by Hazel Holmes
“I love you,” she reminded him. “I’m a little puzzled though. You don’t seem to have the same reaction towards your father’s loss as you do your mother’s.”
“It’s complicated.”
“We have a decent drive to the funeral,” she said. “I’ll drive. You can explain.”
He tried to string together an explanation as they left their apartment, but it was difficult to put the past into words. She was patient as always though. She didn’t turn any music on, didn’t speak. She gave him time to think and try to come to terms with the feelings he hadn’t yet faced.
“Growing up, Mom was always the more loving one,” he started. “She stayed home, took care of us kids while my father worked long, hard hours as a surgeon. He’d come home stressed after ridiculously long shifts and us kids knew better than to bother him when he did. But Mom would greet him with a hug and a smile. She’d always have dinner ready for him but would spend a little bit of time with him before dinner to help him ease into home life. They carved out time for each other at night too while we were sleeping. They went on weekly dates. She smoothed out his rough edges.
“He was still hard on us then. He had a short temper. In his line of work everything had to be perfect, so he expected us to be perfect too. Mom got on him when he was being too harsh though. She advocated for us when she thought we were being treated unfairly. She brought out his softer side. She’s the reason we lived peacefully for as long as we all did. Then she was diagnosed with leukemia.”
He paused. Even after all these years, it was difficult to talk about. Clara took his hand and kissed it. With her by his side, he felt strong enough to continue.
“My father blamed himself for it. He was convinced that if he’d been around more often, he would’ve been able to spot the signs earlier and get her help. As it was, he did the best he could. He took time off work indefinitely, we lived from a huge chunk of money they’d saved up. He focused his attention on her completely.
“She wasn’t exactly happy about it. She encouraged him to spend time with us too, warned him he might have to take her place one day and he’d have to be a nurturer and provider. She did what she could to still take care of us and taught him how to as well. It was forced though. He cooked when she insisted, did things with us but halfheartedly. She was his focus, and we didn’t mind. She was the only thing on all our minds. None of us could afford to lose and yet…”
He paused again because this was the hardest part. This was the thing that ruined his childhood. Stuck with him forever. He watched the towering buildings as they left the shelter of Chicago. Among all these people it was easier to forget, but never completely.
“We did,” he whispered. “We lost her, and he lost his humanity. He stopped being a father, resorted to a full disciplinarian role. He was barely home and when he was, he was a tyrant. Nothing was ever right for him. I got a B once in History and he took away everything. I protested and he… he punched me. Right in front of Rebecca and Kaden. We’d never been so much as spanked as children. Our mother wouldn’t stand for that kind of treatment. That day we knew though, things had changed forever.
“When he was home, our house was silent. We worked diligently, trying to impress him. I don’t think I ever did. He was proud of Kaden when he went on to study engineering. My father stopped talking to him for years though when he found out Kaden cheated on his fiancée. Rebecca was his favorite. She reminded him of Mom, I think. Plus, she followed in his footsteps, so she got off a little easier than us. It still wasn’t easy for her either. He didn’t show much love.
“As for me…” he scoffed. “You should’ve seen how he reacted when I said I wanted to go to school for culinary management. It wouldn’t bring in the kind of money and prestige he wanted for us. He threatened to cut me off and I accepted that. He did end up paying for college once he realized I wasn’t backing down. Things have been tense with us ever since. I just don’t like to deal with it. I don’t like him as a person. I know that’s harsh, but death hasn’t changed that.”
Clara was quiet as some of Ezra’s anger diffused. “He didn’t like me much, did he?” she asked.
They had only seen his father on occasion. He didn’t delve into why and Clara let it be. She had her suspicions and she never wanted to put Ezra on the spot like that. Now it seemed important for him to get everything off his chest.
“No,” he admitted. “He wanted me to date someone from a good family, who wanted to be a housewife and mother, with stereotypical female interests. You stand out, that’s why I love you. He thought you were nice enough when he met you, but not someone he wanted me to marry.
“I guess that was the final straw when he told me I shouldn’t marry you. I so desperately wanted his validation, his approval for so long. You are far more important to me. You gave me the strength to carve out my own life, and once I felt that freedom, I never wanted to go back.”
“I appreciate you choosing me,” she said. “That must be tough having such a difficult dynamic with him. I’m not going to tell you how you should feel because I don’t know how you should feel. But you don’t have to distance yourself because of me.”
“It’s more than that.”
“I know.”
Clara took Ezra’s hand as they walked to the gravestone. Now free of the anger his father left him, Ezra was able to grapple with the sadness that remained. They stood at the front of the crowd next to Rebecca, Brad, Kaden, and Maria. Robert’s past patients and colleagues circled them. Some people from their extended family showed up. Others didn’t. Robert’s relationship with his children wasn’t the only relationship that suffered when his wife died.
Ezra let go of Clara just long enough to hug his siblings and their spouses. He did go to Kaden’s house after work the night his father died. He tried to be there for them, but he wasn’t fully present. Not until now.
“I miss them,” Rebecca whimpered as Ezra held her.
He thought back to when they were a family, a real family. Remembered the father who took them to the lake on the weekends and showed them how to grill, boat, and brought them on hiking trails. He looked back on the countries they visited because of the hard work Robert did. He smiled as he recalled how happy his parents were back then.
“I miss them too,” he said.
He still didn’t have all the pieces together, but he thought maybe he could miss the father that once was, while also hating him a little too. He could be sad and angry. He held Clara’s hand. He could get through anything with her.
Yet as the roses fell onto the cherry wood coffin, their troubles had only just begun.
4
“I don’t even know why we have to go to this,” Ezra said as he drove to the lawyer’s office. Once again, he was dressed up, though not as formally as he was for the funeral. His black button-down shirt made him look serious. Like he was still in mourning. It was partly true. He was mourning this day off that he felt like he was wasting.
“Because you’re his son,” she reminded him. “And Rebecca and Kaden asked you to be there. You are still part of the family.”
“It’s not like he left me anything though. Or at least, even if he did, it’s not going to be much. It’s a waste of time and I just feel like it’s going to make everything awkward. Rebecca is going to feel bad getting much more than Kaden and I will, which is going to put her on the spot. I’ll get least of all, which I don’t care about. I don’t want anything from him. But they’ll think I care so they’ll try to comfort me when they should be happy with their own windfall.
“I mean, we barely talked during the last years of his life. I took him out for dinner on his birthday and Father’s Day. He sent us those gifts for Christmas and my birthday. I don’t want to be all wrapped up in this. I left that behind when I cut ties.”
He loosened his grip on the steering wheel as he realized how heated he was getting. This is why he avoided his father. He always brought out the worst side of him.
“I understand,” Clara said in a calm, even tone. “But you are wrapped up in this. We don’t have to stay long, and maybe after we can get dinner with your family to end the evening off on a good note. It has been nice to see them more, even considering the unfortunate circumstance that has led us to it.”
“It has,” he admitted. “We all used to be close. I guess things with our parents just got in the way.”
“Maybe now you’ll be able to repair things,” Clara pointed out. “You just have to get through this one thing.”
It seemed so simple, but once they were all crammed in the lawyer’s small office, Ezra wished he had been more insistent about not coming. They were all well too aware of the fractured family dynamic, and it put them on edge. He would’ve rather spent the day working than going through this.
The lawyer reminded him too much of his father, in his Valentino business suit, salt and pepper hair, glasses, and wrinkling skin. Yet his brown eyes held a warmth to them his father’s eyes didn’t. He smiled, and it looked like at the very least he was trying to be friendly.
“Good evening,” he said, as he stood. “I’m Thomas Huntington. It’s a pleasure to meet you all.”
Introductions were exchanged, the proper things said. Though it was all for show, it did put Ezra at ease just a little. This guy was nice, good at smoothing over tension. Once the tension did form, as it was inevitable once the discrepancies were mentioned, he trusted he’d be able to help them get over it. Ezra was starving. He wanted to move right onto dinner with the family. Though he suspected they’d be here for a while.
“Usually, I’d just mail you a document,” Thomas said as he sat back down. “Formal will readings aren’t typical anymore. But your inheritance is hefty, so I want to make sure you all get what’s due to you and have any questions answered.”
The family sat in the red leather chairs that were situated in front of the desk. Clara took Ezra’s hand. He focused on her touch. They just had to get through this.
“I’ll give you each a copy of the will, so you can see anything your father specifically wrote to each of you. Though, it’s not very personal. He never struck me as a sentimental man. He didn’t write up the will to send any particular message like some people do. Rather, it was a matter of business for him. Something that had to get done, so I’ll approach this in that manner.
“He left the house to your late mother’s sister. He said it’s what your mother would’ve wanted, and he gave her enough money for the upkeep of the house, as well as to pay taxes on it for the foreseeable future.”
That was a nice touch. Ezra smiled, just a little. He loved his aunt and was glad his father still cared about his wife’s family.
“As for the items in the house, he left Rebecca in charge of sorting all that out,” the lawyer continued. “He essentially requested that the three of you take whatever you wanted and sell the rest. Though he also asked that you leave enough furnishings and such for your aunt’s family. He didn’t have much in the way of personal belongings, but he wanted to take care of your mother’s family in the way she would’ve wanted him to.”
Thomas paused. Looked at them with awe in his eyes. Ezra’s mind was half paying attention to this. The other half was thinking about what he’d order for dinner. He wasn’t sure if he was in the mood for steak or seafood. Both sounded delicious.
“He left you with a million dollars each.”
Ezra’s thoughts were pulled from dinner plans and laid squarely on the current moment. This couldn’t be right. He looked to Rebecca and Kaden, who appeared to be thinking the same thing.
“A million dollars each?” Kaden repeated. They were expecting maybe Rebecca would get that much, but apiece?
“Yes,” Thomas replied, like this was no big deal. “Your father admitted that he didn’t spend that much money since you kids left the house. He took exotic vacations from time to time, but mostly he worked. He saved money. And he wanted to make sure you all got an equal share of that money.
“Obviously, that would be a hefty amount of cash to dole out, but since you’re here, I can help you get things set up so the money will be transferred to your bank accounts. Or you can wait until you have a more secure bank account to transfer the money into. I know a bit about finances myself, so I can help you with that or I can get you in touch with someone who can.
“I understand this is a lot of money and it’s going to be a huge change in your lives. So, I’m here to answer any questions you may have. You can also take time to process this if you need it. Losing a parent is an awful thing to go through, but I hope this alleviates your suffering at least a little bit.”
Ezra looked down at Clara. A million dollars? He never thought he’d see a million dollars. What would they do with all that money? Sure, he knew his father made a lot as a surgeon and didn’t spend much. But that much money as an inheritance…
Why him? That’s what caught him most off guard. He made it clear to his father that he wasn’t a fan of him. He kept up the barest relationship with him. Out of all the children, he should’ve been excluded. He kind of felt bad that he wasn’t.
Ezra sat in a daze while his siblings and their spouses asked questions. Clara quietly listened, taking it all in in case she needed to help her husband with it later. They all decided to wait to accept the money, so they could set up secure accounts and decide the best use for it.
They all left the office together without talking. They were thrown into the same circumstance, yet for a moment it held them apart. They were too shocked to register anyone aside from themselves.
“Ezra and I were wondering if you’d all like to get dinner,” Clara said as they walked to their cars. “It’s been so nice seeing you, and it might be good to have time to decompress after such lofty news.”
“That’d be great.” Rebecca smiled, grateful for the distraction.
“Yeah,” Kaden mumbled, still just as stunned as Ezra was. “Where should we go to?”
They came up with a plan that Ezra had no input in. No longer interested in dinner, he still couldn’t comprehend how crazy his life had become in one sentence.
5
Ezra never really considered even the possibility of having a million dollars in his bank account, but if someone had asked before this how he’d feel about it, he would’ve probably told them he would be happy about it. Obviously. In other circumstances he would’ve been happy about it. Anyone would be. But getting money like this… It felt wrong and he kind of hated it.
After such a turbulent relationship with his father, it made him uneasy to benefit from him in such a huge way. He felt guilty for not talking to his father more beforehand, yet he also wouldn’t have wanted to talk to him just because he thought he could gain financially. It was a complex situation with lots of crazy emotions and though he didn’t want to come off as ungrateful, he kind of wished he never had to deal with it at all.
He didn’t know what to do with the money. He wished he could give it back, but that wouldn’t be fair to Clara. So, it sat there. They went about their daily lives like usual and Clara didn’t ask him about it. She didn’t even mention it. She let him take time to process it, and he couldn’t have loved her more for it.
Since it was his day off, Ezra worked off some of his complicated thoughts in the kitchen. He had bought a fine cut of lamb, some fresh vegetables, and some homemade pasta to make for dinner. Cheesecake was already baking in the oven, greeting Clara with a heavenly scent when she walked through the door.
“You are too good to me,” she said as she kicked off her shoes. She walked into their huge kitchen with its ample lighting and a million kitchen supplies and went right for the espresso maker.
Ezra turned and kissed her, interrupting her path. “You deserve it,” he said. “Don’t tell me you’re making coffee though. It’s seven o’clock at night!”
“I’m exhausted,” she replied, and she looked exhausted. Her posture was sagging, hair out of place. A bit of red re
ached through the whites of her eyes. “It was a long day at work. Lots of complaints and issues to deal with. I honestly hate the people who own the hotel. I thought being the manager of such a luxurious property was going to be fun, but it comes with a whole host of issues.”
She leaned against the counter. She was interested in travel, in vacations and making sure everyone had a good one. She enjoyed hearing people’s stories and loved the idea of running a cozy inn, but this was not what she envisioned when she went into a career in hospitality.
“You don’t need coffee,” he said. “What you need is sleep and some time to relax. We should go to bed early tonight.”
“But I want to stay up and spend time with you.”
“I want to see you doing well,” he said. “Dinner will be done soon. Why don’t you take a moment to relax? You’ve been talking about wanting more time to finish that Stephen King book. Why don’t you do a little reading?”
“I’m not sure I have enough energy to focus on the story.” She laughed. “But I can try.”
As she became absorbed in her book, Ezra finished up dinner. He got out their finest, black, gothic-style place settings and dished them each a gorgeous dinner. As he carried the plates over to their ornate mahogany dining table, an idea came to mind. He lit their fall scented candles. Turned the lights down low.
“How romantic,” Clara cooed as she joined him at the table. “You are truly the best husband I could’ve ever asked for.”
“And you are the best wife. I’m curious though, if you could ask for more in this life, what would you want? I know your job is getting you down, so if you could do anything, what would you do?”
She could’ve quit her job with the money they had, but Ezra hadn’t dared suggest it. Clara needed a purpose. She loved keeping busy. He suspected she might be offended if he tried to interfere with that.
“Good question.” She tried some of her lamb as she gazed thoughtfully at the candle. “This is going to sound silly, but I wanted to become a hotel manager because of the books I read. Unique inns and such always sounded so mysterious and lovely. I wanted to hear other people’s stories and become part of them in some small way. I thought it’d be interesting to hear about where people come from, learn of their adventures.”
