YOLO Juliet

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YOLO Juliet Page 4

by William Shakespeare


  Juliet

  oh, thank you for getting rid of him. father, i’m miserable!

  Friar Laurence

  I know, I know. I heard that nothing can stop what’s happening on Thursday. —FL

  Juliet

  there must be something you can do. plz? otherwise i’m going to solve this the only way i know how….

  i’d rather die than marry paris.

  Friar Laurence

  Stop! Killing yourself is a little drastic. —FL

  But drastic might be what we need right now. —FL

  Juliet

  anything! just tell me the plan.

  Friar Laurence

  Here’s the deal: Go to your and tell everyone that you’re happy to marry Paris. Tomorrow is Wednesday, so make sure you’re alone tomorrow night. Don’t let anyone stay with you, not even your nurse. —FL

  I’m sending you a vial. —FL

  When you’re in bed, mix the contents of the vial and drink it. —FL

  The potion will make it look like you’re dead, but you’ll actually just sleep for about forty-two hours. When they discover you in the morning, they’ll prepare you for burial in your family’s tomb. Meanwhile, I’ll send Romeo there to wait for you to wake up. Sound good? —FL

  Juliet

  yes! i’m ready.

  love will get me through this.

  [Scene 2]

  Juliet

  dad, you there?

  Capulet

  What is it? Where have you been?

  Juliet

  i went to see friar laurence.

  i’m so sorry. i realize that i’ve been acting selfish. from now on, i’m going to do whatever you say. i promise.

  that includes marrying paris.

  Capulet

  You mean it? This is great news!

  In that case, let’s move the wedding up to tomorrow! Bless Friar Laurence for talking some sense into you.

  Juliet

  i’m going to pick out a dress with nurse now. ttyl.

  Capulet

  Great news, dear! Juliet is finally listening to us. I’m going to move the wedding up to tomorrow.

  Lady Capulet

  Tomorrow, really? But how will we ever have everything ready by then? Love, LC.

  Capulet

  Don’t worry about a thing. I’ve got it all figured out.

  Go get some sleep. I’m going to find Paris and tell him the good news. I can’t wait!

  [Scene 3]

  Lady Capulet

  Juliet, honey, do you need help picking out your clothes? Love, Mom.

  Juliet

  no thanks. i got it covered.

  if it’s okay, i’d like to be alone. i’m sure you’ve got a lot of stuff to plan for tomorrow anyway.

  Lady Capulet

  Okay, sweetie! Get some rest. Love, Mom.

  desperate times call for desperate measures. i can’t risk marrying paris tomorrow. i have to drink from the vial tonight. but i’m scared. what if it’s too strong and it kills me? but i can trust friar laurence, right? he wouldn’t do that to me. but what if he’s wrong about the timing? what if i wake up too early? what if i suffocate in the tomb full of my family’s ghosts?? it’ll be dark and scary. i guess i’ll bring a dagger just in case. ugh. tybalt, romeo, i drink to you both. —j

  [Scene 4]

  Group text: Lady Capulet, Capulet, Nurse, Paris

  Lady Capulet

  Ooh, we’re so close to being ready! Nurse, we need some more spices for the food. Love, LC.

  Nurse

  Sure thing. We need more too.

  Capulet

  Hurry, everyone! We don’t have much time left. We need more too!

  Nurse

  What ya need is to get some sleep, mister. You’ve been up all night. You’re gonna end up sick!

  Capulet

  Psh! I’ve stayed up longer for less important things before and have never gotten sick.

  Lady Capulet

  She’s right, dear. You really should rest up. Love, LC.

  Capulet

  Nonsense. Nurse, make yourself useful and go wake Juliet. It’s almost time. I’ll go get Paris. This is so exciting!

  [Scene 5]

  Nurse has checked into Juliet’s Chambers.

  Nurse

  Yoo-hoo! Hey, J. Time to wake up, girl.

  Ya up yet? Ya get enough beauty rest?

  Girl, srsly. It’s time to get up.

  K, I’m coming in. Ya better be decent.

  Nurse

  I guess some people sleep in the same clothes they wore yesterday. Nasty!

  REPLY

  Nurse: Oh ! J is dead!

  Lady Capulet: What are you talking about? —LC.

  Nurse: Srsly. J won’t wake up.

  Lady Capulet: Oh, no! We need her father here, now. —LC.

  Capulet

  Where are you? Paris is waiting.

  Lady Capulet

  It’s Juliet. OMG. Our daughter is dead. Sadly, LC.

  Capulet

  No, she can’t be. Let me see her.

  Capulet has checked into Juliet’s Chambers.

  Capulet

  She’s so cold. Her blood has stopped.

  She’s gone. Oh, Juliet.

  Group text: Friar Laurence, Paris, Capulet, Lady Capulet, Nurse

  Friar Laurence

  Hello, everyone. Is the bride ready to go to ? —FL

  Capulet

  Our beautiful is…dead.

  Paris

  She can’t be! I’ve waited all my life for this morning.

  Lady Capulet

  I only had one daughter! One! And now she’s dead. This is the worst day of my life. Mourning, LC.

  Nurse

  Today is like one giant black hole.

  Capulet

  We have to bury her. Along with whatever happiness we have left.

  Friar Laurence

  Everyone relax. She’s in a better place now. —FL

  Capulet

  We planned a wedding…and now it’s a funeral.

  Friar Laurence

  Come on, people. We have to prepare for burial. It’s the right thing to do. Let’s go. I’m so sorry for our tragic loss. —FL

  [Scene 1]

  Balthasar

  Hi.

  Romeo

  Who is this?

  Balthasar

  It’s me, Balthasar.

  Romeo

  Oh, sorry. Didn’t recognize the number.

  Balthasar

  I upgraded to the newest model. New me, new number.

  Romeo

  That’s nice.

  What’s going on? Do you have news from Verona? How’s Juliet?

  Balthasar

  TBH, not so good.

  Romeo

  What do you mean?!

  Balthasar

  Juliet is dead, Romeo. I’m really sorry. She’s being buried in her family’s tomb.

  Romeo

  NO! I can’t believe it.

  Balthasar, bring me a . I’m going to Verona tonight. I have to. Meet me in a few. I’ve got an errand to run.

  Balthasar

  You got it.

  Romeo:

  Just purchased the deadliest poison available online. Here goes nothing. #gulp

  REPLY

  [Scene 2]

  Friar Laurence

  Were you able to deliver the letter I wrote to Romeo?? —FL

  Father John

  OOF, BAD NEWS.

  SO I WENT TO FIND ONE OF OUR BROTHERS SO HE COULD COME WITH ME BECAUSE I DIDN’T WANT TO GO ALONE. (HE WAS VISITING WITH THE SICK. )

  Friar Laurence

  Why are you yelling? —FL

  Father John

  I DON’T KNOW WHAT YOU MEAN.

  Friar Laurence

  You mad? —FL

  Father John

  WHAT? NO. I DON’T KNOW HOW TO TURN CAPS OFF.

  Friar Laurence

  Okay, okay, keep going. —FL

  Father John<
br />
  TURNS OUT, THE HOUSE HE WAS IN HAD THE PLAGUE! OOPS! HEHE.

  WE WERE QUARANTINED INSIDE AND I COULDN’T LEAVE. SO THE LETTER NEVER REACHED ROMEO. SORRY!!

  Friar Laurence

  Holy ! —FL

  That letter was very important! —FL

  I need to get to the tomb right away. —FL

  [Scene 3]

  Paris has checked into Juliet’s Tomb.

  Paris:

  Juliet, I can’t believe you were taken so soon. I brought you flowers for your grave. I’ll water them every day. Probably with my tears.

  REPLY

  Romeo:

  I have everything I need to get into Juliet’s tomb. I’m as ready as I’ll ever be. I must see her face one more time. I gave Balthasar a to deliver to my father that explains everything. Nothing will stand in my way!

  REPLY

  Paris: Dude, I’m already here.

  You are a . You’ve got to be stopped.

  Romeo: Stop being so dramatic. I’m coming there to die.

  Paris: Psh. Right. If you come here, I will not let you escape.

  Romeo has checked into Juliet’s Tomb.

  Paris:

  Ugh. Romeo got me. #dying Please let me lie next to Juliet forever. RIP, me.

  REPLY

  Romeo: I’m only letting you lie next to Juliet because there’s been too much death and you deserve a proper burial.

  Voice Memo from Romeo

  I’m nervous to open the tomb…. Oh, Juliet. I see you. I see your beautiful face. You’ve brought so much light to this dark grave. Suddenly I feel…happy. No, that can’t be right. I don’t understand it. I’ve heard that some men are relieved right before they die, but it feels wrong knowing all the death I’ve caused. Poor Tybalt. Juliet, you’re perfect. I’m so sorry for everything. But now I can be with you forever. I will rest with you for eternity. With this kiss, I will join you. And now…the poison. So I can die with a kiss. RIP, me….

  Friar Laurence has checked into Juliet’s Tomb.

  Friar Laurence

  I’m too late! ROMEO! And Paris! OMG, what happened here?

  REPLY

  Friar Laurence has checked out of Juliet’s Tomb.

  Juliet

  yawn. friar laurence, i’m awake. where’s romeo? i did everything you told me to do! everything should work out now, right?

  Friar Laurence

  Juliet, there’s no time to talk. I’m outside your tomb. I hear someone coming. We have to go. Romeo is dead, and so is Paris. You’re not safe here. Come with me. —FL

  Juliet

  what??!! are you crazy? i can’t leave if that’s true. go without me.

  Voice Memo from Juliet

  romeo, wake up! wake up!

  what did you do? didn’t you know that i did all of this for you? for us? i slept and slept, hoping you’d be the first thing i saw when i woke up. and now you’re dead? what’s this? omg, it’s poison! you drank poison. and you drank all of it. ugh. maybe there’s still some left on your and if i just kiss you…

  nothing. wtf! fine. then i’m gonna use this instead. goodbye, cruel . and see you soon, my romeo. rip, j…

  The Prince has checked into Juliet’s Tomb.

  The Prince

  What is going on around here? So much noise and commotion! Hmph.

  REPLY

  Capulet: I was just about to ask the same thing. I’m heading over there now.

  Lady Capulet likes this

  Lady Capulet: Everyone is running around the tomb! I can hear people shouting, “Juliet!” “Romeo!” “Paris!” Confused, LC.

  Chief Watchman has checked into Juliet’s Tomb.

  Chief Watchman

  Juliet’s tomb is not a pretty sight. Juliet is dead. Romeo is dead. Paris is…you guessed it. Dead.

  REPLY

  The Prince: How could this happen? All three? I want answers!

  Chief Watchman: I’m still investigating. But there are tools on the ground that could have opened the tomb.

  Capulet has checked into Juliet’s Tomb.

  Capulet

  OMG. Juliet stabbed herself with that . That should be in Romeo’s back!

  Lady Capulet

  —LC

  The Prince

  I’ve got some bad news.

  Montague

  My wife died last night. She couldn’t take Romeo’s exile any longer. You mean there’s more bad news?

  The Prince

  Did you see the Watchman’s status?

  Montague

  Hold on.

  Oh, Romeo. You idiot. I’m supposed to die first!

  The Prince

  We need to figure out what happened. Let’s speak with Friar Laurence. I’ll loop us all in.

  Group text: The Prince, Friar Laurence, Montague, Capulet

  The Prince

  Hey, FL. Mind explaining what happened?

  Friar Laurence

  I don’t think I’ll live long after confessing this, but…here goes. —FL

  I married Romeo and Juliet in secret. It was on the same day that Romeo was banished. Juliet cried nonstop because she missed Romeo, not Tybalt. Then someone had the bright idea to cure her sadness by making her marry Paris . She came to me, threatening to take her own life if I didn’t help. So I gave her a sleeping potion. She’d look dead to everyone else, but she’d wake up in time to reunite with Romeo. At least, that was the idea. —FL

  I wrote a letter to Romeo telling him exactly when to come to the tomb, but it never reached him. I ran here, and by the time I arrived, Romeo and Paris were already dead. Juliet woke up, but I heard a noise, got scared, and ran. The sight of it all must have been too much for her to bear. That’s when she picked up the and…oh, this is what it’s come to. —FL

  The Prince

  Did you get all of that? Capulet? Montague?

  Look what your family feud has caused!

  You’ve lost your only children. And because I looked the other way, I lost family too. We’ve ALL been punished for this.

  Capulet

  OMG. Montague, I’m so sorry. I don’t know what else to say right now. This is all too horrible.

  Montague

  FML. I know. I can’t believe we let this happen. We are so stupid.

  The Prince

  I think it’s safe to say that the Capulet Montague fight is over now.

  But nothing will ever bring back Romeo and Juliet.

  The saddest loss of all.

 

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