Royally Wild
A Crazy Royal Love Romantic Comedy, Book 2
Melanie Summers
Contents
Praise for Melanie Summers
Also Available
A Letter From The Author
1. I’m Shagging on a Jet Plane…Don’t Know When I’ll be Shagged Again…
2. Overbearing Older Brothers, Accomplished Older Women, and Princesses Acting Like Ostriches…
3. Life with Chicken Little
4. Pajamas, Portion Control, and Having it All…
5. The Part Where the Princess Has to Eat Crow (and a Bunch of Other Disgusting Things)
6. Unintentional Insults, Arguments Made Public, and Wildly Unpopular Canadian Cuisine…
7. Welcome to the Promotional Circuit. It’s Everything You Dreamed It Would Be…
8. Trolls Be Trollin’…
9. How to Lose Friends and Upset People…
10. So This is Why Most of the Couples from The Bachelor Break Up…
11. Princesses Under Pressure, Scuba Masks, and Ill-Timed Ships Coming In…
12. Know-it-all Mannies and Very Disappointed Lady Bits…
13. Liar, Liar, Chanel Skirt on Fire…
14. Loads of Strings Attached…
15. If You’re Going to Jump, It Might as Well Be to Conclusions…
16. Impatient Directors, Starving Supermodels, and Phone Calls You Never Want to Get…
17. When You Sink So Low, Even You Can’t Stand Yourself…
18. With Deepest Apologies to Bear Grylls
19. Princesses, the Paragons of Oppression
20. A Deal with the Dylan
21. Apricot Jam, Dragon-Slaying Virgins, and Painful Pep Talks
22. When You’re Going to Jump the Gun, Make Sure You Bring Friends…
23. Plagiarizing Your Potty-Mouthed Grandmother is Always a Good Idea…
24. The Best Laid Plans (For Getting Laid…)
25. How to Ruin the Perfect Date…
26. I’m Totally Fine, Thanks for Asking…
27. The Stages of Surviving a Breakup…
28. All by Myself…Don’t Wanna Be…
29. The Lonest of the Lone Wolves…
30. That’s All Folks…
31. Diamonds, Goose Down, and Busy Body Brothers
32. Wherever You Are in Life, Pretend It’s Exactly Where You Want to Be…
33. Would You Rather…
34. Octogenarians Showing Too Much Cleavage…
35. Peggy the Five-Star Uber Driver
36. Rambling Airport Confessions and Second Chances
37. If Cinderella Were a Super Buff, Crazy Hot Man…
38. The Part Where the Guy Takes the Princess’s (Morning) Breath Away…
Epilogue - A.K.A. The Part When the Guy Returns After Freezing His Junk Off in Greenland for a Month…
Coming Soon
Afterword
About the Author
Copyright © 2020 Gretz Corp.
All rights reserved.
Published by Gretz Corp.
First edition
EBOOK ISBN: 978-1-988891-31-6
Paperback ISBN: 978-1-988891-32-3
No part of this book may be used or reproduced in any manner whatsoever without the prior written permission of the publisher, except in the case of brief quotations embodied in reviews.
This is a work of fiction. Names, characters, businesses, places, events, and incidents are either the products of the author’s imagination or used in a fictitious manner. Any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, or actual events is purely coincidental.
Cover by Victoria Cooper.
Edited by Kristi Yanta, Melissa Martin, and Brooke Sperfslage of Show Me Edits.
Proofread by Nevia Brudnicki, Laura Albert, Audrey Borst, Karen Boehle-Johnson, and Kellie Porth-Bagne.
Created with Vellum
Praise for Melanie Summers
“A fun, often humorous, escapist tale that will have readers blushing, laughing and rooting for its characters.” ~ Kirkus Reviews
A gorgeously funny, romantic and seductive modern fairy tale…
I have never laughed out loud so much in my life. I don’t think that I’ve ever said that about a book before, and yet that doesn’t even seem accurate as to just how incredibly funny, witty, romantic, swoony…and other wonderfully charming and deliriously dreamy The Royal Treatment was. I was so gutted when this book finished, I still haven’t even processed my sadness at having to temporarily say goodbye to my latest favourite Royal couple.
~ MammieBabbie Book Club
The Royal Treatment is a quick and easy read with an in depth, well thought out plot. It’s perfect for someone that needs a break from this world and wants to delve into a modern-day fairy tale that will keep them laughing and rooting for the main characters throughout the story. ~ ChickLit Café
I have to HIGHLY HIGHLY HIGHLY RECOMMEND The Royal Treatment to EVERYONE!
~ Jennifer, The Power of Three Readers
I was totally gripped to this story. For the first time ever the Kindle came into the bath with me. This book is unputdownable. I absolutely loved it.
~ Philomena (Two Friends, Read Along with Us)
Very rarely does a book make me literally hold my breath or has me feeling that actual ache in my heart for a character, but I did both.”~ Three Chicks Review for Net galley
Also Available
ROMANTIC COMEDIES by Melanie Summers
The Crown Jewels Series
The Royal Treatment
The Royal Wedding
The Royal Delivery
Paradise Bay Series
The Honeymooner
Whisked Away
The Suite Life
Resting Beach Face (Coming Soon)
Crazy Royal Love Series
Royally Crushed
Royally Tied (Coming Soon)
WOMEN’S FICTION by Melanie Summers
The After Wife
The Deep End (Coming Soon)
Dedication
For My Mom on Her 70th Birthday…
To the lady who knows me better than anyone, who loves me no matter what, who laughs with me, cries with me, and listens to me, who comes over to our house to try to make order out of the chaos that is our life, who quietly tackles the mountain of laundry and knows where to find everything when the rest of us have no freaking clue. I am so incredibly lucky I got you for a mom.
Thank you.
With all my love,
Melanie
A Letter From The Author
Dear Lovely Reader,
Writing this book has been interesting, to say the least. In a nutshell, the last several months have included the big pandemic, which, in our case has led to having our three kiddos at home 24-7 for the better part of a year (with about another year to go), one dog who had to have her only eye removed (my sweet Lucy, who is doing beautifully with the whole thing, by the way), and a leaky roof which led to an entire house renovation (and me thinking I could serve as the general contractor—insert maniacal laughter here).
So, even though the pressure of a looming publishing deadline has been, at moments, a teensy bit more than I can handle, joining my dear friends in Avonia is never a chore. This book has been a welcome escape for me, and my sincerest wish is that it will be for you as well. May their crazy antics make you chuckle, smile, and fall a little bit in love…
All the very best in life to you and yours,
Melanie
1
I’m Shagging on a Jet Plane…Don’t Know When I’ll be Shagged Again…
Will Banks
On Royal One Private Jet Somewhere over the Atlantic
“Are you nervous?” Arabella, my beautiful girlfriend, props herself up on one elbow and rests her other hand on my bare chest.
“About what?” I ask, lifting my head off the pillow and giving her a quick peck on the lips.
We’re snuggled into the massive bed on her family’s private jet for our overnight flight from my home on Santa Valentina Island in the Caribbean to her home—the kingdom of Avonia (a tiny island just north of Belgium and slightly to the east of England). Her father is the king which makes her a princess (obviously), but trust me, she’s not the dainty, stuffy kind. She’s more of the elegant, well-spoken, compassionate, kick-arse-when-needed type of princess.
We fell in love while filming a nature docu-series/survival show a few months back and have been inseparable ever since. Just to give you an example of exactly what a renegade she is—she had to sneak out of the palace in the boot of a car so she could escape to Zamunda for the show because there was no way her family would have let her go. See? Daring and determined. And did I mention how beautiful she is? Oh, I think I did.
She’s literally the best person I know. Just staring at her right now fills my entire being with a sense of happiness and contentment I’ve never experienced in all my thirty years. She’s it for me. She’s my one and only. (Which is a little insane because if you had asked me six months ago if I’d ever fall in love, I would have said ‘not likely.’ And if you’d asked me if I’d ever want to build a life with a princess, I would have laughed out loud.)
Anyway, we’ll be spending the next two months in Avonia promoting our upcoming television show. Our show. That’s odd to say. The whole ‘we’ thing is totally new for me. It’s something I never thought I’d have, and I’m shocked at how quickly I’ve grown accustomed to it. We just spent a few shag-o-delic weeks together sailing around the South Pacific. We prefer sunrises to sunsets. We’re planning on spending the rest of our lives together.
Well, I’m pretty sure we are, anyway. I haven’t asked her yet, but that’s only because we’ve been together twenty-four seven, which hasn’t exactly left me any time for ring shopping and planning the perfect proposal. One simply does not ask for a princess’s hand in marriage without finding the most romantic of settings possible and a spectacular ring—like Hope Diamond-spectacular.
The woman bought me a yacht, for God’s sake. And that was only a ‘we should give this relationship a go’ gift. So, there’s a wee bit of pressure on the proposal front, especially for someone without a Hope Diamond budget.
She’s giving me that skeptical look she’s mastered, with one of her perfectly shaped eyebrows raised while she waits for me to figure out why I should, in fact, be nervous right now. “Oh, I don’t know,” she says. “Maybe because in exactly six days, the show is going to air and it could be a giant flop, thus ending your career.”
Shrugging, I say, “It won’t.” I hope.
Narrowing her eyes, Arabella says, “How about facing the Avonian media as the utterly unsuitable boyfriend of the king’s only daughter?”
“The press loves me, and they love you, which means they’re going to love us together almost as much as I do.” I reach up and tuck a lock of her blonde hair behind her ear. “And if they don’t, I really couldn’t care less.”
She gives me a conciliatory nod. “How about meeting my disapproving family for the first time? Surely that must make you feel the slightest bit squeamish.”
My stomach flips, but I ignore it. “Are you kidding? Give me ten minutes with them, and they’ll be eating out of the palm of my hand. Figuratively speaking, of course. I wouldn’t want people eating off my palms. That would be a little gross, really.”
“Not to mention slightly demeaning for them.”
“Exactly.”
Arabella pauses for a second and tilts her head. “But you’re really not at all worried about meeting my father—a well-known nasty monarch—or my brother, who could ruin you with one phone call? I can count on one hand the number of people he actually likes in this world.”
“I thought your brother was a huge fan of mine.”
“That was before you started shagging his little sister. Now, not so much, I’m afraid.”
Oh, bollocks. That’s not good. “He’ll get over it when he sees how happy I make you.”
I let my lips hover over hers for a second, then give her a slow kiss in hopes of putting an end to her line of questioning, because truth be told, some of this bravado is indeed on the false side. I’m actually more nervous than I’ve ever been, but since part of my charm is this whole confident, adventurous, nothing-bothers-me thing I’ve got going, I can’t exactly tell her that, now can I?
I’ve made my career as a professional adventurer/nature show host, meaning I managed to convince the Avonian Broadcast Network (ABN) to pay me to do all the insane stunt stuff I love in the most remote places on the planet. And Arabella is a princess who has had one of the most sheltered, dull upbringings of all time. But you know what they say about opposites attracting each other…
“You’re always so confident. It must be so nice to be you,” she says, trailing her finger down my abs.
I give her a naughty grin. “At the moment, it is very nice to be me.”
Her smile widens, then she gives me a thoughtful look. “No, but seriously, nothing ever rattles you. How do you do it?”
I pretend. “It’s simple, really. I only do what I like, and since worrying is absolutely no fun, I don’t do it.” I lean over and kiss her again, trying to loosen the knot in my stomach. The truth is, there’s about a ninety-percent chance her family is going to hate me on spec, and about a two-hundred-percent chance they’ll hate me when they find out Arabella wants to go Megxit so we can have a life of adventure.
“I wish I could do that. Everything worries me.”
“Hmm, I think I can help you with that,” I say. “Did I ever tell you I have a superpower?”
“Other than that thing you do with your tongue?” she says, her smile returning.
“I’m pleased you enjoy that so much. Very gratifying. And yes, I have one other superpower. You tell me what you’re worried about and I’ll make you forget all about whatever it is.”
“You’re just going to do that thing with your tongue, aren’t you?”
“Maybe. But you have to admit, it’ll work for a few minutes anyway.” I brush my lips against hers. “But in all seriousness, tell me what’s on your mind.”
Her eyebrows knit together, and I know whatever it is must be big. “I’m scared the show might come between us.”
She means because I used to host a one-man show with me as the star, and now I’m sharing the limelight. In fact, they’ve renamed it Princess in the Wild from its former title The Wild World which frankly did sting at first, but now that I’m a man in love, I want to put her out front and centre so everyone will know how incredible she really is. I’m about to reassure her I’m fine, but she continues talking so, like the good boyfriend I am, I zip it.
“I know you’re fine with the new title and all, but I can’t help worrying about how they’ll spin things we said and take them out of context to make us sound bad,” she says. “I mean, two people getting along nicely isn’t exactly compelling television.”
“Well, I’m sure there’ll be a bit of that. Especially the first couple of days out in the jungle.”
“And that giant fight near the end…”
“That too,” I say. “But none of it really matters, does it? You and I know what we’ve got together, and we know exactly how we got here. Nothing they do or say can get in between us. Not if we stick together.”
“Which we will,” she says firmly.
“Of course we will.” I cup her cheek with one hand. “This is us, Belle. You and me. Think of everything we’ve been through together in such a short time. When things went horribly wrong out there in the jungle, we took care of each o
ther. And that was life and death. This is just…” I shrug. “… a 2D-rendering of what we’ve already lived through.”
She nods. “You’re right. We know the truth of what happened, even if they try to make it out to be something it wasn’t.”
“Exactly. It’s five one-hour episodes—a tiny fraction of our actual time together. I’m actually looking forward to reliving it all with you.”
She smiles. “I’m a bit excited to see me being a total badass.”
“Me too. Tell you what, let’s watch every episode together, just you and me. In bed.”
Wincing, she says, “I already told my family we’d watch the premiere together. You’re invited too, of course.”
My gut flips at the thought. “Oh, well, brilliant. Just as good. Give them a chance to observe me in my element.”
“That’s what I was thinking. You can impress them straight out of the gate.” Arabella smiles, then, after a second, bites her lip. “It’ll be all right, won’t it?”
Royally Wild (Crazy Royal Love Romantic Comedy Book 2) Page 1
