by Tara Brown
I shake my head, “Nothing? I had to leave, that’s all.”
She sneers, “You had to kill my brother?”
My jaw drops open, “What? Oh my God! Is he…?”
“He could be.” She grabs my shoulders, “He went crazy when you left. What did you do?”
I swallow hard, taking a breath. “Oh my God. You scared me.”
Her eyes narrow and she leans in, looking at my finger where the ring sits. She whispers, “Oh God, why? Why would you marry him? You have broken my brother’s heart.” She hovers and I’m scared of what she will do. I shake my head, “Stella, I had no choice. The dead wanted it, and it was the right choice, I don’t know why.”
She steps back, stumbling a little. Her face breaks my heart even more. Her voice is hollow and emotionless “You have to leave. Take that Mona with you. I can’t have her here. I almost ate her earlier. You have to leave.” Her eyes dart to Wyatt and the rage starts, “Take your family and get the FUCK OUT OF MY HOUSE!” Her fangs are there and her eyes are black, almost red. Her screams echo and bring the wind with them. The dead sparkle around me, making a barrier.
She is trembling and laughing bitterly suddenly, “Would you threaten me with the dead, Ellie?”
I shake my head, “Never.” I can feel them there, waiting for me to ask them to fight. I whisper, “I love you.”
She rages, “YOU LOVE NO ONE! YOU ARE TRULY THE DAUGHTER OF LUCIFER AND LILLITH!”
Tears stream my cheeks. I know I’m heartbroken, but I can’t feel it. I am close to losing my mind. I drop to my knees and grab the dagger I know Maria keeps on her ankle under her dress. She flinches when I pull it. Stella’s eyes are wide. I grab the blade, looking Stella in the eyes and turn it. I close my eyes, tears slipping down my cheeks, and drive the blade into my stomach. I gag and buckle forward. I cannot scream. I thought it would bring a scream, but it has stolen my voice. The pain is intense. I sob but it sounds like a sheep. Maria cries out and I feel Wyatt tense behind me.
I drop to my knees. Stella is there instantly, at my side. “What are you doing?”
I shake my head and speak in my sheep voice, “I feel nothing. I have no heart anymore. I have to feel the betrayal that I have committed and blood is the only way.” The words are not mine. They are Ellie’s and the others. “I have no love in my heart.”
With a trembling hand, she reaches for the blade, pulling it from my stomach. Blood seeps out, spilling onto the floor.”
She sobs with me, “Why?”
I shake my head, “I think I am not meant to feel this time, sister. I think I am meant to die. In the end, I am still meant to die.”
She shakes her head, “Don’t leave me again.”
I curl into her. She looks up at Wyatt who has not moved, not even a little. “You did this.”
I shake my head, “It was me.”
She holds me until the blood stops flowing. Wyatt drops down onto the floor behind me. His body is no longer cold. It is warm, hot even. He presses against me and I feel something wet. I reach behind me, touching his wet stomach. When I bring my hand forward I cry out. My hand is coated in blood.
He whispers into my neck, “What happens to you, happens to me.”
I shake my head as more tears fall. “I’m sorry. I didn’t know. I just needed to feel the pain I have caused.”
Stella laughs, “You always were so dramatic.” She hugs me to her, but I know she is looking at Wyatt when she says, “Someone just guaranteed his ass would always be saved.”
Wyatt scoffs, “You know nothing about me, fanged devil.”
Stella laughs, “I’m just relieved you don’t have her sense of humor now.” She gets up, lifting me with her. Maria is pressed against the wall of the hallway, stunned and scared. I smile at her, passing her back her dagger. She takes it, shaking her head and whispering a prayer.
As we hobble to the great room, I ask softly, “Where did he go?”
She shakes her head, “I can only assume after the horsemen. He wants this to end so he can be with you forever.”
My eyes lift to meet her pained ones, “I don’t have forever, Stella. I have until I finish.”
She shakes her head, “How do you know?”
I shrug, “Just a feeling.”
Wyatt looks back at me, “You’re wrong.” He wishes I were, but I know he can feel it too.
Mona comes running over when we get to the fire, “Where did you guys go?”
I shake my head, “Boston. Just quick.”
Her eyes are hopeful. I close my eyes, “I’m sorry.”
Her hands slip to her mouth, “Oh God.” I wrap my arms around her, holding her to me. She sobs into my already-wet and stinking over-sized shirt. Wyatt gives me a look. I hate this. I hate everything. I can’t feel the hate, and I can’t be angry or sad for my friend. But I know I do. I know I hate it all.
Stella sits on the couch next to Michelle who looks up and takes her headphones off. “Hey guys! Where did you go?”
Wyatt speaks in the same tone he always uses for Michelle, “Boston.”
She nods, “Cool.” She looks at Stella, “Wanna go for a walk?”
Stella smiles at her, “No. Constantine told me you were never to leave the castle. No matter what.” She tilts her head and plays with Michelle’s blonde hair. Michelle frowns, “Why?”
Wyatt gives her a disgusted look, “Because you sold your soul to the devil and we don’t want him tracking you. Constantine puts a guard on his houses. Can’t you feel it in the air?”
She looks down instantly, “Oh.”
Mona pulls away from me and leaves the room. I don’t have what she needs. I don’t have compassion. I don’t have anything. I am a void, an empty void.
I hear the others inside of me, muttering and speaking in low tones. They are panicking. They sense him. I spin, seeing the most tragic thing I have ever seen, walking into the room. Constantine laughs bitterly, undoing his blue dress shirt. His eyes land on the ring on my finger. I see hatred burning on his face. His dark hair is wet from the rain and mist. He looks tragic and beautiful as he crosses the room to me. I see Wyatt’s eyes on me. Constantine opens his shirt. There on his chest is my other name, Ellie appears just like the witch said it would. It is exactly like Wyatt’s.
My lips are open but nothing comes out. I don’t recall it. Ellie is sobbing inside of me. She is trying to take control and run to him. But I stand there frozen. He turns his face to Wyatt, “Don’t get too excited. She gets one of these every couple centuries. It’s less of a big deal to her.”
Ellie’s pain becomes mine and I feel it. We share the agony. Me and Ellie and the others, we hurt the same for once.
I can’t look at Wyatt. I turn and leave the room, following after Mona. I feel the shame and the hurt and the hatred of myself. I feel it, and though it burns, it is bittersweet. I am grateful for a feeling.
Mona is on the bed, curled up in a ball. She is dialing on her cellphone over and over, listening to her voicemail messages from her mother. Her mother wishing her merry Christmas and happy New Year. Her mother panicking that she hasn’t heard from her. Her mother wondering if she has found somewhere safe to go.
Mona is a wreck, obviously.
She dials and presses speakerphone. Her mother’s voice fills the room. “Oh, uhm hi, sweetie. I am so sorry for everything. I watched the news today and with everything that’s happening, I’m scared that you are dead. If you get this, please call me. I have prayed for forgiveness, in case we don’t speak before one of us is gone. I love you. Stay safe.”
I curl around Mona but before I can help her, the dead take me.
The dream is instant. I swear my eyes have only just closed.
“Rayne, where are we?”
I turn to see Mona. Her eyes are puffy and her face is tired. She looks like she did on the bed. How is she here? Is she here? “My dream.”
She nods, “Oh. Creepy.”
I look around. We are in a blanket of mist.
I take her hand in mine and start to walk. It feels like we are not moving, the mist is so thick.
“Do you think my mom knows I love her?”
I nod, “She knows. Willow said she is with God. She is safe.”
“Good.” She sighs, “I just realized, I need to find my dad.”
My eyes dart at her. She starts to cry again, “Really? Both of them?”
I nod, “Your dad is with your mom. He went to her and they were together when they passed.”
She smiles through her tears, “I guess that’s something. At least they had each other and they weren’t alone.”
I wrap my arm around her, “And we have each other.”
She sniffles and points, “Do you see that?”
I look and there before us is a huge gate. It is silver with a greenish hint to it. We walk up to it. It opens slowly, as if a ghost opened it.
Mona takes my hand and pulls me through. When we are inside, the gate closes again. I hear it click and the mist clears up. Before us is a massive forest. There are birds, butterflies, and flowers everywhere. I smile, “This is the garden.”
She takes a deep breath of the warm air, “It’s sweet.”
I nod. It is like breathing honey-scented air. It is summer but lusher than any garden I’ve been in, in the summer.
There is a subtle path in the long green grass. It doesn’t look like it’s carved out but maybe walked a lot. We start down it, still holding hands.
“Your mother should be in here.”
“Yup.”
She looks back at me, “She might be a total bitch.”
I nod, “Yup.”
She makes a face. I can feel the dead around me though. They are there, sparkling. The grass tickles against me. This is the first time someone else has come into my dream, except my mother and Willow. I hope it doesn’t mean Mona is going to die. My mom is and Willow is already dead. I can live without Michelle. It’s a terrible thought, but I know it’s a truth. I can live without Stella. I don’t want to, but I know in my heart of hearts I can. I can’t live without Mona. She is in my heart and she has worked her way into the rest of the people inside of me. Mona is the real sister none of us have ever had. Stella would have turned me away, had I not demonstrated my love for her with the blade. Mona never would have abandoned me, no matter what I had done.
She is solid. Her being in the garden proves she is pure of heart and soul.
And sometimes I catch myself just staring at her glossy lips, not in a way that means I want to date her. It’s not totally a lesbian stare; it’s more like how we all agree Ryan Gosling is hot. Men and women alike agree, he is a sexy man. Mona’s lips are like that. Men and women alike stare. I have seen them. Not just because she looks so much like Blair from Gossip Girl either.
We leave the grassy field and enter a forest that looks magical. I sort of assume it is. We’re in a dreamland, in an enchanted forest or the garden of the fae. Either way, this is some magical shit.
When we get deep into the forest, a woman in a long white dress walks towards us. She has golden-blonde hair and a perfect face. Mona looks at me, “This is Lord of the Rings.”
I nod, “I know. I was just thinking that.”
“Is this still a dream?”
I shake my head, “No clue. The dead are here with me.”
She makes a face, “Ewwww. That’s doesn’t make me feel better.”
I watch the woman walk towards us, “It should. Never underestimate the dead.”
The woman in the white dress walks right past us. She doesn’t see us, nor notice us in any way. I scowl, “Uhm, miss, excuse me.”
She walks on.
Mona scowls, “Snooty bitch or ‘cause we’re in a dream, they can’t see us?”
“I hope the second.” We continue on the trail that is more like a goat path between the trees. Houses come into view. Small cottages. When we get closer, a small palace can be seen between the trees.
Mona smiles, “I’m going to assume your mother is in there.”
I laugh, “I would bet my life on it.”
We walk through the small village in the forest. No one looks at us. No one speaks to us. They wear long dresses and old-fashioned tunics. It’s like Masterpiece Theater.
Mona shakes her head, “Dude, this is messed up. That guy is wearing deer-skin shoes.”
I wave at him, “Hi!”
He walks past. Mona shakes her head, “They can’t see us.”
We walk by them to the cobblestone path where the palace starts. The houses are like the courtyard of the palace. It is an ivory palace with turrets and strange oval windows. It shimmers almost. I take Mona’s hand again. We pass over a bridge that isn’t really a bridge. It's shaped like one, but it's got no moat or water below. We enter the large doorway that is open. The dead stop. I feel it when the tingle in the air is gone. I stop too. Mona gives me a puzzled look, “What?”
“The dead have stopped. They aren’t coming in with us.”
She looks behind us, making me smile. “You can’t see them.” She blushes and turns and walks farther into the palace. Inside is like being in a historical movie. Stone walls and lavish tapestries. They all have forest scenes with creatures and nature on them. The furniture is made of wood but still rough and unprocessed. It’s actually cool to see. It looks like the newest urban trend.
There is a massive set of stairs in front of us. We climb them slowly, our feet not making a sound. A man walks down the stairs. He has the tunic thing on. He looks like an idiot, to be completely honest. I hate tunics. The pants are another story. They are tight and the man walking towards us has been graced by God himself in the groin.
Mona gives me a look, “Michelle would love it here.”
I laugh, “That guy should have been part of that thing she was petitioning about.”
Mona frowns, “What thing?”
I roll my eyes, “The whole free the Hamm-aconda movement.”
She snorts, “Jon Hamm’s underwear situation?”
I nod, “That’s the one.”
“I would have signed that.”
I laugh, “Wow. I never saw you as a petition sort of girl.”
Mona blushes, “I may be a virgin, but I’m not that kind of virgin. I’m just picky. Have you seen the pics on Perez Hilton? Dude. Jon Hamm has a forearm in his pants.”
“You sound like Michelle.”
She glares. I put my hands up, laughing, “I like that we can talk about Jon Hamm’s penis while dream walking through the garden of the fae. This is what I love about you. You keep it real.”
She blows me a kiss with her glossy lips.
At the top of the stairs, there is a hallway to the right and the left. Mona starts right immediately so I follow her. We get to a series of rooms, like bedrooms. They are simple, not what you would expect to find in a palace. The furnishings are the same as downstairs, very rustic.
We turn around to go the other way, but a man with a tunic and an old face is standing behind us. He has white eyes. He smiles, “You have come, finally.”
We both look behind us and realize the blind man can see us, somehow.
I bite my lip, nodding slowly.
“Sin eater, daughter of Lillith. We have waited this many years for you to come. She waits upstairs for you.”
He points the other way, to the other hallway. I walk past him, pulling Mona with me. He stands there, not moving. We continue to walk away from him, not sure if he’s coming or not. I am actually lost in this dream. In the other hallway, we find an open area with chairs and a fountain. There is another stairway. We climb it, still looking back for the man.
“I don’t think he’s coming.”
I shake my head, “No. His eyes were weird. Really white.”
“I’m going to have nightmares about this for the rest of my life.”
I laugh, “You won’t remember it. The dead never let me see where they took me.”
We get to the top of the stairs and again the
re are two hallways. Mona walks right. “We went right last time, we should go left.”
She pulls my hand, “No, right again.” She pulls, and when we pass by several ladies in dresses, I have a feeling she is right. The room is a grand sitting room. There is a great throne made of the brightest white crystal I have ever seen. It’s empty and looks like it’s not really there, like it’s a hologram.
There are people milling about the room. I catch a glimpse of one of them in the corner. Instantly, my eyes are drawn to him. He is not a man, and he is not a monster, but he is somewhere in the middle. He has dark-blue veins running his face and throat. He looks like he might have been a vampire who fed off dark-blue ink instead of blood.
He speaks to a woman in a pale-violet dress. I know who she is the moment my eyes land on her. My mother’s hair glistens in the light, the way I remember it. Instantly, Ezara and Liana start to cry inside of me. They sob for our mother. Only Ezara, myself, and Liana know her. Maggie and Ellie could care less about her. They want her dead and they want this ended. Liana and Ezara weep as I walk to her. Mona pulls me back, “Is that her?”
I nod. Mona shakes her head, “What if she can see us? What if she kills you?”
“She won’t. She wants to die for me.”
Mona grabs my hands, “You are an idiot. She doesn’t want to die for you. I am telling you. She doesn’t. She wants to kill you and live out her life here. She wants the world to end, I bet you anything.”
I pull Mona with me, dragging her against her will to where my mother stands. I see her back straighten. She knows I am here. She spins, looking at the air around me. Her face breaks my heart. I cringe as she looks around me.
She smiles but I see terror in her eyes that look like mine. She whispers, “You cannot see the truth here. You cannot see the chains. Bring a dagger next time, child.”
She turns back to the man with the blue veins. He scowls, “What was that?”
She shakes her head, “I think a wisp has made it inside. Downstairs maybe. I can feel it.” She smiles softly, placing a hand on his arm, “Where were we?”
He smiles, “We were discussing how my mother was just telling me that when the era of man is gone, and they are but a stain upon the Earth, the reign of the fae shall return.”
