, kissed me sweetly. This was unlike the other times we’ve shared, which were always in a rush, hiding and sneaking around. The passion was so intense and so fiery, we didn’t stop until both of us were exhausted and physically sated. Those are the memories I choose to lock away, not what is happening now.
I swallow the lump in my throat, open my eyes, and force myself to move out of his space, sliding off the bed and reaching for my pajamas. “I need to get dressed.”
“That’s not what I wanted you to say.”
I shrug, unable to find any words.
“Claire, you have to understand I’m doing this for you.”
“I heard that the first three times you said it.”
“Why didn’t you tell me before tonight?”
“About my job? You knew I wanted to come back to Miami. You knew I was applying at all the hospitals, and Bizzy and I had a plan to work together.”
“Yes, but why didn’t you tell me about the job offer?”
“Because Bizzy and I wanted it to be a surprise for my parents, her parents, the Bennett family, all of you.”
“Did you think about the position it would put me in?”
“Actually, I didn’t think of you at all,” I lie through gritted teeth. Of course, I thought about him. He’s almost all I thought about through this entire process. “I love children, and oncology is close to my heart now. Bizzy and Nick are cancer survivors, and I want to be a nurse to help people like them. You should understand that more than anyone.”
“This is for the best.”
“You’re right, it is.” I dig deep, burying my emotions and finding the strength to face him. I’ve learned a lot about Mathis over the last year. He’s got a determination that’s unswayable. Once his mind is made up or he’s faced with a challenge, he’s unstoppable.
Without saying the words, he’s let me know I’m not a challenge he’s willing to take on.
“Claire, I can’t read you right now. Tell me what you’re thinking.”
Finally, after twenty-two years, I’ve found my poker face. “I’m thinking you should probably get going before someone realizes you’re missing from the hotel.”
He glances at his watch and sighs, scrubbing his hands through his hair. I decide I can’t watch him get dressed and stand in the same room as he prepares to leave. It’s too much. I go to my bathroom and shut the door, turning on the water to splash my face. Tears burn my eyes, but I refuse to let them fall because it’s my stupidity that got me into this position in the first place. Mathis never promised me anything. It was me who fabricated a future that wasn’t meant to be. A few minutes pass, and I know it’s time to get this over with.
He’s staring at the door when I open it, but I don’t meet his eyes; instead, I pass by him, leaving my room. Once I get to the front door, he’s on me, yanking my back to his front.
“Don’t let us end like this.” His breath coats my earlobe, and I swallow hard to ease the scorching in my throat.
I squirm out of his hold, backing away because I can’t control it anymore. “You wanted to know what I was thinking, so I’ll tell you, and then you need to leave. I graduated from college yesterday with my two best friends and was surrounded by the people I love most in this world. I was flying high and couldn’t wait to share the plans for my next steps. When I announced I was going to work in Pediatric Oncology, my parents’ eyes welled up with tears. They were so proud. Then I glanced at you and my heart splintered. You looked at Bizzy with such pride and love and at me with only indifference. I convinced myself tonight would be a private celebration, that you were putting on a blank face for the crowd, but I was wrong. Now, I know you don’t want me in any way. You don’t want people to know about us, you don’t want to take a step forward, and now you don’t even want to work with me. Regardless of the reasoning behind your decision, you didn’t even give us a chance. I wasn’t going to walk into my first day at the hospital and announce you were a taken man, but you assumed our working together would be detrimental to your career. It hurt.”
“None of that is true.” He speaks softly, trying to placate me.
“I will say this. It may not have made sense to me until this minute, but you did the right thing keeping us a secret. This way, the people we’re close to aren’t dragged into a nasty break-up. No one takes sides, no one is forced to pretend—it’s an easy
split, considering not one person knows we’ve been fucking for almost a year!”
His face falls. Regret, shame, and remorse fill his eyes, and I begin to backpedal as the first tear slides down my cheek.
“Don’t worry, Dr. Mathis, I won’t be a thorn in your side. After tonight, we’ll never speak of this again.”
I turn and rush to my room, slamming the door and locking it. Silently, I sob, shaking uncontrollably and shuffling to my bed.
Tonight, I’ll allow myself to grieve for a man who doesn’t want me and a relationship that never existed. Tomorrow, I’ll start my new life, and Mathis Bennett will never know how I allowed myself to fall helplessly, head-over-ass, crazy-out-of-my mind in love with him.
Chapter 1
Claire
4 1/2 Years Later
The bed dips beside me, but I’m too exhausted to move. It feels like days since I’ve slept, and I have no plans to wake until the alarm blasts.
“Baby, I’m back.” Mathis kisses my cheek and presses close.
The heat of his naked body envelops me, but I have no energy to even act on our normal greeting when we’ve been apart for days.
“Mmmhmm.” I snuggle in, slipping deeper into dreamland.
“Claire, roll over and give me a kiss.”
“No, I’m sleeping.”
“How long have you been home?” he asks, not caring about my declaration of sleep.
“What time is it?”
“Late or early, depending on how you look at it.”
“Where am I?”
He rolls, taking me with him until I’m situated on his chest. “You don’t know where you are?”
“I have a few guesses,” I mumble. “Your condo, my apartment, the nurses’ lounge, or Bizzy’s guestroom.”
He stiffens, and his heart rate increases under my cheek. “We’re at my condo.”
“Okay.”
There’s nothing but silence, and I’m almost back to my dreamlike state when he speaks again. “This is bullshit. It’s not working.”
My sleepy, easy, dreamlike state evaporates, and my eyes fly open. My own heart rate spikes, thinking of the last time he said those words.
My apartment.
College graduation.
The night he broke my heart, leaving my dreams of having the perfect life in ashes.
So much has happened since then. I kept my word, never letting our past seep into our lives with our friends. At Bizzy and Shaw’s wedding, I had a moment of weakness that ended up with us in bed again and me leaving him with the ball in his court.
I didn’t wait long. One wild encounter with rabid opposing fans at a football game and a few hours in the drunk tank and everything changed. He took me home that night, and we’ve been together ever since. Families and friends were blended. Lives were happy, and I played into the scenario. But not once did Mathis and I ever discuss what happened all those years ago or any type of future.
He tried.
I deflected.
I wasn’t going back there. I was happy being the girlfriend, the best friend, and the intrusive nosy-body that was in everyone’s business.
We’ve been through it all—weddings, break-ups, reunions. The loss of patients that hit us hard, and the rejoicing of children getting the news of remission. Holidays, births, near-deaths… all of it.
It was easy to be with Mathis because it was right. I didn’t fight him when he swept me back off my feet over a year ago. I went with it. He expected a fight, but he wasn’t getting one. I let him think the carefree Claire was okay with all that happened before. It was simple, it was euphoric, but in the back of my mind, I always remembered how he sliced me open, and I was prepared for it to happen again.
Now, it’s happening. ‘It’s not working’.
I move to slide off of him, knowing my bag is never unpacked, and I can make a clean escape. I’m halfway to the edge of the bed when he hauls me fully on top of his body.
“What are you doing?”
“I’m going to go home.”
There’s a rumbling low in his throat, and his arms clasp tighter around me. “No, you aren’t.”
“You just said it’s not working. I’m going home.”
“Fucking shit, I meant this double occupancy thing isn’t working. We need to talk about it. Our schedules are sporadic. Two places are too much. We need to have a place together.”
It’s my turn to tense. My heart rate is now pulsing so hard, it’s rushing in my ears. No, no, no…
This is not how it happens with the Bennett brothers.
No ‘I love you’.
No ‘We’re moving in together’.
No ‘You’re mine forever’.
He said, “We need to have a place together.” Like it’s a convenience.
“Mathis, you’ve worked for almost three days straight. Let’s discuss this later.”
“We’re talking about it now.”
I push away from him forcefully, my head no longer clouded by sleep but in flight mode. Luckily, I can grab my purse from his dresser, slide my feet into flip-flops, yank up my bag, and run before he can get his pajama bottoms on.
I bolt from his room, his condo, and jump into my car, speeding away.
He’ll come to my apartment, so I go to a place he can’t find me. A condo my parents rarely use. It’s safe, it’s quiet, and he has no idea where it is.
The halls of the pediatric oncology wing are buzzing with excitement as families pile in waiting. I go to the nurses’ lounge knowing Bizzy will be there. When I walk in, she’s not alone. Almost the whole staff, on-shift and off, are in the room, crowded around. Shaw stands close to Bizzy, holding their six-month-old daughter, Brinley, who is decked out in teal and orange head-to-toe. She looks more precious than ever, and I immediately swoop in and steal her from him.
She lets out a giggle and covers my nose with a slobbery kiss, then head-plants into my neck.
“I know, sweet girl, I missed you, too.”
“You were at my house yesterday,” Shaw mumbles grumpily.
“She knows her Aunt Claire is her favorite person in the world.”
Shaw narrows his eyes, reaching for Brinley, but I sidestep to Bizzy. They exchange a look that puts me on edge because it’s been happening a lot lately. At first, I thought it was because Shaw is so possessive he wants his daughter and his wife at his side at all times, but lately, it’s more.
Not once do I consider Mathis has called him because it’s not his style.
“Calm down, caveman, you can have her back, but I’m stealing your wife.” I place the baby back in his waiting hands and link my arm through Bizzy’s, dragging her into the women’s room.
She reaches into her oversized mom bag and hands me the jersey Nicky ordered. I slide it over my head and dance in a circle, pumping my arms in the air. “This is PHAT! Do you know how much money I’ll get for this on eBay?”
“Claire!”
“Joking! I’d never sell my one-of-a-kind, Super Bowl Champions, Nick Bennett jersey.” I laugh in her face.
“I wouldn’t put it past you.” She giggles, pinning a gold childhood cancer ribbon on the right side of my chest.
“When are Six and Prego getting here?”
Sexy Six is Nick’s nickname. It was thrown around in college and has stuck throughout his NFL career. His wife, Grace, is newly pregnant. They announced their news to the family last week after the Super Bowl win, and the celebration was probably greater than the actual win.
“I don’t think she likes the nickname.”
“She loves it. She told me she loves it, and she was glowing.”
“Yeah, I guess you’re right.” Bizzy sighs dreamily, and I tense.
“Holy shit, you’re not pregnant again, are you?”
She stumbles back, her face full of shock. “Hell no! We have a toddler potty training, a practically newborn baby, and our house is a circus. No way!”
Shaw and Bizzy have shared custody of Shaw’s son, B
rayden, who you’d never know isn’t Bizzy’s own flesh and blood. He was a surprise but is so much a part of all of us, we simply ignore the fact his mother is a raging bitch.
I stare at her long enough to know she’s telling the truth and then narrow my eyes. “Don’t hide it from me again, Biz. You only get one pass at keeping your pregnancy from your best friend.”
I’m referring to the fact that she and Shaw hid her pregnancy for almost thirteen weeks with Brinley because of her fear of complications from her childhood cancer. When it was announced, I was the only one of our crew who was surprised. It was a rough time, since Nick and Grace had broken up and Bizzy was trying to keep things quiet, but in the end, it hurt that she didn’t share.
I understood her reasoning, but after all we’d been through, she only got one time.
“Who knows, maybe we can be pregnant together.”
It’s my turn to be shocked. “I’m not having a baby any time soon.”
“But you and Mathis are finally together. It’s moving forward, isn’t it?”
“Mathis and I are fun. We mesh well together. We’re in each other’s lives because of the environment. But, after last night, I think we’re over.”
“WHAT?!?” she screeches so loud, signaling that this is no longer a rational conversation.
There’s a knock at the door, and Grace pokes her head through, her violet eyes wide, darting between us. “Is it safe to come in?”
“Sure, Prego, come in. Are we almost ready?”
She nods, eyeing me hesitantly. “We’re all here. The shirts are ready to be passed out to the kids, and the players are bouncing on their feet to get this party started. Shaw and Nick sent me to get you two.”
“Let’s roll.” I make a move, but Bizzy grabs my arm, her eyes glistening.
“This conversation is not done.”
“Yes, Bizzy, it is. Not everyone has the happy ending you and Grace have. Live with it.”
I brush her off, paste a smile on my face, and leave the room, ready to make the kids on my floor the happiest they’ve been in a long time.
Chapter 2
Mathis
Nick, Jarvis, and a few other players ignite the ward. Nurse Evie is even dancing to the music as they play around. Claire is in the center of the rec room, swinging her hips, lining up the kids as they wait for pictures.
Heartthrob (Bennett Brothers Series) Page 2
