Marrying an Older Man

by Arlene James

  "That's nice."

  "Very nice," she confirmed, hurrying on. "I'm sure I don't have to tell you how much of a problem her condition is, but I'm pretty sure that she's in a lot more pain man she lets on." He finally turned to face her. Caroline rushed to explain, "I've caught her several times—accidentally, of course—with tears in her eyes. She'll never comment about what's wrong, but I can tell that she's hurting."

  Jesse clapped a hand over the back of his neck and nibbed it distractedly. "I should've been paying more attention."

  "It's not your fault!" Caroline exclaimed. "She doesn't want anyone to know. It's only because my work keeps me in the house that I've noticed."

  "Why wouldn't she want anyone to know?"

  Caroline shrugged. "Maybe she just doesn't want to worry you."

  He nodded, frowning. "Yeah, that sounds like Mom."

  "Maybe she doesn't think anything can be done."

  Jesse's brow furrowed. "She's seeing a doctor."

  "Regularly?"

  "Well, whenever she needs to."

  "But is he a specialist?" Caroline asked.

  Jesse looked at her in surprise. "Do they have arthritis specialists?"

  "They must," Caroline said. "They have specialists for everything else."

  Jesse rubbed his chin.' 'Hmm, I bet you're right Wonder where we could find one?"

  "Maybe your family practitioner could recommend one," Caroline suggested. "Or maybe someone else. I'll ask around if you like, see if anyone I know has had any experience with this kind of thing."

  He was nodding. "I'll mention if to my brother and some friends."

  "What about your dad?"

  Jesse inclined his head thoughtfully. "He tried a while back to interest her in some clinic, but she resisted, and he let it drop. Maybe I should ask him about it." .

  Caroline nodded. "Maybe you should."

  "Poor Mom," Jesse said with a sigh.

  Caroline resisted the urge to reach out to him. He seemed so troubled now, and it really wasn't his fault. "Your mother has a kind of nobility about her that I really admire," she told him softly. "She obviously loves you so much that she'd rather suffer in silence than worry you."

  He smiled. "That's true."

  "She obviously realizes what a very good son you are."

  "Oh, it's not that," he said. "You know how it is with parents. Always putting their offspring first."

  Caroline lifted her brows and said with some humor, "Spoken like the very secure product of a stable, mature, two-parent fam-ily."

  He jerked his head around, spearing her with a probing look. "You sound like your experience in the area has been pretty dismal."

  She shrugged again and propped her chin atop her folded hands, which were toasty warm now because of the heat radiating from the hot pack through her gloves. "Just different. I mean, my mother and I love each other, but she's not what you'd call the selfless type. In fact, I'm not sure she understands the concept."

  "Sounds like it might have been pretty tough for you," he commented gently.

  "Let's just say that I intend a different experience for my own kids."

  "How so?"

  She smiled. "Well, for one thing, they'll know their father, singular on the father, and they won't have to wonder where I am or what I'm doing when I'm not with them or if I'll be coming home that night They'll have everything they need—but not everything they want. There's a difference, you know."

  He smiled at that, his smoky blue eyes sparkling. "So my parents explained to me many a time."

  "See, that's what I mean. A really good parent puts what's best for the child first, even when the child might not understand at the time."

  "Sounds like you're going to be a good mother."

  "Well, thank you. What a lovely thing to say." Caroline was thrilled. She wanted to laugh and throw her arms around him. Instead she said wistfully, "I just know you'll be a good father, the very best."

  The warmth and good humor slid from his face, and it was as if an invisible wall went up. When he spoke again, it was with the same polite, interested tone, but it came from a disturbing distance—and he completely ignored the compliment. "You must have had some pretty good influence from somewhere."

  "Experience is a powerful teacher."

  "What about other family? I know your grandparents are deceased and your aunt's up north somewhere. Any uncles? Cousins?"

  She shrugged. "Not so far as I know. Really, mere's just my mom."

  "Who's off in sunny California."

  "I'm sure she is by now."

  He looked her over contemplatively. "You haven't heard from her?"

  "Oh, it would never occur to my mom to call to let me know she's all right. But don't worry, I'll hear from her if there's a problem."

  He frowned. "Boy, you really are on your own, aren't you?"

  She nodded. "For now."

  He studied her a moment longer before tossing back the last of the coffee in the cup. He screwed it back into place and set the thermos atop the comer post at his elbow, saying, "Well, I have work to do, and I'm sure Mom's waiting for you back at the house."

  She knew when she'd been dismissed. "Sure. Just bring the thermos back to the house with you when you come in later."

  ' 'Will do,'' he said reaching for the hot pack. She backed away, pressing her warm hands to her face. He carried the hot pack into the stall, concentrating on the horse again. She stepped up and shut the stall gate behind him.

  "See you later."

  "Mmm."

  Reluctantly, she moved away. She'd taken two steps when he said, "Oh, Caroline?"

  She turned back hopefully. "Yes?"

  He cast a look over his shoulder. "Thanks for telling me about Mother."

  She smiled and nodded. He looked away, bending to wrap the hot pack around the horse's fetlock. She started down the corridor once more.

  "And be careful!" Jesse called, his deep voice skittering along her nerve endings.

  Caroline smiled to herself as she shuffled away. He just couldn't help it Jesse cared for everyone and everything around him. He would be a good father. Her smile faded at the memory of his reaction to that statement she'd made earlier. What was it about the idea that troubled him so? Perhaps even frightened him? Or was it something else, something...deeper? She shook her head. It didn't make any sense. Jesse was everything any child could ask for hi a parent She must be wrong about what had happened back there. Something else had been going on, and in time she was sure she'd come to understand. What mattered right now was that Jesse see her for who she was, that he get to know the real her. What happened after that, only time would tell.

  lesse waited until Caroline's shuffling footsteps receded before he straightened and turned to watch her make her way down the long corridor between the stalls. She ought to look ridiculous in those enormous, faded yellow galoshes, like a kid playing dress up, but somehow she managed to maintain a certain fragile dignity in her borrowed gear, not to mention a rampant sexuality mat made him distinctly uncomfortable. She was barely out of her teens, for pity's sake, an innocent. He had no business noticing the sway of her hips beneath that ridiculous, fake rabbit coat or the long, slender length of her legs.

  She might be an innocent, but she was no airhead. Her sensible suggestions concerning his mother's condition illustrated that. In fact, he was grateful for her concern. It disturbed him greatly to hear that his mother was often reduced to tears by the pain of her arthritis, and he was newly determined to do something about it. He'd been concerned himself for some time now, but discussions with Haney had induced him to let it go. In Haney's opinion, arthritis was a natural condition of advancing age, one mat Sarah would want to endure with as little fanfare as possible. But how could he stand by and allow his mother to suffer to the point of tears? Surely something more could be done than merely taking frequent doses of aspirin. Jesse made a mental note to call his brother for his input that very evening, and men he would properly thank Car
oline. He hadn't meant to seem ungrateful before; it was just so difficult to know how to deal with her.

  Unfortunately she was not the complete child he wanted to believe her to be. What little he knew of her mother caused him to wonder if she ever had been. Apparently her mother's lack of maturity had forced Caroline to grown up much too quickly, and Jesse considered that a great pity. Every child deserved a carefree, secure childhood. God knew that he and his brother had enjoyed mat halcyon period early in their lives. He sure wouldn't have wanted to endure what had come afterward without those golden days to remember. Those were still his best memories, playing good guy and outlaw with his brother, taking turns rescuing Kay from pretended dangers.

  He wished to God above that he truly had been able to rescue Kay from that jolt of electricity that had taken her life, and he knew that the best way to have done it would have been not to marry her in the first place. If he hadn't married her, they wouldn't have been in that mountain hideaway trying to rekindle a fire that had never blazed to begin with. The storm that had knocked down the utility poles in the restaurant would have been nothing more than an inconvenience, and she wouldn't have stepped in that puddle where the live wire lay. The jolt wouldn't have knocked them both off their feet and knocked the Ufe from her. He still occasionally had nightmares about it, especially about the way her hand had clutched his even in death. It had been as though her hand had welded to his. Even now he wasn't completely free of it, and he never would be.

  Poor sweet, naive Caroline thought, assumed, that he would make a good father. Once he had thought so, too, but a good father first had to be a good husband, and Jesse knew from bitter experience that the role of husband was one he was not cut out to play.

  Chapter Four

  Are you sure you want to do this, dear?"

  Caroline laid down the pencil and reached across the kitchen table, covering Sarah's gnarled hand with her own.' 'Absolutely."

  "This goes above and beyond the call of duty, you know."

  "I don't see it that way."

  "Don't see what what way?" Jesse asked, suddenly appearing in the doorway, his empty coffee cup in hand.

  Caroline beamed. She couldn't help it. He was such a delightful sight, so tall and solid and powerfully male. He didn't seem to be avoiding her anymore, at least not as assiduously as before. He leaned a shoulder against the door frame and casually stared back at her while his mother explained.

  "Caroline's going to cook Thanksgiving dinner for us. I'm going to call Rye and Kara and Champ and see if they can come. Oh, and Shoes Kanaka. It's been too long since we spent time with him. Tiger will be here, too, of course." She turned her attention back to Caroline. "Handsome has family here, but Tiger's always with us. His folks are way down in south Texas."

  Jesse was still looking at Caroline. "Uh-huh. Sounds great. Still doesn't answer my question, though."

  Caroline smiled patiently. "Your mother thinks cooking Thanksgiving dinner for you is, to' use her words, 'above and beyond the call of duty.' I disagree." She glanced at Sarah. "I'm grateful, actually. I've never roasted a full turkey before. I'll need guidance."

  Sarah chuckled affectionately. "I've yet to see anything you couldn't and didn't do to perfection."

  "That's because you just see what I want you to see," Caroline told her truthfully.

  Sarah shook her head. "I see more than you think." Her eyes glinted knowingly.

  Jesse pushed away from the door frame and walked across the kitchen to pour coffee into his cup. He leaned back against the counter, crossing his legs at the ankle. Caroline didn't have to look at him to know that he was listening and watching. She tried to wrap her mind around the question of whether or not Sarah was implying mat she knew Caroline was interested in Jesse, but she couldn't think beyond Jesse himself. After a moment Sarah bent her head over the piece of paper on the table between them.

  "Let's see. We have turkey and dressing and giblet gravy. That broccoli thing you were talking about for me. Sounds so good! And Haney's deviled eggs. That man loves deviled eggs. And Tiger will want candied beets. I'll write down the recipe for you. We ought to have some kind of potatoes, don't you think? Creamed, probably. We should do a lemon meringue pie for Shoes. He dearly loves lemon meringue pie."

  It was obvious to Caroline that Sarah was trying to put together a menu with something special for everyone, and she kept waiting for Jesse's favorite to come up, but her patience was pretty quickly exhausted with him standing there, his presence permeating everything in the room. She pivoted in her chair to look at him. "What about you, Jesse? What do you want for Thanksgiving dinner?"

  He shrugged. "All sounds good to me."

  "But isn't there something special you want included?"

  He set aside his coffee cup and folded his arms. "Mustard greens," he said.

  Caroline's eyebrows went up. Mustard greens? She didn't know anyone who actually liked mustard greens.

  Sarah laughed. ' 'Mustard greens swimming in a clear jalapeno sauce, hot enough to melt the bowl," she said.

  "For Thanksgiving?" Caroline asked.

  Jesse rubbed a hand over his chin. "You asked."

  Caroline picked up the pencil and wrote down mustard greens in jalapeno sauce. With corn bread. She trusted that Sarah had that recipe, too.

  "What about you?" Jesse asked.

  She sent him a surprised look. "What about me?"

  "What favorite of yours are you going to include on the menu?"

  She blinked at him. She honestly hadn't thought beyond cooking the meal itself. "Oh, I won't be staying to eat. I couldn't—"

  "Of course you will!" Sarah exclaimed.

  "No, really. I don't want to intrude."

  "You're just going to cook and go?" Jesse said.

  "That's what you pay me for," Caroline replied carefully.

  He snorted at that and renegotiated his position, uncrossing his ankles and rolling his weight onto one hip. "You don't have family to eat with."

  "No, but—"

  "This is silly," Sarah said to Caroline. "You eat with us every day. You'll either eat with us on Thanksgiving or you won't cook."

  "But—"

  Jesse pushed away from the counter and retrieved his cup, strolling past Caroline to the doorway. "Give up, Blondie. You're not going to plan and cook the feast and then go home alone to a TV dinner. Nobody here would enjoy the meal mat way. So either say yes or we all eat TV dinners. I mean it."

  He actually smiled down at her, and her heart turned over in

  her chest. She whispered, "Yes." Happiness swelled inside her.

  They really seemed to want her here. '

  His smile grew satisfied^ smug even. "Good," he said turning away.' 'I sure don't want to miss my mustard greens." He winked and went through the door, disappearing from view.

  Caroline sat very still. Did that wink mean that he really didn't want to miss her? The hope she felt was so acute mat it was very nearly painful. She could barely pretend to pay attention as Sarah went on with planning the menu, but somehow she managed, and gradually the euphoria hardened into resolve. She was going to be with Jesse and his family and friends on Thanksgiving, a real Thanksgiving. Her first.

  She was nervous. It was ridiculous; she'd been cooking for the family and hands for some time now, and she was confident in her abilities. She certainly hadn't had any complaints. Yet she was nervous, nervous and excited and nappy. For the first time she would sit at a Thanksgiving table with someone other than her mother and, on occasion, one of her mother's boyfriends. Those times had been the worst, for whenever Irene had a man around, she had no time for anyone else. Dinner had often been eaten in front of the television set on those occasions, with the man hi question hollering advice to some football team or other.

  It was true that Sarah had scheduled mis year's Thanksgiving dinner around a football game, but she'd assured Caroline that she would enjoy the day. Sarah intended to watch the game herself and was happier than Caroline h
ad seen her so far, even though her younger son wouldn't be joining the family for dinner, after all. Maybe Sarah's mood had to do with the fact that Rye had promised to come Christmas and stay for a week or so, bringing bis family with him. Whatever the reason, Caroline was glad to see Sarah smiling and hear her humming as they worked together in the kitchen.

  "This broccoli torte smells so good!" she said after checking the oven once more. "I love ricotta cheese."

  * 'Think Jesse will like it?'' Caroline asked absently, stirring the mustard greens. The aroma wafting up from the pot was enough to clear the most tightly clogged sinuses. Sarah chuckled.