by M J Hardy
As I launch myself onto it, I feel a sharp pain travel through me like an electric shock and I must pass out because the next thing I know, I’m in the punishment room.
Chapter 24
Positivity, confidence, and persistence are key in life, so never give up on yourself. Khalid
My hands and legs are tied to each corner of the bed but this time, I’m on my back. I can see everything and my heart freezes as I see Richard staring at me from the corner of the room. Blood is still dripping from his head where I hit him and he has the look of a man possessed. He laughs darkly as he sees I’m awake.
“Nice of you to join me, Sarah. Now the fun can really begin.”
My lips are parched and I taste the metallic taste of my own blood as I say pleadingly, “Please Richard. Give this up. The alarm’s been raised and the police will be here any second. If anything, run while you still can.”
He looks amused which confuses me.
“You think your boyfriend is going to ride in and rescue you? Don’t make me laugh. That panic alarm is as useless as you are. Don’t think I haven’t thought of everything because you know me better than that. Maybe you felt a little pain when you pressed it my darling. That was just a little, shall we say, shock, to remind you who controls who around here. You see, baby, it was always about control.”
He crosses the room and I feel the bed sag under his weight as he sits astride me, and the look in his eyes tell me he has now gone completely mad. He starts to stroke my hair and whispers, “I wanted you my darling because you were perfect for me in every way. Good, kind and pliable. Somebody not too confident who would challenge me. Somebody who was a little insecure and needed me to make them complete. A woman I could mould into my perfect image of one and show my mother I was better than her.”
His face contorts in a twisted rage as he spits her name like venom on his tongue. I say gently, “Is this why you did this... to prove something to your mother?”
He shakes his head. “All my life that woman controlled me. I can’t remember a time she didn’t. Both my father and I existed for her own pleasure. But we were never good enough. There was nothing either of us could ever do that gained her approval. You see, that woman had standards so high nobody could ever reach them. If she was displeased, you soon knew about it and this punishment room was a five-star hotel to what she provided.”
He breaks off and I think I hold my breath as I see the pain in his eyes. His breathing comes hard and fast as he is transported back to a childhood he never really escaped from.
He looks at me and I see the fear in his eyes as he says roughly. “I tried so hard but I was never good enough. I studied and reached the top of my class. I never fought with the other boys and did my homework on time. I never answered back and kept my room tidy but she was never happy. Even if I ate in the wrong way, she would punish me. She would grind my face into the plate and then leave me to clear it away. If I even spoke in a way she didn’t like, she would whip my ass until I couldn’t sit down.”
I catch my breath and say softly, “I’m so sorry. No child should live like that.”
He looks at me in confusion. “What do you mean, every child should live like that? She taught me to be strong, Sarah. She showed me that weakness is punished and strength rewarded. She showed me how a mother’s love is hard for a reason because she loved me. She told me every day even when she punished me because that was how amazing she was. She had so much love in her heart it pained her to punish me. She loved me so much she made it her life’s work to make me into a successful man who could provide a decent home for his family.”
I watch as the anger enters his eyes again as he hisses, “I wanted that for us. I wanted to be even half a father as she was a mother. I wanted to shape you into the perfect wife and mother to show her that it mattered. All of it mattered. The endless beatings and emotional torture. The starvation and the mind games counted for something because she was right all along. I had learned the valuable lesson she wanted me to learn and I could finally make her proud.”
He starts to shake me as the anger takes hold. “You couldn’t be that person, could you? You had to ruin everything by challenging me at every turn. You couldn’t even provide me with a family to show her I had succeeded. You were weaker than me and I hate you for it. If you are looking to blame anyone for your situation, my darling, look in the mirror.”
He presses down on my heart and I feel the pressure building. The pain is excruciating and I cry out. Releasing me he strides across the room and shouts angrily, “This is all your fault and now you will pay. You are the one who will remember that day forever because you are the one who caused it to happen. We were happy until you decided you wanted more. Like the greedy whore you are, it was never enough. Now everything is ruined because of YOU!”
He grabs a flashlight off the side and directs its beam into my eyes. I blink as the harsh, white, light, hits me and he shouts, “Look at the light, Sarah because you have created a world of darkness. I have lived in this world for so long and wanted us both to find the light together. Well, now is that time because it’s time.”
I say fearfully, “What do you mean, it’s time?”
He sneers. “It’s time to end this. Time to move on and we will do it together. Just like we were always meant to. It’s always been about us and nobody else. Do you remember that night of Gloria’s birthday all those years ago?”
I think I hold my breath as he comes and sits beside me. He reaches out and strokes my body, caressing it like a favourite pet. His breathing intensifies and his eyes darken with desire. “That night I was going to show you the beauty of what my love could do. I was going to introduce to a world where pleasure mingled with pain and made you feel so alive you will crave that feeling forever. Gloria and Edward were going to join us and we were all going to share in the beauty of love. You see, I loved you that much. I was happy to see another man taste you, feel you and enter you and show you how great love could be when it’s multiplied. I was willing to share you to give you so much pleasure you would crave it like a drug. You see, that was how generous I was my darling. I only thought of you and your needs. But you had to ruin it by letting the fear dictate your reasoning. You ran away like the frightened little girl you always were, reluctant to expand your mind and see something beautiful.”
He starts to laugh like a madman. “Well, you weren’t going to spoil my fun. You see, Edward and I had planned it and Gloria got to reap the rewards, while you cowered on the floor in our bedroom in fear. She got to experience the pleasure of love while you just got the pain. You see, Gloria is more of a woman than you’ll ever be and she, shall we say, became addicted to what he had to give her. You may recall her speaking of her personal trainer, well, that was me, Sarah. I was Byron to her, and we spent years indulging in our new favourite hobby. You see, Edward loved her so much he was willing to share; to give her the pleasure she deserved. How does it feel knowing that all the time we met up with our so-called friends, I was more intimate with two of them than my own wife? She owned my heart in a much more meaningful way than you ever could. You see, she trusted us to know what was best for her. She got all the pleasure, all the delights and a life of ecstasy, while you got the pain. How we used to laugh about that.”
The tears fall like acid rain down my face as I see the bigger picture. The envious glances and the furtive looks they shared. The pity in her eyes as she almost failed to meet mine and then the shoulder to lean on when it came to it.
I say in a voice that had the emotion stripped from it a long time ago. “Then why was she the only friend I had when I needed it?”
He shrugs. “I don’t know, guilt perhaps. Maybe she felt sorry for you like most people did. You see, you were so blind you always thought people envied you. They saw you scurrying after me like a frightened mouse and that envy soon turned to pity. Pity for me, actually. Why would I continue to drag behind me a woman who didn’t measure up? A woman who had no backbone o
f her own and did everything I said. I told them about your mental condition and they pitied me. They felt sorry for the fact I was stuck with a barren wife who was desperate to conceive. A woman who was emotionally dead and yet I stuck by her side. Is it any wonder those women thought I was the perfect catch? This started years ago, Sarah. I have spun such a web you will suffocate in it. Nobody will believe your story because they think you’re mad. Sick in the head and they think ultimately you killed your husband.”
He presses his fingers down on my throat and I gasp for air. I struggle to breathe as the world turns hazy. His voice floats across the room as the world begins to spin. “Now I cease to exist because of YOU! Richard Standon is no more because I am about to be re-born. You, on the other hand, you will pay the ultimate price because I am sending you straight to Hell.”
He releases me and I gasp for oxygen. As I refocus, I see him standing at the foot of the bed, dousing himself with a petrol can. The smell of it makes me gag and the fear slices through my body as I stare into the eyes of a madman. Then I watch in disbelief as he produces a lighter from his pocket. I shout in alarm, “Oh my god, Richard, NO! What are you doing?”
He laughs darkly, “I’m ending this once and for all and you will watch me burn. You will see what you did and lie there thinking about it until the flames claim you to join me in Hell. You see, my darling, I told you I would never let you go. You don’t get to be the one to choose and you don’t get to leave me. I decide what happens in your life and I choose – death.”
I watch helplessly as the spark from the lighter dances in the darkness. The one remaining spark of hope and life in the room and then I watch in disbelief as it ignites the flames. Then I start to scream as Richard’s body burns before my very eyes. An all-encompassing flame of destruction as he ends a bitter, twisted, life of pain and anger.
Chapter 25
Death is not the greatest loss in life. The greatest loss is what dies inside us while we live - Norman Cousins
My screams turn silent as the smoke invades my body. The rancid smell of burning flesh and the heat of an inferno burns right through me. The bitter smoke replaces oxygen in my lungs and I gasp for breath.
I try so hard to survive a nightmare that threatens to end my life today. The will to live is strong and I give it everything I’ve got. The dark, dense, choking smoke, obscures my vision and sucks the life from my soul. Then, from somewhere in the distance, I hear her voice. The one person who I should never have turned my back on – my mother.
“Don’t give up Sarah, please come back to me.”
I think time stands still as I try to escape the horror of my situation and focus on the person whose voice is like a light bringing me to shore from a turbulent sea. It’s so faint but rings out through the madness as she pleads, “Please darling, don’t leave me, I couldn’t bear it now that I’ve found you again.”
It almost feels as if she’s touching me. A cool hand quenching my searing flesh. A gentle stroke of my hair and the soft touch of a mother who has been lost to me for five long years. Then, I hear another voice, a strong, familiar, voice that brings tears to my eyes. “She moved. Monica, I swear I saw her finger move.”
I strain to hear the voice I crave. The one who always made things better and chased the shadows away. My father.
“I saw it, Bill, you’re right. Sarah, darling, can you hear us? It’s mum and dad, we’re here sweetheart, come back to us, open your eyes, you can do this.”
My eyelids flicker and I hear another voice say firmly, “Sarah, if you can hear me, please try to nod, a movement, anything.”
That voice is also familiar to me, one I never thought I’d hear again – Tony. I’m confused. My parents are here, did Tony fetch them? What about Richard? The fear grips me like a vice and my breathing intensifies. I feel a sudden pain in my arm as Tony says with some urgency, “She’s in distress, stand clear.”
I don’t understand what’s happening as something calms me, chasing the shadows away. I hear my mother speak with a tremor in her voice as she pleads, “Fight it, Sarah, fight to live.”
I try so hard. Harder than I ever have before to open my eyes but it’s as if they have lead weights on them holding them down. My world is dark and full of shadows but I can hear them more clearly now. I feel a touch to my head, a hand stroking my arm. I battle so hard and as one of my eyelids open just a fraction, a sliver of light enters my world. My mother cries, “Bill, doctor, she’s coming round, I saw her eyelid flicker.”
The voices get louder as they all start talking at once. My head feels so heavy and the pain is like a knife attack. My lips feel dry and I taste an unfamiliar taste in my mouth. Something cool wets my lips and I’m grateful for it. I try again to open my eyes and this time the other one opens allowing a little more light in. It almost blinds me and I start to panic as I fear the flashlight of before. I feel my whole-body trembling as my mother cries out, “Somebody help her, please help my poor baby.”
I feel an urgency in the room that wasn’t there before. More voices, increasing in volume as my body goes into a spasm. A warm feeling brings life back to my frozen limbs and I feel again. The spasm subsides and I feel weak and my limbs ache. My eyes snap open as if in shock and the light blinds me once again. I shake my head and then try again. This time my eyes adjust and a face swirls into view. I feel afraid and whisper silently, “Richard.”
“She spoke, did you hear that doctor, she spoke. I heard her.”
My mother’s voice sounds incredulous, agitated and so emotional, I feel the tears well in my eyes. She’s here. She came for me. But how?
It must have been the panic alarm. They saved me.
As I focus, I see her worried face staring at me and I begin to cry like a child. My mum. How I’ve missed her. Why did I ever let Richard keep me from seeing them? Her tears fall much like mine and she whispers, “I love you, Sarah. Don’t worry about a thing darling because you’re safe now.”
I see my father’s anxious face beside her and he says with a catch to his voice. “We’re here, baby girl. Nothing can harm you now.”
Then I see Tony which confuses me because he is dressed in a doctor’s coat. He is looking at me with a kind expression and says, “It’s ok, Sarah. You’re in the hospital. Do you understand?”
I nod but they are wrong. This was no accident. This was deliberate. Richard tried to kill me and now he is dead.
I try to move but I can’t. Am I still tied to that bed, is this all just a dream wishful thinking that I have been saved from the horror? My limbs are like lead weights and Tony says softly, “Don’t try to move, one step at a time.”
I relax, surely this is happening. I can’t be dreaming this, can I?
I take a deep breath and try to speak. My voice comes out weak and soft as I say, “Richard?”
The tears stream from my mother’s eyes as she shares a look with my father. She hesitates and then looks at Tony who nods. Taking my hand, she says softly, “He didn’t make it, darling. I’m sorry.”
I stare at her as if checking her words were real. Can Richard really be dead, or is this some sick twist in his dark plan?
My father says, “I’m sorry darling. Richard never made it but you must fight to come back to us.”
So, it’s true. He’s gone. I’m safe, but how?
For a while, I lie in the hospital bed trying to make sense of what’s happening. Gradually things start to come into focus and the life returns to my body. I feel so incredibly weak and ache all over but I’m alive and I’m safe.
Hours pass and my parents sit beside me just talking softly and holding my hands. As they talk, I listen but nothing makes sense, to me anyway.
Tony comes and goes along with my solicitor which is strange because why would she be here dressed as a nurse? The whole situation is so confusing and feels as if I’m in the most ridiculous dream.
Later that evening, I learn the truth.
I am finally allowed to sit up in the hosp
ital bed and have even managed several cups of tea. I’m beginning to feel more like myself and anxious for answers.
My parents look worried and share many anxious looks and I say weakly, “Please tell me what happened?”
My mother takes hold of my hand and my father the other one. She says softly, “You were in a terrible car accident darling. I’m afraid you suffered a head injury and have been in a coma for several weeks.”
I stare at her in confusion. “I know but it was Richard, not the car accident. He tried to kill me.”
My mother looks so upset I regret my words. Shaking her head, she says, “I’m afraid Richard didn’t survive the accident. He was propelled through the windscreen and died instantly.”
I shake my head in confusion. “No, that’s wrong. It was Ellie Matthews. We hit the girl on Gander Green lane. She hit the windscreen and died. Richard killed her and left me to take the blame.”
The look they share worries me and I start to shake. My mother says quickly, “Take it easy darling. It’s the shock. Don’t speak about it anymore.”
I shake my head wildly. “Richard killed her and then left. He told me I would pay. I’m to go to prison, officer Jones told me.”
