It still hurt.
Faith never understood why her father seemed to hate her so much. She’d tried to be good, she really did. But she was never good enough. And her father never looked at her the way he did his other children. Her mother hadn’t been much better, but then Faith assumed she was afraid of bringing John O’Connell’s wrath down on her, too.
She hadn’t realized she’d voiced a few of those thoughts out loud until Matt squeezed her hand.
“You grew up around here, right?” Matt’s voice brought her back from her musings. Faith nodded, surprised to find that her feet had unknowingly carried them in that direction. “Yeah, just a couple of miles, actually.”
“Will you show me?”
“Why?”
Matt shrugged. “We’re here till tomorrow, right? Seems like as good a thing to do as any.”
There was more to it than that, Faith guessed. Matt wanted to know where he came from.
“Okay,” she agreed after only a moment’s hesitation. Maybe she needed this, too. Maybe it would help her come to grips with a few things, provide some closure. Just like saying their final goodbyes to Ethan, and letting go of all the emotional baggage she’d carried around over Nathan. It seemed like this trip was about laying the past to rest so they could begin to move forward again.
The parish-provided house didn’t look like she remembered it. It was much smaller. Older looking. More rundown. Judging by the state of disrepair, the congregation wasn’t as diligent in providing free labor and supplies as they used to be, but Faith supposed things were tough all over. It had never been a wealthy parish at the best of times.
“This is where you grew up?” Matt asked in disbelief. The place made their tiny cottage look like the Taj Mahal.
The house was behind the big church hall, out of sight of the main road, but close enough for the preacher to be at the church in a matter of minutes.
“Excuse me. Can I help you?”
Faith stiffened. The last fifteen years melted away in that moment at the sound of that voice. Matt turned around first. The woman had graying hair, was on the thin side. A well-worn pale blue dress, faded from too many washings, hung on her thin, bony frame.
When Faith faced the voice, the woman’s eyes widened, and she dropped the basket of fruit she held in her hands. “Faith?” Both hands came up to cover her mouth.
“Mama.”
The woman looked as if she had seen a ghost. She broke her gaze away from Faith and looked up at Matt.
Faith attempted a smile. “This is Matthew, Mama. Your grandson.”
The woman shook off her shock and anger contorted her expression into something so ugly Faith instinctively placed herself in front of Matt and took half a step back.
“He is no grandson of mine!” the woman spit with vehemence. She spun on her heel and began to stomp toward the house. An inexplicable rage built inside of Faith. It was one thing for her mother to treat her this way. But her son?
Before she realized what she was doing, she ran after the woman, then reached out and grabbed the other woman’s arm, beyond caring about propriety and manners. “He is your grandson, Mama. Matt is my son.”
“He’s not my blood,” the old woman said bitterly, her face as white as a ghost’s. “Because you aren’t.”
Her words froze Faith in shock. “What?”
“You didn’t come from my womb,” the woman hissed. “And you turned out to be every bit the slut your mother was.” The woman wrenched her arm away and practically ran toward the little house. This time Faith didn’t try to stop her.
It felt as though a wrecking ball had just hit her in the very center of her chest. Faith was vaguely aware of Matt saying something, something he shouldn’t be saying. Some innate parenting sense had her mouthing an admonishment, but her words were lost in the inexplicable fog. It was as if her brain was shutting down in self-defense.
None of it made any sense. The woman’s words echoed in her head over and over again, drowning out everything else. Matt was talking, but she was incapable of hearing anything over the constant buzz in her ears. He led her away from the church, but she didn’t even realize they were walking until Matt pushed at her shoulders and guided her onto a park bench.
* * *
“Mom. Mom. Look at me. Jesus.” The words left his lips right before a string of curses that would have earned a raised eyebrow or two from the Callaghans. Matt pulled out his cell, realized it wasn’t turned on, and cursed again. It took less than a minute, but it felt like an eternity. The moment the start-up message faded, he hit a preprogrammed number.
It was picked up before the first ring fully sounded; Matt silently thanked God and prayed Kieran wasn’t too angry with him, and would still talk to him. Matt simply didn’t know who else to call.
“Kieran. Yeah, I’m sorry to bother you, but it’s Mom...”
“What’s wrong?”
“We’re in Georgia, and we just ran into Mom’s mother, except it’s not really her mother. She said some hateful things and Mom’s in shock or something... I don’t know what to do...”
“Are you someplace safe?”
Matt looked around. “Yeah. A park or something. Nobody else is around.”
“Good. Don’t let her out of your sight. Stay there and keep your phone turned on. I’ll be there in a few.”
“But we’re in - ”
Matt didn’t get a chance to finish before the connection ended. Obviously Kieran missed the “we’re in Georgia” part. He sank down next to Faith on the bench and tried to think. What should he do? Was it better to sit here a few minutes and hope his mother snapped out of it? Or should he try to walk her around a bit? They hadn’t checked into a motel or anything yet, so he didn’t even have a place to take her.
“Matt.”
Kieran’s voice roused him. Matt’s head snapped up, wondering just how long he’d been sitting there. It hadn’t seemed like five minutes had passed, but Kieran was in Pine Ridge...
Kieran kneeled in front of Faith. “Faith,” he said, his voice soft but commanding. “Look at me, sweetheart. Look at me.”
She blinked once, but there was no recognition in her eyes. “Shit,” Kieran muttered under his breath as he took in her pale complexion, the coldness of her skin. “She’s in shock.”
“When is the last time she ate?” he asked, shooting the question over his shoulder as Matt jogged behind them with their carry-ons.
Matt tried to think. The muffin she’d ordered at the diner this morning was untouched when they’d left. She hadn’t had anything the night before when they’d stopped at a restaurant on the way to the airport, saying she’d eaten earlier and didn’t want too much on her stomach for her first flight. Come to think of it, he couldn’t remember the last time he’d actually seen her eat anything.
Kieran cursed again. He led them to a sleek black rental sedan, instructing Matt to get in the back. Then he carefully handed Faith to him and climbed into the driver’s seat.
* * *
Kieran drove them back to his hotel, glancing frequently in the rearview mirror. The flood of relief he’d felt when the GPS on his phone came to life was now replaced with concern. He’d driven around the bus route for several hours, blindly hoping to catch sight of them when the GPS failed to pick anything up. The moment the app lit up, he’d hung a quick U-turn and sped back toward the blip which, thankfully, had been only a few miles away.
Thank God he’d been there. Matt was close to freaking out, and Faith was as pale as he’d ever seen her. When he’d scooped her up into his arms, he’d been shocked by how light she was. She’d lost weight since he’d last seen her.
“How did you get here so fast?” Matt finally asked. He sat in the three-room suite at the Marriott, staring at Kieran as he hung up the receiver after ordering nearly everything on the room service menu.
“I followed you down here last night,” Kieran admitted, his eyes shooting back to the bedroom where he had placed Faith. She
still had yet to say a word, but she seemed to be resting comfortably, at least. Kieran left the door open so he could keep an eye on her.
Matt blinked, surprised. “You knew?”
Kieran nodded soberly. “Lex told me, but you guys had already left. I’m sorry, Matt. Sean flew me down last night. I was waiting at the airport, but somehow I missed you.”
“I’m glad you’re here,” Matt said. “I’ve never seen her like this. Is she going to be okay?”
Yes, she would, Kieran thought, because he would make sure of it. Even if it meant he had to raze the whole goddamn town on her behalf.
To Matt, he said, “How about telling me what happened? Start at the beginning and don’t leave anything out. You can begin by telling me why you quit the mixed martial arts class.”
Matt nodded. He told Kieran that it just got to be too hard to pretend that nothing was wrong when it was obvious both Kieran and his mother were miserable. Without going into too much detail, he managed to paint a clear picture of what life had become for them. Faith spent all day working at the Celtic Goddess, then came home, made sure there was something for Matt to eat, then worked cleaning houses around the neighborhood to earn some extra cash. Weekends weren’t much better.
“I didn’t get to see her hardly at all, and the times I did, it was like she was in another world or something.” He looked accusingly at Kieran. “And you weren’t doing anything about it, even though you were every bit as miserable as she was.”
The muscles in Kieran’s jaw clenched, but he said nothing. The kid was right.
Matt went on to tell him that he’d come home from school and Faith had surprised him with tickets to Georgia. “I would have told you,” Matt assured him, “even though I wasn’t sure you even cared anymore.”
Kieran stoically took that hit, too, though he suspected Matt did know better. The fact that Matt was so angry with him was a good thing. It meant he cared a hell of a lot.
Matt spoke in great detail about their meeting with Nathan. Kieran couldn’t help but smile at the way they’d handled themselves, and was relieved that neither Faith nor Matt had any interest in cultivating any further relationship with Nathan Longstreet.
It was when Matt started talking about their walk to Faith’s childhood home that the true unease began to settle in Kieran’s gut. Matt told him everything, tears in his eyes when he ended with his frantic call to Kieran.
“It’s my fault,” Matt said. “I made her go there.”
Kieran placed his hand on Matt’s shoulder, commanding his attention. “Listen to me, Matt. It’s not your fault. There was no way you could have known what would happen. Even your mom didn’t know. She never would have taken you there if she did.”
The food arrived, and Kieran suggested they take a break and eat. He left Matt wide-eyed in front of the huge cart of food and went to check on Faith. She was right where he’d left her, though she’d turned onto her side, curling up with a pillow in her arms for comfort.
“I’m so sorry, baby,” Kieran said, stroking her hair. “I’m here now. Me and Matt, we’re going to take care of everything, so just rest.” He wasn’t sure if she heard him or not. He hoped she did. He wasn’t going to give up until he was sure she understood that he would never, ever leave her again.
It was well past midnight when Kieran finally shut down his laptop and rubbed his eyes. With Ian’s help, he’d managed to gather a lot of information about the pious pastor, John O’Connell and his wife, Mary. Most of it, he had no intention of ever sharing with Faith unless she asked for it outright, and possibly not even then. It was true what they say – those that protest the most vehemently are often the greatest offenders, and John O’Connell had a very loud voice indeed.
Matt was sound asleep in the second bedroom, having made a significant dent in the room service that had been delivered. Kieran had already given him a heads-up that he would be sharing a room with Faith. He wasn’t sure how the kid was going to take it, but Matt seemed relieved. He told Kieran that he’d sleep a lot better knowing that his mom was safe.
Kieran changed into some loose sweats and a T-shirt, then climbed into bed with Faith. She sighed softly and rolled right into his arms. He could only hope she’d be as willing when she was awake.
* * *
It was as if someone flipped a switch. One minute she was completely oblivious to everything around her, the next all of her neurons were firing and her senses were back online. She opened her eyes to find herself tucked neatly into Kieran’s strong arms, her face buried in his neck.
Memories drifted back to her. The plane. The diner. Her mother.... Oh, God.
“Kieran! How did you - ”
“Ssshhhh,” Kieran said, his low words rumbling through his chest and into hers. “It’s okay, baby. I’ve got you.”
“Matt?”
“He’s good. Well-fed and sound asleep in the next room.”
Faith felt an instant and profound sense of relief. If Kieran said Matt was safe, then he was.
And she was being given a second chance. “Kieran, I - ”
“Sssshhh,” he repeated. “It’s been a hell of a day. Just let me hold you, Faith. Please.”
There was something in Kieran’s voice. A quiet, heartfelt plea that was impossible to ignore. He’d made a simple request, but Faith could sense him holding his breath, as if what she chose to do or say next was monumentally important.
Kieran was in Georgia. At least she thought they were still in Georgia. They could be anywhere, really, and she wouldn’t be the wiser. She had no memory of what happened after those few horrible moments with her mother... or the woman she had believed was her mother.
Faith felt herself tensing up again and shut her eyes tight against those images, concentrating instead on the warmth of Kieran’s skin, the unique male scent of him, the feel of his body wrapped protectively against hers. The things she never thought she’d get to experience again. It felt like she was finally home.
It was then that she knew. Really knew. Finally understood what Kieran had been trying to tell her all along.
He would always be there for her, no matter what. No matter what she said, or what she did. No matter how many times she tried to fool herself into thinking otherwise, this was the real truth of it.
Things like where they came from, what kind of education they had, the jobs they held – they meant absolutely nothing. They were simply circumstances. Circumstances, she realized, that had conspired over time to bring them to this exact moment. Right here, right now.
Every muscle in her body relaxed as a soothing warmth spread through her and her mind grew calm.
Everything really was going to be okay.
* * *
Kieran held his breath and closed his eyes, offering silent prayers without even realizing he was doing so. Faith had been entrusted to him. To love. To cherish. To protect. He would do all those things and pay for the privilege, but it sure would be easier if she understood and accepted it.
Several tense moments passed, then he felt her relax. As if magically commanded, every soft curve of her body conformed perfectly to his much harder planes. He felt a delicate whoosh of warm, moist air against his collarbone as Faith released the breath she’d been holding, too. And her arm wound its way around his waist, settling on his back, holding him to her as if he might be the one to decide to move away.
Kieran knew then that at least for now, his prayers had been answered.
Chapter Twenty
Faith tried to extract herself from Kieran’s locked embrace (he was a full-body contact sleeper), earning herself a low, rumbling growl of denial.
“Kieran,” she said quietly. “It’s been nearly eighteen hours since I’ve... well, I really have to use the bathroom.”
One eye popped open, a luminous blue surrounded by thick black lashes, reminding Faith once again how incredibly gorgeous he was. She offered him what she hoped was a sincere, yet desperate, smile.
“You’re no
t leaving,” he rumbled. It was not a question, but a statement.
“No,” she said, fighting the oddest urge to grin at his grumpy command, instinctively adding, “I promise.”
Kieran gave a grunt, a sound so masculine it couldn’t possibly have been generated by anything with double-X chromosomes, and released the steel trap of his arms. “You’ve got five minutes.”
“Ten,” she countered, scooting away quickly in case he decided to change his mind. “Maybe fifteen.”
He growled louder, his muscles coiling as if he might literally spring from the bed and pounce on her. His hair was mussed from sleep; the shadow of a beard graced his jaw. It was so hot. The thought of seeing him in the same position – but completely naked – had her squeezing her legs together and swallowing a whimper or two. How could she have even thought about running away from something like that? Talk about self-delusional.
“I need a quick shower and to brush my teeth, too.”
Dear Lord, was he actually baring his teeth?
Faith forced herself into the bathroom and took a deep breath. Now that she’d made her peace with it, it all seemed quite simple really. They belonged together. Period.
The suite rivaled the Goddess for space and comfort. Two bedrooms, both with queen-sized beds. Real dark wood furniture – not the cheap laminate-over-flake-board stuff. A spacious living area, complete with a sofa, two swiveling reclining chairs, and a sizable flat screen with stereo surround sound. There was even a small kitchenette with a sink, fridge, stove, microwave, and, thank God – a coffee maker.
Faith made a beeline for that. Opening one of the prepackaged filter-sugar-creamer bags, she set about making a pot. Kieran would forgive her for not heading straight back to bed, especially if she brought a cup of coffee for him, too.
“Hey Mom,” Matt said tentatively. He emerged from the other bedroom, his gray eyes filled with concern.
“Hey,” she answered softly. “You okay?”
“Yeah. You?”
She smiled and wrapped her arms around him. “Yeah. I really am.” Matt returned his mother’s hug; judging by the almost-desperate feel of it, he’d needed it every bit as much as she had.
Having Faith: Callaghan Brothers, Book 7 Page 21
