by Chloe Cole
"D-dancing?" I asked, taking his arm hesitantly.
He nodded and led me to the center of the floor. “As you now know, the king loves to show off the women in his harem and will often select one or two to dance with during feasts or royal balls. We don’t want you in the position you were in the other night…”
I wanted to melt into the floor in a strange combination of mortification and relief but managed to stay upright as he stepped back and tugged my arm until we faced one another again.
"Yes, I'm not exactly what you'd call graceful," I admitted with a wince, "and we didn't do a whole lot of dancing growing up."
"That's good, then. A clean canvas." He took my hand and laid it on his muscular chest and then took the other in his and lifted it into the air around shoulder-height. "Is there anything you want to ask me before we begin, Anaya?"
This was it. The opening I'd been waiting for. A thousand questions closed in on me at once but I couldn't seem to give voice to a single one of them. Instead, I shook my head and croaked out a barely audible, "No."
He paused, narrowing his gaze on my face before finally shrugging. "Have it your way. I'll ask once more when our lesson is complete, but then I won't ask again."
I sucked in a steadying breath and said a silent prayer that, by the time we were done here, I'd have regained some composure so I could take him up on his offer.
"Music," Connor called over his shoulder.
I saw no one, but a few seconds later, the strains of a classical piece I'd never heard before filled the room.
"Close your eyes," Connor murmured as he settled one hand on the curve of my waist.
The touch felt so oddly intimate it took me a second to decode what he'd said. When the words finally sunk in, I did as I was told, letting my lashes flutter closed.
His warm breath feathered my forehead as he leaned closer. "Now, the key is not to think, all right? So many people treat dancing like mathematics. Counting and numbers and the like. Not us, love. We're going to treat it as it's meant to be treated."
"And how's that?" I asked, fighting every instinct telling me to open my eyes again.
"Like making love with your clothes on, of course," he replied silkily.
Before I had a chance to process those words, I was gliding across the floor in a whirl.
The motion startled a laugh out of me, but it was short-lived as I stumbled.
"You're thinking," Connor admonished gently, pretty much repeating what Gatlin had told me the other night at the palace. "You weren't for the first few steps and as soon as your brain caught up to what your body was doing, you slipped up. Stop thinking. Just let yourself feel the tension of my body."
I tried to do as he said, but it wasn't easy. So many things were happening. The rise and fall of the music, the strong, steady pounding of his heart beneath my hand. The muscular thighs brushing against me every few steps.
"Feel my hand on your waist," he urged in a low voice. "We don't need words between us, do we, love? You can feel what I want you to do, can't you? If you listen to my body and yours, you can sense it."
I wasn't sure about that, but, god, did I want to.
His fingers closed more tightly against my waist and I felt it then, a subtle pressure that told me he wanted me to glide toward the right. The motion as we swept that way in tandem was almost magical--no resistance, no awkwardness, just the two of us moving as one effortlessly--and I gasped.
"See that? More of that, less thinking."
I pinched my eyes more tightly shut and tried to pick up on his movements. After only a few steps, I stumbled again and felt the laughter rumbling in his chest.
"Now, the key is to also listen to the music and try to let that dictate the speed of your motions. Find the rhythm with me, Anaya."
At first, it felt like an impossible task and frustrated tears stung the back of my eyelids. Surely, if I couldn't do this, the simplest of tasks, they'd send me packing. But when I finally managed, with Connor's murmured encouragement, to let go of my fears and just feel, something clicked into place.
"That's it, love. Exactly right."
This time, though, his voice seemed a million miles away as we moved across the floor in a dizzying, exhilarating dance.
“When you let yourself go, you’re a natural," Connor said approvingly. "Great start."
The hand on my waist tightened almost imperceptibly as the music ended, the fast-paced reel slowed to something sultry and slow.
I opened my lashes just a crack to see him staring down at me, a heat I hadn't seen before stealing over those hazel eyes, making them almost laser-like in their intensity.
"Are your eyes closed, Anaya?" he asked, his voice husky.
"Yes," I squeaked, closing them tightly again.
"Part of your training is specific," he admonished, still motionless as the music played around us. "My job today is to teach you how to dance. But there is a bigger picture aspect to this as well. And, in general, our job is to make sure you listen and do as you're told. Personally, I like your spunk. But if the king gives you an order, you have to understand that there may be consequences if you disobey. Is that understood?"
I nodded miserably, wetting my lips with the tip of my tongue. "Yes. I'm sorry."
I was still kicking myself for my mini-rebellion when, suddenly, I found my body pressed tight against his. The muscular thighs that had been brushing mine time and again were now in direct contact. My breasts were mashed against his rock-hard stomach and I could feel his harsh breath tickling the shell of my ear.
"Don't apologize to me, love. I'm the one who is sorry."
I was trying to make sense of those strange words when we were in motion again. This time was much different as, instead of a flurry of movement, we danced in place. Swaying back and forth from foot to foot. At first, it seemed almost silly, the rocking. And then it seemed anything but as my nipples tightened from the friction and that strange pulsing sensation gathered between my legs again.
Connor's hand released mine and traveled past my elbow, over my shoulder and around to cup my nape in an intimate caress. The hand on my waist dropped lower to close over the curve of my hip almost possessively.
"Are...um, are these the kind of dances they do at the royal ball after dinner next time?" I managed, resisting the urge to shudder in his arms.
Connor laughed and I could sense him shaking his head. "No. This would be more of a private occasion type of dancing."
"I see."
Only, I didn't see. In fact, I'd never been more aware of how little I'd seen until that moment.
"You said I could ask questions, right?"
Connor slowed to a stop and pulled back, making me wish I'd kept my mouth shut. He'd felt so good pressed against me, I certainly wasn't in a rush for it to end, but the curiosity was killing me.
"Yes, of course," he replied.
"Well..."
How to put it delicately?
I opened my eyes to peer around quickly and then lowered my voice to a whisper. ”Am I going to have to put the king's member into my mouth?"
Connor let out a strangled cough and went totally still as I tried to backpedal.
"Sorry, you don't have to tell me. It's stupid, it was a thing I saw in a book I got from the library, and it's been on my mind so I figured rather than wonder, I'd--"
"No, I told you to ask questions," he said, his lips twisting into a wry smile. "I guess I just wasn't expecting that one, but that's on me. You are a constant surprise and a bit of a delight, Anaya Eldrich." He brushed the back of my neck with his fingertips before releasing me. "And to answer your question, maybe."
I chewed on the tender skin inside my cheek as I contemplated that non-answer. "Depending on what?"
"Whether the king takes a liking to you or not," he said, stepping back. "Some of the girls live a life in the lap of luxury and rarely get called upon for anything but a dance and a kiss for the public. Others are favorites to rival his own wife." He
paused and called out, "Turn the music off."
The music died and Connor gestured toward the bar.
"Would you like some wine?"
Drinking had been totally forbidden by my father, but from what I'd seen, it was much more accepted here so I nodded. "Yes, thank you."
He moved toward the crystal decanters lined up like glimmering gemstones and selected one filled with a ruby-red liquid. "By the time you leave here, you should be well versed in all aspects of pleasure, Anaya." He selected two stemmed glasses and tugged the stopper off the decanter to pour. "There are things that you might not understand yet and it's natural to feel fearful of the unknown when--"
"Oh, I'm not fearful of that. I just thought it strange and then..." I trailed off as he slid a goblet my way, his gaze pinned on my face.
"And then?" His voice sounded different. Grittier than before, and that ready smile was nowhere to be found.
My pulse kicked faster as I lifted the drink to my lips. "And then wondered what that might be like, was all," I finished in a rush before taking a deep pull from my glass.
"You're different. And different to a man like the king could either be a huge benefit to you or a detriment. I won't lie to you. I don't know what your future holds, but I can tell you this much." He bent low and traced the shape of my lips with his thumb. "If I were the king, I would certainly require your mouth on me…and vice versa.”
The strange mix of regret and desire in his eyes had me fighting the need to lean into him. To capture that thumb in my teeth and nip. To feel his chest pressed against me until that strange pressure in my belly went away.
But then I pulled away, face flushing.
What was wrong with me? Maybe it was something in the air here, or just lack of sleep and nerves, but whatever the case, I felt so different no matter how much I strived to stay the same. I'd only been here a few days. What would happen in a few weeks? Would I even be myself at all anymore?
"Are we allowed to...I mean, can I shift and go for a run? I'm feeling rather caged up suddenly."
Connor's gaze searched my face for a long moment before he nodded.
"Of course. And you're free to hunt as well, so long as you stay on the estate property and get back before dark. As soon as we finish our drinks I'll show you where to go. I know it's overwhelming but we really do want to make this as easy as possible for you.” He drained his glass before filling it again with a rueful chuckle. "Although, now I'm starting to wonder who is going to have it harder during our time together, you, or me and my brothers.”
He didn't elaborate and I was too focused on my own conflicting feelings to ask what he meant. A second later, he held up his glass.
"To you, love. May you get everything you deserve in this life, and more."
I held my glass aloft and we clinked them together, wondering if that was a kind toast or some terrible omen.
I thought I was a good person. I'd listened to my parents...mostly, and had been a good sister, but who knew? Maybe this wouldn’t work out at all. Maybe the life I deserved was back on our farm hundreds of miles away…
So why did the thought of that feel so wrong now?
Chapter 9
Half an hour later, I was standing outside with the groundskeeper, the warmth of the sun cutting through the early afternoon chill in the air.
I drew in a crisp breath and blew it out, already feeling calmer at the thought of a run.
"Fine day for it, Miss," the elderly man said with a toothless grin. Connor had introduced him at Percival, and I committed the name to memory.
With a smile in return and glanced at the horizon. "I figure I've got a few hours or so before it gets dark, yes?"
"At least," he said as he turned to gesture toward the stable full of horses behind him. "You can take one of the beasts to the edge of the forest and then tie him off if you like, then take advantage of all the trails and wooded areas. Or you can go into one of the changing rooms near the stable and shift here and have your run of the place if you like to be out in the open. Whichever you prefer."
"I need to stretch my muscles and getting on the back of a horse isn't going to do it," I said, tugging the sweater from my shoulders.
"Come this way."
I noted a slight limp as he led me around the side of the stables and snickering horses to a series of five doors. He turned the knob and swung one open, sweeping his arm out to wave me in.
"You shouldn't have any issues, we haven't had marauder problems on our land years, but the king prefers if members of the Royal Harem wear one of these, just to let others know that you belong to--" He broke off and seemed to reconsider his words. "Well, to let them know that you aren't to be toyed with," he finished with a clipped nod as he handed me a long, purple sash from his pocket. “Just make sure not to go past the stream and that you’re back before full dark.”
I thanked him and closed the door between us as I mulled over his words. He had been about to say that I now belonged to the king.
Like a boot.
Or a piece of furniture.
It wasn't a foreign concept to me. I'd known from the time I was old enough to walk that females were property. The older I got, though, and the closer the reality of that being the rest of my life became, the harder it was to swallow.
It felt...off. Wrong, somehow. Despite it being all I'd ever known, my very soul railed against the injustice of it.
But my brain overrode my gut as I stripped off my dress and the petticoat beneath. If my choices were to go back home to the life I knew awaited me there or risk whatever this was? There was no contest. I missed Iris already, but she would be gone in a year when she selected one of the dozens of worthy males who would, surely, be vying for her attention.
Me? I’d already had a lifetime of watching Father cow Mother into miserable submission day after day, and put me down in every possible way he could think of. Something that would only get far worse if I failed him and brought shame upon our family by screwing this up.
No, I had one choice and that was to make this--whatever it was destined to be--into the best life I could make it. I would learn from Connor, Michael, Gatlin and Lucian and I would become a valued member of the Royal Harem. If the king was kind to me, I would be kind back and enjoy whatever grace that afforded me. If he wasn't, I'd do my best to blend in, not make waves and make friends with my fellow harem mates. Who knew? Maybe I would find a friend who I loved as much as I loved Iris.
As I kicked off the last of my clothes and folded them into a neat pile, I thought back to my dance with Connor. That smile was enough to make any heart beat faster. To be fair, it was sort of his job to cajole and charm his charges into doing his bidding. But dang, did he have to be that good at it?
I closed my eyes and forced Connor's dreamy face from my mind, instead focusing on the freedom just a few steps away. The lion inside me came forward without any real coaxing. That majestic, graceful creature was as much a part of me as the awkward girl who blurted out inappropriate questions or stumbled on the dance floor, thank god. Her power flowed through me like an all-curing elixir, making my blood sing.
The shift was effortless. The lengthening of bone and stretch of muscle. What used to be an uncomfortable process as a youth had become one of life's most decadent pleasures. One that had been curtailed for years by the number of marauders in our area. Iris and I were only permitted to shift and hunt in pairs, and even then, only in a hundred acre stretch of woods. And my poor mother wasn't permitted to shift or hunt at all. If the grounds here were as vast as I'd envisioned, this was going to be amazing.
My vision blurred and then sharpened, everything becoming crisp and vibrant as my line of sight dropped lower and I folded onto all fours. I nudged the door open with my nose and trotted out past the stables.
"Ah, you're a fine lioness, Miss," the groundskeeper called after me from where he stood off to the side feeding a carrot to one of the stallions. "Enjoy your run."
I chuffed in his
direction and then let it rip, breaking into a sprint toward the tree line in the distance.
The wind whipped at my fur as I breathed in every single one of the competing scents. Pine and horse and straw and grass and clover. Earth and water and small game--maybe a squirrel--in the distance. Didn't matter. I wasn't on the hunt today unless the hunt for my peace of mind counted.
I lengthened my strides until I was loping along without a care in the world, watching the fluffy white clouds glide past the fat, orange sun as I ran.
Weird as, the faster I ran, the more I felt like I could breathe again. All the fear over my murky and uncertain future slid away as the soft grass slapped at the pads of my paws.
It only took me a few minutes to clear the grounds and hit the edge of the woods. The foliage was so different from home. Lush and thick and sweet-smelling. My heart expanded as I dashed in and explored with abandon. Chipmunks skittered across the brush and butterflies fluttered past, despite the cooler temperatures, but I didn't give chase. I was enjoying the seemingly limitless space to run too much to pause for even an instant.
It wasn't until the sun hung on the horizon by a thread that I slowed to a trot near a babbling brook. I bent my head and pressed my lips to the icy water, lapping at it greedily.
Why couldn't this be my life? Forget mates and politics and controlling fathers. How about freedom? To shift and run and explore at will.
As the cool liquid soothed my parched throat, I found it hard to shake those new thoughts.
The Saint John brothers had been nothing but kind so far, especially Connor and Gatlin. Maybe all of them would be equally kind during our lessons and everything would be all right. But then what? Like Connor said, there was no way of knowing what the king would require of me. And what if I hated the other girls in the harem? What if they hated me?
I took one last, long sip and lifted my head to peer around the forest again longingly.
I was bound by the rules of society because I lived in that society. It never occurred to me until this very moment that that was a choice. Staying within the kingdom's realm at all was a choice. Leaving was an act of treason and would mean my family would sever all ties with me. I would have to fend for myself, and would no longer be considered part of my pride or the bigger collection of prides under King Sebastian's protection.
