Carter took a deep breath. “Kind of. Yes. There were times when I wished that Garrett would do something stupid and she’d break up with him, or that they’d just realize they didn’t want to be together. And now that it’s happened, that she’s not with him anymore, it feels terrible.”
“Like you’re taking something that isn’t yours?” Nolan asked.
Carter shook his head. “See that would make sense. This is more fucked up than that.”
“What’s more fucked up than that?” Jackson asked.
“I don’t feel like she isn’t mine.”
Both of the other men raised their eyebrows.
That was the thing. It felt right with Lacey. In his gut. In his heart. It was his mind that was messing with him.
“We had talked about all moving in together. Being a threesome, kind of,” Carter said.
“Oh,” Jackson said simply.
“Really?” Nolan added.
Carter nodded. “I was still trying to wrap my head around it. Trying to figure out how I would explain that to everyone. How it affected me and my life. And I took too long. I let it get away.”
Nolan frowned. “Okay. But Lacey’s here now. She still wants to be with you.”
“And I don’t know if it will work without Garrett,” Carter said, finally confessing the words that had been eating at him since Lacey had walked through his front door.
Jackson sighed. “Because you don’t think you can or want to do the marriage thing.”
Carter could use that excuse. He’d been saying it long enough. Everyone knew what a fuck up his dad was when it came to relationships. No one would be surprised to know that Carter shied away from commitment because of his father.
“I’ve seen marriage, up close and personal, turn into a miserable trap over and over,” he said. “My dad makes women fall for him with big promises and gifts and romance and gets them bound to him legally as soon as possible. Then he smothers them. He wants to be with them constantly and doesn’t want them to have other friends, he wants to provide everything for them, he wants to be their entire world. He’s jealous and controlling. And when they get sick of it and claustrophobic and want out, he makes the legal battle and the divorce miserable.”
“You’ll never be like that,” Jackson said. “There’s no way.”
“But I feel it with Lacey,” Carter confessed.
“What?” Nolan asked.
“Like I want to possess her. Like I want to be her whole world. I was jealous of her and Garrett. Every damned time I saw them together.”
“But you kept going down there and spending time with them,” Nolan said.
“I couldn’t stay away,” Carter said, hating himself a little as he said it. “I wanted her so bad, but I needed Garrett to be the buffer. The guy kept me sane. I had to share her, in fact; he got more of her than I did. That kept me in check. It kept me from being the crazy jealous control freak.”
“That doesn’t make sense,” Nolan said. “You know that.”
“It does. I could only ever share a woman with someone I really liked and trusted. I didn’t trust anyone more than the guy who had been my partner on the force and literally had my back every day. And Garrett was good for her, was everything I wasn’t—fun and laid-back and easygoing. I’m too…intense and demanding. Just like my old man.”
“Jesus, Carter,” Jackson muttered. Then he leaned in and pinned Carter with a look. “You are not your father. Even if you hadn’t seen that all up close and made a conscious choice to not be that guy, you wouldn’t be. You’re a good man and you don’t need a buffer or whatever you think Garrett was.”
Carter slapped his hand down on the table. “I feel it with her already,” Carter insisted, feeling the sharp edge of anxiety that he was working to keep in check. “I want to be with her constantly, I want to wrap her up and keep her in my bed forever. I don’t want her to go back to San Antonio…ever. I want to have her all to myself. It’s like now that Garrett’s gone and I don’t have to share her, I don’t want to even bring her to the coffee shop. Coming to town this morning was her idea.”
“Oh, God. That’s just love, man,” Jackson said. “Wanting to be with her, wanting to keep her in your bed…that’s all good stuff. That’s how you should feel.”
“I hesitated on the relationship with Garrett because I didn’t really want to share her and because I was afraid that over time it would wear on our friendship. I was afraid at some point I would make her choose, or that I would beat the shit out of Garrett or something. And now I lost the chance to actually give her a well-balanced relationship where she can have everything she wants and needs.”
“You sound like a crazy person,” Jackson said with a scowl.
“I fucking know that!” Carter looked around and lowered his voice. “I feel like a crazy person.”
Jackson just shook his head.
It was Nolan who, calmly and rationally, said, “So let her stay for a while. Let her see what it’s really like to be with you and all your craziness. And we’ll keep you from proposing to her or actually tying her to your bed. Well, you know, for more than a few hours anyway.”
Carter looked at Nolan. The guy was funny. He’d always known that, but Nolan had a confidence about him that he hadn’t had in high school.
“She wants to stay. I already said yes. I can’t not say yes to that woman.”
“I know how that feels,” Jackson said with a small smile. “That does not make you crazy.”
“Or it makes you crazy too,” Carter said.
Jackson thought about that, then nodded. “Point taken.”
And that didn’t make Carter feel one bit better.
On his way out to his truck, he decided he’d cook for Lacey that night. He wouldn’t deny that impressing her was tempting and he was a good cook. He’d helped with grilling and stuff in San Antonio when he’d visited, but a lot of the time they’d gone out. If she was staying with him now, he’d have some great opportunities to show off his skills. In the kitchen. By cooking.
Good lord, was he ever going to be able to think of anything without it involving Lacey being naked?
He grinned. He hoped not.
He was just pulling his truck door open when he heard someone call his name. He turned to see his dad’s current girlfriend, Suzanne, coming toward him.
It wasn’t as if he got close to his dad’s women. Anymore. He’d learned not to get too attached. But he kind of liked Suzanne. She hadn’t moved in with Matt—yet, anyway—hadn’t given up her job to let Matt take care of her and she kind of gave Carter’s old man a hard time. She was gorgeous, in an overdone, look-at-me kind of way, but she definitely had a body that, when dressed in her usual tight pants and skimpy tops, was worth looking at. She was also twenty-two years younger than his dad and could, honestly, have any single guy in town over the age of forty. What she was doing with Matt Shaw was beyond Carter. She’d claimed to actually love the guy when Carter had asked her. At that point, Carter had decided to stay out of it.
“Hey, Suzanne.”
“He has my dog.”
Carter hoped, for one second, that she wasn’t talking about Matt. But she was. Who else would she be talking about?
“He has your dog where?”
“With him. I was out of town for a couple of days at a seminar and he agreed to take care of her. Now he won’t give her back.”
“And I assume you tried going over and just taking her?”
“I mean, he has her with him. Constantly. He takes her everywhere. I went over yesterday to get her and he had her at the office with him. I waited until he got home but he wouldn’t put her down at first, and then when he did, she followed him around everywhere. When I tried to pick her up, he blocked the door and wouldn’t let me leave.”
Carter ran a hand over his face. Jesus. His dad was such a child. But he was a physically big, fairly intelligent child. “What does he want?”
“Me to move in with him. Says Aphrod
ite wants to live with him.”
Carter was distracted for a moment. “You named your dog Aphrodite?”
“He did. He gave her to me.”
Uh-huh.
“He can’t just keep her, right?”
“No, he can’t. If he gave her to you as a gift, she’s yours. Though I suppose he has ownership papers showing he actually paid for her?” Carter asked, knowing the answer. That was exactly the kind of dickhead, manipulative thing his dad would do. Get Suzanne emotionally attached to a dog that was actually, legally his and use it as leverage to get what he wanted from Suzanne.
“God, he’s an ass,” she groaned.
“He is. Why do you stay with him?”
She shrugged. “I love him. He’s got a really good side too. He wants me to be happy, wants to take care of me. He just doesn’t trust me not to leave.”
Carter felt his gut clench at that. He wanted Lacey to be happy. He wanted to take care of her. He wanted her to never leave him.
For one brief millisecond of time, Carter thought back to how Lacey had liked that he’d taken Mooch in.
But then he shook his head. He would not use her affection for the cat to keep her around.
“Your mom did a number on him,” Suzanne said. “It’s not really his fault.”
Carter scowled at her. “Stop making excuses for him. If you want your dog back, I’ll go with you, but you have to be tough on him.”
She drew herself up straight and nodded. “Yes, okay, I’m in. I want my dog back.”
Carter opened his door and gestured for her to climb in. She did, sliding over the seat to the passenger side. Carter went in after her.
They drove over to his dad’s house, Carter’s childhood home, in silence. He’d made this drive before, just with a different woman in the front seat. Twice before, actually. Both times in his capacity as a police officer rather than Matt’s son, but he hadn’t wanted any of the other cops to get involved. This was embarrassing enough.
The first time, he’d taken Lilly over to get the rest of her things—a television, some dishes and a coffee table—that she hadn’t taken when she’d first moved out. Matt had let her in the house each time she’d gone over but had cried and begged and pleaded when she tried to leave, and the last time had actually shut her in the bedroom for almost an hour without her cell phone. She’d finally broken a window and climbed out.
The second time had been with Donna, and she’d come to Carter as soon as she decided to move out. He’d gone with her and kept his dad away from her while she’d loaded up her stuff. Thankfully, her stuff had all been things she could carry out herself in a matter of about thirty minutes.
This time… God only knew what it would be like. A dog. A living thing. That apparently was attached to Matt and that Matt maybe legally owned.
Carter was so glad Lacey was with Annabelle and wouldn’t see this.
As he pulled up in the driveway, blocking in his dad’s car, Carter grabbed his cell and tapped out a quick text to both Lacey and Annabelle, saying he’d had a work call and could Annabelle take Lacey back to his place when they were done.
Then he got out of the truck and prepared to face his father.
The big man who had never laid a finger on Carter and had, by most counts, been a decent father, if not a great role model for male-female relationships, met them on the porch. He was holding a tiny fluffy white dog in his arms.
“You didn’t have to bring Carter,” he said to Suzanne.
She glared at him. “You were going to just hand her over if I came over by myself?”
“I told you that you are free to visit her anytime you want, babe.”
“I don’t want to visit her, you jackass. I want to have her.”
“Move in and she’s all yours.”
“Dad,” Carter interrupted. “Do you have papers showing ownership?”
“Of course I do.” He stroked the dog’s head.
“I’m going to need to see them.”
Matt turned and headed back inside. “Well, come on then.”
Carter looked at Suzanne. “You want to stay out here?”
“No.” She started for the porch.
“You have to realize, if he’s got papers with only his name on them, there’s not much I can do but try to talk to him.”
“I understand,” she said.
Carter followed her into the house, through the living room and into the kitchen, where Matt had the dog on the counter drinking from a little dish of water. Carter rolled his eyes. Matt wasn’t exactly the tiny-fluffy-dog type.
“Here you go.” Matt handed Carter an envelope. Inside were, indeed, ownership papers indicating that Aphrodite was Matt’s dog.
Carter sighed. His dad was in the right, legally. But he was still being a dick.
He passed the papers to Suzanne. “I’m sorry.”
She didn’t even glance at them.
“Give me my dog,” she said to Matt.
“She’s happy. Well cared for. Why can’t you let me do the same for you?” he asked.
Suzanne snorted. “You’re comparing me to a dog, Matt.”
“A dog I love.”
Suzanne gave him a warning look. “You might want to think about your words before you say them out loud.”
“I need her here,” Matt said. “If you’re not here with me, I need this reminder of you.”
Carter sighed—and firmly squelched any thought of “I know how you feel”.
God, he was pathetic. Lacey had been in his house less than twenty-four hours. True, he’d always recognized that seeing her in San Antonio was better because having memories of her here, in his town, his house and his bed, would torture him after she left. But as much as he knew he’d miss her, if she wanted to leave, he’d let her. Of course. He might nicely ask her to stay. He might give her a key and tell her she was welcome absolutely anytime. But that was it. He was not going to beg her to stay. He would not try to manipulate her into wanting to be with him.
Probably.
But damn if in that moment with his dad, Carter didn’t wonder if being a devious bastard was genetic.
“Matt, if you lighten up and relaxed a little, I’ll want to be here more. And I’ll bring her over with me every time,” Suzanne said.
“But you’re not here all the time,” Matt said. He picked the dog up again, holding her against his chest. “I want to wake up with you and go to sleep with you every single day for the rest of my life.”
That sounded damn familiar as well.
“Dad,” Carter broke in crossly. “This isn’t how you treat people you care about. Suzanne is a grown woman with her own life. She knows what she wants. She’s amazing—sweet, intelligent, funny, beautiful. You should be damn glad she wants to spend even five minutes with you. Quit being an asshole, give her the dog, and be the guy she wants to be with, rather than a guy she just can’t get away from.”
Matt and Suzanne both stared at him with wide eyes.
Carter was a little surprised himself.
And okay, maybe he’d been talking about him and Lacey in there too. Still, it was all true and he stood by it.
“She makes me crazy,” Matt finally muttered.
“I know,” Carter said. And he did. It was probably the first moment of his adult life where he actually felt a connection with his father as a man and not just his dad. “But wouldn’t you rather have her here because she wants to be here, instead of because you’ve made it impossible for her to leave?”
He felt that realization hit hard too. Lacey was here because she wanted to be. He’d never controlled or manipulated her. He’d been damned careful not to. He’d had Garrett to be sure it didn’t happen. So he’d have to work on it from here, but she was in Quinn, right now, for him. In spite of him trying to keep his distance and not put any pressure on her. She was insistent on staying when all he’d done was think about how she shouldn’t.
A surge of relief went through him. And shock that his father
, of all people, had helped him see all of this.
“Yeah, okay.” Matt handed Aphrodite over to Suzanne. “But I’d love it if you would come over more often and maybe stay the night once in a while.”
Suzanne moved in, the dog cradled in one arm, the other around Matt. She kissed his cheek. “All you have to do is ask nicely.”
Matt nodded. “Okay.”
Carter sighed. Suzanne would be better off just walking away, but Carter could only do so much. “So, the dog is Suzanne’s?” he asked.
“Yes,” Matt said.
“Suzanne, you might want to get some paperwork drawn up to that effect.”
Matt frowned. “That’s not necessary.”
Uh-huh.
“I’m not worried,” Suzanne said, smiling up at her boyfriend.
Carter fought the urge to groan. She shouldn’t trust Matt.
“I’m not going anywhere,” she said to Matt. “And you’ll learn that and trust it eventually. But not if I let you bully me into it.”
Matt actually looked contrite. “I just love you so damned much.”
“I know.” She kissed his cheek again. “It’s my love for you that’s in question. But stick around—you’ll figure it out.”
Carter was amazed. Not only by Suzanne’s words but by the look on his dad’s face. Matt really wanted to believe her, Carter could see it. And suddenly he hoped that Suzanne had the staying power to prove to Matt that he could be loved.
Carter cleared his throat. “I’ll give you and Aphrodite a ride home,” he told Suzanne.
“No, I’m okay. We’re going to stay here.”
He’d been expecting that answer. “Okay. Let me know if you need anything else.”
“Hey, Carter,” his dad called as he started for the door.
He looked back. “Yeah?”
“Heard your girlfriend’s in town. Good for you.”
“Uh, thanks. Maybe we’ll stop by so you can meet her sometime.”
“I’d like that.”
Carter got to the front door before his dad called again, “Hey, son?”
“Yeah?”
“You don’t want her to get away. Get a ring on her finger.”
Carter felt his optimism dry up like a spilled drink in the desert. Because he lived his life doing the opposite of What Would Matt Shaw Do?
Illegal Motion: Boys of Fall Page 11
