At the Edge

by Norah McClintock

  “Can’t you go another time?”

  “I already said yes. Danny’s dad set it up, Robyn. He’s been really nice to me. Danny’s going to drive me. It’s out of town.”

  I guess what I was thinking showed on my face. Nick shook his head again.

  “I thought you’d be happy for me, Robyn. I thought you’d be glad I’m thinking about what I want to do with my life. I was going to tell you yesterday when I saw you. But you were too busy kissing that guy.”

  “It wasn’t what you think. It wasn’t that kind of kiss.”

  “Yeah? What kind of kiss was it?”

  “He’s new at school. He was just grateful, that’s all.”

  “Grateful?” The word was as sharp as a knife. “What exactly did you do to make him so grateful?”

  “Nothing. He’s had some problems, and I’ve been tutoring him, that’s all.”

  “Tutoring? So, what, you’re with him once a week?”

  “Two or three times actually.”

  “So you’re seeing this guy a couple of times a week, and he’s so thrilled he’s kissing you?”

  “What about you and Danny?”

  “That’s different.”

  “Morgan saw you with her at the mall yesterday.”

  That seemed to knock him off balance.

  “I had some errands to do. I ran into her. That’s all.”

  “So it was an accident?” I knew how I sounded—bitchy and suspicious—but I didn’t care.

  “She’s an old friend,” Nick said. He sounded tired and angry. “And a good one.”

  “You mean it wasn’t an accident you were with her at the mall?”

  “Danny’s family used to live in the apartment next to ours. Her room was right next to mine, and the walls were pretty thin. She heard a lot of the stuff that went on. You know what I mean, right?”

  I had a pretty good idea. Nick’s stepfather used to beat up on Nick’s mother. On Nick too.

  “We had this secret code. I’d be in my room, you know, after Duane was through with me, and Danny would tap on the wall. I’d sneak out onto the balcony and she would come out of her place, and we’d hang out there and pretend we were explorers or something. Danny was really big on explorers. She used to read all about them. It made her mad that they were all men. You wouldn’t believe it to look at her now, but she used to be a real tomboy type.”

  He was right. I didn’t believe it.

  “Her family moved about a year before my mother died,” Nick said. “It was awful. The worst time of my life. I didn’t have anyone to talk to anymore. After that, whenever Duane came after me, I just wished he would kill me. If it hadn’t been for Joey, he might have. When I bumped into Danny this summer, I couldn’t believe it. We talked for a couple of hours. It was like we’d never been separated. We just kind of picked up where we left off.”

  “Mm hmm.” I tried to keep the bitterness out of my voice.

  “She means a lot to me, Robyn. She got me through some really hard times.”

  “I wish the two of you nothing but happiness,” I said. I turned to go back upstairs.

  “Wait,” Nick said. He reached for me, but I pulled back out of his way.

  “Morgan saw you two together at the mall. She saw everything.”

  He knew what I meant. I could see it in his eyes. But he tried to bluff me.

  “What does that mean—everything?”

  I told him almost word for word what Morgan had told me. I had gone over it again and again. The words were etched into my brain.

  Nick just stood there.

  “So it’s true,” I said, my stomach churning.

  “That she kissed me? Yeah, it’s true. But it’s not what you think.”

  “Really?”

  Suddenly I wanted to hurt him as much as he was hurting me.

  “I went to James’s house for dinner,” I said. “I had a great time. He’s a nice guy. We have a lot in common.”

  “What’s that supposed to mean?”

  “It means what it means,” I said. “I wish you happiness with Danny. I hope you’ll wish me happiness with James.”

  Nick’s eyes burned into mine. “So now you’re going out with him?”

  “Like you said, you and Danny have a lot in common. So do James and I.”

  “Come on, Robyn. You acted like a total diva at that party, and you’re acting like a diva now.”

  “I am not. I’m telling you how I feel. I’m wishing you well.” Tears stung my eyes, but there was no way I was going to let him see me cry. “I have to go. I have to get ready for school.”

  I turned and ran back up the stairs.

  Nick didn’t try to stop me.

  . . .

  A few hours later I was at my locker, cramming my books into it and wishing I was somewhere else—wishing I was with Nick. Wishing it was some other time, too—maybe back in the summer on one of the weekends when he’d come up to Morgan’s cottage. Or even before then, maybe at the end of the school year, when Nick hadn’t been as busy as he was now, when we’d taken long walks together, just the two of us—well, the two of us and Orion—and it had been enough for both of us to just hold hands. Back when we hardly even needed to talk.

  Or maybe that was part of the problem. Maybe we hadn’t talked enough. Maybe I’d just assumed that Nick was happy, that he was comfortable in the silence. He was different around Danny. Not so quiet. He talked to her. He had told her his dreams. A vet—it had never crossed my mind that that was what he wanted to be. Worse, I’d never thought to ask about his plans for the future.

  “Are you okay?” said a voice behind me. Morgan. I looked over my shoulder at her. “What’s wrong?” she said as soon as she saw the expression on my face.

  “What isn’t?”

  “Nick?”

  I nodded. He was problem number one.

  “Did you talk to him?”

  “This morning.”

  “And?”

  “We had a fight.”

  “Did you ask him about what I saw?”

  “Yeah. Right after he told me that he’s spending the first day off he’s had in ages with Danny.” Okay, so maybe that wasn’t the point of the day, but that was how it was going to turn out—Nick and Danny together. “He really likes her, Morgan. I think he likes her more than he likes me.”

  Morgan looped her arm through mine. “Remember what you told Billy when I started going out with Sean?” she said.

  I sure did. Morgan had dumped Billy for another guy. Billy had been devastated. He had tried everything he could to win her back—without success. So I had told him the only thing I could think of that made any sense: Get over it. Move on.

  “It was good advice,” Morgan said.

  “But he didn’t take it,” I pointed out. “And he was right not to.”

  “That’s only because Sean turned out to be such a jerk. Look, the thing is, Robyn, you and Nick have had an up-and-down relationship ever since you met. You’re so different from each other.”

  “You and Billy are different from each other, too.”

  “Yes, but I’ve known Billy practically my whole life. All I’m saying is, if it’s not going to work out with Nick, it’s not your fault. You didn’t do anything wrong. You’ve stuck by him no matter what.”

  “He saw James kiss me,” I said. Problem number two.

  Morgan’s eyes widened.

  “You kissed James?”

  “No. James kissed me.”

  Morgan broke into an enormous grin.

  “Morgan, about James—”

  “It’s weird, isn’t it?” Morgan said.

  “What is?”

  “How Billy and James seem to have so much in common. How they’re both so gentle and shy and they both adore animals. And James is really nice, Robyn. It’s obvious he likes you.”

  He liked me so much that he had told me his deepest secret—unlike Nick.

  “Speak of the devil,” Morgan said. She nodded down the hall. I t
urned and saw James and Billy coming toward us, Billy matching his long-legged stride to James’s slower pace. James looked shyly at me, and I don’t think I imagined the apprehension on his face. He had asked me not to tell anyone his secret, and so far I hadn’t.

  Billy slipped an arm around Morgan’s waist, and she nestled contentedly against him. James looked at me and frowned.

  “Is something wrong?” he said.

  Morgan glanced at me. I could practically read her thoughts: Not only is he cute, but he’s also sensitive; he’s picking up on your mood, Robyn.

  “Just the usual,” I said. “School. Homework. Same old same old.”

  “I know what you mean,” he said. “Except I’m lucky enough to have an excellent math tutor to make my days a little easier.”

  Morgan beamed so brightly that a passerby would have thought she was the one who’d been complimented.

  “So, what do you have planned for the weekend, James?” she said oh-so-innocently. I could have strangled her.

  “I was just telling Billy that I have to drive up north.”

  Terrific. It looked like everyone had plans—except me.

  “Where are you going?” Morgan asked.

  “A town called Harris.”

  Morgan perked up immediately, and I knew why. According to her, the photos that we had seen in James’s cell phone had been taken in Harris. She glanced at me to see if I remembered.

  “What’s in Harris?” she said to James.

  “My dad bought a place outside of town a few months ago. I have to go and clean it out.”

  “For the winter, you mean?”

  “For good. We’re selling it.”

  “So soon after you bought it? Is it built on a swamp or something?”

  “My dad got a job offer.” James turned to me. “A visiting professorship.”

  “Where?” I said.

  “Australia. We’re moving again.” He sounded relieved—and no wonder. Australia was halfway around the world, far, far away from what had happened to his brother.

  Morgan glanced at me. She looked stricken on my behalf.

  “When are you leaving?” she said.

  “He starts teaching in January, so we’re leaving in December.”

  That was two months from now. In just two months, James would be gone. It was my turn to feel relieved. James didn’t want me to tell anyone his secret. He didn’t want anyone to know what had happened in that alley five years ago.

  And as long as no one knew his secret, no one would ever know the crazy link between the two of us. He would never know.

  James would never know that my mom was the lawyer who had grilled him on the witness stand that terrible day in court. He would never know that it was my mom who had made sure that the man who had shot his brother walked free. And if he never knew that, I would never have to face his hatred.

  “You’ll have an amazing time, James,” I said. “You could take up surfing.”

  James looked down at his bad leg. “Well, I don’t know about that.” Then he flashed a smile. “But it will be different, that’s for sure. I can’t wait.”

  “James invited us all to go to Harris with him this weekend,” Billy said.

  “Well, actually, Billy offered to come,” James said, the pink in his cheeks betraying his awkwardness.

  “Four can get a lot more done than one, and in a lot less time,” Billy said. “We can have that place cleaned out in no time. We can go up first thing Saturday morning—”

  “I can’t,” Morgan said.

  “Why not?” Billy asked.

  There was a slight pause before she answered.

  “Um, I have a hair appointment first thing Saturday morning.”

  I stared at her. She had had her hair cut and styled two weeks ago. Liar!

  “Cancel it,” Billy said. “You can get your hair done some other time.”

  Morgan looked aghast at the prospect.

  “Not with Anthony, I can’t. He’s booked up a month in advance.”

  “So, wait a month,” Billy said.

  Morgan managed to look even more horrified.

  Billy sighed. He turned to James.

  “Well, I’ll come,” he said. “And so will Robyn.”

  What? I hadn’t agreed to that.

  “Well, I—” I stammered. I couldn’t come up with an excuse as quickly as Morgan.

  “I’ll come too,” Morgan said. “If you’re willing to wait until late afternoon.”

  James frowned. “Well ... My dad is having some packing stuff delivered in the morning. I have to be there to sign for it.”

  “Or,” Morgan said, undeterred, “you and Robyn can go in the morning, and Billy and I will take the bus up later in the day. We can be there for dinner. Do you have a TV up there, James? We’ll bring some movies. It’ll be fun. Don’t you think, Robyn? Unless you have something else planned?”

  She knew perfectly well that I didn’t. Half of me wanted to strangle her. The other half thought that she might have a point. Maybe helping James would get my mind off Nick.

  “I’d be glad to help,” I said to James. He smiled gratefully.

  “Do you want me to bring my camera?” Morgan said. “You know, so we can take some pictures.”

  Could she be any less subtle?

  “Why don’t you?” James said. “I wouldn’t mind a few pictures. You guys have been so great.” He beamed at me.

  “Do you have a camera, James?” Morgan said. “Do you know anything about photography?”

  I could have kicked her.

  “Absolutely nothing,” he said.

  Morgan looked significantly at me.

  “Morgan has a really good camera,” Billy said. “She can be the official photographer.”

  James looked at each of us in turn.

  “You mean it?” he said. “You guys really want to help?”

  “Sure,” Billy said. “Why not?”

  James turned shyly to me. “I can pick you up first thing Saturday morning.”

  “Perfect,” Morgan said. “Billy and I will take the bus up after my appointment, and we can all drive back together Sunday evening. What do you say, James?”

  James didn’t hesitate. “Okay.” Then, in a quieter voice, he said to me, “At first I didn’t think I would miss anything or anyone here. Now I’m not so sure.”

  Morgan was right. He was a sweet guy. Was it possible that a couple of months from now I might be sorry that he was leaving?

  . . .

  “Gregory Johnson?” my dad said that afternoon after school. He was dressed for work at the warehouse and was hunting through his desk for something. “You mean that kid who was shot a few years ago? What brings him to mind, Robbie?”

  “We’re doing a unit on law in my social studies class,” I said. “My teacher mentioned it.”

  “She did?” My dad frowned. “I can’t imagine why. As far as I can recall, the case didn’t set any precedents.”

  “So you remember it?” I knew he would. My father might forget anniversaries and birthdays, but he never forgets anything related to criminal justice.

  “Sure. In what context did it come up?”

  “My teacher mentioned it in passing,” I said. “She was talking about eyewitness evidence.”

  My dad nodded. “That was a big factor in the case, that’s for sure.” He paused. “You haven’t talked to your mother about this, have you?”

  “Why?”

  “Well, it was her first murder case. And she took a lot of flak for it.”

  “She did?” I knew the case had been important to her. She had worked on it night and day. But I didn’t know that she’d been criticized because of it.

  “The eyewitness to the murder was the victim’s brother. He was just a kid himself. Couldn’t have been more than twelve or thirteen. And your mother—let’s just say that not everyone appreciated how thoroughly she did her job.”

  “What do you mean?”

  “Some people said that
she was a little too aggressive in cross-examining the kid.”

  “Did you think that?”

  My dad stopped his search and looked closely at me.

  “What’s this all about, Robbie? Did your teacher say something to you?”

  “I’m just asking, Dad.”

  He sank down onto his desk chair.

  “As I recall, the description the boy gave, combined with descriptions from a couple of people who had seen Eddy Leonard in the area before the murder, is what led the police to Leonard. The boy identified him out of a police lineup. He said he had no doubt who he had seen holding the gun in the alley that night, and that was the testimony he gave during the examination in chief. Then ...”

  He paused. “Did your teacher say something about your mom? Is that it? Because it has nothing to do with you. You don’t have to feel like you have to defend—”

  “It was nothing like that,” I said. “It just came up in passing, and I remembered the name. I thought maybe I’d do my project on the case.”

  My dad looked surprised.

  “Are you sure, Robbie? Because—”

  “It would make a great project, Dad. And the fact that Mom was involved makes it even more interesting.”

  “I don’t know if your mother would feel the same way.”

  “So what do you think, Dad? Do you think Mom was too aggressive?”

  “Everyone is entitled to the best defense, Robbie.”

  “I know.”

  “And the burden of proof is on the prosecution. It’s up to them to prove guilt beyond a reasonable doubt.”

  “I know that, too, Dad.”

  “It’s the defense attorney’s duty to mount a vigorous defense and to question the case made by the prosecution.” He paused and studied me again. “That’s what happened in the Leonard case.”

  “Then why did you and Mom argue so much about it at the time?”

  “You remember that, huh?”

  I nodded.

  “Well, that was hardly our best year together.”

  “Even so, you wouldn’t have argued if you thought Mom had done the right thing.”

  My dad shook his head. “I don’t know where you’re going with this,” he said. “But I’m not going to do it, Robbie.”

  “Not going to do what?”

  “Criticize your mom in front of you. She was just doing her job, and she did it well.”