by Candace Camp
Con thought of the smoking room Sir Jasper envisioned turning into his billiards room. It sat handily near the end of the main corridor. He led Lilah there, closing the door behind them, and knelt to light a fire. Rising, he poured them both a brandy. Lilah still stood in the middle of the room, arms wrapped around herself, looking lost.
“Here.” Con couldn’t stop himself. Setting the glasses on a small table he scooped Lilah up and sat down in the chair by the fire to cradle Lilah in his lap.
With a tiny sigh that shivered all through Con, Lilah relaxed and rested her head on his shoulder. Con slid his hand up and down her arm to warm her. He tried not to think about the fact that only a thin layer of cotton separated her bare skin from his touch. Lilah was vulnerable; she required tender attention, not lustful thoughts.
It was doubtless an indictment of his character that his thoughts strayed that way. But it was damnably hard not to notice the dark circles of her nipples faintly visible beneath the white cloth. Or the inches of leg her rumpled gown revealed.
Con picked up one of the glasses from the side table and downed a gulp. He handed the other to Lilah. “Here. This will warm you up.”
With meek obedience that it pained Con to see, Lilah took a swallow. She shuddered, her eyes watering, and shot him an accusatory look that reassured him somewhat about her emotional state. But she didn’t leave his lap.
“I haven’t done that in years—walk in my sleep, I mean,” she said, surprising Con by offering the information without being asked. “It stopped after I went to live with Aunt Helena.”
“Did you do it frequently before that?”
Lilah shrugged. “Not at all when I was small. It began as I got older, and at the end, it was happening once or twice a week. That’s one reason why Papa sent me away.” Con wasn’t sure if Lilah realized that she sighed.
“It must have been terrifying for a young girl.”
“It’s terrifying for a grown woman.”
“I’m sure it is.” He pressed his lips to her hair. When she didn’t pull away, he rested his cheek against her head. Her hair was soft and fine, like silk beneath his skin. He wondered how desire could beat in him like a drum even as he wanted to shelter her. Reluctantly Con lifted his head. “When I asked you this morning, you were unaware you had gone to the maze last night?”
“I didn’t remember it. But when you said that, I couldn’t help but suspect.”
“Why didn’t you tell me?”
“It’s embarrassing. I thought about confessing, but I told myself I could control it now that I was aware of what I had done.” She sighed and said in a lower tone, “I didn’t want it to be true. I didn’t want you to know, to think...”
“To think what?” he prompted gently when she stopped.
“That I’m mad.” The words were almost a whisper.
“You’re not mad. You’re not even approaching the edge of madness. Trust me.”
“But how can I sleep so heavily that I don’t wake up through all that? I don’t understand how I could make my way to the Clock Room and not awaken. Not be aware of it. Or go out to the maze. It’s as if I’m drugged.”
Con stiffened. “Do you think you were?”
“No.” She sighed. “It would be a handy excuse. But it’s ridiculous. They would have had to drug me when I was a child, too.”
“Were you dreaming?”
“While I strolled along? No. At least, I don’t remember it. It’s as great a mystery to me as it is to you. And why, after all this time, did it start again?” She sat up straight, turning to look him in the face. “I’m not a child anymore. I should be able to control what I do.”
“You were asleep, Lilah.”
“But I’m still me. How can I do things and not even know about it?”
“I’ve no idea. But you aren’t the only one who’s ever walked in her sleep. It doesn’t happen because one is weak-minded,” he added when he saw she was about to protest. “People aren’t in control of their dreams. I think this must be very much like a dream, only stronger.”
“It scares me, Con. What might I do without even knowing it? What have I done?”
“Nothing reprehensible, if that is what worries you.”
“You don’t know that.”
“I know you. I’m sure you wouldn’t do anything immoral. As you just said, you are still you, even when you’re asleep. And you are a good person—not because you abide by the rules, but because that’s what you are inside. You wouldn’t hurt anyone or commit any other sin.”
Lilah relaxed, snuggling back into him, and he curled his arms around her. This was dangerous. She was dangerous, though not in any of the ways Lilah was thinking of.
He wanted far too much to hold her, protect her, keep her from harm. He wanted, in short, to coddle her, something he’d never felt before in his life. Her. Lilah Holcutt. Who was about as cuddly and in need of protection as a hedgehog.
Why did it have to be Lilah for whom he felt this bone-deep need? Con had buried that hunger for her, ignored it, rejected it, but nothing seemed to eliminate it. It lay there like a banked fire, waiting to be fanned back to life. It had been there since he had kissed Lilah after the chase.
If he was honest with himself, it had been there long before that. Whatever his excuses had been for avoiding Lilah throughout the wedding preparations, at the root of it was the fact that when Con was around her, his thoughts went in a direction that was unacceptable. Indeed, perhaps it had begun even longer ago than that, from the very first moment when he had glimpsed those shapely legs clad in unexpected lilac stockings. It wasn’t a momentary whim that caused that explosion of passion the other day at Carmoor. It wasn’t the circumstances.
Con glanced down at Lilah. She had fallen asleep, her head on his chest. He could feel her breath against him with each exhalation, and it set every nerve in his body dancing.
But he had given his word not to touch her again. Just because he hadn’t realized how damnably hard it would be didn’t mean he could break the vow. However much he might want to sweep her up and take her to his bed. To kiss her, caress her, sink deep within her.
Con muttered a curse. “Lilah? Wake up. You’d best go back to bed now.”
* * *
LILAH AWAKENED THE next morning feeling almost lighthearted. It seemed strange, given that Con had discovered her sleepwalking. But, just as when Con had found about her aunt and the scandal, it was a relief.
He was privy to all her secrets now. She no longer had to pretend with him. And her secret was safe; she needn’t worry. She knew Con now—no matter how often he might break the rules, he held to his standards. He was, above all else, loyal.
To her dismay, she found Sir Jasper, not Con, in the dining room. “Ah, Delilah.” He rose and pulled out a chair for her, saying to the butler, “You may bring Miss Holcutt’s breakfast now.”
From the butler’s expression, Lilah guessed that he appreciated Sir Jasper issuing commands as little as she did. And what made Jasper presume that he could take his seat at the head of the table? She turned to the butler, defiantly waiting for her command. “Yes, that would be nice, Ruggins, but I’d like a cup of tea first.”
“It’s a lovely day,” Sir Jasper announced. “I took a stroll about the garden this morning. It’s been sadly neglected.”
“I rather like a rustic look.” Next he would be telling her what should be done to spruce it up.
Jasper smiled benignly. “Rustic, yes, but not, I think, wild.”
“That’s something you’ll have to take up with my aunt.”
“But surely Barrow House is your home.”
“Yes, but my aunt is living here. I leave the affairs of the house in her hands.”
He looked taken aback by the firmness of Lilah’s tone, but he shrugged it aside. “I thought, Delilah, given that it’s such a
pleasant morning, you might show me about the estate.”
“Yes, Delilah.” Con’s mocking voice came from the doorway behind her. Lilah thought that she had never been so glad to hear his teasing voice. “That sounds like a capital idea. I’d love to get a closer look at the Levels, too.” Con gave Sir Jasper a toothy grin.
Sir Jasper scowled, but there was little he could say without being impolite. Later, as they rode down to the Levels, Con was at his most annoying, effectively managing to wedge his horse between Lilah and her cousin while he kept up a light, nonsensical chatter, needling Sir Jasper until Lilah almost felt sorry for the man.
Sir Jasper’s expression grew steadily stonier, and when Lilah suggested an early return to the house, he was happy to agree. Aunt Vesta was up by the time they came back, and she pulled Sir Jasper into a conversation, giving Lilah and Con a chance to escape.
“You are a terrible man,” Lilah told Con as he steered her back outside.
“I know. Aren’t you glad?” He grinned.
“Rather. Where are we going?”
“To the maze.”
“Why? Con, I’ve no desire to go back into the maze.”
“Just bear with me. I have something I want to try out. Besides, Sir Jasper can’t see us there. I don’t want him interrupting. I have something to discuss with you.”
“What?” Lilah asked, a frisson of alarm going through her at the serious look on Con’s face.
“I think I know why you’ve been walking in your sleep. You’re being called to the maze.”
CHAPTER TWENTY-FOUR
“WHAT? CON, REALLY...”
“No, wait, hear me out.” He raised his hands conciliatorily. “You said yourself you hadn’t walked in your sleep in ages, but it started after we arrived here. Maybe it’s because we’re searching for the key.”
“How could it possibly have anything to do with that?”
“What if you heard or saw something about the key when you were very young, and you’ve forgotten it over the years? You might not have realized it was important. But that knowledge is buried deep in your memory, and your sleeping mind remembers it.”
“My mind is sending me to retrieve your key?” Lilah asked skeptically.
“It’s not my key. It’s yours. Maybe you have a connection to it.”
“The key is not calling to me to find it,” Lilah retorted flatly. “I would know if I had some connection to it.”
He shrugged. “Maybe. But there’s a reason you started sleepwalking again when you returned to this house.”
“The house is making me walk in my sleep? It has some kind of power over me? You sound like Aunt Vesta.”
“Maybe she has a point. What if there is a force at work here that we don’t recognize? Or don’t understand?” He reached out and took her hands, saying seriously, “Don’t dismiss what I’m about to tell you. I’ll swear on anything you want that I’m not playing a bizarre jest. I’m serious.”
“Very well.” Lilah regarded him warily.
“That room last night in the tower—I recognized it.”
“What? How could you—” Lilah’s chest tightened.
“I’ve dreamed about it. Many times.”
“I don’t understand. You’d never seen it before. How could you dream about it?”
“Exactly... How did I know what it looked like? Why did I dream about it?”
She frowned. “Are you sure? Sometimes I’ll feel as if I’ve had a dream before, but I can’t remember when. I think it’s just some trick of the mind.”
“This is no trick of the mind. I’ve dreamed about that room. Ask Alex when he returns. I’ve described it to him. I had it the night before he got married and several times before that. Because of the clocks and the...the feeling of panic, I dismissed it as nerves. I assumed I was worried about being late, doing something wrong and spoiling Alex’s wedding ceremony.”
“That’s understandable. When you walked into the tower, you saw a room full of clocks, and it reminded you of the one in your dream.”
“It didn’t remind me of it. It was the room in my dream. The walls were all curved. There were clocks on the walls and in cabinets. I saw that window, that desk. The only thing different was the staircase. In my dream, there was no way out.”
“But, Con...”
He quirked an eyebrow. “Do you think I’m lying?”
“No! No, I don’t, but... There must be some explanation.”
“I’m sure there is. But not the rational, cut-and-dried explanation you would accept. I think I was meant to see it.”
Lilah grimaced. “Meant by whom?”
“Or what.”
“You think the house reached out to you? That it has some power? Or maybe one of Aunt Vesta’s buried strands of energy sent a message to you?”
“I don’t know. What I do know is that it happened, and I can’t find any logical, scientific explanation for it. So I think we must consider that it may have been something more. Lilah, however much you want to discount it, the people in my family sometimes have dreams that are...significant, for want of a better word. Reed dreamed that Anna was in danger, and she was. Kyria had dreams about an ancient ceremony even though she knew nothing about it.”
Lilah shook her head. The knot in her chest grew bigger.
“Lilah...you know my sister Olivia. She wouldn’t make such things up. Yet she will tell you that she saw ghosts at Stephen’s home. She dreamed about them. Saw what had happened to them. And Megan—you couldn’t ask for anyone more skeptical than a journalist. But she and Theo saw each other in a dream, a mutual dream, ten years before they met. So I have to believe that my recurring dream about the Clock Room means something.”
“You told me that you didn’t have any of the talents that the others in your family seem to.”
“I’ve always thought so. But now, I’m beginning to wonder. I spent a lot of time thinking last night as I was sitting there, waiting for you to leave your room.”
“You mean while you were spying on me.”
Con ignored her interjection. “You aren’t going to distract me. I thought about our conversation in the maze a few days ago. I made a joke about it, but I’m beginning to wonder if I actually have an ability.”
“You’re saying you are a human compass?” Lilah began to chuckle.
“Yes, I know, as supernatural talents go, it’s not impressive. But you can’t believe I would make up something so lacking in drama.”
“No, probably not.”
“I’ve never thought of it as anything unusual. I assumed I was just better at directions and maps or making deductions.”
“Because you think you’re smarter than others.”
“Well, yes...” He looked at her sheepishly.
“You are smarter than a great many people,” Lilah said simply.
Con looked extravagantly shocked. “Did you just pay me a compliment?”
“I think I did.” She smiled.
“The thing is—other people in my family are smart, too, but they can’t find things as well as I can. I’ve realized that it’s more than figuring out which way a person went. I can sense it. Last night, for instance, when I went from the Great Hall into that next corridor, there was no sign of you, but I was certain you had gone up the stairs. And it’s odd, isn’t it, that I know which way is true north? I can find my way around a place even though it’s not familiar. You said yourself that it was unusual for someone to find his way to the center of the maze on the first try. Besides, I noticed something in the maze.”
“What?” In spite of herself, Lilah’s curiosity was aroused. That was the thing about Con: he always managed to catch her interest.
“It’s better if I show you. Besides, I want to test it.” They had been standing near the entrance to the maze, but he went more deeply into
it now.
“Test what?”
“As we were walking through here, I had that surety that I was going the right way, but it was stronger than usual. When I took your arm, I felt this—this sort of tingling, but not on my skin. Inside me. Suddenly I was more...aware. It was like turning up a lamp, and everything’s suddenly brighter. More visible.”
“A tingling?”
“When I touched you, it was immediately clear which way I should go. It was so strong that I noticed it. That was what set me thinking. I remembered how easily we followed those kidnappers.”
“Because your sisters threw us clues.”
“But we were already on the right path by the time we saw the first one. And remember when I realized we were going the wrong way? You were close beside me.”
“So you’re telling me that you have this special ability to...to follow people.” She crossed her arms pugnaciously. “And I am, what, your battery?”
Con grinned. “I would say more of a conduit, but...yes, I think that you...amplify this ability. Make it stronger.”
“There are often people who understand maps better, who have a good sense of direction.”
“That doesn’t disprove it. On the contrary, if you can believe that someone can innately have a good sense of direction, why couldn’t it follow that others might have an innate ability that’s even stronger?”
“But people have different areas in which they excel—mathematics, say, or painting or playing the piano. That doesn’t make it mystical. It doesn’t mean that there’s some sort of otherworldly force beneath in the ground. And it certainly doesn’t mean that I can increase your talent for directions.” The knot in her chest, which had relaxed, was now back in full force.
“Why are you so set against the possibility of there being powers we don’t know about? Just because you can’t see it, it doesn’t mean it’s not there. The same is true for air.”
“But, Con, really—magic? Séances? Unseen forces controlling us? What’s next? Witches?” Lilah took a step back. Why was he being so stubborn about this? So serious? The knot twisted tighter.
“I said nothing about magic or witches. My point is that there are things we don’t know, don’t understand, but they’re still there. If you had shown an electric light to someone in the 1600s, they would have labeled it witchery. It’s easy to dismiss something as magic just because you don’t understand it.”
