by E. L. Todd
Levi ate his burger then licked his fingers. “Wow, this place is good. I’ve never been here before.”
“Now I’m sure you’ll come back.” I sipped my soda and rested my elbows on the table.
Levi still hadn’t mentioned the whole purpose of his visit. I wanted to tell him off but I couldn’t be rude to someone who hadn’t done anything wrong. It didn’t seem likely that he wanted anything from me, not when he was able to support our mom on his own.
“So, what brings you here?” He didn’t address the subject so I was forced to.
His upbeat attitude dwindled and he turned serious. The happy guy I saw moment ago just vanished. “Mom mentioned you…but she said you hated her.”
“I do.” I didn’t feel bad for saying it.
“She didn’t tell me about you until a few weeks ago. And when she did…I was really surprised. My whole life I thought I was an only child. And then I found out I had an older brother.”
“She told me about you the other day. I wasn’t happy about it.”
If Levi was offended, he didn’t show it. His voice grew quiet, almost inaudible. “She told me what she did to you…I don’t blame you for being so angry.”
Since he was close to her, I expected him to sympathize with her more than me. His heartfelt response caught me by surprise. “I grew up in a foster home then sold drugs on the street. It wasn’t until a few years ago that I finally got my life together.”
He nodded. “You’re inspirational.”
I flinched at the compliment.
Levi realized he said something he shouldn’t have. “I meant it in a good way. You came from nothing and you pulled yourself up. That’s far more impressive than someone who was given everything since birth.”
I ate my fries and kept my eyes glued to his.
“Ever since she told me about you, I haven’t stopped thinking about you. I wondered what you were like, if we were similar, if we had anything in common…”
“What does it matter?” I asked.
He flinched at my coldness.
“We’re both the product of a woman’s recklessness. We don’t need to bond over that.” I didn’t want to be rude to him, but I didn’t want to give him false hope either. He was searching for something I could never give him. “Now you’ve met me and you know what I look like. Can we just walk away and leave it at that?”
Levi didn’t bother hiding the hurt on his face. “I just…I wanted to know you.”
“I’m nothing special.”
“Mom told me you have a daughter…which means I’m an uncle.”
I tried not to snap. “Yes, I have a daughter but that doesn’t make you an uncle.”
Offense moved into his eyes. “I understand you hate our mom for what she did to you, but I’m not responsible for that. I don’t have much family left in the world, and any excuse to cultivate a relationship with someone I’m related to is a good one.”
“We aren’t family.”
That stung him even more. “We’re brothers.”
“Half-brothers.” I lost my temper. “I was doing just fine before you and that cold-hearted beast stuck her nose in my life. I have a family. I have a life. I don’t need you two messing it up.”
“I’m not trying to mess it up—”
“Levi, you seem like a nice guy. Under any other circumstance, we probably could have been friends. But you’re a ghost to me. You’ll always remind me of the life I wasn’t good enough to have. While you were opening presents on Christmas morning, I was living on the streets. While you were sleeping in a warm bed with a roof over your head I was lurking in a dark alley and selling drugs. We’ve tread on different paths and we ended up in very different places. Why do we need to have a relationship now? What purpose does it serve?”
Lexie stared at me with guarded eyes. He was quiet for so long I didn’t think he would say anything. “Well, maybe you don’t care about me but I care about you. When Mom told me what happened, all I could think about was how hard your life must have been. If I’d known you existed, I would have come for you. I would have begged Mom to find you…because you’re my brother.”
I averted my gaze because I couldn’t stand the way he was looking at me.
“I didn’t come to you today expecting us to click and be best friends. All I wanted was a conversation. All I wanted was to talk. I’m not trying to hurt you, Arsen. I’m trying to get back the time we lost.”
I shook my head. “You don’t understand…”
“I do understand,” he said firmly. “I know you don’t want anything to do with Mom because of what she did. That’s your decision. But I know she really is sorry for everything she’s done. She doesn’t want anything from you. When she needs money, she gets it from me. All she wants is her son.”
I continued to avoid his look.
“I just want my brother. I haven’t done anything to you so I don’t deserve this hostility.”
“You’re right.”
He blinked like he hadn’t expected that reaction.
“But I don’t have to have a relationship with you either. Let’s just leave it at that.”
He leaned back in the chair with a disappointed look on his face. “You don’t want to know anything about me? If I have kids? What I do for a living?”
I shook my head. “Not really.”
His eyes darkened in defeat. “How can someone just not care?”
My hand automatically made a fist. “You have no idea what I’ve been through. While you were living in your house with a mom and dad, I was searching for food in a garbage can. You have no right to judge me.”
“I’m not judging you. I just wish you wouldn’t push me away. I’m not a threat to you.”
“Look, I’ve got enough friends and family as it is. I don’t have time for you.”
“Then make the time,” he snapped. “I’m a really cool person.”
“The fact you have to say that automatically nullifies what you said.”
“I’m just saying, if you think I’m going to be an ass to you, you’re wrong.”
“And then Sherry will slowly creep in…” I shook my head in irritation. “I’m not stupid, Levi. I know this is a complicated plan to get me to spend time with her. I wasn’t going to forgive her as it was, but knowing she was perfectly capable of taking care of me but chose not to is even worse than dumping me by the side of the road like an unwanted dog.”
“It’s more complex than that…”
“Sure.” My voice dripped with sarcasm.
“I don’t know all the details but…my dad wouldn’t have let you live with us. He was…a little different. He had a good heart and everything but…he was never happy with Mom’s former profession.”
“Who would?”
“I’m just saying…Mom couldn’t come back for you. It was nothing personal.”
“And where is your dad now?”
His eyes fell in sadness. “He died. Heart attack.”
“I’m sorry.” I didn’t even try to sound sincere.
“It was a few years ago…”
I rested my arm over the back of the booth. I wanted to walk out but I thought it would be particularly rude to do it then. “Were he and Sherry married?”
“No. But they lived together.” He played with his cup in his hands. “After I graduated college I got a nice job in the city. Mom couldn’t support herself and didn’t have anywhere to go so I took her in.”
I could tell he was a nice guy with a heart of gold. He was forgiving and understanding. It didn’t seem like he judged Sherry for her being a prostitute earlier in life. The fact he could look the other way and not ridicule her was impressive. It made pushing him away that much harder. “Where do you work?”
His eyes lightened slightly at the question, like he was glad I was giving him a chance. “I’m an accountant. I joined a company out of college, but in the last few years I’ve opened my own place.”
“Impressive.”
&nb
sp; “I like it. It’s nice being my own boss. Looks like we have something in common.”
His comment made me look away.
“I have a house on the east side. It’s not enormous but it’s plenty of room for Mom and I.”
It was a little lame that he lived with his mother. “No wife?”
“No…not yet.” A grin stretched his face. “But I’ve been dating this girl for a while and I really like her.”
This was getting too deep. I felt a connection toward him. It was like we were already friends. Our conversation flowed naturally, at least when I allowed it to happen. I couldn’t get sucked into this. I wanted to go back to my former life. Everything was perfect before Sherry walked into my shop. “I have to go.” I slid out of the booth.
He stilled at my abrupt exit. “What? Wait—”
“It was nice to meet you, Levi. Take care.”
His eyebrows furrowed in confusion, and his mouth opened like he wanted to protest.
Before he had the opportunity to say something else, I walked out.
Chapter Seventeen
Skye
I was having a boy.
A son.
A little boy would be crawling around my house in a few months. Hopefully, he looked just like Cayson. I’d be the happiest girl in the world if I saw my husband every time I looked into my son’s face.
Now that I knew the sex of our baby, I was excited to decorate the baby’s room. I thought we might do it with a sailor theme with whales around the blue walls. I was more excited to decorate it than the rest of the house. Then I could pick out baby clothes and toys.
It was so exciting.
Cayson played basketball with Slade after work so I was home alone. He would eat dinner with Slade, probably at Mega Shake, so I didn’t have to cook anything. I sat in the living room and flipped through baby magazines. It was a guilty pleasure of mine.
When I thought I was pregnant a year ago, I did something really stupid. I went out and bought a few baby magazines. When I found out it wasn’t going to happen, I shoved everything into a drawer and never looked at it again. And I felt so stupid for being hasty.
They were upstairs in the closet, so I decided to pull them down and take a look. I headed upstairs and to our bedroom that faced the ocean. There were two closets, and the walk-in one was primarily for me. Cayson had a few inches in the corner, but he didn’t need much else. He only owned three pairs of shoes, and his t-shirts were usually stuffed into his drawers.
After I searched a container, I found the magazines. There were five of them so I would have plenty to read before Cayson came home. Whenever he wasn’t around I had to keep myself occupied. Otherwise, I would miss him so much that I would drive into the city just to be with him.
When I turned around, I almost tripped over his two bags. They were sitting in the corner on top of his shoes. Judging their heaviness, they were still full of all his things.
I should have known he wouldn’t unpack.
He’d been home for a month and he never touched them. Now they were collecting dust and adding filth to our space. The bags had been all over the world and I was certain they were dirty.
Ugh.
I didn’t want to nag him because he’d been gone for so long. What kind of wife would I be if I already started yelling at him? I already asked him to unpack five times, so I was just going to do it myself. I set the magazines aside and got to work.
Most of the contents were clothes. All his t-shirts had long-sleeves, and some of them were covered in dirt. His hiking booths were weathered and almost falling apart. Everyone was so haggard I thought we should just throw it away.
I kept digging inside until I found an envelope. At first, I assumed it was a paycheck. Maybe they gave it to him before he left London. But it would be odd for Cayson to forget cashing a check for over a month.
When I turned it over, my heart accelerated.
In distinctive feminine cursive was his name.
Cayson.
It was written in black ink, and the end of the Y was curved in an exaggerated way. There was no possibility a man had written this. It was far too girly.
Then my heart stopped.
Why did he have a letter from a girl in his bag? How did it get there? Did he put it there?
The seal was open. I held the flap open as I looked inside. I couldn’t decipher the words, but I knew it was a long letter.
I shouldn’t open it.
It was a breach of his privacy.
What kind of wife was I?
I trusted Cayson and I shouldn’t be looking at this.
But I couldn’t put the letter down. It was in my hand, hot and ready to read. Why was it in his bag? Had he already read it? Who was writing to him?
I couldn’t put the letter down.
I had to know what was inside. It made me a terrible person but I didn’t care. Seeing this in his bag made me so uneasy. I wouldn’t stop thinking about it until I checked it. It was probably nothing, and when I saw that for myself I would be able to go about my day and forget about it.
I took out the letter and opened it.
Cayson,
These are the words I wasn’t brave enough to say to you when I came to say goodbye. I’ve never been good at expressing myself. It’s much easier for me to write it down.
I didn’t like this. I didn’t like this at all…
That night we kissed meant something to me. I’d never felt more passion and more fire than I have with any other man. When our lips touched, I felt the connection I’d been searching all my life. It was just a kiss, but that was all I needed to know.
All the nights that followed were even better. Sleeping in the same tent as you, getting to know you and your good heart, and spending every waking hour together only made me fall more in love with you. We spent three months together, but that wasn’t enough time for me. I don’t need to spend another three months with you to understand you’re the one.
If things don’t work out with your wife and you find yourself alone in the world, I would really like a chance for us to be together. I know I felt a connection during our nights together. And I’m pretty sure you did too.
You can reach me at this contact information.
Love always,
Laura.
My hands shook as I held the paper in my hands. I stared at the words but couldn’t process what I was seeing. My heart suddenly started to thump painfully in my chest. It slammed against my ribs like it was trying to break free. Agonizing pain like I’ve never known spread to every inch of my body.
I didn’t feel angry. I didn’t feel betrayed.
I just felt pain.
My eyes burned with moisture as it seeped to the surface. The tears felt hot as they pooled into large droplets then leaked down my face. They fell to my lips, and when I tasted them it only made me cry more.
I dropped the letter on the ground then covered my face with my hands. My chest heaved with sobs that couldn’t be controlled. My chest ached as it stretched with every breath I took.
I can’t believe this.
Just minutes ago, I was downstairs decorating my son’s room. Everything in my life was perfect. I had the most amazing husband in the world, and we’d somehow fallen more in love when we were reunited. Every morning when I opened my eyes, life felt like a gift.
But it disappeared in the blink of an eye.
Cayson cheated on me.
There was someone else.
When I thought he was faithful to me, he was sleeping with some girl. When I saw her in his tent I should have known.
The revelation flushed through my body and torched me in a blaze of undeniable pain.
My marriage was over.
***
“I’m coming!” Trinity yelled from inside the apartment as her footsteps approached the door. She finally opened the door. “Geez, calm down. I was just—” She stopped in mid-sentence when she saw the ghostly look on my face. Trinity immediately knew
something was wrong. “Skye, are you okay?”
I couldn’t speak. If I did, I’d start sobbing all over again. All I did was shake my head.
Trinity panicked. Her eyes widened and her mouth dropped. She clearly didn’t know what to do. Then she pulled me inside the apartment and shut the door. “What happened? What’s wrong?”
I shook my head again as I felt the tears emerge. I pulled the letter out of my pocket and handed it to her. “I found it in Cayson’s bag…” My bottom lip quivered and I sniffed loudly.
Trinity shook it when shaky hands. “Oh my god…” She hadn’t even opened it and she knew what to expect.
“Just read it.”
Trinity pulled the letter out of the envelope and began to read. I knew what parts she was at when she gasped and covered her mouth with her palm. “Oh shit…” Her eyes kept darting back and forth as she read through the words. When she got to the very end, she stared at the page blankly. Slowly, her gaze moved to my face. Instead if being angry like I expected, her eyes were wet. “No…”
I wiped my eyes with the back of my arm. “I know…”
“This…can’t be true.”
“But it is.” I kept wiping my eyes but it was no use. The tears wouldn’t stop.
“I can’t believe Cayson would do this to you…it’s not like him.”
“I know…” I drifted to the couch then sat down. I was so weak I didn’t think I could stand any longer.
Trinity took the seat beside me. She was still in shock, unable to believe the concrete evidence in her fingers. She shook her head as she stared at the letter. She skimmed through it again before she returned it to the envelope. “I…I don’t even know what to say.”
“I don’t either. I just can’t believe this is happening…I keep thinking it’s a dream but I never wake up.”
“Fuck.” Trinity ran her fingers through her hair anxiously. “Cayson is the most loyal guy I know. I just can’t believe it.”
“I know.” More tears fell down my cheeks.
Trinity couldn’t process it. “How could he do this to you? You just got married.”
