by Tawna Fenske
Of course, knowing it and doing something about it were two different things. Just because Tony could acknowledge something didn’t give him the magic ability to fix it.
Ruff, Fireball replied, totally following along.
Tony sighed, a heavy sound that had Fireball scrambling to crawl into his lap. Easing into a cross-legged seat on the grass, he opened his arms to let the little dog clamber up. “You’d better not have peed on this spot,” he muttered. “Or worse. Because I’m gonna be pissed if I stand up and discover I sat in dog shit.”
Panting with joy, Fireball curled himself into a donut shape in the center of Tony’s lap. Tony stroked a hand down the pup’s back, noticing a bit more heft to the small body. More thickness around the ribs, more solidness to the muscular little legs. The dog had gained both muscle and meat these past few days. He seemed happier, too; more relaxed.
Tony could relate.
He stroked the dog again, conscious of the impact of Kayla’s TLC on his own well-being. “She has that effect on a guy, huh?” Tony muttered.
The dog gave a happy little groan, forgetting all about the tree and the patch of grass and his business out here in the moonlight. Give the guy a hint of affection, and he’d forget even his most basic needs.
None of this was lost on Tony. He glanced back at the hotel, trying to pick their window out of the lineup. There it was—third one from the left.
The light was on, so she must have gotten up after all. Maybe to shower, or possibly to pack her bags and get the hell away from this big-ass mistake they’d just made.
It didn’t feel like a mistake. It felt…right. Righter than anything he’d felt in a long time.
Righter than it felt the last time they’d been together.
His chest started to ache, so he looked away from the window and back at the dog. “What do you think? Is there any chance we’ll get through this road trip without one of us having our hearts crushed like a bug?”
Fireball whined and pawed at Tony’s hand. With a soft laugh, Tony started petting again. “I didn’t think so.”
Chapter Twelve
Kayla watched out the window as the highway narrowed and the rush of mountain hemlock and Douglas fir began to thin. They were climbing, getting farther away from bigger towns.
And closer to northeast Washington, which was the site of the next burn scar. That’s what Tony called these old forest fire sites. Last night as they cuddled, he’d described the J & J Complex fire for her in detail. The acrid smell of smoke and trees bursting like bright orange torches. His heartbeat drummed in her ear as she’d laid her head on his chest and listened to the rumble of his voice. Heard him describe dense underbrush that burned so hot it reached high into tree canopies, wiping out great swaths of forest.
Only meadows remained in some spots, though Tony admitted he hadn’t been back for years. Maybe now, things could grow again. She’d read it could happen that way, the soil made fertile by heat and destruction.
Maybe that’s how it would be.
She glanced over to see his brow furrowed as he stared at the road ahead.
“Tell me about Jessi.” Kayla eased back in the seat and glanced over at Tony. A blue T-shirt bearing the word Fuckoffee served as a reminder of his trip to London last year and his zillions of trips to the gym over a lifetime. He was driving with one hand, sunglasses obscuring her view of his eyes. Probably best. She didn’t need any fluttery feelings distracting her today.
“What do you want to know about her?” he asked.
“How did you meet?” she asked. “How long did you date?”
Did you love her?
Did you ever think she was the one?
These were the questions she didn’t want to ask. She wanted the answers, sure, but it was none of her business. They’d both agreed that last night’s sex was purely physical. They weren’t entitled to each other’s innermost thoughts or bound to share anything more intimate than…well, sex.
Which was weird, when she thought of it like that.
Tony cleared his throat. “We met on a fire crew one summer in college,” he said. “I was a rookie wildland firefighter and she was a volunteer driver who picked us up after we hiked out of the forest.”
“She volunteers for the fire center out here?”
“She did then.” He shrugged and slipped off his sunglasses as a dark cloud swallowed the orange ball in the sky. “Gotta admit, I always thought she was scouting for a husband.”
“You mean she wasn’t just doing it out of the kindness of her heart?” That came out snarkier than she meant it to, though she couldn’t say if her snark was aimed at Tony or the other woman.
She felt irritable for no reason at all. Before they went to dinner with Jessi, she’d have to take some time to herself to read, to get her head on straight. Maybe do some hiking in the forest or whatever remained of it.
“She’s a cool chick,” Tony said, which just made Kayla feel like a bigger asshole.
“Anyway,” he continued, getting back to the story. “I asked her out on the way back to town. We went to dinner, hit it off, started dating.”
“Long distance?”
He shrugged. “There were a few different Washington bases, and it was just as easy to bunk there as it was to go back to Oregon. I didn’t really have a permanent home at the time.”
There was something he wasn’t saying. Something making his jaw clench a bit tighter, his fingers grip the wheel harder.
But Kayla didn’t have the balls to ask.
“So, you were together…what, for a summer?”
“A few weeks,” he said. “Maybe six. I honestly can’t remember.”
“Who broke it off?” She was interrogating him now, asking way too many questions.
But it was easier than talking about what had happened between them last night. Or not talking about it, which was what they’d been doing all morning.
Tony looked thoughtful, gazing out the windshield at the road ahead. “I’m not sure. I’m not even positive there was a breakup.” He scrubbed a hand over his chin, oddly pensive. “Just…you know, the season ended. I went back to Oregon, and that was that.”
“That was that.” Kayla scraped a thumbnail over a spot of something on the knee of her jeans, knowing it couldn’t be that simple. “It’ll be interesting to see if she has any insights for you.”
“Yeah. It will.”
His phone buzzed in the center console. Glancing off the road for a second, Tony picked it up and frowned at the screen.
She watched as his jaw went rigid. His dark eyes turned darker, almost ebony. Frowning, Tony hit a button and shoved the phone back in the console. “So, this restaurant where we’re meeting Jessi and—”
“Who was that?” Kayla asked.
Tony’s jaw clenched again. “No one.”
It didn’t seem like no one, but she bit back her questions. No point pushing Tony if he didn’t want to share. She took some slow breaths, reminding herself that everyone was entitled to privacy.
Was it another woman?
The thought sank like a lead ball in her gut.
They hadn’t talked about exclusivity. Nothing stopped Tony from hooking up with an old flame if that’s what he wanted.
An old flame besides her.
They were grown-ups. Grown-ups could have sexual relationships with lots of people if they wanted to. Dozens. Hundreds.
“Tony?”
“Yeah?”
“Are you…uh…doing the casual-sex thing with anyone else?”
“What?” He jerked and looked at her. “No, of course not.”
“Oh. I just wondered if—”
“Are you?”
“No. Not really my thing, you know?”
“Yeah. You do always seem to be in a relationship.”
Hu
h. That was certainly an observation. “You think I hop from one commitment to another without really investing?”
“I wasn’t saying that.” He released his death grip on the steering wheel, returning to the one-handed demeanor he’d had before the phone buzzed. “Is it true, though?”
“Maybe.” She bit her lip, considering. “I’ve been thinking about that. About why my own relationships seem to crash and burn.”
He snorted. “Maybe because you pick jerks.”
She smiled and quirked an eyebrow. “Present company excluded?”
“Present company very much included.”
“You’re not a bad boyfriend,” she insisted. “Despite what you seem to think.”
“And what all my exes seem to think?”
She shook her head. “I haven’t figured out exactly what your deal is, but we’re getting there.”
He glanced at her, and she could have sworn she saw a flash of trepidation in his eyes. “What, you’re dropping the commitment-phobe theory?”
“Maybe. I’m not sure anymore.” Something crackled in the air—something dark and dangerous and just out of reach. “I’m going to win the bet, though. I can already taste that Emerald whiskey.”
He laughed and seemed to relax. “Fair enough.” He cleared his throat. “Want to read me some more of that book?”
She hesitated, not so eager to abandon the conversation. To let things drop when they might actually be getting somewhere.
“Sure,” she said. “Chapter sixteen okay? It’s the one about giving yourself time to reflect on bad relationships.”
“Perfect,” he said and kept his eyes on the road.
…
Tony scanned the restaurant, taking in the cozy new booths and the modern-looking artwork on the walls.
“They’ve changed things up a lot,” he observed, nodding to Kayla. “See that water fountain over there?”
“I love all the river rock.”
“It used to be this big, tacky sculpture of a bear. The kind that’s carved by a chain saw.”
“Huh.” She nodded to the bank of west-facing windows. “Looks like we might get a nice sunset.”
“Yeah. The views here are killer.” He scanned the rows of pine trees fringing the mountains of the northern Washington Cascades. Patches of white laced the edges of the summit, and it wouldn’t be long before the whole peak was capped in white. Back in the day, he’d loved it here in Washington. It was his home state, after all.
At least until it wasn’t. Which had nothing at all to do with Jessi.
His phone buzzed, and a spurt of dread pulsed through his chest. Sliding the phone out of his pocket, he braced to see his mother’s name on the screen again.
Jessi Bartholomew.
Relief washed through him like the cool rush from a garden hose. He skimmed the message. “They’re about fifteen minutes away,” he said. “She got off work a little later than she thought.”
Kayla cocked her head. “They?”
“Her husband.” He must have forgotten to mention that. “Sorry, I thought I told you. He’s a buddy of mine. Great guy.”
“Your ex-girlfriend married a friend of yours?” She cocked her head. “I thought there was some kind of bro code about that.”
“Nah, Cal’s not like that. Me, neither. Besides, he and Jessi are perfect for each other.”
Kayla studied his face, her expression somewhere between amusement and intrigue. “It’s great that you’re so well-adjusted about stuff like that. All of you, really, but you especially.”
“Yeah?” He scrubbed a hand over his chin, hoping he hadn’t messed things up by inviting Cal. “They might think you and I are together. I hope that’s okay?”
“Together, like…dating?”
“Yeah.” He shrugged. “Jessi kinda jumped to that conclusion on her own when I said something about ‘our room’ at the hotel. Is that all right?”
“Sure, that’s fine.” She smiled. “I’ll play along, and maybe it’ll gain us some new insights.”
“Cool.” He rubbed his forearm, not sure why he felt edgy and restless around Kayla. Like he couldn’t decide whether to pull her close or run like hell.
“Relax.” She put her hand on his, and he stopped rubbing his arm. “If nothing else, you’ll get to have a nice dinner and catch up with old friends.”
“Right. Yeah, you’re right.” Her touch soothed him but also sent his heart smoking in the center of his chest. How did she do that?
A blue-haired teen with a ring through his left eyebrow sauntered over, his arms full of menus. “Your table’s ready. Want me to take you over there?”
Tony shrugged, glancing at Kayla. “Got a preference?”
“Let’s wait here,” she said. “The fountain’s nice, and this way it won’t look like we started without them.”
“Good thinking.” She had a knack for that sort of thing—for putting herself in other people’s shoes. He turned back to the kid. “Is it okay if we hang out here?”
“No problem.” The kid gestured to a bench beside the fountain. “Have a seat if you want. Can I get you a drink?”
“We’re good, thanks.” Kayla leaned back against the wall beside the bench, trailing a hand over the edge of the fountain. “I think I’ll stay standing. We’ve done way too much sitting lately.”
“Truth.” He moved to stand beside her, keeping a few inches between them as he leaned back against the wall and watched the kid walk back to the host stand. “I hope Fireball’s not lonely.”
“I doubt he’s even awake,” she said. “We played pretty hard at the dog park.”
She glanced out the window again, seemingly mesmerized by the sway of towering pines in the autumn breeze. He could relate. This had always been his favorite part of the state.
“I’m excited to hike tomorrow,” she said. “You’re sure you want to come?”
“Positive.” And not just because he didn’t want her wandering alone in the woods. “I’m dying for some fresh air.”
The bell above the door chimed, and they both glanced over. Two guys walked in, one gray-haired and one younger. Father and son, from the look of it. Tony’s heart squeezed painfully as the dad threw his arm around the son’s shoulder and said something to make him laugh.
Was that what a normal parent/child relationship looked like? He had no idea, but seeing it up close made his chest ache.
Kayla shifted beside him, hair brushing his biceps. “You think Jessi’s going to feel okay discussing her relationship with you in front of the husband?”
Tony shrugged and stuffed his hands in his pockets. “She’s pretty open about stuff like that. Used to tell me sex stories about old boyfriends and ask if we could do that.”
“Uh…okay.”
He grinned and bumped her with his elbow. “It didn’t seem weird at the time. Guess if a woman knows what she wants in bed, I’d prefer to know about it without getting all jealous about how she came to figure it out.”
“How open-minded of you.”
He glanced at her, not sure if she was teasing or serious. “I was actually one of the groomsmen in their wedding.”
“Really?”
“Yep. Cal and I were on the same fire crew in college, so we knew each other before she and I got together.”
“Huh.” Kayla moved again, her shoulder brushing his arm. “Was that weird for you?”
“Nope. Not really. I mean, there was this awkward moment at the reception when they were getting ready to do this toast,” he said. “Me and another groomsman went to set it up with these special engraved glasses from Jessi’s mom.”
“That doesn’t sound so weird.”
“Yeah, one problem,” Tony laughed. “She got the wrong initials.”
“Oh no!” Kayla clapped a hand to her mouth, stifling hor
rified laughter. “That’s awful.”
“She got the J for Jessi and the C for Cal, but she used the initial for the last name of Jessi’s previous boyfriend.”
“Not you?”
“Nah, some other guy. A firefighter-paramedic she dated for more than a year.”
Kayla shook her head, still suitably horrified. “So, what happened?”
“Me and the other groomsman tried to smuggle them out and hide them in the kitchen before Jessi or Cal could notice,” he said. “Jessi walked in to find me stuffing the glasses behind a fruit basket.”
“Awkward.” Kayla laughed again, hair tickling his arm as she moved. “I’ve only been to one ex’s wedding, and that was awkward, too.”
“Did the groom say the wrong name or something?”
“Nothing that bad,” she said. “But the best man gave this drunk toast where he went off about the bachelor party and how the groom got a blow job in the men’s room at a strip club.”
“Uh-oh.”
“The bride was not impressed.” Kayla shook her head. “They stayed married for about two years, but she eventually divorced him.”
“Let me guess—he cheated?”
“Nope, she did. She claimed she was evening the score.”
“Sounds healthy.” And pretty much in line with all the dysfunctional marriages he’d witnessed.
But Kayla smiled up at him, those blue eyes making something shift in his chest. “Gotta admit I dodged a bullet with that one.”
“Not marrying the guy yourself, you mean?”
She shrugged. “Not that I really considered it, but I guess the possibility’s always on the table when you’re dating someone.”
Something in her words seemed to hit her funny, because her cheeks flushed and she flipped her hair back the way she sometimes did when nervous. “Tell me another one,” she said. “Surely that’s not the only ex’s wedding you’ve attended?”
Tony shrugged, unable to fault her reasoning. “I went to one last year,” he said. “A woman I dated a couple fire seasons ago.”
