by Carol Oates
Sebastian turned from her in a move he hoped would show her he didn’t fear her. She might control his body and infiltrate his mind…to a point. He would not give her the satisfaction of fear. Even with his back turned and several paces away, Sebastian could tell where she stood still, watching. If she moved, he would hear the soft clicking of her heels, the caress of her leather-clad thighs against each other with every step. Even the way dust particles swirled around them when Ananchel moved to tilt her head and the barely audible ruffle of her wings gave her away. Sebastian could move just as fast if he needed to, regardless of what she threw at him.
“I believe you overestimate your seduction prowess, Ananchel. The only reason I don’t kill you now is I suspect Draven will want that pleasure for himself. How much sweeter it will be for me to watch you die by his hand.”
Ananchel didn’t appear to be in the least bit phased. “You won’t tell Draven, because if you do, you will never get the Creation Blade, and you will never be able to stop Lilith. She’ll corrupt those precious humans you love so much until she gets what she wants. You know Candra—always happy to sacrifice herself.”
“I will find a way,” Sebastian spat. His wings bore down heavily on his body once again. He wanted to allow them to fade away and pretend he was a human man. However, he couldn’t. Another battle loomed on the horizon, and apparently, he was to shoulder the blame.
“How?” she asked. “The only way to trap her now is with the Creation Blade. She wants Candra because she is stronger than any human. She will never stop pursuing her, and once Candra realizes exactly what Lilith is capable of, she will give in. Maybe she will trade herself for the blade to give you a chance to defeat Lilith or return to heaven. Of course, she will be lost in the process.”
Sebastian barked a wry laugh. “You think I’m going to tell you how I plan to stop this? You’re crazier than a box of cats.”
Ananchel slithered up to him and ran her long fingers across his shoulder. “Meow,” she breathed across his ear, dragging out the sound. “You don’t have a plan because you know Lilith will never surrender the Creation Blade, not unless I convince her to.”
“Do it then,” he ordered.
“Tut, tut, Sebastian. Don’t think you can make demands of me. If you want me to help you save Candra, I will need something from you.” She stopped in front of him.
Sebastian took a step back. “As long as it doesn’t involve skin to skin contact.”
“No.” She snorted a laugh. “I want you to give her up.”
“No.” The words left his mouth before his brain consciously registered her statement.
“You are going to lose her either way, and at least this way, she will live. Quite a conundrum to be in, isn’t it?”
“Why are you doing this?”
“You know why,” she seethed. “For Draven. He loves her. She will be my gift to him.”
The choice wasn’t the problem at all. There was no question Sebastian would do whatever he had to do to keep Candra safe, even at cost to himself. The price of peace, the price of getting rid of Lilith…this was it. Then again, there was no chance he would walk away if he could find any other way.
“Candra isn’t some trinket to be bartered. Draven will never stand for this.”
Her eyebrows arched, and her lips curved upward on one side. “Are you sure about that, Sebastian? Can you wager Candra’s life? You and he have been at odds for so long, and now one of the few things you have in common is that you both love the same woman. Are you really so sure he won’t do everything in his power to save her, even forgiving me my little indiscretion?”
Sebastian glared at her incredulously. An indiscretion! Ananchel had him, and they both knew it. How could he trust Draven now? What would he give for his chance with Candra? It dawned on him that he didn’t trust Draven as much as he had come to think. He couldn’t be entirely sure Draven wouldn’t side with Ananchel as a means to an end. Draven would get everything he wanted after all…the human life he abandoned heaven for would be his. If Draven retrieved the blade quickly and cleanly, saved Candra and at the same time eliminated Lilith from this world, how would it make Sebastian look? How could he face Candra if she knew he would cling to her at the cost of everything she had almost given up her freedom to save?
Terror raced through his heart and threatened to crack it wide open as the hopelessness of his situation registered with him. His fingers trembled. It’s over, he told himself. I can’t win. He’d already as good as lost Candra.
He had made his decision. Nevertheless, he dithered, arguing back and forth with himself about how to avert this disaster. Ultimately, he had to be sure Candra would be safe and Lilith would never return. Ananchel was offering that up on a plate, and Sebastian knew he had to take it. The revelations didn’t feel real to him. Lilith had been the enemy all along, but the entire sick situation had been designed by one of his own—a Watcher. Ananchel had given up heaven’s most powerful trophy and dangerous weapon because she felt rejected.
He had come here to strike a completely different deal. He wanted his freedom when this was over. He wanted to fall. He should have guessed his punishment for past sins would never be over. Nothing would ever be enough. Even as Sebastian nodded in agreement, his heart finally cracked open, and his vision of the future narrowed to a pinhole.
Chapter Seventeen
CANDRA FOUND SEBASTIAN LOUNGING against the wall at the side of the school building, a place he never waited for her. Normally, Sebastian waited across the street. However, here he was, his knee bent, his foot to the wall and tapping a slow rhythmic beat. The back of his head rested against the brickwork. Candra shivered when his Adam’s apple moved, drawing her gaze to the pale golden flesh of his long throat under his sharp jawline. She wanted to feel his skin under her fingers. She even considered reaching out briefly as she stood, quietly watching him. Candra couldn’t shift the feeling this could be her last chance.
Something had dramatically shifted between them, and she didn’t know how to repair it. Did he know she’d lied? If he did, why didn’t he just say so? Why the silent treatment? Still, she thought of running her fingers from the soft hairless flesh behind his ear, along the roughness of his jaw, and down his neck to the hollow of his throat. A chill rushed across her skin, and her heartbeat increased exponentially. She’d missed him over the previous few days, and the apparent fracture in their relationship had never been so obvious as it was standing so close to him.
His eyes remained closed as if he didn’t hear her approach, and it struck Candra as unusual, since he was always on high alert lately. Sebastian took another long draw on his cigarette, holding the smoke in his lungs before blowing it upward, while humming to himself.
He seemed more peaceful than she had seen since the night of the ball. The night the relief of knowing they could be together seemed to float in a cushion of happiness around them.
He was a beautiful sight, one Candra didn’t want to disturb, especially since it had the curious effect of calming her. She could have stood listening to his voice forever…but that would’ve defeated the purpose of meeting.
Candra took another step closer; immediately his frame became rigid and the melody ceased. Although he didn’t open his eyes, tension appeared to rocket through his body at warp speed, and he gulped audibly. She took another step toward the wall, keeping a distance between them. His reactions made every muscle in her body ready to fight or flee, and adrenaline rushed into her blood stream. It was as though she was approaching a stranger.
He turned his head a little without shifting from the wall and peeked out of one eye before he closed it again, returning to his previous position. She recognized the action as a pretense of looking casual when his shoulder flinched as if an invisible hand shoved him roughly. Candra had spent enough time with Sebastian to sense when he was lying, and his entire body screamed it at her right now.
He took another drag and flicked the tip of his cigarette to knock
some ash from the end. If not for the fact that he’d looked directly at her, she wouldn’t have been sure he’d seen her at all. A few students passed through the quiet side street and huddled together in whispered conversations. No doubt wondering about the guy they had seen waiting for Candra so many times but never so close, never right beside the building. She found herself blushing with sheer frustration, suspecting the students may be thinking they had come across a lovers’ quarrel. Candra’s heart thumped faster, annoyed at herself for caring what any of them thought.
A few minutes passed, and aside from finishing his cigarette, Sebastian didn’t move. His demeanor eased marginally, and it surprised Candra, given her annoyance, to feel her own responses mimic his. His scent hung thick in the cool air, and she tasted it with every breath, recalling the unanswered texts and the ignored calls. She’d even stopped by the brownstone twice. Both times, he was out.
She leaned against the wall at his side, watching him openly, studying his strong profile and the way his hair was just a little too long and beginning to curl toward the ends of the golden strands. His long, dark eyelashes settled against a clear golden complexion any model would envy. Sebastian wasn’t the type of person who needed to work to look good. It was part of who he was. He never combed his hair with anything other than his fingers, and Candra wondered if he even owned a comb. She had a sudden flash of a memory: Sebastian holding her against the wall in the ballroom. He’d kissed her without any reservation, adoring her with his soft mouth while her fingers clutched his hair, pulling him closer, wanting him to devour her.
A flush heated her skin. She took a deep breath. Her desire for Sebastian was sometimes overwhelming, but their relationship was so much more than that. It had grown from a necessity to a tentative friendship and, finally, to a love neither of them could deny any longer.
Lilith had really done a number on her. She had shaken her faith in her ability to judge people. Despite everything, Candra didn’t want to lose her faith in Sebastian, and she hoped she hadn’t broken his faith in her. Watchers all knew her origin; they had witnessed what the Nephilim were capable of. Maybe he’s realized I’m not inherently good in the way he wants me to be.
She took a deep breath, preparing to speak.
“Stop it.” His tone was thick with an air of finality, and he remained perfectly still.
“Stop what?” she asked, recognizing the whining tone in her voice. Why did he have to revert to that personality today?
“You’re staring at me. Stop it. I’m not a movie of the week. You’re watching me as if you’ll get to see what happens next played out on my face.”
“Who says I care what happens next?” she retorted, crossing her arms and averting her gaze to the ground instead of him. She wasn’t staring…at least she wasn’t staring without purpose. She was trying to work out what had triggered his mood swing. Not that Sebastian wasn’t prone to them, just not to the extremes of ignoring her for days…and nights on end.
“I do,” he stated blankly.
Candra huffed indignantly, prompting him to chuckle.
“Quit being an ass.” She peeked up at him. “Are you going to tell me what the silent treatment has been about?”
His eyes tightened slightly. “No.”
“Excuse me?”
“You should ask your friend, Lilith.”
“Is that what this is about, because I talked to Lilith?” she asked, aware her frustration was beginning to show through the tone of her voice. She didn’t want to push Sebastian too far, since she wasn’t entirely sure what his reaction would be and she really needed to not fight right now. Whatever was bothering him couldn’t be just about her conversation with Lilith. He had already been in a weird mood even before he’d found out about that.
Candra peered at him from under her eyelashes, not wanting to get caught staring again. Not only was he not looking at her, his eyes remained shut tight.
“No,” he shot back coldly.
He was talking in damned riddles.
Sebastian sighed, pushed away from the wall, and finally opened his fierce eyes to her. Candra stood her ground despite the intense foreign desire to step back from him. Even worse was the desire to move closer and use her feminine wiles to rush some sort of reconciliation. She refused to resolve whatever was going on between them by glossing over it with another make-out session. The winter sun began to dip low in the sky, lengthening the shadows in the side street.
“What do you want from me, Candra?” One tensed hand reached into his pocket to retrieve a pack of cigarettes. “You’ve been calling and texting. I’m here now, so spit it out,” he said somewhat reluctantly.
“Answers,” she replied. “Be straight with me for once. Don’t treat me like some treasure you are being forced to protect. Treat me like your girlfriend—your equal.”
“My girlfriend.” Sebastian pulled out a cigarette, placed the white stick between his lips, and was about to return the pack to his pocket, when he stalled. After a moment’s hesitation, he lifted the pack and offered it to Candra.
The gesture shocked her. Candra knew Sebastian smoked occasionally, especially when he allowed things to get on top of him, but she had never seen it with her own eyes. He’d certainly never offered her a pack before. He didn’t move any closer, nor did she. In fact, she didn’t move at all.
Forget the staring. She gaped in surprise. His eyes blazed with so many emotions, she couldn’t begin to work them out, but the overriding one seemed to be, yet again, much to her alarm and disappointment, anger. When Candra didn’t speak, he jiggled the pack to emphasize his offer.
“Thank you, but you know I don’t smoke.” She gave him a small smile.
His hand didn’t move. His jaw tightened and flexed, and he jiggled the pack again. “It’s just one cigarette, Candra.” His eyebrow raised in question, almost like he was taunting her.
She briefly wondered if that was the point. Was he drawing attention to the difference between them, how her part-human body somehow lacked in what it could do compared to his? Or was it more blatant, testing how easily she could be corrupted? A sting of pain jabbed in her chest. Something about the way he’d spoken the word girlfriend hurt her deeply, as if it was attached to a foul stench.
He was still waiting, one eyebrow raised, with a smirk, like this was some type of victory for him, like he had proved his point.
Candra took a step forward and reached out, taking a cigarette from the pack before stepping back again. He returned the pack to his pocket and took out a lighter, the kind that flicked open and closed with a click. Sebastian took the few steps to stand directly in front of her. He was so close that the toe of his boot settled between her shoes. The scent of spices and heat was so strong, she registered nothing else in the air but him. Her heart picked up pace a little, and Sebastian’s warmth seemed to radiate across the narrow space between them. Candra swallowed, twisting herself away so her back hit the wall. Sebastian moved too, so his stance was the same again.
Her stomach began to coil with fear and longing. Time stood still. He held the lighter up with one hand. The small orange flame flickered in his eyes and caught the gold shimmer. Candra put the cigarette to her lips and inhaled when he touched the flame to the dried leaves and paper. The amber glow of the tip brightened and then faded as she pulled it away from her lips. Still, Sebastian didn’t move. He appeared to be waiting for something, but she had no idea what. Something was so different about him. She couldn’t put her finger on it.
He carried himself with an air of resentment she had only seen once before—the day she told him she had chosen Draven. His lips pressed tightly together when he swallowed. Candra couldn’t help but think he had something he wanted to say. His body and mind seemed to be at war.
Any one of the lecturers or priests from Saint Francis could round the corner and find her standing with a lit cigarette in her hand. Smoking was instant behavioral probation. She’d end up having to volunteer in one of the school�
��s area clean-up programs or posting flyers warning against the danger of moral degradation to earn back credits for her college references.
The taste of the smoke inside her lungs was disgusting and burned with an acrid, bitter flavor, nothing like she recognized on Sebastian. She exhaled slowly; the smoke rose in ribbons around his face while he watched her intently. Sebastian’s eyes darted to her lips, and he blinked as if snapping out of a daze. He flicked the lighter shut and turned, his body brushing against the fabric of her jacket.
Sebastian’s abrupt movement startled Candra, and she forced the remainder of the smoke from her lungs in a quick spurt of coughing. He returned to a safe distance, keeping his back to her. She heard the lighter work and the sizzle of the paper as it took. Sebastian sucked in one long breath and raked his fingers through his hair in obvious frustration.
“I told you—”
“You can’t protect me if I run off…I get it. So this is about Lilith.” She cut him off, snapping his own words back at him. “Except I didn’t run off this time; she came to me. What was I meant to do? Ignore her? Ignore what’s going on because you don’t want to talk to me?”
Sebastian turned back to her, spinning quickly on his heels, and she jumped. The look in his eyes was predatory, and there was a slight glow of red to his cheeks.
“I won’t let you get yourself killed. You are too important to all of us.” He flung the hardly touched, burning cigarette to the ground, and his fingers twitched menacingly by his side.
Candra’s back was as far to the wall as she could get without climbing into the cracks of the brickwork. She crossed her arms and huffed loudly to stop herself from reaching out to him. She had the sudden urge to reassure herself that he was really Sebastian standing in front of her glowering, and this wasn’t some mind trick of Lilith’s. How could she know the extent of Lilith’s power? The intensity of his gaze made shivers vibrate through every nerve ending in her body.
“To all of you. Not you. I’m not important to you?” Did I really just say that? Candra wanted to slap herself for being so dramatic. They were having a fight, that was all. Obviously she was still important to Sebastian, she told herself.
