Which meant he was the threat, the danger.
That thought didn’t set well with him at all. It also meant that she had quite accurately read his thoughts, though they likely had been quite apparent in his expression. An innocent wouldn’t know how to discern between lust and desire. Few knew that there even was a difference.
Lust was shallower, fleeting and purely selfish; a burn that flashed rather than smoldered. Whereas desire, it was a slower burn that tended to flare up at times, but never truly burn out. Desire required one to think about the other person, it involved restraint for selfless reasons. Desire scorched.
What he felt for Carlotta may have initially been lust.
But he was definitely feeling singed at the moment.
His stomach ached.
He needed to get her out of his house. He needed to distance himself, and her, from the temptation. Tomorrow. The rain had slowed and stopped shortly after their return from the park. If it stayed away overnight, the roads might at least be passable. If so, then he’d see that she and the girls left for his estate in Bath on the morrow. It was the only way. With distance, his body would cool and he’d once again be able to think. Rather than simply act.
He strode towards his chambers with renewed purpose. But with each step, he felt emptiness like a cavern grow within him.
Of course, that could simply be because he was hungry.
He just didn’t want to think about for what…
****
“Miss Carlotta?” Mrs. Pott pulled Carlotta’s attention away from the packed trunk beside her bed and towards the door.
“Yes?” she responded. All morning her presence of mind had been unforgivably absent. When she learned that they were to depart to Bath that morning, conflicting emotions had slammed into her chest, warring for dominance.
They continued to battle.
On one hand, Carlotta felt relived. It would be infinitely easier to take care of the girls, to teach and tutor them without the dark and delicious presence of the duke. She knew that if they stayed, she’d always be distracted, wondering if he were to pass by, or speak to her.
The girls deserved better than that.
Yet, at the same time, her heart stung with the bite of rejection. The venom of insecurity swirled around her mind. Why was he having them leave, and on such short notice? She knew he was intending on moving the girls to the estate in Bath, but as he came to know them, she rather hoped he’d want to be more of a part of their lives.
And maybe of her life too.
But even as her mind whispered the words to her heart, she bit back a sarcastic laugh. She must be delusional to even entertain the slightest thought of the duke paying her mind. While he did kiss her —and oh, what a kiss it had been!— she wasn’t foolish enough to entertain serious thoughts about his intentions. It would only invite heartbreak.
Her father’s words echoed in her mind. “The quality do not fraternize with those who are not. It’s simply not done.”
She relived that particular lecture after her father discovered her frolicking with the stable master’s son, Rory. It had been innocent enough. Rory was a few years her senior, and had been a friend since she was quite young. She had been but twelve, that blessedly awkward stage where she was no longer a child yet, not yet a woman. Rory had invited her to skip rocks and she quickly agreed. They had their usual competitive banter, but then something changed. In hindsight, she realized that Rory was about more than simply skipping rocks, but at the time, she simply noticed how his hand felt warm on hers when he tried to show her a new way to skip the rock. He had whispered the instructions in her ear, in a low tone that had made her skin erupt in goose bumps.
She’d followed his instructions and skipped the rock. Upon turning her head she had realized just how close he was, and how he smelled like leather and cedar.
Her father called her name not a moment later.
As her father beckoned her to attend him to the house, she didn’t miss the piercing gaze he shot to Rory. Once inside, Father had led her to the library.
“Dear Lottie,” he began and proceeded to explain the difference between those titled and those not. It was a lengthy lecture, running all together in her memory, but one part seemed too clear, hauntingly so. It mocked her now.
“Those who are titled never, ever fraternize with the servants.”
Never ever.
Of course, her father could have never foreseen that the daughter he delighted in would one day be forced into the position of governess. No season, no marriage mart, no advantageous match, and no further titled generations roaming the halls of Garden Gate. All of that disappeared when the money was lost. Granted, she still was the daughter of a baron; impoverished as she was, however, she might as well be the daughter of a merchant for all the good her father’s title did for her now.
“Carlotta?” Mrs. Pott called again.
Pulled from her musings, she turned to the housekeeper who had just let herself in.
“Forgive me, but when you didn’t respond, I thought perhaps you were finished and had already left to see the girls.
“I was woolgathering I’m afraid.”
“No need to apologize.” Mrs. Pott gave her a warm and maternal smile. “Are you almost finished?”
“Yes, I don’t have terribly much to pack. In fact…” Carlotta stood and smoothed her skirt. “I believe I’m finished.”
“Wonderful. I’ll have a footman come and take your trunk to the carriage. You’ll love Greenford Waters, near Bath, Miss Lottie. It’s truly a dream. The gardens are my favorite part. I’ve only been once, attending the late Dowager, but I’ll not forget it.”
“I’m sure it will be beautiful.”
Carlotta felt a slight pain of loss as well as anticipation. After all, Bath was quite close to Garden Gate. Perhaps she could find out just how the estate was managing without her. Mr. Burrows had taken care of all the particulars so she had all faith that all was as well as could be expected, however, it would be wonderful to see it for herself.
“I’ll go and check on the girls.” Carlotta nodded to Mrs. Pott and entered the hall. The gilded artwork and opulent furnishings of the duke’s London residence were beautiful, but she hoped that the estate in Bath was a little less, intimidating. All one had to do was simply meet the duke to realize the power and wealth he possessed, the house was simply an overstatement. Not overdone, but a reminder that was unnecessary. Though she supposed it was probably common among the ton.
“Beatrix! I promise it will all work out simply beautifully. You’ll see. I have all faith—”
“All faith in what?” Carlotta asked as she pushed open the already ajar door into the girls’ room.
“Uh…” Bethanny stammered, her eyes widening and glancing to Beatrix, who simply shook her head and took a step back.
“Oh, Miss Lottie! I’m so very excited! I hope the duke’s house has gardens so we can run and play tag. Maybe there’s even a pond! Do you think?” Berty had rushed up to Carlotta and grabbed her hands, jumping in place while she squeezed her fingers tightly.
“I’m sure there will be plenty of garden for you to roam about and frolic, little one.” Carlotta bent down and tugged teasingly on Berty’s plait.
“I knew it.” She sighed happily.
“Are you three about ready? The sooner we leave the sooner we’ll get there.” Carlotta glanced at the older two.
“Of course. Do… that is… is his grace expected to send us off?” Bethanny asked bashfully.
“I’m not sure.” Carlotta bit her lip nervously. One would expect that he would indeed, see them off. But she wondered.
“Mrs. Pott already said goodbye,” Beatrix commented as she put on her bonnet.
“Did she?”
“Yes! And I think Mr. Murray will miss us. He seemed terribly sad,” Berty commented.
“Murray?” Carlotta couldn’t help the wry and disbelieving tone her words carried. Not once had she even seen the butler
carry an expression that varied from polite distance.
“Oh yes! He’s quite kind, you know. Always sneaking us sweets.”
Carlotta raised her eyebrows in disbelief. “And when did he do this?”
“Oh, well here and there. You usually weren’t around. I don’t think he wanted to be caught.”
Carlotta looked to Bethanny and Beatrix, who had small grins teasing their lips. “I had no idea.”
“He really is a dear man. He has a few granddaughters our age.”
“I believe you know more about him than even the duke does.”
“I suspect so. We will miss him, and Mrs. Pott. They have been so lovely.” Bethanny said.
“Indeed.” Carlotta nodded absentmindedly. She was still trying to wrap her head around the idea of Murray sneaking about the house to slip the girl’s sweets. Truly, wonders never ceased.
“I’ll let Mrs. Pott know we’re all set. Don’t forget your bonnet, Berty.”
Berty shot her a mutinous glare and picked up her bonnet as if an unsavory insect.
Carlotta waited patiently.
Berty narrowed her eyes, huffed indignantly, and then proceeded to tie it under her chin.
Very slowly.
Carlotta nodded and left. Murray was waiting in the foyer. Carlotta held back, studying the butler with new eyes. Tilting her head, she tried to imagine him hiding peppermints or something else in his pockets.
“Care to tell me what we are spying on? Or whom?” a rich baritone asked from just behind her.
Carlotta jumped, her hand instinctively flying to her heart. “Your grace! You gave me a fright!”
“Forgive me, you were quite intent on your study of Murray. I’m greatly curious as to the reason.” His eyes danced with merriment and a far too alluring light of mischief.
“It would seem your butler leads a secret life.” Carlotta raised her eyebrow dramatically.
“You have my complete attention, Miss Lottie.” He inclined his head towards her, a wicked gleam in his eye.
“Though as I consider it, perhaps I shouldn’t tell you. I wouldn’t want to break a confidence.”
“Dear Miss Lottie. I can assure you that anything you were about to disclose is likely already known by me. Murray is entirely predictable.” He shrugged his broad shoulders.
Carlotta tried not to notice how his jacket accented just how broad they were. So she pried her gaze from his jacket to his eyes.
Which was a mistake. They were warm, inviting, and harboring a delightful twinkle. It was a deadly combination, so she glanced to his lips, which reminded her of their kiss. Was there anywhere she could focus her attention that wouldn’t cause her mind to freeze up like a shallow puddle in January?
Desperately trying to gather her wits, she blurted, “Murray sneaks the girls sweets.”
She glanced down to the floor. Clearly, it was the only safe place to rest her gaze, everywhere else simply was too much.
****
“Pardon?” Charles felt his jaw drop. When Carlotta said his butler led a secret life, he was anticipating… well he wasn’t sure what but it was not that he was smuggling sweets to the girls.
In fact, he didn’t remember ever seeing Murray around the girls.
“Are you quite sure?” Charles asked, his tone disbelieving.
“I had the same response,” Carlotta replied with a wry grin. Her berry red lips were twisted up to one side and her green eyes danced with delight.
“I say… I didn’t think he had it in him.” Charles shook his head then turned his attention to his old butler once more, studying him in a new light.
“Yes. Bethanny said that they reminded him of his granddaughters.”
“Murray has a family?”
“It would appear so.”
“Oh, I suppose I never really thought about it.”
“Apparently,” Carlotta murmured. Charles rather thought he wasn’t intended to hear, so he pretended that he did not.
Just like he pretended not to smile.
Charles watched Carlotta as she tilted her head, studying Murray. Her neck was graceful and slender. Her body radiated warmth that wasn’t felt as much as sensed. It warmed his soul. Her lips drew his attention once more as they tipped into a small smile, one of innocent amusement.
It had been a long time since he saw a smile like that.
Oh, he had seen plenty of smiles. Too many. Most of them directed towards him with some degree of selfish intent. But a smile that was innocently taking joy without requiring anything in return… that was as rare as hen’s teeth. Especially in the ton.
So he stared at her, memorizing the way her cheeks curved causing her eyes to squint slightly. Like a refreshing breeze in the stifling heat of summer, he let her fresh innocence wash over him.
Until she turned.
Clearing his throat, he tried to appear as if he weren’t caught staring.
Which he most certainly was.
But being a duke did have its advantages. If he didn’t speak of it, then most people would pretend it never happened.
“Why were you staring?”
Of course, most people didn’t include her. No, that would have been too bloody lucky.
And apparently, all luck had flown out the window once she had arrived.
“I was… taking delight in how my butler clearly amused you.” He spoke smoothly, praying urgently that she’d not question his answer.
Her eyes narrowed slightly, but she nodded. “We are all ready to depart, your grace. The girls… they were wondering if you were going to see them off?”
“The girls?” he asked, searching her eyes intently for a hint of whether she was wishing for his presence as well.
“Well yes…” Her brow furrowed as she met his gaze.
And because he couldn’t help but ask, “Just the girls?” He leaned in, closing the distance and inhaling the alluring scent of apricots and fresh laundry.
“I—I—” she stammered. Her eyes widened, her sooty lashes brushing her winged brows as she struggled to answer his forward question.
He shouldn’t have glanced to her lips. It was a miserable idea. Come to think of it, he didn’t actually think about glancing there, but was drawn outside of his own will. He needed to see them. To commit them to memory. She was leaving.
Of course, she was leaving at his behest; however, that didn’t mean he didn’t wish the circumstances were different.
Why couldn’t she have been an impoverished earl’s daughter?
Her lips parted as she took in a deeper breath.
This time Charles took a split second to think, to consider exactly what he was doing even as he proceeded to close the distance between their lips. He could have backed away, he could have quipped something witty with his devil may care attitude.
But he didn’t.
Damning his own weakness, he admitted that he was indeed powerless against her.
And as his lips brushed hers, he thought that maybe, being powerful was overrated.
She stiffened as his lips caressed hers, causing him to hesitate before deepening the kiss. His body demanded more, aching for more but he held himself firmly in check.
Of course, now his self-control decided to make an appearance.
He teased her lower lip with his tongue, inhaling deeply so that the full effect; her scent, her taste, the slight sound of her breathing all added to the symphony of her kiss.
He’d never heard more beautiful music.
She relaxed slightly, just enough to encourage him and he pressed his lips slightly firmer against hers, increasing the pressure and sliding his tongue along the seam of her lips. She trembled, but didn’t back away. His hands moved to her shoulders, resting on them and memorizing the texture of her dress, the shape of her arms as his hands traveled down to her fingers, where he held onto her dainty glove-covered hands.
He couldn’t remember the last time he held a woman’s hand for the simple pleasure of just touching her. It was bliss
ful and remarkably intimate. Though he desperately wanted to remove her gloves and feel the heat of her skin on his.
As if remembering herself, she backed away abruptly, breaking their exchange. Her eyes were wide and glossy, as if restraining tears.
Charles felt his own chest constricting as he realized he was the cause.
“Your grace, I—”
“Car—Miss Lottie, please. Don’t.” He held up his hand and took a deep breath.
She nodded, her posture full of bravado, and Charles swore he saw her building a wall around herself, as if she needed extra armor to protect against him.
If he hadn’t already felt like a cad, that would have pushed him over the edge.
“Miss Lottie.” His chest ached at the words he knew he must say. His body warred against itself, knowing the truth but wanting desperately to find a way to make it not matter.
But some things just couldn’t be changed.
“I find that moving you and the girls to my estate in Bath is the wisest choice for us both. I’ll freely admit that my attraction to you is unacceptable and therefore, I’m removing you from my presence and quite honestly, from temptation. I’ll see that every need you and the girls have is immediately met and please, if you do need anything, do not hesitate to ask Tibbs. He’s the butler at Greenford Waters. Please give my regards to the girls, I don’t… think it prudent that I see them off myself.” He bowed and left.
The horrifically accepting and humble expression in her eyes haunted his memory as he walked away, mocking him.
****
“I still don’t understand why his grace didn’t say good bye,” Berty pouted in the corner of the carriage as they made their way to the countryside.
“He told me to give you his regards.” Carlotta spoke over the thick lump in her throat. Even after riding in the carriage for several hours, she still felt like at any moment she might dissolve into tears.
“But it’s particularly rude to not say goodbye,” Berty complained.
“Berty, hush,” Bethanny scolded, her eyes traveling to Carlotta and then darting away.
Obviously she was piecing things together. Which was exactly what Carlotta didn’t want.
What the Duke Wants Page 7
