by Paloma Meir
“Today would be best.”
“I want to be with you right now but it’s my final class. I need this program to be over.”
“Eight days. Thank you.”
“I was hoping that you would say three weeks. A month with you is what I want. I hate that I didn’t go with you. It would all be different now if I had just taken that year with you.”
She didn’t say anything but her crying stopped. I took my clothes off and got into bed.
“Are you there?”
“I want to see you too.”
“Did you hear what I said?”
“Yes. I don’t know how to respond. I can’t wish away my life. I was happy. Weren’t you?”
“It’s been a wild ride but something was always missing. You.”
“Let’s take it slow. You haven’t seen me in almost two years. You might feel very differently after we talk.”
“Nope, won’t happen. I’m in bed by myself.” She laughed, “Tell me another story.”
“Remember we’re just friends. Do friends do this?”
“You’re the only female friend I have so I’m going to have to say yes.”
“I did like it. I don’t want to mislead you though. Can you separate yourself emotionally?”
“Can you? The last time we were together you gave yourself to me completely. You pulled it together in the morning but in that moment? I don’t believe you went back to Madrid and let it all go. You love me.”
“We’re different that way. I am used to loving you. My feelings for you are like my arm or hair. It’s just there. It’s who I am. I didn’t think about you that much. You are just me. Does that make sense?”
“Always over thinking things and that’s why I love you.”
“I’m not going to say it back to you.”
“As long as you have your arms and hair you don’t need to.” I took the oil from the table, “Story time baby.”
“You came through my window...”
I called her every night around 11:00 my time. She always answered on the first ring and she always sounded as if she had been crying. I would ask her about her day, she never had much to say about it. She never left her bed. I would encourage her to go outside and take a walk, shop, anything. She would say tomorrow, but the next day was the same.
I asked her about her daughter, silence. Louisa was another subject she wouldn’t talk about much. I couldn’t imagine her with a baby. I would have to see her for myself, only a few more days.
She would send Astrid out with Louisa during the day. I made a joke about Astrid being mute and it upset Zelda. How did I know about Astrid, she asked. I told her about the breakfast of doom with Carolina and Anthony. She hadn’t heard about it and the conversation I played back for her angered her. She was a minefield of emotion. I tread lightly. I knew it would be easier when I was with her.
She hadn’t spoken to any of her family or friends except for me. It was flattering but also worrisome. I reminded myself I would be her soon and I would set everything right. I wanted to dump my final class and fly away to her but I kept it together. I would have to get my life together. My Don the Beachcomber lifestyle wasn’t something she would want to be a part of at all.
She had zero interest in my financial program and what I had been doing on the stock market and with real estate. She didn’t say it but I knew she was disappointed I hadn’t become a doctor. I could change some things for her but not that. She would have to be happy with my MBA.
I had been living in old shorts and t-shirts for years. I had a tan line from my flip- flops. I had to get new clothes, a haircut too. What worked on the beach wouldn’t do much in her favorite city.
The best part of talking to her? Story time. I didn’t even have to prompt her anymore. Yeah she gave me a list of emotional warnings, do not attach, we are only friends, etc.. But she initiated it. You know why? Because she loved me.
“Hey Serge road trip into town. I need clothes.” He walked out of his room more of a mess than I was. He wasn’t going to change until he passed the bar. That was months away. I would miss the crazy hair.
“Where to?”
“APC or Paul Smith.” I picked up my car keys from the counter in the kitchen.
“Isn’t APC the Gap of Paris? Can’t you pick it up when you get there? Let’s go in the water.” He said as he followed me out the door.
“I’m not flying out to Zelda in board shorts dude.” We got into my car.
“You’re putting a lot into this. She was with Paolo for seven years. You ever think that you’ll just be her rebound boy?” He rolled down his window and stuck his head out for a moment.
“She doesn’t do rebound. She went from me to him. Now back to me. Game over. I win.”
“If you say so. Has she told you what happened yet? Tell her to call Carolina. She is pissed.”
“She’s not calling anyone when I get there. Me and her a week in bed, no interruptions.”
“Pull it together. She has a baby. Even if it works out the way you want it to the baby’s going to come first with her. That’s probably why her and Paolo ended it. She’s an adult. We’re still hanging on buddy.”
I had been so elated to have her back in my life that I hadn’t put that much thought into why this big change happened. Could he have left her because he wasn’t getting enough attention? I hadn’t really considered that she had a baby. Louisa was an abstract concept to me.
“We’ll figure it out. I love kids. I’m good with my nephews. Let’s drive up and visit them when I get back. I haven’t seen Brian in a while. We could hit Maverick’s on the way up.”
“I thought you were dragging your girl home.” He beat his chest like an ape.
“I’m only going for a couple days and then flying home to finish my exams. Then I’ll go back and bring her home for good.”
“Is she aware of your plans?” We pulled into the parking lot next to the store.
“It’s going to be a surprise.” I parked.
“Good luck with that.” He said as he got out of my car.
…
My bag packed, I was ready to go. Serge sat on the sofa screwing around on the computer, slow, taking his time. I was pumped. She was so close. I packed a sleeping pill for the flight knowing the anticipation of seeing her would make the flight unbearable. Customs and the cab ride to her would probably take two hours. I was rabid. I knew every moment until I got to her would feel like an hour.
“Serge now. You’re making me late.” I stood by the front door, bag in hand.
“Dude your flight’s at 7:00, it’s 3:00.” He looked up, still not moving.
“There could be traffic. Let’s go.” I put my hand on the doorknob.
“It’s straight down the coast. Fine let’s go.” He closed his computer and stood up.
We put my bags in the trunk and took off. I was so keyed up that I couldn’t follow Serge’s conversation.
“We’re good with the time. Do you want to stop at In ‘N’ Out?”
“No get me to the airport. There could be a line through security.”
“You’re going to be there three hours early.”
“I don’t want to take any chances.” I felt like I could run faster than the car was going.
“Dude I don’t want to be a downer but you need to manage your expectations.”
“I know you’ve said something like that every day. Stop. You don’t get us.”
“I’ve watched you two since day one. She grew up in my house. She’s great, but she’s human. You’ve turned her into a mythical creature of love man.”
“Cool get me to the airport.”
We pulled up to the terminal. Serge got out and helped me with my bag. My phone buzzed. I looked down to see t was my mother. I had forgotten to tell her I was going out of town.
“Mom.”
“Danny,” She cried. I panicked. “It’s your Dad. We’re at Cedars. He had a stroke.” I couldn’t hear her words through the tear
s after that.
“I’m coming right now. I’ll call Brian. Hang on Mom. It’s going to be okay.” I hung up.
“Take me to Cedars.”
“What happened?” We got back in the car.
“Dad stroke.” I called Brian’s cell phone.
“Brian. Dad had a stroke. Come down now.”
“What? Where’s Mom?”
“Cedars. Fly down now. Text me your flight information. I’ll have Serge pick you up.” I looked over at Serge. He nodded his head.
“I’ll call you from the airport.”
“Call Serge. I don’t think cell phones are allowed in hospitals.” I gave him Serge’s phone number. “Or call the room. Cedars.”
It was 1:00 AM in Paris. I didn’t want to wake Zelda. Fuck. I texted her. All my mania transferred from her to my Dad. Zelda and I would figure something out later.
We pulled up in front of the hospital.
“It’s the middle of the night in Paris. I don’t know if I’ll be able to talk to her anytime soon. Call her in a few hours and let her know what’s going on. Go home and wait for Brian’s call. Thanks buddy.” I texted her contact information to him.
“I’ll be back with him as soon as possible.”
…
My mother was talking to what looked like a doctor outside of the ICU.
“Danny,” She hugged me and cried.
“I’m Dr. Berman. I’m in charge of your father’s care. He had an ischemic attack. We suspect that he may have been experiencing TIAs for the past couple of days. He’s getting an MRI right now. We have given him TPA and we’ll know if he needs a clot removal after the MRI. Do you have any questions?” She was my age. Why was she in charge of my father?
“Is he going to be okay?” It was all too much to take in.
“He’s here. We have one of the best stroke units in the country. He’s going to live. We won’t know the extent of the damage for a couple of days.”
“Thank you. You’ll let us know when he’s out of the MRI?”
“I’ll go check on him now Mr. Goldberg.”
“Danny” We shook hands. She was so tiny. Why couldn’t his doctor have been an older gray haired man?
“What happened Mom?”
“He’s been forgetful for the past few days. I wrote if off to too much sun on the golf course but after his lunch today his speech turned into nonsense. At first I thought he was telling one of his jokes, but his words... aphasia. I called the ambulance... By the time it arrived he was on the floor." She broke down again. I wanted to join her but knew I had to take of her. I would fall apart when Brian got here. I would do it in the bathroom on a different floor. I would not add to anyone’s stress.
Brian showed up at 9:00 with Serge. He looked wiped out. Mom cried again, telling him the story. She had always been the strong one in our family. It was hard to see her vulnerable, unsure of the outcome. They moved us into the waiting room at 8:00. Brian would have to wait until morning to see our father. I hoped there would be less tubes and monitors in him by them. I didn’t want anyone else to see him that way, not even my brother.
“Vanessa and the kids are coming down in the morning. Serge said he would pick them up.” He nodded his head at Serge “Thanks for all the airport runs my man," he turned to me. “You didn’t tell me you were going to Paris. How is your little nymph?”
Although Zelda was only flirtatious with my dad, Brian had taken a liking to her. Dad I could take because it was too ridiculous. My brother checking her out had always bugged me. All that was before Vanessa I was sure he wouldn’t do that anymore. If he did I would break him in half.
“What’s she doing in Paris? You didn’t tell me you were going to see her. Danny what is going on?” It was the first non-tearful thing my mom had said. That was the only reason I answered their questions.
“Her and Paolo are done, over. We’ve been talking. She asked me to visit her. That’s all there is to the story for now.”
“Then why are you smiling like that?” asked Brian, “Rock on little brother.”
“They’re on the phone half the night…” Serge said.
“Oh Danny. This isn’t good for either of you. Give her some time. She hasn’t been on her own since she was fifteen."
“We’re good, don’t worry about it.” Enough with everybody’s opinions.
Serge brought back pizza and salads. We had forgotten to eat. Starving, we ate quickly without talking and lay on the sofas in the waiting room and fell asleep.
Dr. Berman woke us up.
“Mr. Goldberg is stable. The stroke affected his left- brain. His speech may not come back for a while. His prognosis for a full recovery is not good but we will live a productive life. He’ll be here for a week. We’ll start rehabilitation tomorrow. A side effect seen in most patients but not all is depression. I would like to start him proactively on an anti-depressant so that he’ll be able to devote himself to the rehab process.”
“No anti-depressants. My dad has always been a happy man. He won’t have that problem.” Brian said.
“He has suffered severe brain trauma. He has a long road ahead of him. If that is your decision I will follow it but it goes against what I have noted in my other patients.”
“It’s okay Brian. Please give him the anti-depressants. Will he be able to continue his rehab at home or will he need to be in a special facility?” My mother asked.
I listened to them talk, not really hearing what they were saying. Sleeping on the sofa had not been restful. I watched Dr. Berman speak. She was young but so serious about the care. I would have been an awful doctor.
Serge brought Vanessa at noon. They had dropped her kids off at my mother’s house for Valencia to watch. I had an urge to drive up and visit them but I didn’t have my car and I wanted to be by my father’s bedside when he woke-up.
Serge disappeared. I hoped to get more food. The cafe downstairs smelled of antiseptic. The whole building was a pit of sadness. We sat around catching Vanessa up on the events while we waited for the nurses to move Dad into his room. I drifted in and out of sleep.
At around 3:00 they led us to his room. We were a dirty looking bunch by then. My mother looked every day of her seventy years. She sat by my Dad holding his hand, eyes closed. They had been together forty years. I didn’t want to think about my mother without my father. They had done everything right in life, always the smart choices. They didn’t deserve this.
My Father’s eyes were open but unmoving. Dr. Berman had said he was conscious but wouldn’t be able to respond. I talked to him about the weather, the day. Brian had gone downstairs with Vanessa for a late lunch. I closed my eyes for a moment.
“Danny,” I thought that I was dreaming “Danny,” again her voice. I opened my eyes and there she was. Zelda standing in the doorway with Serge.
She was in head to toe black but looked like an angel. Her face, her big brown eyes, her blond hair worn loose around her shoulders. I stood up as she ran to me. I took her in my arms, holding her tight, and buried my face in her hair. She was real, here with me. I closed my eyes to stop the tears I still hadn’t released.
I pulled away and held her face in my hands. She was beauty even with the dark circles under her eyes. I kissed her lips. It was as if everything in the room stopped, suspended in time. I kissed her deeply.
“You came to me.” She was my dream.
“You and your dad.” She ran her hand through my hair. “I need a moment with him.” She kissed me on the cheek and took the seat I had gotten up from and took his hand in hers.
My mom looked like she was going to burst into laughter. My Dad’s eyes didn’t move, but they seemed to have a spark, probably wishful thinking on my part. She spoke to him in French, using an exaggerated sexy accent. She was funny.
As she talked to my Dad I walked into the hallway to thank Serge. I couldn’t help myself. I gave him a manly hug.
“Thanks dude.”
“I wish I could say it was me.
She called me when you didn’t respond to her. She was already at the airport in Paris. She moves fast.”
“I told you she was with me.”
“Dude did we just see the same thing? She’s here for your Dad.”
“Funny. Where are the baby and Astrid?”
“She came alone and the baby’s name is Louisa. Get used to saying it. A word of warning dude, she’s never been away from her before, ever. She panicked in the car missing her, texting Astrid, which takes forever because they run their conversations through translators.”
