by Amy Cecil
“It seems pretty easy to me; you just say ‘Dad, I don’t want to work for you.’ Yep, looks pretty easy to me.”
I had to chuckle at the simple way she looks at things. I’ve always envied Emma’s relationship with her parents. I know they will support her in whatever she chooses to do with her life. But unfortunately for me, it never has been and never will be that simple for me. When it comes to something my dad wants it’s always been his way or no way. “Emma, you know it is not that easy for me.”
Emma pouted. “I know you have always said that, but I still don’t understand. You are only sixteen. Your parents have lots of money, why do you need to work?”
Defeated, I replied, “Oh Emma, I don’t know. It’s just how it is supposed to be. At least, that’s what Dad keeps telling me.”
Just then, Emma and I hear a loud rumble coming from behind us. We instantly recognize the noise, and Emma cowered behind me. Coming down the road were about five Harleys carrying members of the Knights of Silence Motorcycle Club, referred to by most as the MC. The MC rules our small town of Edinboro. Or perhaps “rule” is the wrong word…they’ve established a presence in town, and unlike what most others felt, I always felt safer when they were around. They never messed with the residents in town – in fact, it appeared to me that they maintained order in our quaint little town. Most folks felt differently, believing that the MC was a menace and brought nothing but crime and chaos. I’ve never seen that. From what my mom told me, things were much worse before the MC came.
Before the Knights came to Edinboro, the Satans MC pretty much ruled our town. They took over just about every business, forcing the business owners to pay them for protection. They harassed civilians that were not involved with the MC. The crime rate was at an all-time high, and Edinboro suffered a murder rate of that of a big city. Then one day the Knights pushed the Satans out. I really don’t know how, but one day the Satans were gone and the Knights took over. This all happened before I was born, and my mom has shared this with me. She seemed to have a fondness for the MC that I never really understood, but commented on several occasions that she had gone to school with some of the boys in the MC. They were her friends. To her, those friendships meant something – however, my dad felt completely differently. He thought the members of the MC were a bunch of criminals and hellions.
The MC never bothered me, but for some reason they terrified Emma. She leaned in to my side and held her hands over her ears until they passed by. I, on the other hand, was the exact opposite. The MC fascinated me. From what I understood, they made their own rules. By contrast, I still lived by my dad’s rules. It’s not that my dad was a bad parent – he just had my life planned out for me. It didn’t matter what I wanted.
I watched the bikes pass in awe. Having that kind of freedom – not to mention a Harley – would be a dream for me. But I knew better. Owning a motorcycle was not in the cards for me. The freedom of the open road was something that I could only wish for. I was bound to enter the corporate world. My dad made sure of that.
Once they passed, Emma stepped away from me and said, “I don’t like them. They are scary and their motorcycles make loud noises. It hurts my ears. Mama says that they are bad men.”
She was probably right about that, but I really didn’t know for sure. Edinboro is a small college town with a resort type of community. The town is a borough of Erie, located in the Snowbelt of Lake Erie. I swear, I don’t think there are more than 7000 people in the town. The MC kept us straight and kept the crime from the bigger city away.
They all wore matching leather vests with lots of patches. They wore so many patches, it was hard to figure out what they all mean. One in particular always intrigued me: a black patch with a white diamond on it. Inside the diamond was a single 1%. One day I was curious as to what that meant, so I Googled it on the web. 1% basically meant they were not always law-abiding citizens. I decided it was best not to share that information with Emma, but I also didn’t want to agree with her comment. The MC kept to themselves, and there was never any crime directly linked to them, only speculation. I truly believed that they would never hurt an innocent person. Mom told me that they just maintained order, and I believed that. “Emma, I don’t know if they are bad or not, but we should not judge them,” I replied with the only response that seemed fair.
Emma and I continued to walk home. When we got to her house, she gave me the biggest hug. “I’m going to miss you so much! I love you, Caden Jackson! Please don’t forget about me.”
Hugging her back, I replied, “Oh sweetheart, I could never forget you.”
Emma
After Cade dropped me off at home, all I wanted to do was go to my room and cry. I could not believe that he was going to start working. I’d never see him. He said that he would never forget me, but I just knew he would. He was growing up, and he was going to leave me all alone.
I watched him walk back over to his house and just stood there for a short time wondering what things were going to be like without my Cade. The tears welled up in my eyes again and I decided to just go in the house. When I got inside I found Marissa, my Au Pair, sitting at the kitchen table.
“What’s wrong, sweetheart?” she asked.
Sniffling, I replied, “Nothing, absolutely nothing.” Now I was getting angry. This was just not fair. Why did my Cade have to leave me?
“Emma dear, don’t tell me nothing is wrong. If nothing was wrong, you wouldn’t be crying.” She paused for a moment, walked over to me, and hugged me. “Now, why don’t we sit down and you can tell me what is wrong.”
She pulled out a chair for me and as I sat down I started crying even harder. I yelled, “Caden doesn’t want to be my friend anymore!”
Marissa hesitated and then said, “I find that very hard to believe. Caden has been your friend since you were a baby. Why would he not want to be your friend anymore?”
Hiccupping now, trying to get myself to calm down, I said, “Because he wants to work with his dad and not spend time with me.”
“Emma, I think you misunderstand. I truly believe that Caden will always be your friend. The two of you have been inseparable since you were a wee thing. But sometimes, people have to do things that they don’t particularly want to do. I believe that’s what is happening here. I think now that Caden is sixteen and will be driving soon, his parents want him to start thinking about his future.”
“No! I’m his future, Marissa! I am!”
“Emma, you need to be reasonable. You are just a little girl. Before you know it, Caden will be graduating from high school, he will go off to college, and eventually get married and have babies of his own.”
What was she saying? Didn’t she know? Caden was going to marry me! He promised. When I get big, that’s what he said. “Marissa, you are wrong! Caden isn’t going anywhere, and he is going to marry me!”
“Honey, Caden can’t marry you. You are too little. You are just a child.”
“No, he is not going to marry me now. He is going to marry me when I get big! He promised!”
“Come here sweetie, I think you and I need to have a girl-to-girl talk.”
“What’s a girl-to-girl talk?” I asked.
“Well, it’s when two girls have a grown-up conversation.” I got up from my chair and went to her. Marissa wiped the tears from my eyes and then started our girl-to-girl talk. “I want to explain something to you, and hopefully you can understand this. Caden is a sixteen-year-old boy. He has so many things to do with his life, like I mentioned before.” I started to interrupt her and tell her that was not going to happen, but she put her finger over my lips and stopped me. “Please let me finish. You need to understand and accept this. What you feel for Caden is an infatuation. All little girls go through this with an older boy at one time or another. When I was little, I had a cousin that was older than me and I told everyone that I was going to marry him one day. When I got older, I realized how foolish that was. That’s what you are feeling now. Caden has
been your hero, your prince, for as long as you can remember. It’s only natural that you look up to him and idolize him in this way. But as you get older, you will see that Caden was and always will be your friend and nothing more. You are old enough now to understand what I am saying. Do you?”
I didn’t like what she was telling me. I was going to marry Caden, but I thought it best to just agree with her. I nodded in agreement and turned to the doorway. I looked back at her and said, “Thank you, Marissa,” and then turned and headed to my room.
Well, that helped. At least I learned one thing from that conversation: I don’t like girl-to-girl talks.
Present Day - 2015
Caden
Twenty years ago, I told Emma that I could never forget her. I didn’t realize how true my words were that day. For twenty years I haven’t been able to get her out of my mind, no matter how hard I’ve tried. I haven’t spoken to her or seen her for about eleven years, but that doesn’t mean I haven’t missed her. After all that has happened between us, she is and will always be my Emma, at least in my mind. There isn’t a day that goes by that I haven’t wondered how she is or what she is up to. Today is her birthday, and she is in the forefront of my mind more than ever. She would be thirty now. I think back to that wonderful summer day we spent at the park. She was so young and innocent…that’s one of the last happy memories I have of her. In those days we were innocent and everything was easy. But as I started working and Emma grew up, things got complicated. It seemed that there was always tension between the two of us. Suddenly, we were arguing all the time. Then, everything just went to shit. I have nobody to blame but myself, but that still doesn’t make it any easier to bear.
When my feelings for Emma first began to change, I didn’t understand why every time we were together I would become angry with her. Eventually I realized that I was falling in love with her. Suddenly, I wanted to be with her in different ways. I knew it was wrong on so many levels, and my weakness made me so angry. She was just a teenager, and I was a man. As my feelings continued to grow for her, an odd tension arose between us, and it kept getting worse every time we were together. So, I did the only thing I could think of to ease the animosity between us: I started to distance myself from her. Looking back, this was probably my first mistake. She was old enough to understand, and if we’d just talked about it, all the bad things that followed would not have happened.
In 2001, my parents were killed in car accident on highway 99. You know those freak accidents where the driver of the other car comes out of nowhere, causes chaos, and then disappears into the night? Well, that’s exactly what happened to Mom and Dad. It was New Year’s Eve, and my parents, Ari, and I were supposed to go to the country club to attend their annual New Year’s party. It had been a family tradition for as long I could remember. Unfortunately, Ari had not been feeling well all day and about an hour before we planned to leave, she started running a fever. Mom felt it best that she should stay home, and Mom would stay home with her. I could see the disappointment on my mom’s face, as Mom looked forward to this party all year long. They didn’t get to go out together much, as Dad was always working. This was always a special night for her. Wanting her to have her special night out with Dad, I volunteered to stay home with Ari.
After Mom and Dad left, I went upstairs to check on Ari. She was sound asleep. I changed back into jeans and a t-shirt and went back downstairs to kick back and enjoy a quiet evening at home. Around 9:30, there was a knock at the door. To my surprise, it was Emma. She said that the party was boring without me and felt she would have more fun hanging with me at home. I was already starting to distance myself from Emma, but really was not ready to completely cut her out of my life at that point. How could I? I loved her. So, we made some snacks and settled down on the couch watching TV.
Around 1:15am, the local sheriff came to our door and told me that my parents were dead. When Emma reached for me to embrace me, I immediately pushed her away and asked her to leave. It was not one of my better moments. I had just received a shock, but it was not right to take that out on her. Reluctantly, she stepped away from me with tears in her eyes, grabbed her coat and purse, and left. She didn’t say another word to me. She left me alone. I was alone with dead parents and a kid sister who didn’t know that the life she had always known had changed drastically. So there I was, trying to figure out how to break the news to Ari, wanting my best friend there. I was alone. And thanks to my being an ass, I had nobody to blame but myself.
After that night, my friendship with Emma pretty much became non-existent. For some reason my parents’ death seemed to make things worse between us. My guess is that pushing her away was the last straw for her. She still tried, but I found it to be the perfect opportunity to increase the distance between us. As much as I needed her, I couldn’t bring myself to confide in her. I had nobody. She tried on numerous occasions to comfort me and I just continued to push her away. It became more and more difficult to control the feelings I had for her. I needed her in more ways now, and when she was around, I always wanted more…but she was so much younger than me. I know she was eighteen at the time, but she didn’t want me in that way, so I surrounded myself with women who did. Getting laid was never a problem for me. There were always women who were more than willing to satisfy my needs.
The distance that continued to grow between Emma and I didn’t seem to deter her, and she was always trying to “reconcile our differences”. Whatever the hell she meant by that, I had no idea. She still couldn’t understand why I kept pushing her away. When it became clear that Emma was not getting the hint, I finally found a way to break all ties with her. As much as I hated hurting her, it was the only way. One of the last things I remember her saying to me was that she had hated me. I know I was right in keeping my distance, but on that particular day, my complete disregard for her feelings drove the final wedge between us. I was just so angry with her for not wanting me the way I wanted her. Thinking back, I wish I had handled things differently. Not only that, I should have. It was my biggest mistake and my only regret.
After my parents’ death, life for me changed drastically. I spent many hours trying to sort out Mom and Dad’s estate with their attorneys. Eventually, I was told that we had lost everything. Talk about another shock! Dad had made some bad investments and all our money was gone. Everything! Try explaining that to my twelve-year-old little sister. All that was left was Ari and I. Here I was, 24 and in the prime of my life, and I was guardian to a twelve-year-old kid. My life sucked! What the fuck was I gonna do with a twelve-year-old prepubescent kid? We’d lost our family home and were only left with enough cash to get a small apartment in town.
With the money gone, I had to drop out of college. Dad’s business had been sold to pay off some of his debts. I suppose I could have gone back to work there, but under the circumstances, I was sure they wouldn’t want me. Word had gotten out about Dad’s bad investments, and the Jackson reputation had gone to hell. I needed a job. What little money we had left wasn’t going to last forever.
I started the job hunt. Talk about no fun. We lived in a small town that consisted of only a few local businesses, such as Betty’s Dinor and the Game Over Tattoo Parlor. Nothing really interested me except the Silent Fix, the Knights’ bike repair and restoration shop, but I was sure they weren’t hiring. But one day as I passed by the shop, to my surprise I noticed they had a “Now Hiring” sign in the window. I thought, “What the hell?” I couldn’t believe my luck. I had no experience, but I was willing to learn, so I went in and applied. After all, what did I have to lose?
As I feared, the first question I was asked was about my experience. Disappointed because I already knew how the interview was going to turn out, I sadly shook my head and said, “No, sir.” Then I quickly added, “But I am willing to learn whatever you need. Please, I just need a job.”
The guy at the counter looked at me curiously and said nothing for what seemed like an eternity. Finally, he spoke, �
�What’s your story, kid?”
Surprised by his question, I said, “Sir, I am not sure what you mean.”
Shaking his head, he replied, “Your story. Plain and simple. Why are you so desperate for work? You’re sitting there dressed in your designer jeans; you don’t look like you are in need of a job.”
I looked down at what I was wearing: my Rock Revival jeans and a polo shirt. I looked like a snob. I understood where he was coming from, but I was still a little taken aback by his assumption of me. “Well, sure, I guess you would think that. But it just proves that you should not judge a book by its cover.”
He smirked and said, “So, you’re a smartass?”
Pissing him off was not what I was hoping for. I should have just thanked him for his time and left, but a part of me hoped that perhaps I could salvage this. So, looking him in the eye, I responded, “Sir, I meant no disrespect. It’s just that I really do need to find a job. My parents passed away about a month ago and I am the sole guardian to my kid sister. We were left with nothing, and like I said, I really need to work.”
Recognition crossed his face along with an expression of surprise. “Fucking A, you are Tyler and Katie Jackson’s kid, aren’t you? I heard about the accident, it was all over the papers. I’m so sorry.”
Smiling, I replied, “Yes sir, I am. Did you know them?”
He laughed. “Did I know them? Hell yeah, I knew them. We went to high school together. We hung around together for a time, then things changed.” He fell quiet for a moment, appearing to be thinking back to his younger days. He then added nostalgically, “Your mama was a real sweetheart.”
I smiled. “Yes, she was. Thank you.” There was an awkward silence between us; he seemed lost in thought. I had to know about the job, but I was afraid to break the one thing that was going in my favor today. Finally, unable to wait any longer, I had to ask, “So, about the job?”
