CHAPTER FIVE
HARLEY WATCHED EMMA HESITATE. “I hate to leave you alone,” she said. “Are you sure you don’t mind?”
Emma sounded all worried. If her mom had asked her that, Harley would have rolled her eyes. But she couldn’t do that with Emma. So she said, “I’m fine. I stay by myself all the time.”
Emma chewed on her lip. “I can get back here in twenty minutes if you need me for anything.”
“Okay. But I’m good.” Her mother had said the same stuff when she’d gone out. Like Harley was a little kid or something. She’d say something rude, her mom’s eyes would narrow, then she’d slam the door as she left.
Harley couldn’t be rude to Emma. Emma might change her mind about adopting her. And tonight, she really wanted Emma to leave. So she gave her the innocent look and Emma smiled.
“I love you, Harley.”
“Yeah, me, too.”
Emma stood watching her, and Harley pretended to be texting a friend. Finally the door clicked shut. Emma was gone.
Harley hurried to the window and watched Emma get into her car. She looked up and waved, and Harley waved back. Emma was such a dork sometimes.
She watched until Emma had driven out of sight, then hurried to the desk in the corner and rummaged in the bottom drawer. She’d found the DVD a few days ago, way in the back. All it said on the case was “For Harley.” In her mom’s handwriting.
She had no idea what it was about. But she was pretty sure it hadn’t come from their apartment. She would have recognized it if it had. The last time Harley was alone, she’d looked through Emma’s desk to see if there was anything of her mom’s. She’d found this, but hadn’t had time to do anything about it.
Tonight she was going to watch this DVD. She missed her mom so much. When Emma tucked her into bed at night, she pretended it was her mom, smoothing her hair and whispering, “I love you.”
But Emma didn’t sound anything like her mom. So, after Emma left the bedroom, Harley muffled her sobs in the pillow, until it was hot and damp and her chest hurt.
Why was Emma hiding this DVD? Was there some big secret? Did Emma think Harley should forget about her mom? Was it a social worker thing?
She slid into Emma’s desk chair and loaded the disc into the DVD slot on the computer. Clicked the mouse to open it. And there was her mom.
“Hey, sweetie,” her mom said softly. “I love you so much. I know you miss me. I miss you, too. I miss hugging you. Giving you kisses and watching you squirm. Helping you with your homework. Cooking with you.”
Her mom swallowed twice and her eyes looked shiny. Harley put her hand on the screen, but instead of her mom, there was nothing beneath her fingers but the cold glass of the monitor.
“I miss tucking you into bed at night, even though you told me you’re too old for that. I miss picking you up at FreeZone and hearing about your day. I miss everything.”
Her mom wiped her eyes with a tissue. “This isn’t fair to you. But bad stuff happens and I knew I could die. Remember when I got sick when we lived in Milwaukee? That’s when the doctor found out about the aneurysm. He said it might be fine. But he warned me that I could die, too. That’s when we moved to Chicago and I made this DVD.”
Her mom leaned forward and it felt as if she was reaching out for Harley. Harley wanted to hug her mom, just once more. She wanted to tell her mom she was sorry about the mean things she’d said the night before her mom died.
She wanted to tell her mom she loved her one last time.
“I want to tell you about your father, Harley. We moved to Chicago because he lives here.”
Harley shot up straight in her seat. Holy shit! Her dad? In Chicago?
Her mom cleared her throat and tried to smile. “I’m pretty sure that Emma is your legal guardian now. But I want you to meet your father. And I want Emma to help you get to know him.” She swallowed. “He’s a good man. A kind man.” She smiled, but her mouth trembled. “And you already know and like his sister. Your aunt. You have two uncles, as well.”
“What?” Shocked, Harley stared at her mother’s image on the screen. She had an aunt? Two uncles?
“Your father’s name is Nathan Devereux. He owns a restaurant in Chicago. Give Nathan a chance. I never told him about you, so he’s going to be surprised. But once you get to know him, I’m sure you’ll love him. And I know he’ll love you just as much as I do.”
Still staring at the screen, Harley grabbed a small pillow from the couch. Clutched it to her chest to keep the pain from exploding.
“You’re a strong girl, Harley. You’re smart and you’re funny and you’re kind. I wish I could have watched you grow up. I wish I could have known the interesting, wonderful woman you’ll become. I know this is so hard for you. I know nothing feels right. But I’ll be watching out for you. If you get sad, or lonely, or when you miss me, think about the fun we had together. Think about the things we did together. Think about how much I love you. And I’ll be right there with you again. I love you.”
The video faded away, but not before Harley saw the tears on her mom’s face.
She slumped in the chair, staring at the darkened screen as hot drops of moisture landed on her hands. Her heart pounded. It was hard to breathe. Her father.
Ms. Devereux was her aunt.
She’d asked her mom about her father so many times, but all her mother told her was that they’d loved each other. Her mom had never said that Harley’s father didn’t know about her.
Had Emma watched this DVD? Did she know about Harley’s father?
A cold fist tightened inside her. Had Emma lied about adopting her? Was she trying to make Harley feel better until she turned her over to this Nathan dude?
Her throat was thick and hot. Her chest got tighter. Her head pounded.
No. Emma wouldn’t lie to her. Emma had promised to be straight with Harley.
She grabbed the mouse and opened Google. Typed in Nathan Devereux’s name. Found his restaurant, called Mama’s Place.
There was a picture of him with a bunch of waitresses, and she studied it for a long time. He didn’t look anything like her.
She memorized the address, then ran to get her coat. Emma would be gone for a few hours.
Harley could take the bus to his restaurant and check out her father. See what he looked like. She’d be back long before Emma got home.
* * *
THE BACK DOOR SLAMMED behind Nathan as he hurried through the kitchen. He was late. He’d been looking for information on Peter Shaughnessy online, and he’d lost track of time.
Marco stood talking to Frankie, and they looked as if they wanted him to join them. He held up his hand. “Already late. I’ll catch you in a few.”
With any luck, Frankie would stay back here with Marco until he and Emma finished talking. It would be awkward to have her find them together. Even worse if she found out what the conversation was about.
Unless, of course, the test was negative. Then the meeting would be over quickly. And his life could go back to what passed for normal these days.
“You want me to bring a plate of the specials over when we do the tasting?” Marco called.
No way in hell could he eat right now. “I’ll try them later,” he said as he pushed through the door.
Emma was sitting at the same table as last time. She toyed with a glass of water on the table. Stared at it as she stirred slowly with the straw.
Ice fille
d his veins as he watched her. She didn’t look happy. What would she consider bad news—that the test was negative? Or positive?
She must have felt him staring, because she lifted her head and their eyes met. Her expression didn’t change.
He took a deep breath and headed toward her. His stomach churned as he braced himself for the news.
Emma straightened as he slipped into the chair across from hers. “Hello, Emma.”
“Nathan.” She moistened her lips, then reached into her purse and pulled out an envelope. “The results came today.”
He stared at the envelope for a long moment. Such an innocuous-looking rectangle. But it could change his life forever.
He couldn’t be the girl’s father, he reminded himself. That had been his mantra all week. He’d racked his brain but hadn’t been able to remember Sonya Michaels. Looked her up on Google and found nothing.
“I expected David Sanders to contact me.”
“He’s angry that the results were sent to me. I didn’t care.”
Using one finger, he tugged the envelope across the table. The flap was open, and he played with it for a moment. Finally he slid the plain white sheet of paper free.
Taking a deep breath, Nathan unfolded it. He ignored the paragraph about the testing method and focused on the numbers in the center of the page.
Ninety-nine point nine percent likelihood of a match.
He stared at the number, trying to process the news. Emma leaned toward him. “It means you’re Harley’s father.”
“Yeah, I got that.” He tossed the paper to the table. “What I want to know is, how did this happen? Sonya Michaels is a complete blank in my mind.”
“Did you, ah, ever contribute to a sperm bank?” Her face got a little pink, but she held his gaze.
“If I had, don’t you think I would have mentioned it before now?”
Emma stared at him for a moment, her expression closed. Impossible to read. She pulled out another envelope and removed a picture. “This is Sonya.”
He stared down at an attractive woman with long dark hair and blue eyes. She was sitting at a table, and she’d looked over her shoulder to laugh into the camera.
“Does that ring any bells?”
“Honestly, not really.” He continued to study the woman. “Yeah, she might look a little familiar. But I have no idea if it’s because I’ve met her or if she just has one of those faces.”
Emma took another photo out of the envelope and pushed it across the table. “This is Harley.”
The girl had long, wavy red hair and bright blue eyes. Devereux eyes? He swallowed. Her face was angular and interesting in the unformed way of children. But she was going to be a knockout when she got older.
“No one in my family has red hair,” he said. As if that would make a difference.
“Someone does now.”
He set the picture down on the table. He was a father. That was his daughter. The realization was too much to take in.
He glanced up at Emma, who was watching him with somber eyes. “You should be happy. This is what you wanted, wasn’t it?”
Her lips tightened and she studied the cars driving past on Devon. Finally she faced him. “Frankly, Nathan, no. I didn’t want this. I desperately hoped you wouldn’t be a match.”
He had, too. “Hey, I’m not that bad,” he tried to joke.
She held his gaze steadily. “I wouldn’t know. But I wanted to adopt Harley.” She blinked hard. “This changes everything. How do I explain why her mother never told her about you? Why her mother never told you about her.”
“You think I’m any happier about this?” He tried to close his left hand into a fist and stared at his fingers as if his will alone could force them to bend. “I have plans for...” He could say goodbye to his trip to Italy. His time away from the restaurant. “I didn’t want children.”
“So you can sleep with a lot of other women you won’t remember?”
Her words struck him like a blow. Then they made him angry. “Are you always so judgmental, Ms. Sloan? Especially about people you know nothing about?” His left hand curled around the edge of the table. He’d managed to bend his fingers slightly—all it had taken was getting pissed off.
At least his physical therapist would be pleased with the results of this evening.
Emma dropped her gaze and fiddled with the sheet of paper. Lined it up precisely with the red-and-white squares of the tablecloth. “You’re right. I apologize. I have no right to judge your choices. I’m...upset.”
“That makes two of us.”
“Look, Nathan, if you don’t want the responsibility of being Harley’s father, you can sign away your parental rights. Clearly, that would solve a lot of your problems.” Contempt filled her eyes again, making their amber depths hard and brittle.
He leaned toward her, moving from a little pissed off to flat-out angry. “You actually think I’d just sign away my rights to my child and go on like nothing had changed?” He crumpled the tablecloth in his right hand as he tried to control his temper. Smoothed the wrinkles. “Even if I don’t remember her mother, she’s my daughter and therefore my responsibility. I’m not going to forget I have a kid.” Even though he wanted to. What kind of man did that make him?
“No one should be a parent out of a sense of responsibility. Or because they feel trapped.” She threw the words out like a weapon. “Harley deserves better than that.”
“Yes, she does. But did you expect me to jump for joy? To be thrilled at the prospect of a thirteen-year-old daughter I’ve just learned about?”
Some of the hardness in her eyes softened. “I’m handling this badly. I’m concentrating on my own disappointment instead of thinking about you.” She sounded like a damned therapist, and that made him even angrier. “I’m sorry.”
“Don’t worry about it. I’m not feeling so friendly toward you right now, either.”
To his surprise, a tiny smile curved her mouth. “Now that we’ve both had our little tantrums, can we concentrate on Harley and what’s best for her?”
Damn it, how could he still want Emma Sloan? She’d just derailed his life. Changed it forever, and not in a good way. Made ugly assumptions about him. “Yeah, let’s do that.”
“Right now I’m Harley’s legal guardian. Sonya didn’t say anything about giving you custody of her, just that she wanted me to...help the two of you get to know each other. But if you want custody, you could probably get it.”
Right now Nathan was consumed with finding the guy who’d lent him the money to rehab the restaurant. His attempt to cut corners to get the loan he needed had gotten him involved with thugs and criminals. In trying to get to the bottom of the mess he’d created, he was stepping on toes. Poking a stick into the hornet’s nest. He didn’t want his daughter caught up in the middle of a dangerous situation. “God, no. I’m not prepared for that. And it wouldn’t be fair to her.”
“No, it wouldn’t. Do you have any idea how hard it is to lose a parent at her age?”
As much as he wanted to throw the truth at her, he simply nodded. “I know what she’s going through.”
“I doubt it. Unless you’ve been through it yourself, it’s impossible to really understand.”
“I’ll defer to your greater knowledge.” Don’t get angry. She doesn’t know anything about you.
“If you want to pursue this, I think we should move slowly.”
The anger spilled out in a wave. “If
I want to pursue this? You mean like I’d pursue buying a car? Or figuring out what brand of cat food to buy?”
She flushed. “It was a figure of speech.”
“A lousy one.”
“Agreed.” She sighed. “Look, Nathan, we’ve clearly gotten off on the wrong foot here.”
“Fueled by your assumptions about me,” he said steadily.
“Yes. And I apologize.” She shoved a hand through her hair, and the blond waves clung to her fingers. “I do this every day in my job. But I’ve never been personally involved. I had no idea it would be so hard when it’s a child I love.”
The pain in her eyes almost made him regret his sharp words. She was right, after all. He’d done a lot in his life recently that wasn’t admirable. But he’d never skipped out on his responsibility to his family. He might not want to be a father to a teenage girl, but he’d do what he had to do.
“What’s the next step?” he asked.
She fiddled with the handle of her bag, then drew out the letter. “Maybe you should read what Sonya wrote to you. Maybe that would help us figure it out.”
Us. She was assuming they were in this together. He wasn’t sure why, now that he knew her opinion of him, but that made him feel marginally better.
Unlike when he’d stepped up to raise his siblings, he’d have someone in his corner. Someone to help him figure stuff out. Which he was going to need. Because the only thing he knew about raising a grieving thirteen-year-old girl was how to botch it completely.
He touched the envelope gingerly. “Why didn’t David send this to me?”
“Since we have to work together to help Harley, I wanted to give it to you myself. He wasn’t happy, but he agreed it made sense.”
“Have you read it?”
“It’s addressed to you. I got my own letter.”
“What did yours say?”
“You should probably read yours first.”
He tugged the letter closer, studied the neat handwriting. It still didn’t look familiar. He slid his finger beneath the flap and pulled. The edge of the envelope sliced into his finger, leaving the sharp sting of a paper cut.
Bending the Rules Page 6
