Instead of answering, he posed a question of his own. “Does it bother you?”
Did it? No. Except maybe to the extent that she wished it were true. “No,” she answered honestly. “But it doesn’t seem fair to you.”
“Yeah? How’s that?”
She looked at her hands folded neatly in her lap. Words didn’t come easy to her, and no matter how hard she tried, she couldn’t come up with any that would accurately convey her thoughts without making it sound as though she had a tremendous inferiority complex.
Faith O’Connell was a realist, however, and any way she looked at it, Kieran was well beyond her reach as anything but a friend. While she could see how a perceived romantic relationship between them would elevate her in the eyes of others and keep unwanted male attention at bay, she couldn’t see how it benefitted Kieran, beyond the fact that it might have kept some unwanted female attention away from him. It certainly hadn’t won any brownie points with his family; the night at the fair had driven that point home rather painfully.
With nothing to say, she simply shrugged.
* * *
Kieran cursed softly under his breath. She still didn’t get it. How could he explain it to her without scaring her away?
“I like being with you, Faith,” he told her finally. “I don’t feel like I have to be anything more than myself when I’m around you.” And you are the other half of my soul.
She sighed, a soft, almost sad sound. A sound that had Kieran clenching his hands at his sides so he wouldn’t scoop her into his arms and show her exactly what she meant to him.
“I like being with you, too,” she said quietly. “And for the record, I think you’re a pretty great guy when you’re just being you.”
Kieran was slightly appeased. At least she’d admitted that much. It was a start.
“Thank you. For rescuing me and taking us out on the lake.”
“You’re welcome,” he said. “I’ve been on that boat more times than I could count, but I’ve never enjoyed it as much as I did tonight.”
She smiled then, a real, honest smile. God, how he wanted to kiss her. The urge to do so was nothing less than a fever of need coursing through his blood. Without even realizing he was doing so, he leaned over and brushed his lips over hers.
They were so soft, felt so good that he did it twice more. Light little brushes that only heightened his need. He deepened the kiss, slanting his mouth against hers, coaxing her with his tongue to open for him.
She did, and Kieran was lost. If there was any lingering trace of doubt about exactly who and what she was to him, it was laid to rest in that moment. The feel of his croie’s lips upon his, the exquisite taste of her, grasped him with velvet-sheathed talons and refused to let him go. His heart, his mind, his soul – they belonged to her now.
“Mom! You still out there?” Matt’s voice rang out from inside the house. Faith gasped and ended the kiss; Kieran reluctantly pulled away. Even in the dim porch light he could see her lips, red and slightly swollen from his kisses, a look of dazed astonishment in her eyes.
“Yeah,” she answered, having to try twice before the word made it out.
Matt poked his head out, oblivious to what had just happened. “I’m making myself a snack. You guys want anything?”
Faith shook her head, amazed. “Only a teenage boy could be hungry after eating half his weight in food a little while ago.”
“That was hours ago,” Matt informed her with an air of martyrdom.
Kieran snickered knowingly even as the new awareness thrummed and vibrated beneath his skin. “He’s a growing boy, Faith.”
“So he is.” She stood up. Kieran followed her lead. “It’s late,” she said, avoiding his eyes. “Thanks again for tonight. We had a wonderful time.”
Kieran narrowed his eyes at the obvious dismissal, but said nothing. If he could only see her eyes... Faith spoke volumes with her eyes.
Had she felt it, too? Given the way her hands were shaking, and her refusal to look at him, probably. But unlike him, she didn’t understand. Just one more soul-searing kiss might explain it to her more than any words possibly could. Before he could test his theory, Faith stepped toward the door.
“Goodnight, Kieran,” she said over her shoulder.
He sighed inwardly. There would be no more kisses tonight. “Goodnight, Faith.”
Chapter Eleven
Those stolen kisses turned out to be even more powerful than he’d thought - just not in the way he’d hoped.
Over the next few weeks, it became clear that Faith was avoiding any situation that might place the two of them alone together. Under different circumstances, it might have been amusing.
She was spooked, he got that. Faith had yet to open up about her past, but given what he did know, he could guess that she’d had a difficult time of it. Kieran wanted her to trust him, to believe in them, and just telling her wasn’t going to cut it. She had to come to that conclusion herself, and the only way to convince her that he wasn’t going anywhere was simply to be there for her, no matter what.
It wasn’t easy. Kieran did his best to give Faith the time and space she needed, but there was no way he could stay away entirely. While he might be able to suspend his baser urges, he needed to be near her. To see her. To hear her voice. To simply be with her. Thankfully, she didn’t object too vehemently as long as someone else was around. On some level, he suspected that she needed the contact just as much, even if she had trouble admitting it to herself.
He had hoped the situation might improve by the time Shane and Lacie’s wedding came around in the middle of August. It was a small, intimate ceremony held in the gardens of Lacie’s parents’ home. Faith didn’t seem too keen on attending (which he didn’t understand since the two women seemed to get along so well), but feared hurting Lacie’s feelings.
Faith selected seats for her and Matt far in the back on the bride’s side, staying as far away from the Callaghan side as she could, presumably to avoid any contact with his family. Clearly, she hadn’t forgotten the incident at the County Fair. Throughout the ceremony, she kept her gaze fixed on the couple, ignoring his repeated attempts to capture her attention. It didn’t help that his sisters by marriage were shooting curious, furtive glances back at her, either.
“You look beautiful,” Kieran said quietly after the vows were spoken, catching her hanging back in the shadows, alone. His eyes scanned the yard, spotting Matt talking to another boy about his age.
“You look pretty good yourself,” she said with a soft smile, the one she seemed to reserve just for him.
“Dance with me.” Without waiting for an answer, he tugged lightly on her hand and guided her toward the area where several couples were moving together to a slow ballad.
“I can’t dance,” she murmured in protest, but he knew instantly that it was a lie. She moved easily, gracefully against him, fitting in his arms perfectly, as he knew she would. Yet there was no denying the tension in her body.
“Relax, Faith,” he breathed, pressing her closer. “I won’t let anything happen to you.”
Her sigh was barely audible as she melted against him. Kieran held her close for as long as he could, wishing there was some way to keep her there, bound to him indefinitely, but the moment the song ended, she began to pull away.
“I have to go,” she murmured, avoiding his eyes. Placing his finger beneath her chin, he lifted her face so he could see her eyes. What he saw there made the breath catch in his throat – sadness. And a soul deep longing that had no place in the eyes of his heart.
“No, you don’t.”
* * *
But she did. Because when she was this close to him, it was too easy to forget what might happen if she allowed herself to acknowledge the feelings she had for him. The feelings she was finding it increasingly difficult to hide.
Held safely in his arms, she could almost believe that everything was right with the world. He felt so strong, so solid, so certain. Yet there were some
things even he was powerless against. Her ever-growing certainty that she was in love with him for one.
It was why she had been trying so hard to avoid being alone with him. Because she feared that she would not say no if he wanted to kiss her again. Or more. If not for Matt’s timely interruption that night, who knew how far she would have allowed things to go? When it came to Kieran, her natural defenses were useless. But here, with his family watching closely, she could find the strength she needed to leave before those defenses were needed.
“Kieran!” Shane’s voice called from nearby. “We need you for some pictures.”
Kieran made no attempt to move. “Go,” she encouraged with what she hoped was a convincing smile. “They’re waiting for you.”
After a few more shouts and a couple of creative threats, Kieran gave her a martyred look. “I won’t be long. Please wait for me.”
She reached up to adjust his tie and smoothed down his lapels. “You clean up pretty good, you know that?” It was an understatement. In everyday clothes, Kieran was gorgeous. In a wedding tux, he was devastating.
He smiled, then leaned down and brushed a quick kiss across her temple. “Please be here when I get back, Faith.”
Without giving her a chance to respond, he was gone just as quickly. She muttered a near-silent curse as she watched him cross the lawn to join the others for the obligatory wedding photos. She couldn’t leave now.
“Faith, right?” The low, raspy voice startled her. She turned to look at the lean, blonde man who had spoken.
“Right,” she said, recognizing him. “You’re Brian, Lacie’s brother.”
“You have a good memory,” he observed.
“I could say the same for you.”
One corner of his mouth quirked. “You could, but it’s not quite the same. You are far more memorable than I am.”
Faith couldn’t tell if he was teasing her or not, but the mischievous glint in his eye hinted that he was. “I doubt that.”
He chuckled softly. “You look like a woman in the grips of a fight-or-flight battle. Can I ask which one is winning?”
“At the moment, it’s a dead heat.”
“Then permit me to sway the odds. Come and have a drink with me.”
Faith glanced over toward the flower-laden arch where the photographer was positioning the wedding party. “I’m not really much of a drinker.”
“All the better. Won’t take as much to get you nice and liquored up.” Her eyes widened, and he winked. “Trust me. It’ll help.”
For some strange reason, she did trust him. With another quick glance reassuring her that Kieran was occupied and Matt was engrossed in conversation with his friend, she dutifully followed Lacie’s brother across the yard, through the sliding glass patio doors and up to the fully stocked bar.
“The Callaghans are good people,” Brian said, grabbing a variety of bottles and tipping them into a glass with dizzying speed. “A little intense sometimes, but good people.”
Faith didn’t know how she was supposed to respond to that, so she said nothing. Brian tipped the mixture into a silver container, added some crushed ice, and shook it.
“Lacie tells me you’re from Georgia,” he said, pouring the drink back into the glass. She nodded.
“I was at Marietta for a while,” he told her. “Hot as hell down there, and those swamps stink to high heaven sometimes, at least to a boy who grew up in these mountains. Here, try this.”
Faith eyed the concoction warily. “Go on,” he coaxed. She lifted the glass to her lips and took a tentative sip. It was delicious. She took another and realized her tongue and lips were tingling. “What is this?”
“Secret family recipe. We call it the ‘Virgin Slayer’. Crafted by my great-grandfather on his wedding night to ease the fears of his bonnie bride.”
Her eyes grew into large silvery gray saucers as the first few sips sent the warm, tingly feeling down into other parts of her body. “Really?”
“Oh, aye,” Brian grinned and winked. “’Tis the curse of the McCain men to be so well-endowed as to cause the swooning of many a high-bred virgin lass.”
Faith couldn’t help it. She giggled. Brian’s eyes sparkled. “See? It’s working already.”
* * *
The photos took longer than expected. Kieran looked to the shadows where he had left Faith, but he was unable to catch a glimpse of her. The moment he was freed, he made a beeline for the spot, only to find it empty. His heart fell. He’d been so sure she’d wait for him.
The sound of laughter rang out from the patio, drawing his attention. He blinked and looked again, sure that he was seeing things. There, amidst a cheering circle of onlookers, Lacie’s brother Brian and Faith were executing a perfectly synchronized rendition of “Cotton Eyed Joe”.
Kieran could only gape in wonderment. He’d seen Faith smile before, and heard her gentle laugh, but had never seen her kick back and simply enjoy herself with wild abandon like she appeared to be doing. What happened to the woman so ready to flee just a short time ago? He was torn between being happy that she was having such a good time and being unhappy that she wasn’t having it with him. It was the sheer intensity of his jealousy, however, that left him feeling winded.
“Oh, will you look at that,” Lacie’s mom said, coming up next to him and clasping her hands together with tears in her eyes. “I haven’t seen Brian smile like that since he came back. Faith must be an angel.”
She was, Kieran thought with a rush of stark possessiveness. But she was his angel.
It wasn’t that he didn’t like Brian; he did. He and his brothers had done their damnedest to pull him and what remained of his team out of Afghanistan a few months earlier. He’d seen firsthand the kind of hell Brian had endured, knew that it would haunt him forever. Begrudging him a few minutes of happiness made him feel like shit, but Faith was his croie.
As the song ended, Brian bowed low to Faith, and Faith offered a proper Southern curtsy in response. Those gathered around cheered loudly, and it was only then that they seemed to realize they were the center of attention. Faith turned a brilliant shade of pink. When she looked up and saw Kieran, she made a beeline for him.
The fact that she did assuaged most of the murderous thoughts he’d been having.
“I thought you told me you couldn’t dance,” he accused. “That was wonderful!”
“That wasn’t really me,” she said, her face flushed and her eyes twinkling. “That was the ‘Virgin Slayer’”. When Kieran raised his brow in question, Faith explained Brian’s special drink and the dubious history behind its making. Faith sucked in a breath when Kieran tightened his fingers around hers, and leaned down close to her ear.
“Does that mean I’m going to get lucky tonight?” he asked in a husky whisper.
A noise – it sounded like a whimper - escaped her lips. Kieran looked deeply into her eyes and her breath caught. Kieran glanced down at where their hands were joined.
“Oh, look,” he said with a roguish smile. “I already did.”
Once Matt started school at the end of August, Kieran didn’t get to see Faith every day anymore. She had declared Matt’s school work a priority and his “job” and martial arts lessons secondary. Kieran understood that, even agreed with it, but also knew that there was much more to Faith’s avoidance tactics than Matt’s grades.
For Kieran, it was sheer torture, leading him to new levels of frustration, and he knew he had to do something. His body, his heart, and his soul recognized her for what she was. Being around Faith – seeing her pretty face, hearing her lovely voice, scenting her natural fragrance - had become a physical need for him. While he was trying to be patient and understanding, hoping that Faith would eventually realize what he already knew, he was getting desperate. He had to figure out something.
Soon.
Chapter Twelve
“Maybe I should, you know, hang around tonight,” Matt suggested, eyeing her with concern etched in his youthful features. Faith s
at at the kitchen table, fighting the urge to close her eyes and rest her head upon the smooth, cool surface. She impatiently wiped at the persistent sheen of perspiration across her brow and shivered slightly beneath the three layers of flannel.
“Matt, don’t sneak up on me like that,” she chastised gently. “And don’t be ridiculous. You’ve been looking forward to this for two weeks.”
“It’s not a big deal,” he shrugged, pinning her with a look way too mature for a fourteen year old.
“Neither is this.”
Matt crossed his arms over his chest, just like she’d seen Kieran do when she wasn’t being completely honest. She knew then that she must look even worse than she’d thought.
“All I’m going to do is have some soup and make it an early night. You’d give up an all-guys weekend at Jace’s cabin for that?”
Jace and Matt had become fast friends, and the former had invited Matt up to his family’s cabin for their annual “male retreat” over the extended Labor Day holiday. It was a great opportunity. The group consisted of Jace’s dad and a couple of his uncles, several of whom were members of the Pine Ridge police force as well as voluntary firemen, Jace’s two brothers, a few cousins, and two or three additional friends from school with whom Matt got along well. Up until about an hour ago, Matt had been very excited about the trip; it was practically all he’d talked about all week.
And, since it was to take place the weekend after Matt’s birthday, Faith had agreed to let him go as part of his “present”. They’d celebrated privately the night before with a special dinner and a small, homemade cake, but Faith knew this trip would be the best thing she could give him.
“You’re sick.” Matt shifted, caught between what he wanted to do and what he felt he should do. He was a good kid like that, and Faith felt a surge of motherly pride. But there was no way she wanted him to give up this weekend for her. The only way to get him to go was to convince him that she would be fine.
Having Faith: Callaghan Brothers, Book 7 Page 12
