by R. R. Banks
I lean into his touch and close my eyes. We still haven't left my foyer and I don't know why.
“We should go have a seat –” I start to say, but Caleb cuts me off with a kiss.
When his mouth touches mine, I feel a surge of electricity tear through me. And then I feel like I'm floating. His soft lips feel the same as I remember them. And when his tongue pushes past my lips and into my mouth, it's like he literally takes my breath away. I feel like my knees might go out on me, but Caleb is there, holding me up with his strong arms as he kisses me deeply for the first time in twelve years.
When he pulls back, he smiles. “You have no idea how badly I've wanted to do that,” he says.
I'm a stammering fool with wide eyes and weak knees, but I manage to say, “The feeling is mutual, Caleb.”
He leans down and kisses me again, this time a softer, more lingering kiss as he presses me against the wall. My hands move over his chest, feeling his firm muscles beneath his shirt. He filled out nicely in the Marines, and I am dying to see the tight, toned body beneath his clothes. It's killing me – the yearning – but I know I have to be careful. Having some fun with him is one thing. Having a one-night stand is another. But I can't let myself fall for him again.
He kisses down the length of my neck as I work at the buttons on his dress shirt one-by-one, my fingers stumbling as I struggle to undo them. My hands are shaking. But then, I realize that my whole body is, actually. I'm nervous as hell and I know that this is a bad idea. Nothing good is going to come of sleeping with Caleb. And yet, I can't seem to stop myself.
Caleb presses himself against me, and I feel his erection through his pants pressing against my midsection. He's most definitely hard and ready to go. I slide my hand down and rub him through his pants. Even though we never had sex back in the day, we still did some things. And for some reason, his cock feels larger than I remember it being. So large, so hard, and so ready to go.
His shirt finally falls to the floor once I remove the last button. After that, I move down to his pants. But Caleb grabs my hands, pulling them away. I stare into his sultry eyes.
“We shouldn't do this,” he says, whispering the words I'm hearing echoing around all too clearly in my own head.
“No, we shouldn't,” I say, biting my lip. “But I want you, Caleb. I want you so badly, I don't know if I can wait any longer –”
He kisses me long and hard again, holding my face in his hands. When he pulls away this time, he smiles at me.
“And I want you, Abby. God, I want you – but seriously, this is a dangerous game. I'm leaving in a few days, and I don't want to hurt you anymore than I already have.”
“I appreciate that,” I say, nodding my head.
Deep down, I know he's right. We shouldn't do this. But damn it, I've been dying for some closure or some answers – or something – for so many years. And now, here we are – finally able to be together. Maybe for the last time, but at least I'd know what it's like to make love to him. That's something, right?
“I appreciate your concern for me,” I say. “But I'm a grown woman, and I can handle it, Caleb. I've already been through so much and survived, whatever happens between us will be okay. Just give me this night, please? I think you owe me at least that.”
His eyes soften as he stares at me. My hands move down the length of his chest, sliding down to his belt again. As I unbuckle his belt, my hands graze his hard cock and his breath catches in his throat. I give him a salacious little smile. I kiss his chest, the tattoos that cover it, licking the scars along his collarbone. I'm sure there's a story there, one I'd love to hear one day, but for now, I'm content just kissing and exploring that amazing body – that body I never had a chance to experience all those years ago.
“Please just fuck me, Caleb. Please?” I beg. “Don't worry about anything but right now. This moment.”
“I'm afraid –”
“You? Afraid?” I laugh. “You don't seem like the type to be afraid of anything.”
“I'm not. Except when it comes to certain things. Feelings and women tops among them,” he says.
“I promise, I don't expect anything from you after this,” I say.
“That's not what I'm afraid of,” he says.
“Then what is it?”
But he doesn't answer. Instead, he lifts me up off my feet and I wrap my legs around his waist as he carries me, kissing me and holding me firmly against his body. He carries me out of the kitchen and out into the living room – and for a moment, I expect him to carry me into the bedroom. Which would be fine, but part of me yearns for something different. Something wild. And Caleb is just the man to give me what I want, I know it.
Although I expect him to, Caleb doesn't go to the bedroom. Instead, he lays me down on the plush rug in front of my fireplace. He's so gentle with me, even when he lays down on top of me, kissing my lips, my neck and down my collarbone. My legs are wrapped around his body and I feel him pressing into my body. So close. So very close. There's just a small strip of fabric separating me from him.
“Please, Caleb –” I beg. “Please.”
I reach for his pants, sliding my hand down under the waistband until I feel his cock swelling in my hand. I gasp at how thick he is and surprise washes over my face. He gives me a knowing grin as he slips his pants off the rest of the way.
Caleb takes his time removing my clothing – which drives me crazy. I want him – need him – inside of me so badly, the ache down below is almost too much for me. But he takes his time. It's almost like he's savoring the moment – or is just enjoying tormenting me.
He slips my blouse off over my head, then removes my bra, exposing my breasts. He'd seen them way back when – once when we got frisky and fooled around, not long before he left – but they are rounder now. Fuller too. He takes my nipple between his lips and sucks on it, making me arch my back, thrusting my chest upward toward him.
My head rolls side-to-side and I'm moaning as he teases my nipple. He's not touching any other part of me but that and I'm already moaning and my body aches for him. The pressure between my legs is growing by the second and I so badly want him inside of me.
But Caleb isn't rushing things – and it is nice.
He slips my panties down, and hikes my skirt up, exposing me to him. Lowering himself between my legs, I gasp when his mouth touches my most intimate parts. Slowly, he circles my clit, teasing it with his tongue and I'm taken aback by the intense pleasure I'm feeling.
He slips his tongue deeper inside of me, making noises as if he's savoring the taste of me. My hands are in his hair and I'm pulling hard on it as he licks me up and down, teasing my clit and then burying his tongue deep inside of me again.
“Caleb,” I moan softly. “Oh God, Caleb.”
The sensations ripping through my body are intense. Unlike anything I'd ever felt before. His tongue is moving harder and faster and my heart is thundering within my chest. I grind myself against his mouth, taking his tongue deeper into me. I feel the pressure building up low within me and I grit my teeth, determined not to give into it just yet.
Knowing I'm not going to last much longer if I let him keep going, I pull Caleb up so that he's on top of me. He looks down at me, the question in his eyes more than clear.
“Yes,” I say, my voice breathy. “I want this. I want you.”
He leans down and kisses me deeply as he slides his cock inside of me. I gasp and feel my eyes grow wide as he fills me up and stretches me open. My every nerve ending feels like it's on fire and my body is buzzing with sensation.
“Are you okay?” he asks.
I nod. “Yes, baby,” I say. “Don't stop.”
He slowly begins to move his hips and with each thrust of his glorious cock, a wave of pleasure goes rolling through me. I dig my nails into his shoulders, eliciting a gasp from him. I wrap my legs around his waist and try to take him deeper into me. Caleb responds by thrusting his cock deeper and deeper inside of me. I'm so warm and so wet that h
e's sliding in and out of me with ease.
“Yes, baby,” I gasp. “Yes.”
He increases his rhythm, driving himself even deeper into me. His body is starting to tense up and I can feel his cock swelling inside of me. I know he's getting close.
The pressure inside of me is building – and building quick. There's a strange feeling in my stomach and I'm feeling sensations I've never felt before. Caleb moans, softly calling my name as he thrusts himself deep into me over and over again.
And that's when all hell breaks loose inside of me.
My body starts to shake and tremble. I cry out, nearly screaming Caleb's name as my body is spasming and an orgasm – a powerful orgasm – tears through me. I'm quivering and the warm, wet center of me tightens around Caleb's cock. He grunts and a moment later, I feel his warm seed shooting into me, filling me up.
Tears fill my eyes and roll down my cheeks. I've just had my first orgasm and it was intense. Far more intense than anything I'd ever felt. It's like finally uncorking that bottle seemed to make other bottles overflow – like my emotions.
I've lived a life free of orgasm. Not for lack of trying, but I was always bound up – orgasmically constipated – as Dana said time and time again. But Caleb is obviously, the missing piece. The key that unlocks the box that has been holding me prisoner. He somehow managed to punch through all of the barriers and walls I constructed and was the first man who sexually satisfied me.
And Jesus Christ, it felt amazing. I'm so happy – so relieved that he brought me to orgasm – that I'm crying.
Caleb collapses beside me on the floor, his face dripping with sweat. But he's smiling and has a look of pure happiness on his face.
“Wow, I can't believe I've been missing out on that all these years,” I say, still stunned by the intensity of the sensations that had just rocked me.
An orgasm with a toy is one thing. But an orgasm from sex was something else entirely. And I am still high from it all. My body is still shaking as Caleb pulls me close.
“Well, truthfully, it probably wouldn't have been that great if we'd done it back then,” he says with a cocky grin. “It would have been good, but I'd like to think I've learned a few things over the years.”
He doesn't understand. And I don't think he ever will. For so long, I've been holding myself back from experiencing true pleasure with a man. Obviously, because of Caleb. Perhaps now that we've talked, cleared the air in some respects, I can move forward with my life. I can let myself commit to somebody both physically and emotionally.
I know it won't be Caleb, since he's leaving. But perhaps, even though he's gone, he'll leave behind the key to unlocking my heart and my mind.
I still can't believe how good it feels though. I can't believe it's taken me this long to finally experience a powerful, earth shaking orgasm.
I am still stunned that I'd actually had an orgasm – with a man. But it wasn’t just any man. It was Caleb. Maybe that's all it took for me to finally let go – having closure with him. Or maybe he was just really, really good – which I can't argue, he was. But there was something more to it than that.
Something much more.
Chapter Twenty-Three
Abby
We sit in a booth at the one of the few diners that remains from our high school days the next morning. Something is bothering me about something he'd said the night before and I want to know more. He's hesitant to tell me at first, but eventually, he lays out the whole story about my father. Specifically, about what my father said to him that precipitated him leaving Sheridan Falls.
“He really told you that?” I ask, feeling my jaw fall to the table. “I'm so sorry, Caleb. My father could be so protective of me, but that's ridiculous. You deserve better than that.”
Caleb stares at his coffee cup for a long time. “He was right, Abby,” he says, looking up at me. “He was only trying to protect you from me, and he was right. I'm not a good guy.”
“Bullshit,” I say, shaking my head. “You're not your father. Nothing like him.”
“Yeah? Well I've never been in a relationship long enough to find out for sure,” he says. “And some might say I'm no different than my mom – except I'm not breaking up marriages while I'm whoring around.”
“That's a lot different,” I say. Though the idea of him whoring around bothers me a bit, I push that out of my head and smile at him from across the table. “My father was wrong, Caleb. I mean, look at you. You made something of yourself – you served our country. You're a Marine and you got out of Sheridan Falls. Things my father would never have imagined.”
The waitress comes over to refill our coffees and to tell us our food will be right out. Which, of course, derails the conversation entirely.
“Do you remember,” Caleb says, grinning from ear-to-ear behind that bushy beard he's sporting, “when we'd come here after games. You, me, a few of the other guys and their girlfriends?”
“I do,” I say. “We drove the wait staff crazy. We were obnoxious back then, weren't we?”
“Nah, we were just kids,” he says, playing with the empty sugar packet in front of him. “But those were the days alright.”
“Yes, they were,” I say, feeling the wave of nostalgia wash over me. “Not much has changed here either. It still looks pretty much the same – except for the new booths.”
“The old ones were getting pretty ratty,” he says, looking over at the corner booth we used to sit at. Pointing at it, he asks, “How about that time I got a little handsy and you smacked the shit out of me? Right over there, wasn't it?”
“Oh God,” I say, covering my face. “I forgot about that. You tried to grope me with our friends right there, and I was so embarrassed. But wanna know something? I secretly liked it.”
“Oh, I know,” he laughs. “I knew you wanted my hands all over you. You were just too shy and scared.”
The waitress brings us our food, and as I look over, I realize Caleb ordered the exact same thing he used to always order.
“Not too much has changed apparently,” I say.
“Yeah, well, at least I'm not trying to grope you this time.” He winks at me as he loads his hash browns up with ketchup. Just like old times.
“Well, even if you did,” I say. “I wouldn't slap the shit out of you this time. Probably.”
We dig into our meals. Like always, I get the pancakes with a side of bacon. And just like the old days, Caleb reaches over and steals a bite of my pancakes and gives me a piece of his sausage in return. I smile, taking a bite of the sausage. It all feels so normal, so natural. Almost like nothing had ever happened and no time has passed. It's as if we were preserved in time and finally released back into our daily lives.
Except, this time, I know it's trap.
“So, when are you heading back to Cali?” I ask.
Caleb cringes. “People hate when it's called Cali,” he says with a laugh.
“Fine,” I groan, “California. When are you heading back to California?”
To be an ass, I enunciate every syllable, sounding it out slowly to make a point.
“I don't know,” he says, giving a half-smile as he piled a forkful of hash browns in his mouth. “I'm thinking I might stick around a bit longer than I'd originally planned. It's been nice getting back up here, and God knows when I'll make it back again. Maybe never.”
That last bit stings, but I force a smile. “A few more days then?”
“Maybe?” he shrugs. “Or maybe a couple weeks. Who knows? That's the nice thing about what I do – I can make my own schedule, work wherever I want.”
Which reminds me – I know very little about his life at the moment. “So, what is it you do exactly? Now, that you're not a Marine and all.”
“I'm uhhh,” he scratches his beard. “I'm a PI. Not the most glamorous of gigs, I know. But it pays the bills.”
“So, what does that mean? You follow cheating husbands around? Catch them in the act and send proof back to the wives?”
&nb
sp; He laughs. “Pretty much,” he says. “Infidelity is one of my biggest money makers.”
“Sounds like the two of us could work together,” I say. “Being a marriage counselor and all.”
“Oh yeah? I knew you were a counselor, but didn't know what type.”
“Yeah, I help repair people's marriages. But couldn't even salvage my own,” I say. “Ironic, huh?”
I give him a weak smile as I pick at my pancakes, suddenly finding myself not very hungry.
Caleb reaches across the table and takes my hand. “I have no doubt that if you'd wanted to repair that relationship, you could have. But some things are just not meant to be.”
Yeah, like him and me, I think. I push my plate away, losing my appetite altogether.
Chapter Twenty-Four
Abby
I lock the door to my office, done for the day. It had been a pretty heavy afternoon schedule of clients and I feel bad because I don't think I gave them my full attention. I'm not sure I did a lot of good for them today. I should probably just issue everybody refunds, to be honest. But then, I don't want anybody losing confidence in me, either. I'll just have to get my head straight, buckle down, and do right by them next time.
In my defense, it's not entirely my fault though. I'm kind of caught up in my own stuff at the moment. Having spent a lot of time with Caleb, really talking, and really connecting with him, I'm starting to feel pieces that have been missing inside of me falling into place. Some of them, pieces I didn't even know I was missing.
Reconnecting with Caleb has been terrifying. But in a lot of ways, it's also been amazing. By allowing myself to be open enough to talk to him rather than just shout him down, I forced myself to step outside my comfort zone. Allowed myself to be vulnerable.
Those weren't things that came easily or naturally to me, but it was the only way I was going to get the answers I wanted. The answers I needed for so long. And in a way, spending the time I've been spending with Caleb, getting back inside his mind and getting truth and honesty from him have done more to heal me than all my years of therapy.
