by Karan Virk
Subodh went to Trilok’s house to negotiate a deal.
Trilok – “I have deep concerns for you boy. But, I am helpless...I respect your thoughts on everything you just said...I really do...But, I have sold our comedy house.”
Subodh took out a gun stuffed in his trousers and started to swing it around.
Subodh – “Fear is starting to take hold of you. What are you afraid of? The gun...Huh...Is the gun intimidating you? I had to give, Kala a visit. She was angry at first, but I made her mood better. After, I left she didn't say anything, didn't utter one single word. She remained there, lying motionless. The gun is her courtesy. And my payment is yours.”
Trilok – “There is no money.....”
Subodh – “Look, you give me the money and I walk out of here. And maybe just shoot you in the leg. Don't give me the money, well then my gun wants to laugh out loud with a bang.”
Trilok ran for the bathroom. His hands locked the door and his cell phone made its way out of the pocket towards his ear.
Subodh – “Oh, Fat Boy.....You have made this whole thing worse than it already was. Come out and I won't torture you to death.”
Trilok – “Police Station. I have got a mad man in my office.....He is trying to kill me. He has got a gun. I have locked myself in my bathroom. Yes, I will stay here. Come quick.”
The Police Cars made their way out of the traffic. Sirens were still screaming. They surrounded the whole place. Subodh was unaware of the Police who were behind the door of Trilok's office.
“Freeze! Put down your weapon and step away from the door with hands behind your back.”
The gun hit the floor. Trilok opened his door and came out. One policeman took the gun into possession.
“Sir, there are no bullets in the gun!”
“What did you do? Did you kill anyone?”
Trilok – “He killed his girlfriend!”
The Police called Kala’s house to ensure her safety. Kala's voice reached Police's ears. Subodh's laughter filled the whole room. His laughter has still not faded away. Subodh sits in a mental asylum with smirk across his face laughing silently.
“The toughest job in the world is to crack a joke and expect people to laugh. Because if they don't, the joke is on you!” – Subodh Gupta
The End!
Karan’s Notes
*) Pathetic Fallacy is the presentation of inanimate objects in nature as possessing human feelings. In this case the rain shows Subodh’s sad/lonely emotions.
*) King Lear is a play by William Shakespeare, in which the lead protagonist suffers after getting exiled by his daughters from his kingdom. Subodh goes through a similar scenario after losing his job, apartment, and girlfriend.
9) “Blessings of an F***ed Up Indian Ghost!”
Location: Sri City, Andhra Pradesh, India.
Parag, an innovative Indian author is feeling cheated by life after constant failures due to a low fan base and consistent dose of ‘Inferiority Complex’ supplied by his counterpart, a successful novelist Kulesh. Parag used to ghost write for Kulesh, but after not getting a fair chance, he left to make it on his own. Kulesh used his status and ‘reach’ making sure that Parag’s writing career never meets a Publishing House. Since, then Parag has been reduced to write for Jagrata/Bhajan Singers (Indian Singers who sing Religious songs dedicated to Indian Gods/Goddesses). Carrying a vengeance in his mind, Parag wants to bring down Kulesh and take away his popularity and stardom.
Parag contacts his Uncle, who works as a Rocket Scientist in Sriharikota, a barrier island off the coast of the southern state of Andhra Pradesh housing India's only satellite launch centre ‘Satish Dhawan Space Centre’. After forming a plan, Parag visits Kulesh’s house disguised as a salesman. He shows Kulesh, a newly developed Chloroform that affects a person by making them stay unconscious for a period of 48 hours. Parag chloroforms Kulesh by pretending to show him a practical demonstration.
Parag was happy that he had his rival on his mercy. On his way to the space centre, he experienced continual outbursts of killing Kulesh right there. But feeling that he should be a better human, he controlled his urges. Parag’s Uncle was delighted to see Parag. Uncle wanted the job to be done fast because they had limited time until the staff came back after viewing a 5 hour movie marathon created by Uncle showcasing clips of various space disasters of countries like Russia, Ukraine, and Iran.
Uncle – “Hurry Up! I have warmed up the engine of the rocket. Let’s blast him off to Sun!”
Parag – “I don’t want to live the rest of my life feeling guilty about killing a man whose body is drifting in infinite pits of space. We are going to properly attire him in an Astronaut uniform, place him in the satellite, set the rocket to ‘Auto – Pilot’ and let him wander off to wherever the rocket feels like.”
Parag and Uncle were successful in their plan. After a week, the headline of the newspaper read, “Kulesh cashes jackpot after discovering a new planet!” Parag quickly phoned his Uncle to find out what was happening.
Parag – “Yo, Uncle! How did Kulesh come back so quickly? Did he get captured by aliens and they came back to Earth posing as Kulesh? Did Kulesh discover a black hole and got cosmic powers allowing him to rewrite the world as he wishes?”
Uncle advised Parag to turn T.V. to any news channel. Kulesh’s interview was being broadcast live, covered on every major news channel.
Kulesh – “I have a small interest in space research. So, I constructed a rocket on my terrace and used it as a launch site. Then, I made my twin brother the official astronaut. I am thinking of naming the planet, ‘Kulaisaa’. How does that sound? ”
Parag called back Uncle to understand the situation.
Uncle – “Kulesh’s twin brother is his ghost writer. Apparently, you kidnapped his ghost writer. We sent the wrong guy into space. The ghost writer’s rocket crash landed on a new planet, but he survived. Then he sent help signals back to our space stations. Now, a rescue satellite has been deployed to bring him back. Next time when you kidnap someone, please do it with the, Blessings of an F***ed Up Indian Ghost! So, I achieve some benefit too and maybe get a chance to discover some new planets or asteroids about to collide with Earth giving me a chance to destroy them with my Superman equipped laser beams.”
Parag had accidently kidnapped and sent Kulesh’s ghost writer into a profitable journey to Kulaisaa. Kulesh had gotten himself a new ghost writer after Parag’s departure and even costumed him up creating a mirror image of Kulesh. Parag and Uncle’s hard work turned out to be a gift for Kulesh with, “Blessings of an F***ed Up Indian Ghost!”
The End!
Karan’s Notes
*) A ghost writer is a professional writer who is paid to write books, articles, stories, reports, or other texts that are officially credited to another person. Celebrities, executives, and political leaders often hire ghost writers to draft or edit autobiographies, magazine articles, or other written material. In music, ghost writers are used in film score composition, as well as for writing songs and lyrics for popular music genres.
10) ‘Border’ Conflict
A war starts between two opposing nations titled ‘A’ and ‘B’. A has low experience and is unskilled in fighting wars, unlike B who is a master killing machine. A is quickly losing its infantry units and other defenses on the battlefield.
“General, we have lost our air strike”,
Screamed the soldier shivering in fear,
“Sir, enemies have penetrated our last line of defense”,
Shouted the soldier whose hanging hamstring was about to tear,
“We have run out of medicinal supplies”,
Said the soldier with bullet stuck in his rear,
“Sir, take action now”,
Fearing death as enemies approached near,
General shot himself spreading waves of fear.
Captain’s brain lighted,
He set up a wall of loudspeakers and shouted,
<
br /> “Troops, plug your ears,
if you survive I will wipe off your tears.”
Pop girl music got unleashed from loudspeakers,
“Oh Baby, I am coming from you....,”
Enemy infantry started panicking in their sneakers.
Soon, Side B had committed suicide,
Making Side A Captain proclaim,
“We may hide behind women and become terrified,
But this is a nation where victors reside.”
The End!
Karan’s Notes
*) This poem is based on a real incident that occurred between two rival nations. The weaker nation was tired of dealing with the stronger nation. So, they placed loudspeakers on their border and started playing Girl Pop embarrassing the opposing nation.
