by Anna Paige
“Both it is.” She winked and returned her attention to the stove. She had one of my favorite hats on, her hair in a knot that stuck out the opening in the back. I loved how she looked in it, how right it felt for her to wear it—or one of my T-shirts—around the apartment.
I’d barely been back to my place in the last two weeks, and Kaiti was so content to have me with her that she’d cleared out a couple of drawers and a spot in the closet for my clothes without saying a word. She knew I hated my place, the cold, sterile, empty feel of it, and she’d kind of moved me in a little at a time. I hadn’t had much aside from clothes and a few personal effects at my apartment, so over the course of the week, we would stop off there after work and grab a little at a time until there was basically nothing left for me to go back to. Not that there ever really had been in the first place.
Everything I wanted or needed was here, with Kaiti.
While we ate breakfast/dinner—and I raved because it was the best damn omelet I’d ever had—Kaiti looked out the window with a forlorn expression. “It’s raining. Supposed to last the next two days.” She gave me a weak smile. “I was hoping to get to the park and feed the birds. I used to do it every Friday afternoon when it wasn’t raining.” She looked out the window with squinty eyes, like she was shooting Mother Nature a dirty look for ruining her plans.
I was struck with an idea and picked up my tablet, suddenly excited.
She picked at the remnants of her waffles. “I guess we can kick back and watch movies. That could be fun too, if a little repetitive.”
“Ever been to LA?” I asked, still scrolling and jumping from one tab to the other, checking weather forecasts and flight times.
She chuckled and rolled her eyes when I looked up at her. “Oh yeah, all the time. I was just there last month in my private beach-front villa having a cabana boy feed me peeled grapes.”
“I’m serious. It’s too late to get you a passport.” I quirked a brow. “Unless you already have one, then we have a lot more options.”
She shook her head, looking at me like I was insane.
“We’ll get you one when we get back, so we can try somewhere further out next time. For now, I have a house in Santa Monica with its own strip of private beach and it’s the perfect place to escape this dreary weather.” I nodded, returning my attention to my task. “Can you be packed in an hour? There’s a flight leaving at seven. We’ll have a thirty-minute layover in Atlanta and get there around eleven.”
“You’re crazy. We have to work Monday morning.” She was shaking her head at my impulsiveness.
“We can sleep on the plane on our way back and get in late Sunday night or extremely early on Monday. Plenty of time for us to make it to the set.” I reached for her hand, deploying my most winning smile. “Come on, Kaiti-girl. It’s less than two days but I can make them feel like a week. I want to walk on the beach with you and make love to you under the stars.”
“And get sand in unfortunate places.” She rolled her eyes but she was smiling.
“I’ll bring a blanket.” I kissed the back of her hand and nipped her knuckle with my teeth. “Or I could suffer through the sand invasion by letting you be on top. See the sacrifices I’m willing to make?”
We were both laughing when she finally agreed and hurried off to the bedroom to pack. I booked our flight and made arrangements to get the house prepped and stocked before joining Kaiti in the bedroom. Packing and laughing turned into her excitedly modeling various swimsuits, looking for my opinion. Big mistake on her part. We made love—twice—showered, finished packing, and hauled ass to the airport, barely making our flight.
Best start to the weekend ever.
By the time we made it to my place in the Palisades, we were practically bouncing on our heels, filled with anticipation and energy. The flight had been long but interesting, with us talking about anything and everything under the sun while we sipped champagne and nibbled crust-less sandwiches—more to balance out the alcohol than out of actual hunger.
Not that we weren’t hungry—we were—but not for food or drink.
Arriving so late, we missed a lot of the view as we drove along the coastline toward my beach house. I vowed to take her for a drive up the coast before we left because it was an experience everyone should have, and I didn’t want her missing out.
Once we’d reached my place, I took our bags from the driver and tipped him, then waited for the automatic gate to close as he left. I had my own cars in the garage to use over the weekend, so I wouldn’t need him again until it was time to head to the airport Sunday night. Just thinking about going back was enough to nearly ruin my excited buzz.
Until I heard Kaiti clearing her throat behind me.
“So, Hollywood, you gonna give me a tour of this dump or are we camping in the driveway all weekend?”
I turned and tossed the bags over my shoulder. “This dump is about to become one of your favorite places on Earth, Kaiti-girl. Because we’re not leaving here until we christen every corner of every room—along with that huge strip of private beach.” I nodded toward the sound of crashing waves.
She turned to peer at the gate beside the house, eyes full of mischief. “Then let’s get started…” She pulled her shirt over her head and stood in a thin, lace bra. Next, she shimmied out of her shorts and left them both in the middle of my driveway. Just like that, she was off, racing through the gate and giggling like crazy as she made a beeline for the water. I threw the bags on the back deck as I passed by, tossing my shirt and shorts near a stack of beach chairs and chased after her.
She squealed when she hit the water but didn’t stop until she was chest deep, the waves rolling in lazily around her. She leaned into them, keeping her spot until I reached her. She leaped up in the water, wrapped her limbs around me, and kissed me as deeply as she could while smiling her head off.
The more she laughed and played and splashed in the moonlit water, the lighter I felt.
I’d never expected this, any of it. I’d been unhappy with the way things were going for a while, with work and the entire trajectory of my life, but I never thought one person could swoop in and put it all into perspective. The crazy thing was, she had no clue.
In my career, I’d done my own stunts and fight scenes, led armies and been the hero who’d won out over all kinds of bad guys, but when the cameras stopped and there was no one there but me, I couldn’t for the life of me remember who the hell I was before all this started.
With Kaiti, though, it was like she was a mirror, and she was showing me who I wanted to be—who I could have been if I hadn’t spent my life pretending to be other people for a damn payday.
And I liked that guy so much more.
Thirteen
Kaiti
Lying on the beach Saturday night, while he watched the wind tangle my hair, Gavin told me about being ‘discovered’ at eight years old, about how crazy his life was growing up and how his parents hung in there through it all because they knew he loved acting so much.
He talked about his mom and dad like they were absolute saints, and I found myself feeling a little jealous of how amazing they had been. He said his favorite moment ever was when he’d presented them with their twentieth-anniversary present—the deed to their house in Maui.
I loved his generous, kind heart and how he glowed when he spoke of them. He laughed when he told me how technology-phobic his mom was and how his dad was obsessed with sending him glasses and hats so he could stay incognito in style. Most of his collection had come from his father who really did have great taste.
I was still laughing at a hilarious story that involved his mom throwing her birthday present—a smart watch purchased specifically to mess with her—in the freezer in frustration when Gavin asked me to tell him how I ended up in foster care. His patient smile and warm eyes made me feel safer than I had in a long time, maybe ever, so I did something I never thought I would… I opened up.
I told him about my parents and how
they’d abandoned me. How I’d lived in the house alone for over a month at ten years old until a neighbor caught on and called social services. It was good that someone had called. It had been summer at the time, and I was out of food and the power had just been cut off by the time the police showed up and carted me off to a group home.
“I bawled my head off for months after they left—long after I was taken in by the state—clutching a stupid family picture I’d stolen out of the frame in our living room. I cried on it so many times it was almost ruined.” I pushed a few strands of hair from my cheek, hating how they’d stuck to the few quiet tears that had trickled down the sides of my face.
Gavin was silent at my side, his shoulder touching mine as we stared at the sky.
“I woke up crying nearly every night from stupid dreams that they’d come back for me and tell me it was all a mistake, that they loved me and someone had forced them to stay away. That they had fought to get back to me and would have never left me alone and afraid in an empty house. That they hated knowing how hungry I’d been or how awful it was that I had to eat rotten fruit and uncooked macaroni and cheese to stay alive because I was too afraid to go ask someone for food. God, I remember wetting the elbow noodles in my mouth and dipping them into the packet of powdered cheese before crunching on them until the jagged pieces cut my gums.” I pressed one hand to my mouth, phantom pain flaring to punctuate the memory.
Tap, tap, tap.
Gavin’s hand came to rest on mine and squeezed. “Baby, you don’t have to—”
I ignored him and kept talking, needing to get it out, to say it out loud for the first time in… ever. “In my dreams, they were horrified knowing I sat and listened to the ice cream truck going by every afternoon, that I cried every day because I didn’t have any money and my stomach was always growly. They’d wail their apologies when I told them that sometimes I’d peek through the blinds and watch the parents holding their children’s hands as they decided what treat they wanted from the truck. Some of the kids rode on their daddy’s shoulders and giggled as they were handed their ice cream while I sat there on the floor, peeking out my window, crying for the parents who’d abandoned me.” I shook my head, tears rolling back toward my temples and disappearing into my hair. “In those dreams, it didn’t matter why they’d left because they’d come back and we were a family again. That’s all I wanted, all any kid wants.”
Those dreams that had comforted me in the beginning eventually felt more like nightmares. Because they didn’t come back. They didn’t care what happened to me. I was on my own.
When he asked if I was sure they abandoned me, I nodded and told him that they were eventually tracked down and arrested. They were informed I was in state custody and simply nodded, without so much as asking how I was.
I even admitted that, before they were found, I’d wondered if maybe they’d been in an accident and both had amnesia or been in the hospital. I’d even considered that they’d been killed. But I’d never thought they just didn’t want me anymore.
After I found out the truth, anytime anyone asked, I would say they died. Because it was easier than the truth and, God help me, I spent a lot of time wishing they had. What they’d done had certainly killed a part of me.
“You still have a family, Kaiti. You have Evie. And you have me,” he told me when I was through. “Neither of us is going anywhere.”
“Evie says friends are the family you get to choose for yourself.” I smiled and turned my head, nuzzling his hand.
“She’s right, you know? I’ve already chosen you, Kaiti-girl. And if you choose me too, I swear I’ll never let you down the way they did. Only a fool would let you go, and I’m anything but a fool.”
“Will you still choose me if this is all there is? If these three months are the extent of my time on the show and I go back to my regular life while you stay there and do the star thing?” I had to be realistic about this, even though the fairytale-loving little girl inside me was screaming at me to shut up. He had to know this wasn’t a permanent situation, me being on the show.
“I don’t have to continue choosing you, it’s done. You’re it for me. Whether we work or live together or have to fight for every second we can get because we have different schedules. It doesn’t matter how much shit gets in the way. We’ll figure it out.”
I shook my head at his resolute expression. “I love how committed you are to this.”
“And I love everything about you.” He kissed the tip of my nose and I laid back with a sigh of contentment.
The waves rolled in and filled the silence between us until I said, “I’ve been wondering something. We already talked about what I would want to do if my role as Meadow came to an end. What about you? If you could do anything, what would you want to do? What did you dream of doing when you were a kid?”
He picked at a spot on the blanket between us and answered in a voice tinged with sadness. “I don’t remember what I wanted to be back then. I was so young when I started out in the business, I don’t think I ever really had time to dream. I mean, aside from the typical little boy fantasies where I was a cowboy or an astronaut.” He chuckled softly. “Funny thing is, I ended up being both over the years, in one role or another.”
“Okay, if you don’t have a childhood dream stored up, how would grown-up Gavin answer that question?”
He laid back on the blanket, staring up at the sky. “I find it hilarious that you think I’m a grown-up.”
“Is that you trying to side-step the question?” I was tempted to roll onto my side so he could see my face but I stayed where I was. Sometimes it was easier to open up when you weren’t focused on the person you were talking to. I knew from experience.
He smiled at the stars and shook his head ever so slightly. “No. That’s me not knowing the answer. The truth is, I’m doing what I love—even if a lot of the facets of it aren’t what I wish they were. I’m not happy with a lot of the peripheral shit like the off-camera drama and inflated egos, but I love the process of acting. There’s a freedom in it that I don’t think I could find anywhere else, so I deal with the parts I don’t like and relish the ones I do.”
“I wish you didn’t have to distance yourself from so much to avoid the unpleasantness. I feel like maybe you’re missing out on some things by keeping yourself apart from everyone.” I chewed my lip as I considered, my eyes straying to a single, puffy cloud moving across the sky. “On the other hand, it’s pretty awesome that you don’t feed into the drama. You’re not giving into it or backing down from what you believe just because so many others in your position have.”
He chuckled. “You know all about not backing down don’t you, my fearless girl?
“I’m not fearless. I’m actually afraid of a lot of things and I struggle with my anxiety every day. Some days are easier than others, and some days I lose the battle, but that’s okay. That’s life. You let the bad days go and keep moving.” I watched the intermittent flashing of an airplane’s lights as it crept across the darkened sky. “It’s been easier lately, a lot of good days and more reason to fight off the bad ones.”
“What reason is that?”
“You,” I admitted. “It’s unbelievable how much having you has strengthened me. It’s only been like six weeks. How crazy is that?”
He reached out and gripped my hand, both of us still flat on our backs, staring up at the sky. “Not crazy at all, I feel the same way and have from the start. No masks, remember? I’ve only ever had that with you, the freedom and desire to be myself.” He cleared his throat, and I wondered if I imagined the thickness in his voice. “Besides,” he said as he changed the subject, “it’s not that fast when you really think about it. The average date lasts what, three hours?”
“Something like that.” I wondered where this was going.
“Well, we’re together an average of fourteen hours a day, five days a week—and that’s just on set. You do the math on that and it equals a lot of dates. And yes, we were wor
king, but we were also hanging out between scenes, texting, flirting, talking, running lines, and generally finding reasons to be in each other’s company.” He squeezed my hand. “Then there are all the non-work hours we’ve spent together, which add up to dozens more ‘dates,’ so if you add it all up, we’ve actually been dating for damn near a year, we just packed it all into a really short amount of time.”
“I guess we’re just a couple of overachievers, huh?” I laughed.
“You had me at couple.” He let go of my hand and rolled onto his side, tugging at me until I did the same. “And I don’t care about the math or the number of days or that some people may think we’re moving too fast. I’ve been waiting for this moment my entire life and I’m not justifying a damn thing to anyone.”
“Me either.”
He nodded, letting his knuckles trail up my side, the warmth of his hand on my chilled skin giving me goosebumps.
“I love you,” I murmured, eyes locking on his perfect mouth.
“I love you too, Kaiti-girl.”
I threw one leg over his hips and curled it behind him, using it to pull him closer as I reached out and tweaked his nipple. “Prove it,” I challenged, my heart racing and my body already responding to the heat in his eyes.
“You keep up with that and I’ll be whisking you away to Vegas to put a ring on it before we go back.”
“It’s cute that you think you’ll have the energy after I’m done with you.” I winked and reached for the sizable erection pressing into my stomach. “Or that I’ll be able to walk anywhere, much less down the aisle.” I knew he was joking, but only halfway. And I was only halfway attempting to distract him because it wasn’t as scary a thought as it should have been. Nothing with Gavin ever was.
He pressed himself into my palm with a groan. “Okay, Vegas next weekend. If we don’t screw ourselves to death before then.”
I ran my thumb lightly over his tip, teasing. “What a way to go…”
