Days after the celebration, Leah went to see Emma and got the sad news that she’d miscarried. The news took Leah by surprise. ‘‘I’m afraid I’m not good company,’’ Emma said, her eyes still wet with tears. ‘‘I was so looking forward to another baby.’’
Leah had still not told her about her own pregnancy, but realized it was not yet the proper timing for such an announcement. ‘‘I’m so sorry, Emma. I wish I could do something to help.’’
‘‘There’s nothing to be done. I told Bjorn last night, and he was ever so reassuring. He said before I knew it, I would be carrying another baby and that we shouldn’t mourn too greatly. I know he means well, but I will miss my little baby.’’
Leah thought of how she’d almost prayed to miscarry. A miscarriage would seem like a gift from the Lord, given her circumstances. If God took her child, then Leah wouldn’t have to feel guilty for her thoughts or her negative heart.
‘‘So you seem very well,’’ Emma said, drying her eyes. ‘‘I heard about Jayce’s brother dying. It’s a tragic end, but God’s ways are often more than we can understand.’’
Leah could only nod. She didn’t feel that she could yet explain things to her old friend.
‘‘Did he have a family? A wife—children?’’
Leah felt the words stick in her throat. Did Chase have children? That was what she needed to know. ‘‘No,’’ she finally said. ‘‘There was no one like that. He has another brother and a sister too. I’m told they live back east. Jayce tells me the family has never been close.’’
‘‘Pity. But on the other hand, it’s probably best Chase didn’t leave a family of his own behind.’’ Emma picked up some crocheting and began to work.
‘‘No doubt,’’ Leah replied softly. Anxious to change the subject, Leah asked about Emma’s planned summer trip. ‘‘Will you still go to Minnesota to visit your families next summer?’’
‘‘Oh, ja. I’m looking forward to it. I can hardly believe how the children have grown. I’m looking forward to showing them off and shopping for them. The mission board has promised us an extra stipend for supplies.’’ Her spirits seemed to lift. ‘‘We’ve taken turns talking about what we’d like to buy. There’s always so much to consider.’’
Leah nodded. ‘‘I can only imagine. I was so overcome when we were in Seattle. I guess I’d really forgotten what it was like to be in the city. The choices were more than I could even imagine. There are so many manufactured goods to be had.’’
‘‘Ja, my sister Sigrid writes to tell me of new inventions and improvements on things already in existence. She’s always good to tell me of such things. She’s not good to tell of the war or of other things, however.’’
‘‘Do you think she’ll like it here?’’ Leah questioned. ‘‘It will definitely be different from a city like Minneapolis.’’
‘‘I’ve told her as much. I’ve written long letters to explain how her days will be spent up here, just to be sure she still wants to come.’’
‘‘And does she?’’
‘‘Ja. She’s certain the wild open spaces will agree with her. She wants to learn to hunt and fish Alaskan style. She loves to do both in Minnesota. She’s quite an earthy girl. I suppose her real passion is teaching. She loves to teach school, which is not something Bjorn and I enjoy as much.’’
‘‘She sounds like a very resourceful woman,’’ Leah admitted. ‘‘I will do my best to help her feel welcome. We’ll have to have a party for her when she arrives and introduce her to everyone.’’
‘‘I think that would be great fun,’’ Emma said, glancing up from her work. ‘‘I know you two will get along well. I have even wondered if she would be a good match for Jacob, but I think I told you that. Could be they might find a fit in each other.’’
‘‘I’m certain I would prefer that to the current possibilities.’’
‘‘Helaina Beecham?’’
Leah nodded. ‘‘I don’t think she really cares for him, but Jacob has lost his heart to her. I’m sure that now this situation with Chase is settled, she’ll be bound for the States as soon as possible. She misses her cities and life of ease.’’
‘‘She does seem to be a good woman, however. She is trying hard to learn what she can.’’
‘‘I know that’s good, but I don’t see her being willing to give up everything to live here in Alaska. It just doesn’t seem to be her way.’’ She stood up. ‘‘I should get back home. I’m working to make some undershirts for Jayce and Jacob.’’
‘‘Leah, don’t worry overmuch about your brother and Helaina. Helaina has been a good help to us. She has the children off on a Saturday adventure. They love her very much. Who would have thought it?’’ Emma said, shaking her head. ‘‘I am glad she’s at peace with God.’’ She gave a little laugh and added, ‘‘Well there’s some peace, and some frustration. She asks poor Bjorn questions day and night.’’
‘‘She asks me a fair share, as well, and believe me, I’m trying not to worry.’’ Leah hugged Emma. ‘‘Come and visit me when you can.’’
‘‘And you come back when you can stay longer,’’ Emma declared.
Leah nodded. ‘‘I promise, I will.’’
Jayce worked to make lashings out of caribou sinew. He braided the pieces together and felt satisfied at their strength. He was making a new umiak for summer trips on the water and the lashings would have to be strong to hold the sealskin to the wooden frame.
As he worked, his mind kept returning to the same subject: his marriage to Leah and the baby that she now carried. Jayce found himself burdened with the idea of fatherhood. Would he make a good father? Could he be a loving parent to a child that might not even be his own? He tried to shake off such thoughts, tried to reason that even if the baby were Chase’s it would look no different. Jayce and Chase were identical in appearance, and therefore the child could have features that would be the same no matter the father.
Jayce sighed and put his work aside. He didn’t want it to matter. He wanted to be the bigger man—the hero of the story. He wanted Leah to feel comfortable and loved. He wanted them to put questions about the baby’s parentage behind them. But he couldn’t help himself. He dwelled on the issue constantly, and Jayce knew it would only be a matter of time before he said something. ‘‘God, what do I do?’’ He left his work and decided a short walk would be in order. He took up his Bible and rifle. In case anyone asked, he would just tell them he was out to scout something fresh for supper. Then if the moment presented itself, he’d be ready.
He walked away from the village, heading south along the shoreline. His mukluks crunched against the crusted snow. A storm had come in only days earlier, pushing the salt water over the ice just beyond the shores. This, in turn, pushed the ice toward the beach, forcing it up, breaking it and piling it in what Jayce knew to be pressure ridges. These could be quite dangerous and most people avoided them.
Farther out on the ice he saw several men working with seal nets. They would dig holes in the ice and string nets from one hole to the other underwater, all in hopes of catching fresh meat. Jayce had only learned how this was done a few weeks back. It sometimes proved very fruitful, and other times it was days and days before anything could be caught.
Moving farther away from the village, Jayce’s thoughts returned to Leah and the baby. They hadn’t talked about the child since she’d told him she was pregnant. It seemed to be an unspoken agreement between them, but Jayce knew it couldn’t continue. Soon Leah would begin to show, and everyone would know about the situation. If she and Jayce were not able to deal with this in a joyful manner, there would be further explanations due. Explanations that would no doubt leave Leah feeling ashamed.
Jayce found a spot to sit and placed his rifle across his knees. Reaching inside his parka, he pulled out his Bible and opened it. He went to Matthew, remembering that Bjorn had read from here when telling of the Christmas story. There were verses here that Jayce felt drawn to—Scriptures that told of J
oseph dealing with Mary’s news that she would bear a child. A child that did not belong to Joseph.
Then Joseph her husband, being a just man, and not willing to make her a public example, was minded to put her away privily. But while he thought on these things, behold, the angel of the Lord appeared unto him in a dream, saying, Joseph, thou son of David, fear not to take unto thee Mary thy wife:for that which is conceived in her is of the Holy Ghost. And she shall bring forth a son, and thou shalt call his name Jesus: for he shall save his people from their sins.
The words comforted Jayce as he read and reread them. Joseph had trusted the Lord and had taken Mary to be his wife. He had raised Jesus as his own child—loving Him and teaching Him, despite the fact that he knew without doubt that this baby was not his own flesh and blood.
Jayce, on the other hand, might well be the father of Leah’s baby. He knew this and knew that he had to make a decision here and now that, no matter what, this child was his. This would be his son or daughter and nothing would ever change that.
Looking again at the verses, Jayce felt renewed. And she shall bring forth a son, and thou shalt call his name Jesus: for he shall save his people from their sins. Jesus had saved them from their sins. They had asked for His forgiveness and sought His eternal redemption. Neither Jayce nor Leah had done any wrong in the conception of this baby. Furthermore, the child had done nothing wrong. Jayce could not punish an innocent life for the crimes of someone else.
He smiled as a peace settled over him. ‘‘Thank you, God. Thank you for showing me the truth.’’ It might not be an easy situation, and there would no doubt be questions to deal with from time to time, but the important thing was to heal and grow in their love as a family.
With renewed vigor, Jayce raced for home. He needed to see Leah—to tell her of what he’d read and reassure her that they would have a wonderful life together, and that their child would be a blessing.
‘‘Leah!’’ he called as he rushed into the house. ‘‘Leah!’’
‘‘What is it?’’ she asked as she came from behind the kitchen fur. ‘‘What’s wrong?’’ Her face was ashen.
‘‘Nothing is wrong,’’ he said, pulling her close. He’d momentarily forgotten to be more gentle, but he couldn’t help it. ‘‘I have something good to tell you.’’
She smiled. ‘‘I’m all for good news.’’
‘‘Come, sit with me.’’ He led her into the main room of the house. The small table and chairs there would make a good place to talk. When they were both seated, he began.
‘‘I know we’ve avoided talking about the baby.’’ He saw her eyes widen just a bit as she nodded. ‘‘But I need to talk about the baby now. I need for you to understand something.’’
‘‘All right.’’
He smiled, hoping that she would be put at ease. ‘‘Remember when Bjorn taught about the birth of Jesus?’’ She nodded and he continued. ‘‘He talked about Mary learning that she would bear a son, and of Joseph learning that Mary was with child. Joseph knew the baby wasn’t his, yet God sent an angel to encourage Joseph. He told Joseph that it would be all right—that Jesus was God’s Son and He would take away the sins of the world.’’
‘‘I remember that.’’ She seemed to consider his words.
‘‘I was humbled by the fact that Joseph, even though he knew he wasn’t the father of Jesus, became the earthly father and raised Jesus as his own son.’’ He reached out and took hold of Leah’s hands. ‘‘We might not know for certain whether this child was conceived during our time together or not, but there is a good chance that he was.’’
‘‘So now it’s a boy?’’ she asked, a hint of a smile on her lips.
‘‘Boy or girl, it doesn’t matter. This baby is mine.’’
She cocked her head to the side and raised a brow. ‘‘Just like that?’’
‘‘Just like that,’’ he said firmly. ‘‘I am the father. I will always be the father. The past doesn’t matter. We were innocent of any wrongdoing, but even more so, this child is innocent.’’
Tears formed in Leah’s eyes. ‘‘I . . . I . . .’’
He shook his head and put a finger to her lips. ‘‘The past is gone. We are free from its grip. Chase is dead, and he cannot hurt us anymore. We are starting a new life—a new adventure as parents to a wonderful child who will give us great joy. Jesus came to save His people from their sins, and I believe this baby will come to save us from our sorrows and regrets.’’
Leah took hold of Jayce’s hand and placed it against her cheek. ‘‘I want that very much. I want to be happy about this baby. Emma just told me that she miscarried her child. She was so devastated, and I felt so guilty hoping God might do that for me as well.
Please forgive me for thinking in such an unloving manner.’’
He got up from the table and pulled her into his arms. ‘‘Leah, I forgive you. Please forgive me for having any doubts about this child. Everything will be all right—you’ll see. We’ll tell everyone in the village that we’re going to have a child, and we’ll celebrate.’’
She nodded and lifted her face to his. Jayce saw the invitation in her eyes. It would be the first time they had kissed since returning to Last Chance. Slowly, so as to let her change her mind if needed, Jayce lowered his mouth to hers. The kiss was tender, lingering, and filled with the love he held for her.
Jacob and Nutchuk returned after the start of the new year. They brought a plentiful harvest of skins, as well as fresh caribou meat from a kill made just the day before. The village celebrated and immediate preparations were made for Jacob to make a trip to Nome.
Jacob had done a lot of thinking while away from the village. He’d spent much time reading his Bible and praying for guidance, and now he felt he knew what needed to be done. He approached the Kjellmann house with determined steps. He needed to talk to Helaina.
‘‘Why, Jacob, I thought you’d still be sleeping after our festivities last night. Such a happy time. We were so excited to learn about Leah having a baby,’’ Emma said as she greeted him. ‘‘You will be an uncle, ja?’’
‘‘Yes, indeed. It’s a happy time.’’
She nodded. ‘‘So what brings you here?’’
‘‘I need to speak with Helaina. Is she in?’’
‘‘Ja. She’s putting Rachel down for a nap. Come in. Can you stay to drink some coffee?’’
‘‘Well . . . maybe just a bit. I need to talk privately with Helaina.’’
‘‘Ja, I understand. I was just heading over to help Bjorn with school. Helaina is watching Rachel, and the boys are playing down the way at Seal-Eye Sam’s. He’s teaching them to catch seals.’’ She grinned. ‘‘Bryce was certain he would bring one home tonight.’’
Jacob laughed. ‘‘Never underestimate a boy’s spirit and drive.’’
‘‘I won’t. It wouldn’t surprise me to find a seal on my doorstep when I get back.’’
‘‘Jacob!’’ Helaina nearly gasped his name as she came from the back room. ‘‘I didn’t know you were here.’’
‘‘I came to speak with you—if you have a moment.’’
She nodded. ‘‘Would you like coffee?’’
‘‘You sound like Emma now. That Swedish hospitality has worn off on you, eh?’’
‘‘She’ll make a good housewife,’’ Emma declared and moved to the door, where her parka hung. ‘‘I’ll be back after school, ja?’’
‘‘That’s fine. I’ll feed the boys lunch when they come home.’’
Emma nodded and pulled on her coat. ‘‘I’m thinking Sam will feed them. He’s probably feeding them all day long. They will be too fat to fit through the door if Sam and his wife have anything to say about it.’’ The trio laughed and Emma quickly departed.
Jacob watched Helaina as she moved comfortably around the kitchen. She seemed somehow changed. Softened. He sensed a newfound peace in her. ‘‘I wanted to talk to you. I didn’t see you last night at the celebration.’’
‘�
�I stayed here and kept Rachel for Emma.’’ She brought the coffee to the table. ‘‘Be careful—it’s hot.’’
Jacob warmed his hands for a moment on the mug. ‘‘Well, I’m sure you’ve heard that I plan to head out for Nome. I’ll probably leave tomorrow at the latest. We’re out of so many supplies, and while there is still plenty for everyone to eat, it would be nice to have some of the things that spoil us.’’
Helaina nodded. ‘‘I agree. Sometimes I miss fresh fruit more than I can say.’’
‘‘Well, that’s why I’m here. I think you should come with me to Nome. You can get word to your brother, hopefully, and make plans for the spring. Nome will have more to offer you, and while you’ll have to pay for room and board, you won’t have to worry about feeling too isolated or lonely.’’
She frowned. ‘‘I wasn’t feeling isolated or lonely.’’
Jacob looked down and suddenly felt very confused. He wanted to tell her that she had to go—had to get away from him so that he wouldn’t lose his heart any more than he already had. But at the same time he wanted to declare his love for her and plead with her to stay.
‘‘But,’’ she continued, ‘‘if you feel that this is what I should do, then I’ll go.’’
Jacob looked up. He started to tell her that he didn’t feel that way at all, but something held him silent.
‘‘I suppose I can be ready tomorrow. I don’t have that much that belongs to me. In fact, most of my things are still in Nome. At least I hope that the hotel had the decency to hold on to them for me.’’
Jacob didn’t know what to say. He was surprised by her cooperation. There was definitely something different about Helaina Beecham. ‘‘I’ll be ready to leave by six. It’ll still be dark, but I know the trails well.’’
‘‘All right.’’ She turned away from him rather abruptly and busied herself with something on the kitchen counter. ‘‘I’ll be ready.’’
Jacob finished his coffee and got up. ‘‘I’ll go now.’’
Under the Northern Lights Page 22
