by Addison Cain
"You speak it better than you know."
Was that actual praise? "Then speak to me. How old were your sons when you lost them?"
The man was not thrown by her sudden shift in the conversation. "Bertrand was four; Joseph just under a year."
Claire smoothed her skirt, felt sadness. "Why were they killed?"
"My wife was Omega." The sharpness of his gaze was frightening. "An Alpha wanted her. Before I even learned of what had happened, she had been pair-bonded to a friend of Premier Callas. The same Alpha who'd murdered our boys."
"What was her name?"
"Rebecca."
Somehow she just knew, Claire whispering, "And you killed her when Shepherd led you from the Undercroft."
"Yes, almost a decade ago—at her request."
Claire understood. Even after the man had found her and taken her back, his Rebecca would have been gutted by the power of a pair-bond she must have hated more than Claire hated her own. Her lip began to tremble. "I am very sorry for what happened to your family, but I don't understand how it led you here to do what you are doing now."
"Every member of this army is here for the same reason I am."
It felt like Shepherd had told her a thousand times. "Revenge."
"Call it cultural enlightenment."
Her green eyes, wide and eager, sat in a face bearing an urgent expression. "How do you not see the flaws in your own argument? Do you want the human race to end?"
"How do you continue to deny yourself the truth? I overheard your conversation with Enforcer Corday. You admitted freely that Thólos has done this to itself." Jules approached her, unblinking. "Even before the breach, this very degradation infected all life under the Dome… Do not waste our time by pretending that you did not live a lie just to feel safe."
It wasn't that simple. "Shepherd took me. I had a life before. I had a career. I could have had a future if I'd met the right Alpha."
"Shepherd choosing you as a mate was the best possible outcome for you, though you are incapable of accepting that fact in your ignorance and resentment."
Before she could offer a cutting retort, Jules opened the door and left.
Glaring at the door as if the man were still standing before it, Claire clenched her jaw so hard it hurt. In a few moments and a few carefully selected phrases, the Beta had shared more than Shepherd had in the first five weeks she had known him. Jules was a villain, of that she was certain, but a part of Claire could understand his rage.
Rage, it seemed, was all she was made of most days.
These men were not simply the psychopaths Claire had assumed. They were all on a mission. Jules claimed every member of Shepherd's army carried the burden of a painful past. If that was what it took to distort the psyche, to perpetuate evil in an attempt to do good, how far behind could she be?
Picking at her food, focusing again on the painting of Shepherd that served as companion during meals, Claire did not register the opening of the door.
The giant was pleased to find her admiring his portrait again, rounding the table to brush back her hair.
"I have brought you medicine to dull any pain," Shepherd explained once he had her attention. "Open your mouth."
Between her parted lips, two tablets were placed on her tongue, Claire sitting stupidly as Shepherd held her glass, pouring carefully so she could swallow. She obeyed, and his large thumb wiped away a small drip of milk.
Soaking in her surprised expression, he asked, "Have you been ill today?"
"No. Whatever is in that disgusting green drink seems to settle my stomach."
"But you are in pain and I was notified that you required relief," the male grunted, his concern obvious. "You also look tired."
"I didn't ask him for medicine and you already knew I was sore. You are physically demanding and my body is not always up to the challenge." Claire was tired. Very tired. "Besides, wasn't that the point of your punishment?"
Crouching to be nearer her eye level, Shepherd burrowed his hands in her hair and cradled her skull. "There was no punishment." The male began to work his fingers over her scalp. "These bruises… You should know that I was incredibly restrained. Antagonizing your mate to such a point is dangerous, as you are fragile, little one, and I am very strong. Yet in the anger you purposefully fostered, I fought myself. I did not strike you. I could have easily damaged you beyond repair."
The purr was so loud and his fingers felt incredibly comforting tugging her hair… even if his words were disturbing. "It was worth it," she muttered.
The man was oozing patience, still in that seeming calm he'd woken with. "Explain such a statement."
This version of Shepherd was never quite what it seemed. Cautiously, Claire answered, "It is the only way I know of to communicate with you."
He seemed intrigued, eyes shining as Shepherd dissected her stratagem. "You long for more conversation?"
If you know the enemy and know yourself, you need not fear the result of a hundred battles. If you know yourself but not the enemy, for every victory gained you will also suffer a defeat. If you know neither the enemy nor yourself, you will succumb in every battle. - Sun Tzu
Claire needed to know Shepherd. She could no longer afford to ignore him as she had done before. She needed to know his Followers. More so, she needed to make sure she knew herself, and did not lose sight of what she was should he hurt her again.
Thinking over how best to answer, she sighed. "It would be normal to feel that I could trust you to simply sit down and talk with me. But you seem incapable of the restraint of listening to what you might not like—and feeling unheard makes me frustrated and unhappy."
"Do you not place some of the blame on yourself, little one? Your effort to ignore my presence is apparent."
"Why would I pay any attention to a man who doesn't listen to me or respect how I feel?"
"Because I am older and wiser. I know what is best."
Claire snorted, a small twitch in her lip. "What you are is a fanatic and a despot. And I don't really think you know me at all, Mr. green is your favorite color."
He made no answer. Instead, Shepherd reached forward and the arms he slid around her felt… reassuring. Yawning, wanting to lie down, Claire did not fuss when he carried her to bed.
The Alpha sat on the edge of the mattress, played with her hair, and commanded she close her eyes. "You will sleep now. If I find you in an acceptable state when I return, we will converse."
When she woke in the dim room, it was the best Claire had felt in some weeks. It wasn't just the nap or the painkillers, it was a small sense of purpose, a deeper feeling that her progress was positive. Good feelings were dangerous and easy to lose in her prison, so she carefully cherished it alone in the dark before putting it away—burying it deep so Shepherd could not take it from her.
The male had claimed he would talk to her; that gave her an arena she could prepare.
It had been fruitful to start a dialogue with him over her painting the day prior, so she would begin simply and try what she knew. Claire mixed up her paints and began detailing the image she had seen through the security feed before she broke the Omegas out of prison. She painted little sixteen-year-old Shanice being rutted by one of Shepherd's Followers.
Everything was as she remembered; nothing embellished, nothing altered.
Shepherd ripped it out from under her brush the second he returned and saw it. Balling it up, his eyes flared in fury, as he breathed so deep it stretched his chest like a dragon about to spit flames.
Claire did not react; she just let out a sigh and set her brush aside.
Speaking inoffensively about a very offensive subject, Claire began. "Her name is Shanice. She is sixteen years old. That was her first heat and I can guarantee that she was not willing. She's cried herself to sleep each night since estrous ended."
"Had my officer been able to pair-bond, she would have been as content as all the others!" Shepherd leaned his weight on the table, aggressively irritat
ed to find what was not the ideal he expected to return to. "You are the only one unsettled."
Claire put her hand over his, not to comfort, but to make it clear she understood the consequences. "That man could not be a day younger than forty-five. That girl is still in school."
"I am much older than you," Shepherd countered hotly.
"Maybe by a decade, perhaps a little more. Not old enough to be my father. I am also a fully grown woman, Shepherd. I am not a child."
Flexing the fist under her small hand, Shepherd growled, "I am aware of what you are doing."
"I am trying to communicate with you about things I don't understand," Claire countered. Small fingers squeezed his hand again and she let her feelings show on her face. "Considering your mother… explain to me where the line blurs and this becomes acceptable?"
Shepherd took the seat across from her, agitated but growing forcedly composed. "Arranged Alpha-Omega pairings are common throughout history, and are statistically successful."
"If the baby I am carrying were a Omega would you want that for your child?"
"Under these circumstances, yes. The bonded Omegas are sheltered and protected by worthy Alphas. All are fed; they are safe… they are not mistreated. You are the one who would expose them to Thólos in your foolish misunderstanding of freedom." Twisting his hand, Shepherd captured her fingers, toyed with them, even though his words were harsh. "You never had it, Claire. You were never once free in this city… You have never once been free a day in your life."
She truly hated the sound of him speaking her name, knew that the unpleasant feelings it stirred up showed on her face, and felt her fortification slipping. Furthermore, she hated how Shepherd was holding her hand as if they were lovers, as if he had a right to—even if she had initiated contact. "You mistreated me. And I do not know what I hate more: your assumptions, or the fact that you just spoke my name simply because you know I dislike it."
A large thumb circled the flat of her palm. "Which makes this discourse the perfect time to begin adjusting you to the sound of it on my lips, little one."
Holding his gaze, forcing herself not to snatch back her hand, Claire admitted, "So we both have an agenda."
Pulling her arm nearer, Shepherd purred, "We will not have a repeat of yesterday's argument."
"That topic was already addressed. I know my feelings, I know what was done, and I know why… even if you will not admit it. It is up to you whether or not you face what is fact." After a breath, Claire looked up from where their hands were joined and tried a different approach. "Are the mated Omegas really settled?"
The word was hard and judgmental. "Yes."
She stared blankly. "You must wish you had chosen with less impulsiveness."
"I have never once questioned claiming you." Almost musically he explained his truth, "And in answer to your question yesterday; yes, I would have still fought the mob and claimed you had Svana not diverted. You were born to be mine."
Sarcastic, Claire cocked a brow and grumbled at the obtuse fool. "And were you always meant to be mine?"
He took her jaw and leaned forward. "Yes."
"Then I must admit I see the irony that, like my father, I received a mate who really wishes to be with someone else. That certainly is cruel of the Gods."
Shepherd did not hesitate to counter, "I only want you, Claire."
She let out a breath. "The first time I saw you at the Citadel, the first time I smelled you, I did not see you as my mate. All I felt was fear. It was very hard to stand my ground and not run."
Running his thumb over her frowning lips, Shepherd forced a question that tightened his mouth and squared his shoulders. "Because of my Da'rin Markings?"
Claire shook her head, her brows drawing together. "No. Because of what you'd done, where you were, how big you are… the violence. My father was a very nice man—funny and kind. That is the epitome of Alpha to me. That is a suiting mate. You are none of those things. Since you forced the bond, I feel controlled, manipulated, you have caused me grief, I cannot trust you, and you only treat me nicely to get your way."
"I will take responsibility for the grief, but as for the rest, much of it is your own fault. You have made little effort to be a contented mate. Your resistance and continued subversion requires a firm hand to ensure your safety. I would be cruel to you to keep you safe, and I freely manipulate you as there is no other recourse to draw you nearer. Had you settled as the other Omegas had settled, your life would be happy. And I am careful of your wellbeing. I bring you things you never thank me for. I offer you the best foods. I stroke and purr and please you physically for hours."
Claire had intended the conversation to highlight her concerns with Thólos, not nitpick at the major issues as to why, aside from his many transgressions, their pair-bond was madness. Gritting her teeth at his list of ridiculous accusations, she took a deep breath and tried to control her temper. "When you were in the Undercroft, did you thank your jailors for what they brought you?"
Shepherd's eyes went fractionally wider, the man incredibly insulted. "Thank me for the paints."
Claire snarled, "Thank me for all the hours I have spent cleaning this room."
"Little one." The shift in him was unsettling. The male purred and squeezed her hand gently. "Your domestic behavior in our shared den is nothing but pleasing to me. Thank you."
Scowling, Claire lost ground. "I am concerned that if I thank you for the paints, you will know how much I like them and take them away."
"I will not take your paints. I understand that you need them and that there is little outlet for you when I am not here."
She did not believe him, but it didn't matter. Her lower lip trembled. Feeling her eyes grow damp she whispered, "Thank you for the paints."
"Do you wish to continue talking, or would you prefer to go see the sky now?"
She had made no ground in her agenda, had wasted the opportunity and learned little. The whole fucking conversation had been imperceptibly moved to the tension between them by a man far more gifted in discourse. That was not her goal; that was not her purpose.
Taking a mental step back, needing to reformulate, Claire nodded, disengaged from the ordeal. "The sky."
Chapter 13
Entering the room with her window, Claire was wary the second her feet touched the floor. The setup had changed; a small table held two trays of food… as if Shepherd were going to eat with her—which would not only be odd, but a domestic act she was in no mood to engage in with him.
Like an iron bar around her waist, Shepherd's arm held her flush to his body, the uncomfortable handcuff still in place. They were not moving deeper into the room, just standing awkwardly as he leaned down to possessively sniff her.
"I would have preferred to mate you before this, yet forewent the experience because you desired to converse. I am also going to allow you a short time without the handcuffs," Shepherd said, unlocking the metal at her wrist while still maintaining a stiff hold on her body. "Should you disappoint my trust, this coming moment will not happen again. It would be in your best interest to behave."
Before Claire could reply, the numerous locks on the door began to hiss and her body was shifted so there was no view but that of Shepherd's chest. The door was opened and closed, and only then did Shepherd turn them so that she might see.
Instantly panicked, Claire eyeballed the stunning blonde and rushed to throw her body between Maryanne and Shepherd. "What the fuck is she doing here? You promised me!"
"Claire, calm down before you give yourself an aneurism," Maryanne teased, throwing an arm around her shoulders. "I was invited for dinner."
Bull-Fucking-Shit. There was a catch, there was always a catch, and cold dread settled over the Omega. Her attention darted towards the folding table, back to her massive mate, then over her shoulder towards Maryanne.
Claire was scared.
The Alpha female herded her forward, smiling and bouncing her eyebrows as if possessing no care in the wor
ld. "It was impossible to say no once he told me steak was on the menu… Don't think for a moment that I came to see you."
Claire's nervous laugh did not sound the least bit reassured. The women sat, Shepherd moved towards a third chair in the corner to watch like a warden observing a convict's last meal.
Enthusiastic, Maryanne dug into the food, made pointless inane chatter, smiling as Claire worked through the knot in her stomach and prayed the food would stay down. With the passing of half an hour, the tense situation calmed. Shepherd's soft purr from the corner, and the approving look in his eye every time Claire looked over at him, helped to settle her.
Just having Maryanne near was extraordinary, and for a moment, Claire felt… comfortable.
"Maryanne," swallowing the last bite of steak, Claire looked at her pretty friend and teased, "I think you may be the only woman in Thólos who's still wearing lipstick."
Full red lips curved up in a decedent smirk, Maryanne was proud as a peacock. "I have standards." The woman eyeballed Claire's hair, frowning. "And you have been slack in yours. You need a haircut."
"As you must have noticed from the pre-cut steak, I'm not allowed access to sharp objects. I am also pretty certain salon services are not part of Shepherd's philosophy."
Maryanne cocked a snarky eyebrow and purred, "But gourmet food is?"
Claire looked down at their finished plates, frowning.
Maryanne ran a pet down Claire's hair so she might show her the ragged ends. "You know, Claire, if it comes to girly things, you're going to have to outright tell him if you need something. Your Alpha seems dense as a boulder in regards to women."
Before she could stop it, the Omega burst into uproarious laughter. Hand pressed to her mouth, she imagined Shepherd's expression behind her, and laughed even harder.
It took a minute before she could chide her cocky, smirking friend. "For fuck's sake, Maryanne. He's never going to let you come back now."
"Oh." Maryanne lounged back in her chair like a well-fed cat. "I think he will."
