by Nicole Sobon
I could faintly register that it was the voice of a young girl. She sounded scared, lost. I wondered what she looked like before becoming a file on my hard drive. Was she pretty? What did she think of life on the outside? What happened to her? There was so much I wanted to know, so much that I’d never get the chance to know. As soon as McVeigh heard about this – about the other identity living inside of me – he’d make sure to get rid of her.
The door to the room swung open, forcing my attention back on the room. I looked around noticing that Sterling had managed to leave at some point.
“Hayden.” Tina smiled as she ran over to greet him. “I need your help.”
He nodded. “I had a feeling this would happen. Do you have her reading tablet available? I’ll need to look at her last update.”
“Do you think…? I mean, it can’t be, right?” Tina asked warily. “McVeigh isn’t going to let this continue, Hayden. You know as well as I do that once he hears about this…she’s a goner.”
“I know.” Hayden ran his hand through his blond locks. “Which is why we need to stay quiet. McVeigh never authorized her transformation. He doesn’t realize what she is, or what she’s capable of, and I’d rather keep it that way.”
“Of course.” Tina grabbed hold of Hayden’s hand, pulling him over towards the Pod. “Here’s her tablet,” she said, lifting it from the cart beside the Pod. “I’ve tried my best to keep this all from Sterling, but I don’t know how much longer I can. She’s not like the other Programs, is she?”
“No.” Hayden replied. “She’s only 83 percent computer. There’s still a person buried in there somewhere, and I’m going to save her.” He leaned forward, pressing his right hand against the glass. “We’re almost there, Emile. You’re almost home.”
His words meant nothing to me, but to the girl inside of me, they meant hope.
I know, please hurry. The voice was calmer now, relaxed.
I leaned forward, reaching for his hand. “Hayden,” I whispered, my voice cracking.
His head whipped around just as Sterling came storming into the room. “What was that?” he called out from across the room. “Did that Program just speak? How is that even possible? She’s supposed to shut down during standby mode, not awaken!”
Hayden and Tina looked over at me, terror wide on their faces. “I don’t believe so,” Tina replied, trying to remain calm.
“Don’t you dare lie to me, Tina.” Sterling moved closer, shoving his finger into her chest. “That Program just whispered his name. Programs are not to form an emotional bond with their caretakers, nor are they programmed to break from standby mode. She shouldn’t have been able to speak.”
Hayden stepped forward, gripping the reading tablet in his left hand. “May I ask what it is that you are trying to say?”
“What I’m trying to say is that this Program needs to be deactivated immediately. Her core has been altered. She is now useless to this company! If the goal was to create another one of them, she’d be perfect, but we are supposed to be creating the perfect human – the perfect replacement – and she’s far from it!”
The room fell quiet. The girl inside of me began to panic, trying to push her way out. Everything she felt, I felt, too. It was as if I was becoming one with her, as if someone was giving me the gift of life. She kept pushing, but I didn’t move.
What are you doing? the girl screamed. The only way I can get out of here is if you force your way out. I can’t do it without you. Please, I don’t want to spend the rest of my life here.
Life? But she wasn’t alive. She was a voice imported onto my hard drive. There was no body to the voice. No family. Nothing. She was nothing but a voice – albeit a voice full of hope, courage, and most of all, strength. She was everything that Charles McVeigh wanted us to be. She was everything I was created to be, and yet she wasn’t even alive.
“Sterling,” Tina cried out. “If you even so much as dare to try to deactivate this Program, I will see to it that you never work for Vesta Corp again. Do you understand?”
“She’s of no use to this company and you know that! It is mandatory that we report our findings to McVeigh.” He shook his head, forcing a laugh. “What is it that’s so special about this one that you’re willing to risk everything?”
“You wouldn’t understand.” Hayden placed my reading tablet on the cart beside the Pod, turning to face Sterling. “She’s not like the others.”
“Why can’t you see that, Sterling? Why can’t you-?”
Before Tina could say anything else, Sterling stormed out of the room, slamming the door shut behind him.
It was final then. As soon as Sterling found Charles McVeigh, he’d call for the White Coats to locate me and prepare me for deactivation.
The thought of never seeing the outside world didn’t quite bother me as much as the fact that the voice inside my head would lose her life. Again. I wanted to save her, to give her a chance to regain the life that she had lost. I once believed I was alive, but I was beginning to see that was never the case. The only life I had was the one trying to escape from inside of me, and I was on the verge of losing her.
6 HOME
Hayden and Tina stared back at me unsure what to do. I was becoming a liability for everyone it seemed. Now is your chance to go. The voice started up again, low but forceful. I wanted to ignore it, but it was impossible. I should not be here. I could not be here.
I pulled forward, jerking the wires that covered the Pod. I watched as one by one they began to fall, freeing me of their hold. I could feel their eyes locked on me, the fear brewing in their minds. But I couldn’t make myself stop. Something inside of me was telling me to keep going. I slammed my wrists through the Pod window, shattering the glass. Carefully, I slid my hand through the open hole, yanking open the latch on the Pod door.
“Thirteen, what on Earth do you think you are doing?” Tina demanded. She planted her hands on my shoulders, trying to ease me back inside of the Pod.
I wasn’t sure what I was doing, or why. All I knew was that she wanted this. She needed me to do this. She wanted to live her life. I couldn’t take that away from her. Not when it was what I wanted, too.
Hayden moved between us, carefully lifting Tina’s hands off my shoulders. “Tina, please.” He stood with his back to me. “I have a plan.”
“Try me.” Her gaze never strayed from me.
“I can get her out of here,” he whispered. “But I need you to distract the others.”
It sounded easy, but I knew better. Nothing at Vesta Corp was ever easy. The security within the building was tight, cameras in place where guards were not. There was no way that Hayden would be able to sneak me out. And even if, by some miracle, he did, what would happen to him? Or Tina? Their jobs, perhaps even their lives, would be in jeopardy.
Were they truly willing to risk so much?
When a Program was ordered to be deactivated, its caretaker surrendered the Program immediately. Protecting a Program from deactivation was considered to be a crime within Vesta Corp. Even I knew that.
We were created as a new race. McVeigh intended to form a new society, one in which humans were overridden by Programs, a society in which he would maintain full control. Caretakers were to avoid forming bonds with their Programs for that exact reason. Eventually, we would replace them.
And yet, Hayden and Tina were willing to risk it all to ensure my safety. He would make sure that we were safe, he always did. I could sense the admiration in the girl’s voice, the love pouring out with each sound. It was as if there was a connection between the two of them. It was as if they’d known each other while she was alive.
“Hayden.” Tina pursed her lips. “Can you promise me that you’ll get her out of here safely?” He nodded. “Well then, count me in.”
“Thank you.” He spun around and smile at me. “I won’t let anything happen to her.”
“She’s rather special, isn’t she?” Tina chuckled.
“More than yo
u can possibly know.”
“These were supposed to be spread out, but I don’t really have any other options right now.” Hayden ran his hand through his hair frantically. “I’m going to need to install the remaining three hard drives into your core immediately. Since the evaluation rooms will be the first areas they’ll check, we’re going to need to get out of here first.”
He extended his hand out to me. “I have an evaluation area set up at home. If we can make it there, I’ll be able to install the remaining hard drives. And then you’ll be free to live your life again, Emile.”
I could hear footsteps hurrying down the hall, the sound of squeaking boots filling the air. Hayden pulled me closer towards him and lifted a tile beside the Pod. “Quick.” He slid the tile off to the side and lowered me into the opening. It was small and dark, but it was a way out. A start to a new life.
I waited below as Hayden stayed behind to speak with Tina. “Can you seal the entrance behind us?” he asked her. I could hear the footsteps moving in closer, the sounds of frustrated humans screaming down the hallway. “Please, Tina.”
“Go. I’ll handle things here. Just get out before they find the two of you!”
He jumped through the entrance behind me, smiling as he grabbed hold of my wrist. “We have to move.” His breathing began to accelerate, his grip on my wrist tightening. “About twenty feet in front of us, there is an exit onto a nearby street.”
My Program registered panic, fear of being forced into the human world. “I can’t.”
“We’re almost there. We need to keep moving, Emile.”
Emile. He insisted on calling me Emile. My human identity was hardly used, but when it was I couldn’t help but feel as though I was alive. Even if I wasn’t. But it wasn’t for me. It was for her – the voice inside my head. Yes, Hayden? she replied. She was Emile, not me.
“Look.” He tugged my wrist as he nodded up ahead excitedly. “Do you see it?”
There was a light shining through the doorway. We were almost there, just a few more feet until freedom. He pulled me through the door, nearly collapsing to the ground in the process, and slammed it shut behind us. We were on a sidewalk flooded with people, allowing us to blend in easier.
As we made our way through the crowd, Hayden released his grip on my wrist. He glanced around as he struggled out of his coat. He tossed the White Coat in a nearby garbage bin, and extended his hand to me, entwining his fingers with mine.
We headed north. Where we were going I wasn’t quite sure. We’re going home, she whispered. But this wasn’t my home. I didn’t have a home.
“Emile,” Hayden said softly, turning to look at me. “As soon as we get home, we’re going to need to work quickly to perform the remaining hard drive installations. It won’t take long for them to check the house.”
I didn’t say a thing. I trusted Hayden. If I was going to make it out of here, it would be because of him. If I didn’t, that’d be okay, too. I made it out of Vesta Corp. I had a chance to see the outside world. Did it truly matter if they found me now?
But I knew that it did. It wasn’t only me that they would deactivate. They would deactivate Emile, too. She deserved more than that. She deserved any chance she could get to live her life again. I needed to remind myself of that. She wasn’t just a voice inside my head. She had a life once, and I was determined to help her get it back.
Something in me was different. I almost felt human. It was as if I was capable of feeling for Emile too. Her voice rang in my head. He promised he wouldn’t fail me this time! He promised! I’d heard Hayden speak those words before, but I was never quite sure what he meant by them. How could he have failed her before? How did he know Emile, and why was he so determined to save her?
“Almost there.” He peered over his shoulder back at me. “We need to keep our pace. We cannot afford to slow down.” Hayden was pulling on my arm now.
I looked across the street and found the humans staring at us, frozen in place. They appeared to be curious. Did I look that much different from them? To me, I looked just like any other human. But this was my first time in the human world. It was safe to assume that I wasn’t the best judge on that.
And then there it was.
Straight ahead of us was home. I was not sure how I recognized it, or why I identified it as home. It just felt like home.
7 ALIVE
Hayden pulled me in front of him as we approached the house. It was covered in vines. Its blue paint, chipping away slowly, revealed the cracks in its foundation. It was hard to believe that anyone lived here. He unlocked the door before pulling me inside with him.
The house was tiny, though I supposed anything would be tiny compared to Vesta Corp. On the walls were photos of a family. Some of the photos were cracked, the others faded like distant memories. Before we all fell apart, Emile whispered. Sadness filled her voice. It was as if she was once a part of this family, a key element in their lives.
“Do you remember any of this?” he asked as he looked around the house.
“Should I?” I asked, not understanding why he was asking.
“Never mind.” He sighed. “I’m going to set everything up. Make yourself at home.”
I watched as he walked to the corner of the living room and hovered over a computer. I could sense that he was upset, although I couldn’t fathom as to why. Why was he so desperate to save me?
A low humming noise filled the room. “We’re ready,” Hayden said. He pointed to the chair in front of him. Wires dangled from the back of the chair, connecting to the monitors that covered the walls behind me. It was as though I was standing back in Vesta Corp.
“I promise you, this will be quick. I’ve condensed all of the files onto one hard drive. The quicker we do this, the faster you can have your life back.” He was typing away on the laptop in front of him, his eyes darting back and forth between me and the screen.
“Hayden,” I whispered. “Thank you for saving me.” Even if I didn’t understand the reason behind his actions, I still could appreciate his willingness to help me.
He didn’t respond.
I walked towards the chair and sat down. Hayden came over and tightened the restraints, making sure my wrists and ankles were bound securely. Something I’d become used to during my time at Vesta Corp. It was something that came with being a Program. Restraints were a part of what I was.
“It’s time to begin. I’ll see you in a bit, Emile.” He smiled.
All of the lights shut off one by one throughout the house. Slowly, the monitors began to turn on. My readings were loaded on some of them, information on Emile on the others. Soon we’d be one. Soon I’d be alive.
I leaned back and closed my eyelids, allowing the buzzing of the wires to fill my head. Emile was quiet. For that, I was thankful. This process was hard enough on me. I didn’t need her to suffer, too.
Shock after shock. Image after image. Life soared through every wire in my body. Memories formed in my mind. Memories I didn’t remember, but knew were mine.
With each surge, I wanted to scream. I wanted to rip out the wires surrounding me. But I couldn’t. If I gave up, I would be giving up on Emile. That was something I just couldn’t do. Not when I had come this far, not when Hayden had fought this hard. This wasn’t just about me anymore.
But it was becoming too much. “Hayden,” I cried out. “Make it stop, please!”
She was taking over my core. Her thoughts were becoming mine. My body was becoming Emile’s.
“Hang in there, Emile. It’s almost finished, I promise!” He was trying to remain calm, but there was a hint of concern in his voice.
The next surge threw my head forward. Screams escaped from my dry lips. I felt everything - I felt. And then it was over. I was Emile. I was dead, but I was alive again thanks to my brother, Hayden.
He ran over to me and released the restraints binding my wrists and ankles. “Oh, Hayden,” I screamed, throwing my arms around him, trying to keep him here in my grasp.
“You did it!”
A tear ran down his cheek as he turned to face me. “Yes. I kept my promise. I told you that you’d get your life back.” His voice was all but a whisper, as if he were in pain.
“What’s wrong?” I asked.
“I thought I’d be happy.” He shook his head. “I hoped that the pain would disappear, but it just feels…wrong. Here you are, alive again, yet I can’t help but think this isn’t you. The outside is you, it’s your flesh, but your inside is all wire. You only exist on a hard drive, as a Program.” He pulled away from me and moved towards the wall full of pictures.
His hand brushed against one of the photos. Its frame was cracked. It was an image of a family in happier times. It was us when we were younger, when I was still alive and had a life ahead of me, a life that would later be cut short.
“Does it truly make a difference how I’m alive?” I asked him.
But he didn’t answer.
I walked over to where Hayden stood, resting my hand on his. I looked at the photo he held before making my way along the wall. Every photo was of our family. The family that existed before the accident. The family that existed before I was struck by a car. I wasn’t supposed to remember it, but I did. When they exported my memories and my life from my body, every trace of the accident was supposed to be erased. But it still remained.
You can’t erase death.
That was what Hayden was trying to tell me. No matter how much he wanted to forget, he couldn’t.
“Emile, I’m leaving the city. I’m going to head to Mom and Dad’s. I’d take you with me, but I think they may need some time to accept that you are…alive, again.” He shook his head as he placed the photo on a nearby table. He then reached inside the drawer below the table, pulling out a small, leather purse. “In the meantime, I rented a house about twenty minutes from here. Here are the keys and everything you’ll need to get by: an ID, a debit card, checks, and some cash. Out front, you’ll find a black car waiting for you. Be safe, please. But don’t be afraid to live.”
