Marrying an Older Man

by Arlene James

Sarah stared up at him in shock. "What?"

  "I'm serious. Get yourself a haircut and a new outfit or two. Stop hiding behind that apron all the time. Heck, I'm thirty-seven years old, and I just realized my mom's a babe! I think it's time you strutted your stuff a bit."

  Sarah's mouth fell open. Then she laughed and swatted him playfully with her hand. "Jesse Dean, what has gotten info you?"

  He hugged her a little tighter. "A guy can be proud of his mom, you know, even of how she looks, and you look great. Why not let everyone know it?"

  Sarah waved away the idea. "I'll settle for feeling better." But as she lowered herself further into the water and began to swim away, the glimmer of interest sparkled in her eyes. Caroline stepped closer to Jesse through the swirling water. Her eyes seemed bluer than normal, shining with something deep and frightening. "Thank you," she said softly.

  He shrugged, trying desperately not to react to her nearness. He told himself that he'd gotten over his shock at seeing all that luscious female skin. "When you're right, you're right," he said lightly.

  "And when you're wonderful, you're wonderful," she told him huskily, her hand brushing across his chest as she moved after his mother. That was all it took. Suddenly, he was hard as stone again.

  As soon as her back was turned he gulped a deep breath. "Yeah, I'm a saint," he muttered through his teeth, and immediately headed for the cool pool, hoping he could get there before anyone noticed that his shorts were suddenly much too tight.

  Was it selfish of him to wish he'd never laid eyes on Caroline Moncton, even when she was undisputedly the best thing that had happened to his mother in a very long while? Sarah was much better, even if it was only temporary. Jesse could see it in her posture and face. Without Caroline, he would never have known that the arthritis had been found in his mother's spine, he wouldn't have seen her silent suffering, at least not until it had become unbearable for her. Without Caroline, that time would have come

  120

  much sooner than it would now, if they couldn't prevent it, and he meant to try. Caroline took the burden of the household chores off Sarah and ran the house as smoothly as silk into the bargain. Their meals had never been better balanced, tasted finer or cost less. He had just seen a sparkle in his mother's eye that he had never seen before. Yes, it was definitely selfish of him to wish he'd never laid eyes on Caroline Moncton, but couldn't he at least have been spared the sight of her in that bikini bathing suit?

  And now she was living right there in the house with him! Thank God his parents were there, too. He didn't want to think what might happen if he and Caroline spent too much time alone. ,One thing was certain, he had to get a grip on himself where little Miss Moncton was concerned. Otherwise, he was going to get a grip on her, and then heaven help them both.

  Chapter Eight

  J esse let himself into the house and stomped straight down the hall without bothering to first divest himself of his outerwear. He went straight to the kitchen and found there just what he feared he would. His mother stood at the sink, her back to him, tightly hugging herself. He didn't have to see her face to know that she was crying. Caroline stood helplessly to one side, her expression stricken, her lower lip trembling. Jesse curbed the impulse to go to her and instead asked of either of them, "Where is he?"

  "Upstairs, I think," Caroline whispered, but Sarah rounded on him.

  "What did you say to him?"

  Jesse tamped down his temper. It wasn't her fault, bless her. .."Nothing that should have brought on this." He backed out of the room, muttering, "Stubborn, hardheaded, stupid son of a—" He was heading down the hall when he heard Sarah and Caroline follow him into the hall. He stopped and turned. Sarah's face was contorted with worry.

  "Leave him alone, Jesse. You can't talk to him when he's like

  123

  122

  this. Just leave him alone!" She lifted her hands to hide the tears trickling down her face.

  In that moment Jesse could have stomped his dear old dad right into the floorboards, but he knew that would accomplish nothing. Haney's overreaction to Jesse's careful admonition to treat his mother with more concern and appreciation told Jesse that there was more going on here than one partner in a long-term marriage taking the other a bit for granted. Haney had erupted in a blaze of anger, shouting that he knew a sight more about Sarah Wagner than anyone else. He had told Jesse, among other things, that he'd loved "that woman" for forty years, that he was an excellent husband, that all she could think about anymore was her "little aches and pains," and that even if it had been any of Jesse's "goldarned" business he wasn't about to take "no lessons" from him! Then he'd stormed off to the house, muttering about their business being their business, "by damn!" Jesse had been left to stable a horse before he could follow, and in that short a time, the harm had been done. And it was clearly up to him to smooth it all over again.

  Jesse addressed himself to a morose Caroline. ' 'Take care of her."

  Nodding, she slid both arms around Sarah's shoulders and turned the other woman back to the kitchen. Jesse went straight down the hall and up the stairs. At the landing, he turned right toward his parents' room rather than left toward his own. The door was standing open, and he paused on the threshold long enough to see that his father was sitting on the edge of the bed still wearing his coat, his hat in his hands, head bowed and jaws working. Jesse walked into the room and stopped.

  "Ready to talk instead of shout?"

  Haney waved a hand at him but didn't look up. "Notbin' to talk about," he said, that gravelly voice rife with pain.

  Jesse unbuttoned his coat. "Yeah, right. You go ballistic because I suggest Mom's feeling a little vulnerable and weak right now and—"

  "She's not the only one!" Haney barked, leaping up off the bed. "Hell's bells, Jesse, you don't think it pains me to see her hurting? What do you expect me to do about it? I'm afraid to

  even touch her! All I know to do is to put it out of mind and go on!"

  "Dad, I understand what you're saying, but—" "You don't understand nothing! You haven't slept in the same bed with one woman for more'n half your life!"

  For some reason that rocked Jesse back. It touched something hot and tender deep inside of him, something sore and aching that he hadn't even known was there. It must have been apparent, too, because Haney's face suddenly fell.

  ' 'I didn't mean that the way it sounded," he said more sedately.

  Jesse shook his head and tried to put a normal face on it. "No, you're right. I don't know what it's like to be married for a long time. But I do know Mom, and I know she's suffering right now."

  Haney looked away. "I never said she wasn't suffering. I only said she ought to keep what's between us where it's always been and where it belongs, between us. She shouldn't have said nothing to you. She should've talked to me about it."

  Jesse finally understood the problem. "Dad, she didn't say anything!" He wouldn't tell him that it was Caroline who had pointed out the problem to him, only mat the problem had become obvious. ' 'I just realized that she seemed to be needing a little special attention, that's all."

  Haney sent him a sharp look. He shifted his weight nervously, wiped his palms on his pants legs and looked away again. He swallowed, his Adam's apple bobbing up and down in his throat. "You figured I didn't notice that?"

  "Frankly, yes. Otherwise, you'd have realized that she wanted you to go to the spa with her the other day. She needed your support for that."

  Haney made a face.' 'Jesse, I don't buy no snake oil. You ought to know that!"

  "No one's saying that it's a cure, Dad!" Jesse pointed out. "But it did make her feel better, and right now that's about all we can do for her. She has a right to feel better, doesn't she?"

  '"Course," Haney said dismissively.

  "Besides," Jesse said, taking another tack, "you should've gotten a load of her in that bathing suit."

  124

  12S

  Haney stabbed him with his gaze. "You thi
nk I don't know how she looks in a bathing suit?"

  Jesse disciplined a grin. "If you did, you'd have been there to look again."

  Haney frowned. "That ain't no way to talk about your mother."

  Jesse chuckled. "You're just sorry you weren't there."

  Haney lifted a hand to the back of his neck. "Better I wasn't," he mumbled. He looked up at Jesse from beneath the crag of his brow, the message in his eyes telegraphing clearly. He didn't want the temptation. He really was afraid to touch her. Jesse understood suddenly why his mother was feeling self-conscious and old and why his father was short of temper. Was she that delicate? Or was it that Haney couldn't handle the situation? Whichever, Caroline had seen it, -not him.

  Rattled, Jesse stepped back, but he said, "Dad, Mom needs you more than ever just now."

  Haney stared at him for a long moment as if trying to decide something, but then he nodded. "I know. I'll go down and apologize in a minute if you'll get Caroline out of the way. I've embarrassed myself in front of her enough."

  Jesse nodded. It seemed that there ought to be something more to say, but for the life of him he couldn't think of it. He backed away, slowly, struck by how sad his father seemed to be just standing there with his hat in his hands. For the first time that morning, Jesse felt perfectly helpless, and he didn't know why.

  "Just give me a minute," he mumbled, backing toward the door. Haney didn't reply and didn't look at him, though Jesse knew he'd heard. Jesse turned and walked out of the room, even more troubled than when he'd entered, just in another way.

  He went lightly down the stairs and up the hall to the kitchen. Caroline was speaking to Sarah in a low voice as she thumbed through a cookbook. Sarah's eyes were dry, but she looked up the instant Jesse entered the room. For the first time, Jesse took off his hat. "Dad will be right down," he said with a tight smile. Relief flooded Sarah's eyes. She nodded and turned away. Jesse looked at Caroline, aware of the trepidation in her gaze. He kept

  his voice carefully neutral. "Caroline, can I talk to you for a few minutes?"

  She closed the cookbook and laid it on the counter. "Sure."

  She lifted her chin, but he knew dread when he saw it. He tried a smile, but it didn't seem to make much difference. He led her to the living room, where he set aside his hat, tugged off his gloves and slipped out of his coat. She trailed a hand along the back of the couch, but he noticed that the other was knotted into a fist. He ran a hand through his hair and opened his mouth to speak, but at the last instant she beat him to it.

  "It's all my fault, I know. I never should have said anything to you. It wasn't any of my business, and if I hadn't convinced you to—"

  "Whoa! I didn't bring you in here to bust your chops."

  She looked up in surprise. "You didn't?"

  "No! Dad just asked me to give him and Mom a little privacy so he could apologize."

  "Oh." She sagged against the couch, obviously overcome with relief. "Thank God!"

  He couldn't help a chuckle. "You didn't really think I was going to be that tough on you, did you?"

  She made a face. "I wouldn't blame you if you were, but that's not what I meant." She put a hand to her chest and closed her eyes. "I felt so sorry for her! He was so angry, and I couldn't even tell what it was about at first." To his dismay, she burst into tears,

  "Here now!" He stepped forward impulsively. She twisted her &ce away as if in shame. He lifted his arms, lowered them, lifted tern again. Damn! He mentally slammed off the alarms blaring inside bis head and did what seemed best under the circumstances: be stepped up and took her into his arms. She turned her face to chest, sobbing like her heart was broken. "Caroline, honey, t There's no reason to cry. Come on now." , *:Sfce looked up then. Her eyes were moss green, with tiny shards of blue in them, His heart constricted. "I thought I'd ruined it for them," she said through her tears.

  He chuckled but not because it was funny. It just seemed terribly important that he make her feel better somehow. "Sweet-

  127

  126

  heart, one shouting match doesn't make much dent in a forty-year-old marriage. Besides, you didn't do anything wrong. Neither did I, come to think of it No, there's more here than either one of us realized, I think, but they'll work it out. You'll see."

  Her breath came in shudders. "You're sure?"

  "Absolutely."

  She closed her eyes, sighing in relief. "There's such pain there, Jesse. It breaks my heart. I couldn't bear it if I were the cause!"

  He could see very clearly that she meant that, and it touched him deeply. "Sugar, you've done nothing but good around here. Your concern for my mother is obvious and helpful—to her and to me. Even to Dad."

  She sniffed, a smile starting. "Really?"

  "Really. Now dry those tears."

  But instead of drying up, fresh tears welled again. She shook her head. "I can't help it," she whispered, a smile wobbling on her lips. He knew then that he had to kiss her. There just wasn't any other way.

  It was as natural as breathing, bending his head to hers, covering her mouth with his. At first it was all comfort given and taken. She tasted of honey and salt, the saltiness of her tears, the honey beckoning him deeper into her mouth. It might have ended just the way it had started if she hadn't gone up on tiptoes, her hands lifting to his head, fingertips brushing lightly through his hair then splaying to cup his head and press his mouth harder to hers. Suddenly, even knowing that he was going to regret it, he desperately wanted that honey and plunged his tongue into her mouth for it.

  She shuddered and tightened her hands in his hair, lifting against him. As she pressed against his chest he thought of her breasts spilling over the top of her bathing suit and groaned. Her hands slid down the nape of his neck to his shoulders, briefly massaging the muscle there before her arms slid around his neck.

  He tightened his arms, and that leg curled around his again. At the same time, her tongue dueled with his and slid into his mouth, nearly blowing the top of his head off. Another moment and she would completely wrap herself around him, taking him between;

  her legs. He quivered at the thought, achingly aware of the hardness in his groin and the softness of her belly. Then she pulsed against him. It was just the barest rocking of her hips, the tiniest tilting of her pelvis, the slightest rub against him, and he very nearly exploded. Once more and he would, like some randy schoolboy copping a feel.

  Thoroughly disgusted with himself, he pushed her away, held her off, really, the length of his arms between them. The hardness in his groin knotted painfully, but it served him right Damnation, what was he doing? He had to' get control of this! The dreamy look on her face didn't help him one bit. Eyes glazed, mouth parted and moist, she showed him naked desire. It was all he could do not to pull her against him and finish what he had so .stupidly started. But he wouldn't. Hell, no, he wouldn't. He hoped. He stared at one hand, willing the fingers to unwind and release her. To his relief, they did. He jumped back about a yard.

  She stayed there, swaying lightly, and a slow smile curled her lovely lips. She took a deep bream and reached out a hand for him. "Jesse."

  The sound of his name skittered over his nerve endings. He shuddered and shook his head defensively. "No. No, no, no, no, no!"

  She languidly put both hands to her hair, still looking at him like she could eat him up in a single gulp. "Jesse, don't you see? It's perfect. You're perfect for me. You're everything I've ever wanted, and I know you—"

  "Caroline! Stop right there!" He didn't think he could bear more. He sucked air and searched for the words. He knew they were there somewhere, buried under all those images of her in mat swimsuit, wrapping herself around him.... Oh, Lord, he was losing his mind! She took a step toward him. He jumped, putting out an arm.

  "Caroline, this is all my fault! I'm sorry! I know I said it wouldn't happen again, and it wouldn't have if—" He gulped. Better not go there. "What I mean is, I...I took advantage of a w-weak moment, and I'm thoroughly
ashamed. I give you my wer4 it won't—will not—happen again."

  15

  AND A

  G/FT!

  128

  She actually stamped her foot. "Jesse! Why don't you get it? I want it to happen again! And again! And—"

  "No!" He made a slicing motion with his hand, cutting her off. Realizing that he had shouted, tie lowered his voice to a rumble. "I mean it, Caroline! I won't have an affair with a girl young enough to be my daughter!"

  She made a sound somewhere between a growl and a screech, a warning clear enough to make him backtrack to complete factuality.