After a few moments he let out a long, ragged breath. He eased his fingers back into the silky warmth of Lara’s unbound hair and rocked her head slowly, gently, against his body.
“How did you get to be so wise in so few years?” he asked softly.
“I learned from you.”
Carson laughed sadly. “Pain, yes,” he said. “But not understanding or forgiveness.”
Silently Lara shook her head, disagreeing. “I didn’t understand what happened four years ago. It…froze me. Now I understand. I can grow again.”
And forgive?
Carson thought the question had existed only in his mind. He didn’t know that he had whispered the words aloud until Lara answered him.
“Yes,” she said, her arms tightening around his hips. “Oh, yes.”
“No,” Carson said quickly, hating himself because he could not tell her about the rest of the past, the part of it that could be understood but not forgiven and overcome. “I have no right to ask you for anything, least of all forgiveness.”
“And I have no choice but to forgive,” Lara said, turning her face into Carson’s warm body, kissing him blindly. “I love you.” As she felt his hands clench almost painfully in her hair, she smiled sadly against the worn fabric of his jeans. “It’s all right, Carson,” she said softly. “I’m not asking you to love me in return. I know you don’t believe in love. But I do, and I love you.”
Carson was still for so long that Lara finally loosened her arms enough to look up at him. His eyes were tightly closed, his expression almost agonized. A tear glittered against the thick darkness of his lashes.
“Carson?” she said, her voice breaking.
He opened his eyes and looked down at her. “You’re right. I don’t believe in love. Not the way you do. And I don’t deserve your love,”
he said hoarsely, “because I can’t return it. But I want it. Oh, God, how I want it!”
“It’s yours,” she said simply. “It always has been.”
Carson pulled Lara to her feet and into his arms, kissing her eyes and her cheeks and the cool smoothness of her hair. His caresses were like warm rain falling over her, bathing away the bitter residue of the past. She gave back the kisses as tenderly as she had received them, holding his face between her hands, trembling as she tasted the single tear that had escaped his control.
The world shifted around Lara as Carson sank back down onto the couch and lifted her into his lap, holding her in his arms as he whispered her name over and over again. She closed her eyes and held him in return, drinking the soft sounds of her name repeated by the man she loved. Gradually she became aware of the hard warmth of Carson’s body, the power of his arms and the trembling sweetness of his lips brushing over her hair, her eyelashes, her mouth. She shivered and knew that she wanted more than those tender, fleeting caresses. But did he?
Lara turned her head and caught Carson’s mouth with a sensual skill that he had. taught her. When her tongue touched the corner of his lips, she felt the instant shudder of his response. He opened his lips and waited for her to accept the invitation. Though he ached to, he was afraid to take control of the kiss. He needed her too much. If he slipped the leash on his control just one fraction, he didn’t trust himself to stop until he was finally sheathed inside her softness, drinking her passionate cries while he poured himself into her as he should have done long ago.
When Lara’s tongue teased his, Carson groaned and returned the caress with slow, deep, primitive rhythms of his tongue that were unlike any kiss he had ever allowed himself with her before. As she trembled, he realized what he was doing, seducing Lara rather than following her lead, breaking the spirit if not the letter of his promise to her. With an effort he forced himself to stop pleading for her body with every movement of his tongue.
“Again, please,” whispered Lara, pressing against Carson as she slid her hands deeply into his hair. “Oh, yes, again. I like that kind of kiss.”
“Do you?” he asked, opening his eyes, looking at the velvet warmth of Lara’s mouth, wanting it.
“I felt it all the way down inside me,” Lara whispered.
“Oh, God,” groaned Carson, consumed by a wild lightning stroke of desire that was like nothing he had ever felt before. His fingers speared into Lara’s rich, thick hair, holding her still for the claiming of his mouth. “I know where you felt it,” he said huskily as he slowly lowered his lips to hers. “In a place that’s soft and hot and made for me. Someday you’ll let me touch you there, taste you, be part of you. But until then kiss me the way I just kissed you, kiss me and imagine what it would be like if our bodies were as deeply joined as our mouths.”
The words sank into Lara and exploded softly, sending heat coursing through her, heat and a heavy sweetness that made her breath wedge in her throat. Carson’s mouth fitted hers with hot perfection, and his tongue thrust slowly, completely, into her. As he resumed the primal mating rhythm of tongue against tongue, Lara made a sound deep in her throat and clung to him, giving her mouth wholly to him, imagining….
When the kiss finally ended, they were both trembling and breathing too fast, too hard. Lara’s hand moved restlessly from Carson’s hair to his shoulders and then to his neck. She loved feeling the masculine textures of his skin and touching the dark hair that curled up in the opening of his shirt. She dipped her fingers beneath his collar, seeking more of his heat, more of his textures. The feel of his skin against the palm of her hand made air hiss sharply into her lungs. She leaned forward, wanting to kiss him, to taste him, to rub her cheek against the thick, springy hair that lay like a shadow beneath his shirt; but everywhere she turned, every way she touched, cloth was between her and her desire.
“Carson, could I – “
“Yes,” he said instantly, interrupting her.
Lara smiled and traced his lips with her fingertip. “You don’t even know what I was going to ask.”
“I don’t care,” Carson said simply, looking at Lara with eyes that were molten gold. “There’s nothing you could ask me that I would refuse.”
Lara looked at Carson’s lips and felt weakness course through her. She wanted his mouth but not merely for another kiss. She wanted to feel his mustache brushing against her naked breast, his tongue stroking her nipple, the moist heat of his mouth caressing her. That was how it had been years ago. Surely it could be that way again. She wanted it until she ached, but she was too shy to put her need into words.
“Can I have the shirt off your back?” she asked wistfully. Humor and passion flared in Carson’s eyes, making the centers widen and darken even more. “Yes.”
She waited expectantly, but he made no move to undress himself.
“Carson?”
“It’s yours, little fox,” he said, smiling slowly. “All you have to do is take it.”
Hesitantly Lara lifted her hand. Carson’s shirt had snaps rather than buttons, and the snaps were stubborn. Sitting as she was with one of her arms around him, her body half leaning against his chest and wrapped in his arms, she could use only one hand to openvhis shirt. She tugged again at the first snap. The cloth pulled toward her, and the snap stayed shut.
Smiling despite the sensual anticipation that had made his whole body tighten until he ached, Carson lifted Lara, shifting her position until she was sitting astride his lap. The thought of sitting the same way without having clothes between them made him shudder. The hard length of his sex ached in response to the blood pouring through his body and pooling hotly between his legs. He pulled Lara’s head down, drank deeply from her mouth and slowly released her.
“Now,” Carson said huskily, “try again.”
Lara’s hands were trembling. She pulled on the snap and heard it give way, revealing the darkly sensuous gleam of his hair. She stroked him lightly, then more firmly until her fingertips were combing through the warm, springy hair. The second snap gave way more easily than the first,
and the third more easily still. Her hands slid inside the shirt and then slowly pushed it open until she could rub her face across Carson’s chest, turning from side to side, stroking him with her cheek as well as her hands.
Lara’s curious, exploring fingertips brushed over and then returned to the small, erect nub at the center of Carson’s nipple. She rubbed gently, savoring the unexpected, different texture. His groan caught her by surprise. She glanced up, startled.
“Shouldn’t I – “ she began.
“God, yes,” Carson gritted, cutting across her hesitation. “Touch me any way you want, every way you can think of, whatever you dreamed. Do it all, honey, every bit of it.” He stretched his arms out along the back of the couch. “I won’t give you back the pleasure. Not yet. Not until I know without a doubt that you want me.” He smiled with sensual promise. “Go ahead, my shy, curious little fox. No matter how you touch me, you won’t shock me. I promise you.”
Hesitantly, then with growing confidence, Lara found and caressed the tiny, erect points of his nipples, watching Carson as she did. She saw his eyes become heavy lidded and his mouth become frankly sensual. Seeing his pleasure so clearly was like being licked by a loving fire. She leaned forward until her hips were just brushing his, and then she stroked him with her tongue in the same rhythm as her fingers teasing his nipples. She felt him strain toward her, pulling against the boundaries of his self-imposed limits.
Knowing that Carson would keep his word was as exciting for Lara as the feel of his warm, naked skin. Slowly her mouth quit teasing his lips. She kissed his cheek, the line of his jaw, his neck, and then sighed as her tongue probed a darkly curling thatch of hair on his chest until she found the erect, eager nipple beneath. The thready groan that answered her caress made her shiver as though she were the one being touched. She had never guessed how exciting it would be to arouse Carson. She bent down and caressed him as she ached to be caressed, with teeth and tongue and mouth. His breath went in raggedly even as she felt his thighs tighten between her knees. That, too, was exciting.
Lara turned to find and tease Carson’s other nipple, only to discover that his shirt kept on getting in the way of her exploring hands and month. With an exasperated sound she tried to open the rest of the snaps, only to be defeated because the shirt was tucked in at Carson’s lean waist. This time she didn’t wait to ask for permission. He had already told her she could do anything she wanted, and she was impatient to take him at his word.
Smiling, Carson watched as Lara tugged out the long shirttails. He leaned forward obligingly, making it easier for her to slide the shirt off his shoulders. When she got side-tracked tracing the lines of muscle on his left arm with her tongue and then her teeth, Carson moved slowly with each caress, increasing the pressure, silently telling her that he approved of her sensual exploration.
Lara straightened to look at the powerful shoulders she had just revealed beneath the dark cloth of his shirt. Carson was even more magnificent than she had remembered. She breathed his name and returned for another taste of his hot skin, hungry for him in a way that she could neither name nor satisfy.
“If I’m going to get this shirt off you, you’ll have to take your arms off the back of the couch,” Lara pointed out.
The husky sound of Lara’s voice made desire twist through Carson. The low, intimate timbre told him that she was enjoying the sensual play every bit as much as he was. Slowly he lowered his arms. Rising slightly up on her knees, she pushed the dark fabric down his back. She had peeled the shirt all the way down to his wrists when she realized that the cuffs were still fastened. Not only that, but the shirt was now so tangled that she couldn’t even find the snaps. Suddenly Lara felt foolish. She had no practice at seducing a man, and everything she did proved it Yet when she looked up into Carson’s face, all she saw was approval and desire.
“You’re very patient,” Lara said quietly as she went back to work on Carson’s cuffs. “I’m no good at this.”
“You’re sexy as hell,” Carson said deeply, watching the fine trembling of Lara’s fingers. “Knowing that you’ve never undressed another man, watching your face as you discover just a few of the things you can do to me, seeing you shiver every time your tongue touches my nipple – God, little fox, it’s so sweet and hot it’s a miracle I haven’t lost control.” Carson saw her startled look and smiled. “No, I didn’t mean lose control as in pouncing on you. I meant lose control as in coming right here. Does that shock you?”
Lara started to say yes, then realized that it wasn’t quite the truth. Surprise her – yes. He was so open with her, as though he wanted her to know at all times that he was vulnerable to her. And then she realized that that was exactly what Carson was saying. He had given himself to her. That meant being naked in more ways than simply not wearing clothes.
“No,” Lara said softly, smiling as she bent over his cuff once more, “I’m not shocked. I’m…pleased.”
Her smile almost undid every one of Carson’s good intentions, as did the innocent pressure of her thighs on either side of his. So close, so very close, and so very far away from the blazing act of intimacy he wanted.
The last snaps gave way. Lara pulled off one sleeve and then the other, dragging the shirt across Carson’s lap in her eagerness to get rid of it. She felt his hips jerk softly when her hand brushed across his jeans. As she looked down, she saw that he was fully aroused and that she had inadvertently touched him.
“I’m sorry,” she said quickly. “I didn’t mean – “
“Oh, God, little fox,” he interrupted raggedly. “Just do it again and I’ll forgive you.”
Lara looked at Carson’s face, wondering if he was joking. He stretched his arms across the back of the couch again, underlining his vulnerability.
“Whatever you want,” he said, his voice a gentle rasp. Lara stared into Carson’s amber eyes for a long moment. The only sound in the room was his quickened breathing as he watched her in return. Almost imperceptibly her hand moved forward, hovering above his jeans. He held her eyes and smiled a slow, inviting smile that made her heart turn over. She let her hand settle over him. She felt the barely controlled surge of his hips, heard the sudden, fierce hiss of his breath and almost lost her courage. Then the heavy-lidded pleasure revealed by his golden eyes made heat and weakness shiver through her. Gently she increased the pressure of her hand on his hot, hard flesh.
“I can feel your heartbeat,” Lara said, her eyes wide, her tone husky with surprise.
Carson felt an odd combination of tenderness and violent desire. Tenderness won. He let out a long breath and forced himself to relax against the couch, opening himself to whatever caress she might want to give him. As softly as a breath her fingertips traced his length. Against the sun-faded roughness of his jeans, her hand was slender, graceful and so utterly feminine that he had to look away or risk losing control.
“What should I do?” she asked softly.
“Pet me, honey.”
His voice was too gritty, too thick, but he couldn’t control that any more than he could prevent the blood from beating heavily in the erect flesh beneath Lara’s caressing fingers.
“Oh, God,” he said, moving subtly against her hand. “I wish I could make you feel as good as you’re making me feel. I wish – “
The word ended in a hiss as Carson thrust almost helplessly against Lara’s hand, increasing the pressure of her palm against his hungry body. Suddenly she wanted to be able to hold him, to run her hands over him without the barrier of clothes, to know him with an intimacy that she had never shared with any man. She wanted it so badly that her hands were shaking.
“Carson?” asked Lara raggedly.
The sound of his name was another caress, almost as hot and every bit as sweet as her hand stroking him, and her eyes watching him were like blue fire. Without a word Carson shifted his hands from the back of the couch to the waistband of his jeans. The steel buttons gave
way in a fast, soft ripple of sound. Wordlessly Lara moved aside. He peeled off his clothes and kicked them under the coffee table. Watching her, he leaned against the cushions and forced himself to put his arms along the back of the couch again, leaving himself utterly open to her eyes and her touch.
It was the hardest thing Carson had ever done, to be naked when Lara was clothed, vulnerable when she was not, aching for her until he thought it would be easier to die than to go on without having her; and suddenly he wondered what it would be like if she told him that he didn’t measure up and then walked out without a backward look. The realization of what it must have been like for her made ice twist through his guts.
“Lara – “ he said hoarsely.
But Carson could say no more for Lara’s hands were smoothing over his chest, his waist, the long, taut muscles of his abdomen and the rigid muscles of his thighs. She traced the shadow of dark, curling hair as it tapered to his navel and then flared out again into a thick thatch. There her hands hesitated until Carson felt as though he were being stretched on a rack.
“I can see your heartbeat now,” Lara whispered. “It’s so fast, so hard. Oh, Carson, do you really want me so much?”
Before Carson could answer, Lara cradled him between her palms. To feel her warm hands holding him was like being connected to a soft current of electricity. To see her delicate fingers caressing him was like sliding into fire. Carson felt control slipping away beneath the sweet, wild friction of her skin over his naked desire.
“Oh, baby, stop,” Carson groaned.
Stricken, Lara looked up into his eyes. “Am I hurting you?” she asked. Her voice, like her hands, trembled.
Carson’s answer was a thick sound that could have been a laugh. Deliberately he moved his hips, sending his hot flesh sliding between her hands again and again, slowly, deeply.
Sweet Wind, Wild Wind Page 15
