by Amanda Cowen
“Why didn’t you just say something?” I ask.
“Megan did you not hear me? You shut me down all night and then shortly after that you started dating that douche bag Marco. You have never ever not had a boyfriend! When was I supposed to swoop in and tell you how I felt? Not to mention how you can be so intimidating and closed off at times that it makes you impossible to read. When I hooked up with Stephanie or any other girl for that matter, you were too busy off dating someone else to ever give a shit how I felt. What was I supposed to do? Stay celibate in hopes that one day you might love me as much as I loved you? Besides, that night with Stephanie, I was beyond drunk and I thought you wanted nothing to do with me. But trust me, if I had thought even for a second I had any type of chance with you, it would never have happened.”
Ben places his hand on my lower back, and I want to brush him away, but I don’t. Instead I feel the warmth from his hand radiating onto my skin and feel myself weaken to his touch as my breathing quickens.
He gently tucks a loose strand of hair behind my ear, “That night, at Third Rail Tavern, I never had a date that stood me up. I invited you there on purpose, because I promised myself before we left that it would be the last time I would ever try and see if there was something more than friends between us. When I propositioned you with that coin toss, and you said yes, I couldn’t believe it. I knew once we did that, there was a chance it could ruin everything. But after it happened, it only confirmed I wanted to be with you so bad that I couldn’t keep on hiding how much I loved you, because being your friend just wasn’t good enough for me anymore.”
“You really love me?” I say and feel my heart pounding out of my chest.
“Megan, I love you so fucking much that I can’t even imagine my life without you.” Ben’s expression lets me know that he truly loves me. It was written all over his face and the desperation in his voice only confirms that this is definitely not a lie. All I can think about is how much I love him too, “Since the day we met, you’ve always had my heart and I’ve always known you were the greatest thing to ever walk into my life. Any woman I have ever been with before you, was just a distraction until I could have the one woman I’ve always wanted. I swear to God Megan, that I have never wanted anything more in my life than to be with you. And I have never been more terrified in all my life as I am right now.”
I open my mouth slightly, because I can’t wait to shout out that I love him, but he interrupts.
“Wait. Before you say anything else, I have something I want to give you - for your birthday.” He pulls a small neatly wrapped box with a pink bow from the pocket of his jeans.
He hands me the gift, and without a word, I slowly unwrap it to find a tiny brown box, beneath all the cream colored wrapping paper and shiny pink ribbons. I look up at him, petrified of what might be in there, but he gives me a reassuring nod. I pry the box open to see a shiny 1952 George Washington quarter on a bed of tissue paper. I know exactly what significance this quarter holds, and I feel the tears well up in my eyes.
“I saved it.” Ben nervously says, “I want you to have it.”
I look at him, and feel the same way I did that night he took me turtle watching in Costa Rica. I love him, more than anything in the whole entire world, and I so badly want to kiss him.
“Megan, please say something. Tell me right now whether or not you feel the same way.” Ben begs taking one step closer and pushes his pelvis into my body. I can feel the warmth of his breath on my shoulders when he presses his nose against my forehead. He places his hand on my cheek and his touch is electric. It sends a tingling sensation up my spine and raises the hairs on my neck.
“I do.” I say and lock my eyes with his.
Ben lets out a huge sigh of relief. He moves his hand down from my cheek, and cups the back of my neck and places his other free hand firmly on my bottom. I tilt my head up to meet his lips and I swear I see fireworks go off in my condo when our mouths finally touch. I can’t believe this is happening; never in my wildest dreams did I ever imagine us in this moment. I never ever thought for a second Ben would ever love me in any other way than a friend, or that I would ever be so lucky.
I grip him harder in my arms, and kiss him back, running my fingers through his thick dark hair. We stumble onto the sofa and my heartbeat quickens; my lips part as Ben passionately kisses me and thrusts his hips up against mine. He smells ridiculously good, but it is definitely not cologne. I’m thinking more body wash, or expensive shampoo. Whatever it is, it’s intoxicating and I am lost in him and this moment. My heart has accepted that he is my forever, and more importantly, that is exactly what my heart wants. When he yanks off my blazer, I also accept I am not going to Macy’s anytime soon, and the only birthday outfit I will be wearing tonight, is coincidently the one I was born with.
Ben flips me on top of him, and pulls me upright into a sitting position. He peels my shirt off from my body and flexes his hips, then slowly kisses down my neck and all along my shoulders. He smiles against my collarbone, and looks up at me and says, “This is it Megan. You are all I want. I love you.”
I smile inside and seductively whisper, “I love you too.”
Ben lips suction against mine and his hand covers my breast, while the other cups my bottom. I love his hands all over me. I love how he makes me feel and I love how hard he feels against my groin. He growls and runs his nose along my neck and whispers against my skin, “You smell incredible.”
I grab handfulls of his shirt and yank it over his head. His six pack is stunning as I run my hands along its ripples, “It’s been way too long.” Ben whispers, then with a naughty smirk says, “You’re gonna get it.”
His hands cup my face as he kisses me, strong, passionate and fierce. I run my fingers through his hair and feel the ache welling up inside me. Ben lifts me off of him, never letting his lips stray from my mouth and leans me back onto the sofa. He runs his hands down the sides of my body until he finds my knees and forces them apart. Oh my God the way he touches me sends chills up my spine. His hardness pressing between my legs, makes me crave nothing more than for him to be inside me.
Ben jerks off my pants and tosses them over the sofa. He slides my panties to the side and his hand wanders right there. Ben kicks off his jeans moving inside me with his fingers. He pulls away leaving my lips and making me throb between my legs. Our breathing is quick and heavy as Ben hovers over me and locks his soft brown eyes with mine. I lift my hips to meet his thrust and wrap my legs around his waist. Thrust after thrust and kiss after kiss everthing still feels surreal. I claw at his back when I climax and moments later he releases. He lets out a deep breath, still inside me and gently strokes my hair then kisses my forehead, “You’re my forever.”
I let out a sigh of happiness when Ben pulls out and slides against my side. I cuddle into him and feel his smooth bare chest on my warm skin. We lie together in a comfortable silence letting out breathing slow.
After a few short minutes, Ben sits up on the sofa and smiles “I want to take you out on a real date. How about tonight, for a birthday dinner?”
“Right now?” I ask still in an utter daze from our fantastic make-up sex. I glance at the clock on my wall, “It’s already quarter to eight and I have to be somewhere at nine.”
Ben strokes my bare legs with his fingers, “Where are you going?”
“Jessica made reservations at JBar. Do you want to come?” I ask.
“You bet I’m coming. I am not letting my sexy girlfriend out on the town without me.” Ben laughs, leans down and kisses my forehead. I love that he just called me his girlfriend and I smile from ear to ear.
Ben places his index finger on his chin, and taps it there for a few moments, “You know, if we leave right now and go for dinner, I am positive we will have more than enough time to meet up with everyone else at nine.”
“It’s almost eight o’clock. That’s not enough time.” I whine wiggling myself up on the sofa.
“It is more than eno
ugh time.” Ben insists and pulls me on top of him to straddle his naked body, then gently kisses me on the lips, “Now get up.”
“No” I laugh and wrap my arms around his neck, “Let’s just stay here. You can take me out on a real date anytime. I don’t want to be late. An hour is really not enough time. I still need to get ready.”
Ben crosses his arms in front of his smooth muscular chest, “Is that so?”
“Yes it is.” I say and kiss his cheek. Ben mischievously rips my arms out from around his neck, and starts playfully wrestling me. He tickles up and down my sides and forces me into the sofa.
“Stop it!” I shout, laughing hysterically and try to wiggle myself free.
“Not until you agree to have dinner with me.” He says.
“Fine! I will!” I laugh, but when I gain back my breath I scold him, “But we cannot be a minute late, so pick a restaurant somewhere close to JBar.”
“Done” Ben says, and rolls off of me to free me from his weight, “Now hurry up. Let’s go.” He leans over the sofa, picks up my jeans from the floor and tosses them at me with a huge grin.
Chapter 27
“You picked Grape Street Piano Bar?” I pout, as we step out of the cab.
“What’s wrong with this place?” Ben nervously says, slipping his hand into mine as we walk up to the entrance, “I thought you loved this place.”
I pause and think about some of the crazier nights we had together here. Ben was right, I did love this place and I knew it held some great memories. There was one particular time during out last week of university, when Ben orchestrated a night out with our group of friends. He originally planned for us to hit up some posh new club, but because there was some strict dress code policy we were turned away. Unlike everyone else funneling in through the doors, we were dressed like typical students, in frumpy dumpy Ugg boots and destroyed denim. Therefore, the bouncer had no problem denying our entry.
With our night becoming bleaker by the second, Ben suggested we go to Grape Street, a piano bar we visited a bunch of times a block or so away. Everyone moaned and groaned and complained that only old people went there; which ironically enough, old to us at the time was defined as a bunch of mid to late twenty year olds. But with much determination, Ben convinced us it would be a good idea.
I have to say, that night is one of my fonder memories from my past. We had that place rocking with those so-called geezers and made the pianist play every Elton John song under the sun. Ben requested “Bennie and the Jets” more than three times, and claimed to everyone in the bar that Sir Elton wrote it for him and his late band members formally known as “The Jets”. Obviously no one believed him, but everyone loved Ben’s drunken enthusiasm, and soon enough the whole bar was cheering him on when belted out his beloved song on stage with the pianist and a bottle of beer in hand.
Shivers run up my spine as the cool winter winds nip at my bare hands, snapping me back to reality, “Actually, I’m happy you picked this place. You’re right. We do have some good memories here. Remember Bennie and the Jets?” I laugh giving Ben a playful nudge.
“How could I forget?” Ben says wrapping his arms around me outside the entryway. Suddenly I’m not cold anymore. He stares down at me and I smile at him, wistfully reflecting on how we were once just friends - a chapter of our lives I now can keep close to my heart forever.
“Aren’t we going in?” I ask as Ben plants a soft kiss on my forehead.
Ben doesn’t respond to my question, instead he kisses my cheek. Then he tilts my chin up with him thumb and index finger, enthralled in the moment and kisses me on my lips. We kiss for a long time, touching everywhere. I know people are probably walking by, disgusted by our PDA, but I don’t care, because I am proud to admit I am one of those couples. Right now, we are the couple I would look at with envy as they mauled each other in front of me. I imagine us years from now with grey hair and a body full of wrinkles on our front porch drinking homemade lemonade, watching our grandchildren play in the yard and looking back on this moment, thinking how lucky we were to have taken a risk on our friendship (even though it wasn’t easy) and fell in love.
Ben suddenly pulls away, and places his hands on either side of my head caging me against the wall. He looks into my eyes and anxiously says, “Before we go in there, I want you to know how much I love you. You are the most stunningly beautiful woman I have ever known. I love everything about you, whether it is your weird obsession with playing the game Scrabble, or the way your butt looks in a tight pair of jeans, or how you are so focused on your career, or how you are always a listening ear just when I need one. I want you to know that when you told me tonight that you felt the same way as I did, you made me the happiest man in the world.”
I blush looking down at my stiletto heels Ben insisted I wear tonight over my ballet flats; even though he knows I hate wearing heels. But I love that he challenges me on all my idiosyncrasies. I love that he takes me out of my comfort zone and makes me confront my neurotic behavior and pushes me to live life to the fullest and live in the moment.
Then Ben gives me a final smile before he pulls the door open and says, “Ladies first.”
“SURPRISE!!!!” Is the only thing I hear as I walk through the doorway, deafening my ears.
The shouts shock me silent. I look around the bar to see everyone I love and care about surrounding me. I am speechless, recognizing all the hundred or so people staring at me. Some are my colleagues, some are my family, and some are my friends. At first, it is hard for me to comprehend what is going on, until Michelle and Stephanie toss a pink boa around my neck, and Jessica places some flashy crown on my head that lights up with the number 25 on top.
Matthew pats Ben on the back, and Eric shakes his hand. Michael gives me a gentle hug and wishes me a happy birthday. I stand their completely gob-smacked wondering how this is even happening right now. I am even more confused when I see my mother and father both standing together inches apart from each other and wearing matching party hats and beaming at me from ear to ear.
“What is going on?” I shout with a laugh as my mother embraces me in a hug.
Jessica perks up behind my mother, and says looking up at Ben, “Ask him.”
I look quizzically at Ben, not believing for a second he could have possibly done something like this for me. It is no easy feat to throw a surprise party. I know myself from hosting Jessica’s surprise sweet sixteenth birthday bash, that there is a lot of preparation and work involved in pulling something like this off.
“Did you plan all this?” I ask looking up at Ben.
He sheepishly nods, shrugs his shoulders and says, “Busted.”
I pull away from my mother who is beaming at Ben lit up with admiration. I lunge at him forcing myself onto my tippy toes and kiss him right on the lips - in front of everyone. Cheers go off all around us, and before I pull away, I feel Emily patting me on the back to hand me a drink with a congratulatory grin.
Ben gives me a wink and shouts up to the pianist to play “Bennie and the Jets” while he takes a beer from Matthew. I burst out laughing and feel myself fill with warmth inside. The fear of getting older has completely vanished and oddly enough, I am even more so thankful that I made it to this day, just so I could be here right now in this moment with everyone I love and cherish in my life.
Jessica, Stephanie and Michelle surround me, holding a bunch of shots. Michelle drapes her arm around my shoulders, “Thank God you showed up.”
“Did you guys all know about this when you called me today?” I ask watching trays and trays of food getting set up on a table a few feet away.
“Ben’s been planning this for a whole week” Jessica snorts, “He rented the whole damn restaurant for you.”
I blush, “I was on my way to Macy’s when he showed up at my door, he’s lucky I even let him in.”
“He took a chance because he loves you.” Michelle says and gives me a wink.
“We even placed bets on it.” Stephanie adds
, “But since you showed up with him all in love, you cost all of us ten bucks!”
“Well except for Jessica” Michelle adds.
“Yeah, Jessica is the only one who bet against all of us. So thanks to you, she is sixty dollars richer tonight.” Stephanie says with a laugh.
“Guilty as charged.” Jessica says smiling at me and adds, “Nobody knows my girl Megan like I do.”
I smile at her, thinking how right she is. Nobody knows me better than she does. I wrap my arms around her and embrace her in a tight hug.
“Okay enough, I’m getting teary” Jessica says and pushes me away, waving her free hand in front of her face to fan away the tears. She gains composure and says, “Now raise your shot glasses ladies.”
Without hesitation, Stephanie, Michelle and I comply with Jessica’s orders only to hear her say, “Happy birthday to my best friend! Welcome to the quarter century club! I love you!”
I playfully roll my eyes at Jessica slam back my shot with the girls. When I look up, I see Ben across the bar. I smile at him and marvel at how so much has changed in such a short time. I was a neurotic mess, scared of love and commitment and too stupid to see that I had something real in front of me all along. Because when I’m with Ben, I feel safe and loved; I am free to be my true self - I always have been.
At the end of the night, when everyone is stumbling out of the bar, still singing a streamline of Billy Joel’s greatest hits. I wave goodbye to all those I love with Ben by my side. When a cab pulls up, just like it did years ago on that chilly New Year’s Eve in front of The Cove, I slide in and place my bottom on the dirty fabric seats. Ben wedges himself between the open door and says with a playful glimmer in his eyes “Do you want me to come with you?”
This time I don’t question a thing. Instead I do exactly what I should have done back then. I nod with a smile and invite him to snuggle up beside me, because I have every intention of us heading back to my condo together, and being with Ben forever.
