by Amanda Cowen
“Can you give me about thirty minutes?” I laugh and point to my yoga shorts and sweaty tank top. Steven smiles and says that’s not a problem, and he will meet me at my villa by six thirty.
****
My dinner with Steven is wonderfully pleasant. It is exactly like a first date should be. Just like he pulled out the chair for his mother, he does the same for me at the restaurant. This simple gesture earns him double boyfriend bonus points in my books. He even comments on my outfit; a cute striped knit dress I fancied up with silver-tone jewelry and pair of black pumps. He says I look gorgeous and that I have great style. Honestly, he is too nice for words.
Steven even suggests he do the ordering. He takes my menu when the waiter comes, and selects our drinks, appetizers, and main course. But what really impresses me is that he doesn’t order me a vodka and water like Ben suggested (and I know Steven heard him say it). Instead, he orders us a bottle of white Riesling wine. I silently laugh to myself, because Ben hates Riesling wine and insists it’s way too sweet. So when I take my first gulp, I feel like I am somehow getting back at him for enjoying his most hated choice of wine.
By the time our meals come, our conversation has never seen a dull moment. It is easy and fluid and I think we have a great vibe. He even opens up so much, to tell me the reason for his divorce; his wife came out and admitted she was a lesbian. I nearly choke on my garlic shrimp when he tells me, but he laughs and says that is the reaction he usually gets from people. I apologize and take a sip of wine, but Steven says it’s not a big deal. He insists they are still good friends and that there aren’t any hard feelings between them.
I feel relieved knowing his circumstance, because it only confirms he is a great guy. I mean, for a guy to have no hard feelings towards his ex-wife turned lesbian is quite an accomplishment.
Once our main courses hit the table, Steven comes out of nowhere and calmly asks, “What’s your relationship with Ben?”
I let out a really awkward chuckle and play with the food on my plate, “He is just my friend. Why?”
Steven looks at me, studying my expression, “He seems quite possessive over you.”
“Well, that’s just how Ben is.” I stupidly smile, (thinking that is 100% NOT how Ben ever is). Steven’s eyes continue to carefully assess my demeanor, “Why do you ask?”
“Well is something going on between you two? The way he acted in the lobby was a strange way for just a friend to act. That’s all.” Steven shrugs.
That’s all? I want to shout. Like no big deal? Ohmigod. I can feel the sweat building up under my armpits. I am trying to speak and assure Steven that there is nothing going on. But for some reason, the words I want to say don’t spit out of my mouth. I kick myself from the inside, Come on Megan! Just say nothing is going on or ever has!
But I don’t. Instead I politely wipe my mouth with my napkin, and place it back down on my knees. When our silence is unbearable, Steven finally changes the subject, “So Megan, tell me about your mother again.”
****
After dinner, outside the restaurant on the patio, I thank Steven again for the flowers, and tell him I had a really nice time. Steven leans against the wall and smiles at me with his bright blue eyes, “I also had a good time. I really enjoyed your company.”
I take a deep steadying breath, “Would like to come and meet Jessica and my other friends for a drink?”
“I didn’t want to intrude on your late night plans, so I told my brother and cousins I would meet up with them later. I hope you don’t mind, I just didn’t want to be too forward.” Steven says taking one step closer, “Maybe we will stop by later if they are feeling up to it.”
“Sure” I smile, but I can tell he is just being polite.
Steven closes the space between us by placing his hand on the column behind me to stop from pressing against my body. I swallow hard and scoot back a bit along the railing. I give him a final thank you and start to walk away. Steven grabs my hand and turns me around to face him. He brings my hand up to his mouth and gently kisses it. I turn a tad flush, and thank him once again and say I hope to see him later (which in truth, I am not sure at all what I want.)
I walk back to my villa, ready to take off these heels and put on some flats, completely confused and utterly shaken. I want so badly to make everything with Steven work, but something is eating away at me. Is it Ben? I groan out loud and toss my head back as I walk down the cobblestone road. I catch a glimpse of the door to my villa, and stop dead in my tracks. Ben is sitting on the floor resting his elbows on his knees. He startles when he hears me, and jerks his head in my direction. A soft worry is reflected in his eyes mixed with a sense of desperation. He quickly rises to his feet as I briskly walk up to my door and push past him.
“We need to talk.” He says with small quiver in his voice.
I shove in my key card, push open the door, and leave Ben outside in the hot and humid air. When I don’t respond, he wedges himself in the doorframe as I flick on the lights.
“What do you want Ben?” I sigh, and whip around to face him.
Ben’s closes his eyes and takes a deep breath, “Fuck Megan, I can’t take it any more.”
Before I can even respond, he slams me up against the wall and presses his wonderfully soft lips up against mine. Our kissing is strong, passionate, and if I have ever thought for one second that anyone in my past was a good kisser, I am mistaken. I am completely lost in Ben. He grabs the back of my neck with one hand, and moves the other over the strap of my dress and slips it off my shoulder to expose my bra. I feel myself wanting to resist him, wanting to still hate him for how he acted today, but I can’t bring myself to do it. Instead, I surrender to his touch and what I have been craving since the last time, and find myself giving into Ben.
Chapter 8
Any prior debate I had with myself over this moment is completely gone. Ben and I have officially broken rule #1 of the male and female friendship code, for the second time in just three short days. Ben’s strong warm body presses up against mine and his hands wander all over. His touch is so foreign yet familiar and I don't want it to stop. He kisses me with conviction, and I kiss him back feeling a little light headed. He pulls away and trails a streamline of tiny kisses down my neck. I moan and run my fingers through his thick dark hair, inhaling his sweet-smelling shampoo.
With his free hand, he unclips my bra and exposes my breasts. A small part of me feels vulnerable and uncertain, but I don’t stop him when he drops my dress to the floor. His breathing quickens and our eyes lock, brown on blue. I can see how badly he wants this, how badly he wants me. His face is serious and sexy when he yanks me off my feet and squeezes my thighs. I wrap my legs around his waist and slide my arms around his neck, feeling calm and secure as he carries me to the bed.
I tingle all over when he releases me onto the pillows and I watch him quickly yank off his tight grey shirt. I admire his amazingly firm six-pack rippling on his tanned stomach as he leans over me and places his soft lips back on mine. I feel this crazy feeling welling up inside me when I move my hands over his smooth muscular back all the way down to his hips.
“Holy fuck Megan,” he murmurs in my ear as he places his hands on either side of my head.
He runs his fingers through my hair and I crumble beneath him, quivering with both excitement and fear. I am so ready for him that I start to find my fingers trailing slowly to unbutton his jeans. He stops me and grabs both of my hands and pins them above my head. Then slowly, he moves downwards kissing every inch of my body. We are both breathing fast and hard as I cling to him and feel a rush of euphoria burn right through me.
He puts his mouth back on mine and sucks at my bottom lip, “You have no idea how badly I’ve wanted this since the last time.” Ben mumbles and moves his hands down to the inside of my legs and pushes them apart. He slides my panties to the side and starts kissing right there. I am going crazy, just dying to seal the deal when he slips them off and leaves me completely nak
ed. His ability to multitask is both impressive yet worrisome as he unbuttons his jeans and kisses me with his lips. I am practically begging him and aching so badly from the quickening welling all over my body, “Ben, please.” I moan.
He smiles against my neck knowing exactly what I want, lowers his body over mine, and enters inside me. When he moves, I move with him, when he moans I feel the same pleasure, but when it is all said and done, we are both left completely satisfied.
I pull the covers up to my chin, suddenly feeling extremely exposed. Even despite the fact that only seconds ago, he was inside me. Ben on the other hand is anything but shy. He turns to face me, props his elbow up on the pillows and rests his head on the palm of his hand, “Megan, I can’t stop thinking about you.”
Somewhere deep inside me, I want to tell him I can’t stop thinking about him either. But my guard immediately goes up and points out the obvious, “This is so wrong.”
Ben takes a deep breath, closes his eyes and bites his bottom lip. The silence seems to last forever, but in reality it has only been a few seconds when he re-opens his eyes, “What is so wrong about it?”
I laugh and toss my hair back, thinking he can’t be serious. But when I look back at him, his face is stricken with grief, “Where do I start? First of all, we are supposed to be friends, not bang buddies! Second of all, you know as well as I do that sex only complicates everything. Look at Matthew and Michelle. Do you want to end up like that? I know I sure don’t.”
Ben contemplates my comparison and lets out a long sigh, “It doesn’t have to be like that.”
“Why? Because this is just some casual sex between friends?” I snap, wrapping the covers around my body and sit up on the bed. Ben knows just as well as I do, that the only way not to end up like Matthew and Michelle right now, is to clearly define what this is. But I don’t know if he can ever do that.
Ben rolls his eyes and reaches over the bed to stop me from getting up, but I slip through his fingers, bend down and snatch up my bra. He lets out a sigh of defeat, gets up and puts on his underwear. I peak over at him and watch his lean muscular chest while he tugs on his light wash denim jeans and buttons them up. He catches me glaring at him and says, “You know I don’t see it that way.”
“Then what is it Ben? Were you suddenly bored of banging bleach-blonde whores that you thought you’d give your brunette best friend a go?” I say watching him run both hands through his hair.
“None of those girls mean anything to me. You know that.” Ben sighs.
“And I do? That’s all you do is have sex with girls. I was probably the only one left you hadn’t screwed!” I scream feeling tears well up in my eyes. I am completely distraught by letting myself turn into one of Ben’s random flings. I know this is ridiculous, and I know I am ruining everything, but I can’t help it. I just don’t understand where all this is coming from.
“That’s how you see me? After all the years we’ve known each other?” Ben says with a hint of disbelief in his eyes. I now feel somewhat ashamed. I suppose I came off a little harsh, but that is exactly what he’s like and maybe he needs to know that. He has always been the guy who counts the notches on his belt, and from his exceptionally experienced performance a few short minutes ago, I am guessing I must be at least number 154.
“Well? What am I supposed to think?” I shout pulling on my panties.
“Megan…” Ben starts to patronize me, but I cut him off.
“You know what, forget it Ben.” I say and slide on my bracelet. I pause hearing nothing but silence from his side of the bed then add, “So what? You didn’t answer me? Am I just your fuck buddy? Can I see other people?”
“Oh, like Steven?” Ben cockily says and tosses my dress across the bed. I roll my eyes at him and catch it. I shimmy it over my body and avoid his question. He pulls on his tight grey shirt and says, “Because it didn’t seem like you were missing him much about five minutes ago.”
I feel my face burn and I slowly count to ten. I just want to scream at him! See, this is why this is so stupid. He is only proving my point as to why we would never work. We are both too strong willed and too stubborn to admit our feelings ever. I turn my back to him and suck back the tears.
“Shit Megan, I’m really sorry. I shouldn’t have said that.” Ben grovels from the other side of the bed.
I whip around and look into his pleading eyes. Their dark gaze draws me in and makes me weak at the knees. He crawls over the bed, sits on the edge then pulls me into his lap. He brushes my hair away from my face, holds it in a loose ponytail and lets out a huge sigh, “Is that what you want? For me to be your fuck buddy?”
I shrug. Scared to admit what I really want.
He pauses and drops his head into his chest, “You are making this way more complicated than it is.”
“Well whatever it is, I can’t see it ending nicely.” I grunt.
“Why can’t you live in the moment? Why are you always questioning every little thing and expecting the worst?”
I want to slap him. I hate how he calls me out on all of my little issues, all the time.
“Well what are we going to tell everyone?” I sigh, “What am I supposed to tell Steven?”
“Why do we have to tell them anything?” he says kisses my cheek, then laughs, “Besides, Steven who?”
I playfully nudge him, “Well I can’t be sleeping with both of you.”
Ben tilts his head to the side and purses his lips together, “Come on Megan, we all know you are a serial monogamist. You would never - ”
“Exactly” I whine, “That is why I don’t understand any of this. You are making me break all my rules.”
“That’s what I like about you though, you are all self-contained.” Ben smiles and kisses my neck.
I feel myself wanting to attempt round two, but instead I push him away. Ben gives me an innocent stare, but he knows exactly what he’s doing.
“How am I supposed to go in front of all our friends and act like everything is normal?” I pout, and try to push him further on the issue.
He rolls his eyes, “This is between me and you. We are not going to tell them anything. Understand? This is our little secret.”
I scrunch my nose and take in what Ben is suggesting. I am not sure what to make of it, and it makes me a little skeptical on his intentions, “Everyone is probably wondering where we are, and even worse, we are going to walk in late together.”
“You’re the only one with a guilty conscious.” Ben laughs, “We are always together so why would they think that was weird?”
He does have a point there, and I cringe knowing he is right. We are always together, and usually we opt to be that way. With this in mind, Ben suggests we devise a little plan. Because he had already told everyone he needed to leave the bar to get his phone (hence why he was waiting at my door). He saw me wandering back from my date, so I could change into my flats, (which is true). Then we had a couple of drinks at my villa, which we did (while we devised our plan), and finally strolled down to the bar together.
It seemed simple enough…
Ben tells me when our friends ask, I have no business opening my mouth because I will surely screw it up and shout out the truth. I agree to zip my lips, even though I know this lie is going to eat me up inside.
On the way down to the Theatre Bar, Ben doesn’t stop flirting with me. He constantly makes quick little jokes, like he always does to get me going. He nudges me and says I’m like an old maid when it comes to my underwear selection, which I rebut that granny panties are way comfier than a line of dental floss going up my butt. He also jokes about my neurotic behavior and insists the more orgasms he gives me, will definitely clear that up a bit. I laugh at him and tell him to grow up, but he loves every minute of teasing me, especially when I give him playful slap in the arm.
Then before I can even see it coming, he shoves me into a corridor and starts making-out with me. Even though we have both been missing for over two hours now, I can’t br
ing myself to resist him. It’s also clear he can’t resist me, when he shoves his tongue down my throat. I kiss him back, loving every minute of it. It is so thrilling, impulsive and badass; all the things I am not. Finally, I pull away panting, “We are going to get caught.”
Ben gives me a wicked grin then kisses me again, “You smell so good though.”
Once again, I find myself being sucked right back into his sexual vortex. But when I start to feel his hand slide up my skirt, my legs stiffen and I pull away, “Ben stop. Do want to keep this a secret or not?” I say completely out of breath.
His hands move up to my hips, “I want whatever you want.” He kisses my cheek then adds, “But right now what I really want is to fuck you - again.”
I place my hands on his forearms, “Not here.”
“Fine.” Ben pouts, “But I just love when I get you all worked up.”
I blush, “Well you’ve always known how to press my buttons.”
Ben leans his arm on the wall behind me and smugly grins, “Now I actually know how to push all of them.”
I roll my eyes at his attempt at self-praise (which I will never let him know, was the most intense orgasm I have ever had). He rubs his finger over my cheek, and gives me one final soft and gentle kiss on my forehead.
When we approach the Theatre Bar, Jessica is leaning on Michael’s shoulder, captivated by the entertainment on the stage. Michelle and Stephanie are in an intense conversation (which I am sure has no more depth than who has the better martini), while at the far end of the table Eric and Matthew, play a game of cards.
“Honestly man? How could it have possibly taken over two hours to find your phone?” Eric shouts over the noise.
“We were ready to send out a search party, if you didn’t show up in the next fifteen minutes.” Michael adds.
