“You like to shop?” Seth asks excitedly.
“Duh. Totally.”
“Me, too. Maybe I’ll go with you sometime.”
Jenna glances at me, as if asking for my permission.
I wave her off. “I don’t care. You can do whatever you want.”
She claps her hands and squeals. “Awesome.” She starts backing away. “I’m going to go check up on Ari. I just wanted to see how things were going.”
“Where is Ari?” I ask her, searching the mob of people for him.
“Oh, he threw up,” she tells me solemnly. “He couldn’t handle the ride.”
She whirls on her heels and hurries off toward the bathroom stalls across from us.
“She’s fun,” Seth comments as he turns to me.
“Yeah, she’ll definitely keep you on your toes.” With the tickets in my hand, I nod my head in the direction of the Ferris Wheel and motion for Seth to follow. “I only met her a few weeks ago, but she and her boyfriend have been pretty cool. They’ve made starting over easy, too.”
“Why did you decide to leave Florida?” he asks. As we pass by a large group of guys around our age, he seems to grow really nervous and puts at least ten feet between us.
His edginess seems to amplify when one of the guys turns and looks in our direction. Seth looks like he’s one step away from panicking. I want to reach out and take his hand, tell him to relax, but I worry that will only make him freak out more.
“I mean, I know you got a scholarship, but that’s still a pretty big move just for school,” he continues on after the guys have disappeared from our sight.
I try not to be bothered by his move, but it stings a little. “My parents didn’t have a whole lot saved up, so that was part of the reason.” I massage the back of my neck as I get in line. “I don’t know, though. I also sort of wanted to start over and make decisions for myself. My parents are cool, but they rely on me a lot. Plus, I got a rep for being…” I trail off before I make myself look like a douchebag.
“Rep for what?” Seth inquires, clearly intrigued.
I consider sugarcoating it, but I’ve never been that great a liar. “It’s going to make me come off as a douche, so promise you won’t judge me.”
“Trust me, I would never judge you.”
“Okay, well, I got a rep for being a closed-off manwhore.” I move forward with the line. “It’s not true. Well, not really. I’m just…”
“Shy?” he tries. “Because it doesn’t seem that way. At all, really.”
“No, it’s not that.” I pause, staring up at the ride as it twirls the carts toward the night sky. “Sometimes, I get the feeling that I come off as an out of place, awkward loner, if that makes sense.”
“That makes perfect sense.” He steps forward as the line moves. “So, were you one of those angsty teenagers who wrote tortured poetry?”
I chuckle as I elevate my brows. “The fifteen year old version of me was kind of like that, but I outgrew that phase by the time I was sixteen. That was mainly because my mother took away all of my music, my computer, even my camera and threatened to never give it back unless I got out of the house more and lived a little.”
“Even though you might hate me for saying this, I think your mother sounds fabulous.”
“She can be, in her own way. But living with her can get intense.”
We shuffle forward with the line and finally reach the ramp. I hand the carnie six tickets then we hop into the seat and he locks the bar. With a jerk, the wheel spins, taking us upward. Eighties rock blasts from the stereo and fills up the silence between us.
Seth grips the bar, frowning at the ground. “I’m not a fan of heights.”
Feeling daring, I slide my fingers along the bar and place my hand over his. His skin is warm beneath mine and I trace circles on it with my thumb, getting completely turned on. Fuck, it’s been awhile. In fact, it’s been too long. “I promise I won’t let anything happen to you.” I glance at his lips and think about kissing him right there on the slow ass Ferris Wheel, maybe even touching him a little.
He stares at our interlocked fingers then tensely looks around at the young couple in the cart above us and at the giggle girls in the cart below us before moving our hands down to the seat between us. He’s worried someone will see us, and again, I don’t have a fucking clue how to react. All my life, I’ve been taught to be proud of who I am. With the exception of a few angsty teenage years I spent searching for myself, I’ve done just that. Yes, I had moments where I was terrified out of my damn mind. The first time I held hands with another guy in public. During my first kiss. When I told my parents I was gay, I was shaking so badly I could hardly breathe, but with time, I started feeling like I was settling into who I am.
He offers me a nervous smile. “Sorry.”
“It’s okay,” I say, but I don’t think I really mean it.
“Okay, so, I have to ask,” he says, changing the subject. “Where’d the manwhore rep come from?”
I pull a face. “That wasn’t my fault.”
“Oh, yeah?” His brow arches skeptically. “Cause that kind of sounds like a line.”
“I swear it’s not, though. There’s a huge, long story behind it.”
When the cart rocks, Seth’s grip tightens on my hand. “Do tell, please.”
I sigh. “You’re not going to let this go, are you?”
He shakes his head. “The first thing you should know about me is I never let anything go that intrigues me.”
“Fine. I’ll give you the short version... When I first started dating, I dated a lot, but mainly because I had such a hard time talking to guys. Every time I went out, I would freeze up and things would get really awkward.”
“You keep saying how awkward you were and how hard it was for you to talk to people, but it doesn’t make sense to me. You seem okay now.”
“I’m getting better,” I say with a shrug. “Plus, you’re easy to talk to.”
Grinning, he points a finger at me. “That is definitely true.”
“Sometimes I have a hard time figuring out what to say, though, and I end up staring at the person in silence, which makes me come off as either angry or just plain weird.”
We laugh as the cart reaches the bottom and starts to round toward the top again.
“Okay, so now you have to tell me some stuff about you,” I say, relaxing back in the seat.
Seth’s mouth sinks to a frown. “There’s really not much to tell.”
“I doubt that.”
“Okay, you’re right, but my story is…” His gaze falls to his arm again.
That’s when I notice the faint scars crisscrossing his arm, hand, and fingers.
“What happened?” I reach out with my free hand, tracing my fingertip across one of the longer scars marring his forearm.
He shivers from my touch, but quickly pulls away and tucks his arm to his side. “It’s a long story.”
I press my lips together to stop myself from pressing him for details. It’s clearly a touchy subject for him, and I have to wonder if his scars have anything to do with why he’s so skittish about PDA.
“Hold on a second.” He retrieves his phone from his pocket and then frowns at the screen. “Shit. I have to go meet up with Callie.”
I can’t tell if he’s lying, but from my angle, it looks like he’s staring at a blank screen.
“That’s cool. Want to catch up later?”
“Maybe.” He puts his phone away then turns to me. “But only if you promise we can ride something that moves faster than a snail.”
“All right. I’m down,” I say, grinning.
We hold hands and talk a bit more as we make the final loop, but Seth quickly pulls away as the carnie approaches us and lets us out. He waves goodbye and I head off to find Jenna and Ari.
I spend the rest of the night hanging out with the two of them and texting Seth. Around midnight, he says he’s sorry, but he won’t be able to meet up tonight, that Callie
needs him. I’m a bit confused whether he’s being truthful or running away again. Still, by the end of the night, I’ve texted him so much that it might be a record for me. All the conversations seem to focus on me, though, and I find myself wishing I knew him better. Maybe then I could understand what’s going on in his head. Starting with what the fuck put those scars on his arm.
Chapter 6
Seth
I feel like the most tragic person that’s ever existed. Not only did I act like a spaz when Greyson tried to hold my hand, but then I blew him off. It wasn’t entirely my fault, though. I was planning on meeting up with him later like I said, but then something happened between Kayden and Callie while they were on the playground ride at the carnival. Whatever went down has her looking alternately high as a kite and sullen as a Goth girl.
“So, do you want to share what that weird look on your face is about?” I ask after we make it back to my dorm room.
Callie is spending the night, something she’s been doing a lot lately because her skank-of-a-roommate made a rule that Callie couldn’t enter when a red scarf was hanging on the doorknob. The damn thing practically hangs on the door twenty-four seven, so much that I wonder how the girl can even walk.
Callie remains quiet as I kick off my boots and climb into my unmade bed.
Then she lies down next to me and rests her cheek on the pillow. “You really want to know?’
“Heck, yeah. You look like you’re high.” I roll to my side and prop up on my elbow. “Wait a minute. Is that what you were doing up there? Were you getting high?”
She swats my arm. “No… we were… kissing.”
The look of fear in her eyes causes me to laugh. “You say that like it’s so wrong.”
She shrugs, staring at her hands. “It feels like it should be wrong… the last time someone kissed me, that’s how it felt.”
I sigh. “That’s because the last time it was. But not this time. This time it was right. Both of you wanted it. Right?”
She bites back a smile. “It was a really nice kiss.”
For a brief moment, I feel jealous of her. It’s been so long since I’ve been kissed and after what happened, the memories of those kisses feel tainted. With the way Greyson was looking at me tonight, I knew if I went in for the kiss, he would have kissed me back. But once again, I’ve become a walking tragedy and let my past control me.
Knowing I need to be happy for Callie, though, I jump up and bounce on the mattress. “Okay, tell me how it went. What were you doing? And how did it happen?”
She sits up and reclines against the headboard. “He said that whole challenge thing was a setup to get me up there.”
I roll my eyes. When Kayden told us about that lame challenge of seeing who could get through the playground ride first, I knew it was a setup. “Well, duh. I got that they were up to something.”
“Really.” She frowns. “I thought they were just being guys.”
“Oh, they were,” I assure her. “Relax, it was all for fun and he got to kiss you just like he was trying to do the whole night.”
She hugs a pillow to her chest. “Yeah, but did he seem a little offish when we left?”
“He seemed tired, but not offish.”
She fastens her hair into a messy bun. “So, what was that thing with that guy you were talking about?”
My pulse quickens just thinking about Greyson. How easy it was to talk to him. How amazing it felt when he touched my hand. Even though I acted like a weirdo toward the end, it was still a great night.
“We hung out for a while on the Ferris Wheel.” I take out my phone. “I got his phone number earlier and we were texting for like half the night. It was pretty amazing.”
“I’m so happy for you. Are you going to go out with him?”
“Maybe.” Deciding not to dwell on the negative, I relax in the bed and smile. “God, it was such a great night.”
She stares up at the ceiling with a content look on her face. “It really was.”
A few minutes later, I doze off dreaming of Ferris Wheels, soft circles, and the way Greyson kept staring at my lips.
Eventually the dream shifts, though. I’m no longer at the carnival, but on the ground. Feet and fists are slamming against my side as people shout hateful words at me. They don’t even know me; they hate me simply because I’m different. So much hate pollutes the air that I can barely breathe. I use my arm to protect my head from the blows and feel the bones snap as someone stomps on it.
As blinding pain shoots through my body, I blink up through the blood and dirt and see a familiar face looking down at me, only it can’t be right. Braiden never looks at me like that, like he hates me so much he can’t stand it.
The look hurts more than the fists and the kicks.
Chapter 7
Seth
The next day I wake up with a pounding headache and an overwhelming urge to skip out on class, so I do. I spend the morning going through my clothes and putting outfits together, working on my homework, and avoiding Greyson’s texts. Deep down, I know he’s not Braiden. He’s already proven that by simply being seen in public with me, but the nightmares make the wounds on my arm feel too fresh.
Around eleven, I’m waiting outside of Callie’s dorm room while she gets dressed so we can go get some breakfast. My phone buzzes from inside my pocket and I tense as I open the message.
Greyson: Hey, haven’t heard from u. Hope everything is okay with Callie. Anyway, call me when you get a chance. Jenna’s making me go to this art show next Friday and she suggested I bring u too so we can double date.
As soon as I finish reading the message, another text buzzes through.
Greyson: Okay, so I totally just reread my message and realized how lame a double date probably sounds. I promise, though, it’ll be fun. There’s free wine and food and we can leave the moment it gets boring.
My finger hovers over the buttons as I deliberate how to reply. He’s asking me out on a date. Like a real date date.
“Hey, man.” Luke strolls up to me, zipping up his jacket. “I was actually heading to your dorm.”
“Why?” I ask, shoving my phone away without replying.
“I actually need a favor.”
“Are we to the favor stage yet?” I joke as I tame my hair with my fingers.
He chuckles then bobs his head from side to side. “I was kind of hoping we were.”
“Okay.” I wait for him to explain.
He huffs out a breath. “I need to borrow your car.”
My brows knit. “Where’s your truck?”
“Kayden borrowed it so he could drive home for prom.” His jaw tightens in annoyance.
“Prom?” I frown. “What the hell?”
He lifts his shoulder and shrugs. “His girlfriend back home is a senior and he promised her he’d take her.”
My lip instinctively curls. “Seriously? He’s still dating that Barbie bitch I met a couple weeks ago?”
Luke barks a laugh. “I really like that description of her.”
I don’t find it funny at all. “I thought Kayden broke up with her.” I glance over my shoulder at Callie’s door, hoping she can’t hear.
“He did, but he promised Daisy he’d go with her before they broke up,” he says with another shrug. “Honestly, I don’t get it, but for some reason, Kayden can’t seem to just tell her no. He’s always been that way, though.”
Suddenly, the door behind me swings open, and Callie walks out, slipping on a hoodie. I try to keep a lock on my expression, but my smile falters when she grins at me.
She immediately stiffens. “What’s wrong?”
Luke has a guilty look on his face as he waves at her. “Hey, Callie, what’s up?”
She self-consciously combs her hands through her hair. “Nothing much. Seth and I are just headed out to get some breakfast.”
“Yeah, we were just talking about that.” Luke backs down the hall, totally bailing out on the situation. “I was asking Seth if I could
borrow his car, but I’ll just find someone else.”
I glare at him for leaving me to break the news to her, and he quickens his pace.
“Why? Where’s your truck?” Callie calls out.
“Kayden took it somewhere.” He waves at us, then spins on his heels and jogs down the hallway like a coward. “I’ll catch up with you two later,” he calls over his shoulder.
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