by Candace Camp
“I realize now that the Sanctuary should never have been opened. I believe it should be closed forever. I intended to destroy the key, but I was too weak. I leave the decision of what to do with the Sanctuary in your capable hands. You are better suited than I to choose the right path. Pray forgive me for laying this final burden upon you.
“Yr. loving father”
Lilah set down the letter and looked at Con in dismay. “We were right. The Sanctuary has made all three families die young. Sabrina and I will—”
“No!” Con said fiercely. “You aren’t going to die young. We don’t know that it will affect you and Sabrina. The two of you have never been inside the Sanctuary. You’ve never taken any gift from it. Nor have either of you lived your whole lives here. Perhaps by stopping their visits, your father had already canceled the obligation.”
“The power is still there. I feel its pull, its energy. I’m sure we need to do something more.”
“Then we’ll do it.”
“How?”
“I don’t know. But I am not going to let you die.”
* * *
ALEX’S REACTION WHEN he and Sabrina returned from Carmoor was predictably much the same as Con’s. He clenched his fists, glaring at his brother. “Sabrina is not going to die.”
“Stop glowering, Alex. It’s not Con’s fault,” Sabrina said pacifically. “As Con said, Lilah and I haven’t lived here for almost half our lives. It must take some kind of proximity, don’t you think? If worse comes to worst, we just won’t live at Carmoor.”
“You’re right of course. Sorry.” Alex sighed and took a seat. “Does it strike anyone else as rather convenient that this thing dropped down like manna from heaven? After all the searches, suddenly it’s just there, waiting for you.”
“Yes, it looks suspicious. But Lilah says this is her father’s handwriting.”
“It is. And the wording and style are just like him. I think the letter must be real,” Lilah added.
“But why would your cousin leave something this incriminating lying about his room? That’s what puzzles me.”
“Carelessness has tripped up many a criminal,” Con said. “And the man did leave in a bit of a rush after Lilah turned him down. This might have fallen out of a pocket and gone unnoticed.” Con shrugged. “Granted, it’s surprising, and we’re lucky. But it’s even stranger that he would have left this here deliberately. As you said, it incriminates him.”
“Perhaps it was supposed to,” Lilah suggested.
“You mean, the real thief is trying to throw us off his trail?” Sabrina asked. “Make us suspect Sir Jasper?”
“Yes. It sounds like Dearborn.” Alex set his jaw.
“I wouldn’t think Dearborn would give us the very thing we’re looking for just to implicate Jasper,” Sabrina said.
“But it’s not really what we’re looking for, is it?” Alex pointed out. “This letter has told us things about the Brotherhood and about the thing we’re searching for, but it isn’t the least bit helpful for finding the key. He left it in the house? What help is that?”
“Maybe it’s a code,” Con suggested.
“And maybe my father believed I could read his thoughts,” Lilah said tartly. “It’s the sort of thing he would do. The point is, whether Sir Jasper accidentally left this or Dearborn put it there to implicate him, we still are no closer to our goal. All we learned, really, is this warning Father gave us about the ill effects of the ‘blessing.’”
“Perhaps there’s some sort of clue in that. What did he mean, ‘the excess of their gifts caused the manner of their deaths’? Could that be a hint?”
“Unfortunately, that’s the way my father wrote—everything was formal, philosophical. I think he meant that all the men died from some disease that’s in their realm—my father was the spirit or heart, and he died of a heart attack.”
“And mine had apoplexy,” Sabrina added. “My grandfather died of a brain tumor. They were the head.”
“I don’t know how Niles’s father died.”
“I do,” Sabrina said. “I heard Mrs. Dearborn once say that gambling was the death of him. And Mr. Dearborn said, ‘Just because Father died at the tables doesn’t mean I will.’”
“They were killed by their gifts, basically,” Lilah said. “That’s why I think we must close the Sanctuary, shut it down, not just ignore it.”
“We will. Perhaps if we did the opposite of their ceremony—do the same things except tell it to leave or go back or we return its gifts,” Sabrina offered.
“First, we have to find the key,” Alex said.
“And the other two,” Lilah added.
“We’ll get the other two,” Con said grimly. “One way or another.”
“Right now, all we can do is continue to search for the key,” Alex said.
“At least now we know we’re looking for a small hiding place rather than a secret door or staircase,” Con pointed out.
Lilah groaned. “Unfortunately that only makes the task bigger.”
Con smiled. “I’ve always liked a challenge.”
* * *
THE NEXT MORNING the two couples split up, with Con and Alex searching for the key in the original section and Lilah and Sabrina working on the most recent addition. The two women went first to the old chapel at the farthest end of the building. Sabrina looked around the large room and sighed. “It’s a daunting prospect.”
“I know,” Lilah agreed. “I keep thinking I’m missing something, that there must have been a clue in Father’s letter, but I’ve no idea what. Con spent all yesterday evening trying to find a code in it.” She smiled fondly at the memory of him bent over the letter, scribbling things on a notepad, his hair sticking out in all directions from his tugging at it when he was deep in thought.
Glancing over at Sabrina, Lilah saw that the other woman was watching her with shrewd eyes. She had the sinking feeling she had just given herself away.
“I knew it!” Sabrina said. “There is something going on between the two of you.”
“Don’t be silly.” Lilah turned away, aware that her voice was too high and breathless. “I can’t imagine why you’d think that.”
“Because I have eyes? The two of you haven’t argued once since we got here.”
“We’ve, um, learned to put aside our differences and work together.”
“Mmm-hmm.” Sabrina looked skeptical. “I’d say you’ve done a lot more than ‘work together.’ Come, Lilah, tell me.” She waggled her fingers. “Everything. What happened?”
Lilah struggled for a moment. Then she let out a groan and sank down onto one of the hard wooden pews. “Oh, Sabrina. I don’t know what I’m going to do. I think... I’m afraid I’ve fallen in love with Con.”
CHAPTER THIRTY-NINE
“I TOLD ALEX you loved him.” Sabrina hugged her friend, then pulled back, looking at her critically. “This should make you happy, not sad.”
“I am. I’m very happy. But...it’s all terribly confusing. I feel so good when I’m with Con. He’s been kind to Aunt Vesta, and you know what a trial she can be. I think he genuinely enjoys people, foibles and all. He teases everyone, but once I got used to it, I saw that he isn’t unkind. And somehow I always wind up laughing.”
“You sound smitten with him.” Sabrina paused, then went on delicately, “Is it—do you think he doesn’t return your affection? He seems very...attentive to you. He looks at you, well, the way Alex looks at me.”
“He has feelings for me, I think. He’s attracted to me.”
“As you are to him.”
“Yes. Oh, yes.” Lilah was unable to look Sabrina in the face as she rushed on. “I have—I fear I will shock you, but we have, um, shared intimacies.” She blushed to the roots of her hair. “Please don’t think too badly of me.”
“It does shock me a little
because I know how proper you have always been, but I don’t think badly of you. It would be most hypocritical of me, given that Alex and I did, as well.”
Lilah’s eyes widened. “You mean you slept with Alex before you were married! Why didn’t you tell me? I had no idea.”
“Well, as I said, you’re very proper, and I didn’t want you to think badly of me.”
“Was I really such a prig as everyone thinks? I wouldn’t have been disappointed in you. I was very attached to propriety, but I hope I wasn’t judgmental. It was I who I felt must be careful of the rules. And now...well, obviously I have let go of even that. I’ve been absolutely brazen.”
“So we are both wicked women.” Sabrina laughed lightly. “But I’m still not sure why you are upset.” She sucked in a breath. “Are you with child?”
“No. At least I don’t think so.” Lilah sighed. “I almost wish I were, for at least then I know that Con would marry me. The matter would be all settled, out of my hands.”
“I see. You think Con doesn’t love you. That he wouldn’t marry you unless he had to.”
Lilah nodded. “He’s never said a word of love to me. I mean, he calls me ‘Lilah, my love’ sometimes, but that’s just a manner of speaking. He tells me I’m beautiful and...” Her blush returned a little. “He makes me feel as if he loves me.”
“But he doesn’t say it,” Sabrina finished for her. “I think it’s hard for men to say such things, to be emotional.”
Lilah cocked an eyebrow. “When has Con ever hesitated to say anything?”
Sabrina laughed. “That’s true. But maybe it’s different when he’s in love.”
“Perhaps.” Lilah shrugged. “But if you could have seen his face when he said he would marry me... It was clear he would force himself to do the honorable thing, but it was equally obvious he didn’t want to.”
“When did he do this?”
“After the first time. He felt duty bound.”
“That was some time ago.”
“Not so long, really.”
“Are you sure he still feels the same way?”
Lilah shrugged. “You and I both know I’m not the sort of woman he should marry. He has told me how little he values my qualities. Whatever he feels for me—lust or affection—he does so against his better judgment. He finds me rigid and priggish—I’m fond of rules. He is not. I’m skeptical, and he is open-minded. I doubt. He trusts. He’s warm, demonstrative, affectionate. I am none of those things. I don’t make friends easily. You are the only one I am truly close to.”
“A husband and wife needn’t be the same. Alex and I have differences.”
“But not so wide, not so strong.”
Sabrina looked thoughtful. “Very well. But have you ever thought that maybe what Con needs, what he wants, is not agreement but balance.”
“Not ‘balance’ again.” Lilah made a comical face. “Now you sound like my father.”
“Con and Alex have been like this their whole lives.” Sabrina held up two fingers, crossed. “They share a great deal, but there are ways in which they differ. Con is more impulsive, Alex more likely to give thought to something. Con is more emotional, Alex cooler. Maybe Con’s nature needs someone who steadies him. He doesn’t like to follow rules, but sometimes one has to.”
“I might be useful to him in that way, but he wouldn’t enjoy it.”
“You don’t know that.”
“We would argue constantly.”
“How many rows have you had with him since you got here?”
“I’m not sure—I can’t really think of any.” When Sabrina raised her eyebrows significantly, Lilah said, “But he wants me now. That colors it a great deal. What about later, once he’s accustomed to me? When desire no longer drives him?”
“Are you sure that’s going to happen? Lilah, I’m talking about more than being useful—it’s a matter of fitting together well. Like puzzle pieces—they aren’t the same, but they go together to make a complete whole.” Sabrina sat back, studying Lilah. “Are you sure that it is Con who’s reluctant to marry?”
Lilah looked over, startled. “What do you mean? I just told you I love him.”
“Yet you bring up all these objections. Are you sure you aren’t looking for obstacles?”
“Nonsense. Why would I do that?”
“I don’t know. But you push aside every argument so quickly, deny any indication that he loves you. Maybe it’s not confusion you feel, but fear.”
“Fear of what? That I will love him too much? That I will become obsessed with him as my father was with my mother?” Lilah jumped to her feet and began to walk aimlessly around the room, emotions churning inside her.
Sabrina followed her. “I was going to say, afraid of being hurt. But it seems telling, doesn’t it, that your mind leaped to loving him too much?”
Lilah whirled. “Of course I’m afraid of being hurt. And of loving him too much. They go hand in hand. I never saw aught in my father’s love but pain.” Her voice choked.
“Lilah...it doesn’t have to be that way.”
“Perhaps that’s true for others, but my family seems to be unwilling or unable to let go of what is dear to us. The center of Father’s life was his love for Mother. Apparently the center of my grandfather’s was his love for this mad religion. They were eaten up with their love.”
“You aren’t them.”
“What if I am like them? Maybe I just haven’t met my downfall until now. What if I fall so deeply in love with Con that I can never be happy without him? What will I do if he doesn’t return my love? How will I bear it? I feel as if I’m standing on the edge of a precipice, and one misstep could send me tumbling down into my doom.”
“What if you fall into happiness instead? What if Con loves you in return?”
“I don’t know if I can take that risk.”
“Maybe you have to. You already love him. All you’re doing is trying to avoid it. Ducking and dodging.”
“So I should just stop and take the blow?” Lilah asked.
“If you wrap up all your feelings, if you buffer yourself from love, you’re already dooming yourself to a life of emptiness.”
Lilah sucked in her breath, her friend’s words piercing her through.
“I’m sorry.” Remorse flooded Sabrina’s face. “I didn’t mean—I shouldn’t have said that.”
“Not even if it’s true?”
“I didn’t think it through. I was... I was carried away by making my argument. Of course you’ll be happy. Your future doesn’t depend on Con.”
“No. It depends on me. But I must have the courage to face it.”
* * *
SABRINA AND LILAH returned to their work but learned nothing of significance. When they met Con and Alex again, they found that the men had come up with nothing either—though from their disheveled and dusty appearance and cheerful smiles, they had apparently enjoyed their search more.
Since it was time for tea, Con and Alex went upstairs to clean up, and Lilah and Aunt Vesta settled down in the sitting room. Vesta looked almost as flushed and cheerful as the men.
“I’m glad it’s just the three of us girls for the moment. I had an idea.”
“What?” Lilah asked warily.
“I visited the Sanctuary again.”
“What do you mean? We have no keys.”
“Not inside it. I stood outside the door in the tunnel and communed with it. It’s that strong, you know.”
“You should not go down there by yourself, Aunt Vesta,” Lilah told her, alarmed. “It’s dangerous. What if the tunnel had collapsed? We would have had no idea where you were or what had happened.”
“The Sanctuary would never hurt one of us. Anyway, the important thing is the Sanctuary gave me an idea.”
Lilah suppressed a sigh. As soon as she felt th
e power flow between them last night, she had known that Aunt Vesta would be a problem.
Aunt Vesta prattled on, “The great Goddess watches over all of us of course, since our families pierced the veil to the Otherworld. She blessed the men, but just think...how much better would it be if it was a sisterhood! I have read that the triskele represents not only rebirth, but divine feminine power, as well. The Goddess would be happier if we conducted the ceremony of the gifts.”
“We?” Lilah asked, though she was sure where her aunt was headed.
“The three of us of course. You, Sabrina and I.”
“Aunt Vesta, no...”
“But it’s supposed to be one from each of the three families,” Sabrina pointed out. “It would still be out of balance.”
“Would it? That was just Virgil’s guess. What if the real reason was because the Goddess knew that there were women to do the ceremony now? Maybe she was tired of dealing with the men. That was why she was displeased.” She gave a nod, as if she had proved her point. “Father believed the Sanctuary belonged to the Matres. You said that yourself, Lilah. Three women.” She paused for emphasis. “The old woman.” She laid a hand on her chest. “The married woman.” She gestured at Sabrina. “And the maiden.” She swept her hand toward Lilah. “It’s perfect. You felt the power the three of us brought out of it last night.” She sat back, beaming.
“It’s pointless to talk about a ceremony,” Lilah said. She didn’t want to have this discussion with Vesta now. “We have yet to find the key, and we also have to obtain the other two.”
“You’ll find it,” Vesta said complacently. “I’m sure of it. It’s meant to be.”
Fortunately they were saved from any further discussion by the entrance of the two men, followed shortly thereafter by the butler with the tea cart. But after tea, as soon as Aunt Vesta left the room for her afternoon nap, Lilah turned to Con and said, “What am I to do about Aunt Vesta? She’s going to be terribly upset when we close the Sanctuary. If we can close it.”
“If we can even open it,” Sabrina added. “It’s only four more days until Midsummer Day. We have to renew the Sanctuary before then. Whatever the ruination Mr. Dearborn thinks this thing will cause, I believe it. The energy I felt from it last night was enormous, and that was through a rock wall and a heavy door.” She looked over at her friend. “I can’t imagine how strong it would be if it was released.”
