by Tawna Fenske
Chapter Twenty-One
Kayla edited for four days straight. Bleary-eyed from staring at the computer monitor, she got up only to grab bowls of cereal or the occasional kale salad from the stash Aislin and Willa delivered.
“You have to eat,” Willa had reminded her, shouldering her out of the way to stuff Tupperware in Kayla’s fridge. “Heartache’s much easier to handle on a full belly.”
“Whatever you say.” Kayla had gone back to editing, stopping once more to fill her editor in on her progress.
Images coming along. Here’s a sneak peek of what I’m working on.
She’d attached a few low-res files and was surprised to get a response only two minutes later.
Wow. This is not what I was expecting.
Kayla didn’t respond, opting not to let it get under her skin. She had to trust herself, trust her vision for this project. Either her editor would love it or she wouldn’t. The important thing was that Kayla knew this project marked the best work she’d ever done. She had faith in herself, which mattered more than what anyone else thought.
As she scrolled to the end of the images, she landed on one of Tony. He wore a black Hart Valley Smokejumpers T-shirt and a wistful expression. She’d clicked the shutter without him knowing, capturing the moment right before he’d turned to smile at her.
God, she missed him. Not as a lover but as a friend. Her best friend—though, okay, she missed the lover thing, too.
Maybe they’d get the friendship back, at least. Maybe once things settled down—
The doorbell chimed, setting off a frenzy of barking.
“Fireball, hush.” Kayla pushed to her feet, glancing down to make sure she was wearing pants. Her leggings bore several food stains and a hole in one knee, and she couldn’t recall the last time she’d washed her hair.
So what? Anyone who’d show up unannounced at her front door could damn well deal with the unedited version of her.
Grabbing the doorknob, she yanked the door open.
“Oh.” She blinked, eyes adjusting to bright sunlight and the sight of Tony on her front porch. “You’re back in town.”
He nodded once, deep brown eyes unreadable. “Can I come in?”
She considered a childish grammar-related retort, but the words “I don’t know, can you?” felt ridiculous and defensive. Besides, it was nice to see him, and hadn’t she just been wishing for this?
Stepping aside, she pulled on her imaginary sash of friendship and straightened her spine. “Would you like anything? Water?”
He shook his head and stepped through the door, glancing around like it was his first time seeing the place. “You must be on deadline?”
“Yeah.” She laughed, suddenly self-conscious about the state of her hair. And the pile of coffee mugs on the counter. And the puppy-chewed shoe beside her coffee table. And—
“It’s sounding pretty likely I’ll get the exhibition,” she explained, swiveling her attention back to him. “Someone else fell through, so I’m busting ass to get these done. My first gallery show.” She laughed, even though there was nothing particularly funny.
“Wow. That’s—impressive.” He shuffled his feet, looking nervous. “Congratulations.”
“Thanks.”
An awkward bit of silence stretched out. She’d just opened her mouth to say something ridiculous about the weather or gas prices when Fireball bounced between them, hurling himself at Tony’s shins. The little dog deposited his tattered fire-hose toy at Tony’s feet, the best gift he could find.
“Hey, buddy!” Tony dropped to his knees, scratching the dog behind the ears. Fireball—the traitorous brat—climbed right into his lap, which Kayla knew was a damn fine place to be. “Good to see you, pupper. You’re filling out some.”
“Willa brought over this special gourmet dog food,” Kayla said, feeling silly. “He really likes it.”
“His coat looks great.”
God, this was dumb. They’d been friends forever, and she’d never had this much trouble making conversation. Why now?
Fireball flopped onto the floor, exposing his belly for rubbing. Tony splayed one big hand over it, scratching with the tips of his fingers. “You like that, huh? Does that feel good?”
A stupid twist of jealousy pinched Kayla between the ribs, and she struggled to think of something to say. “I installed a pet door,” she told him. “He loves running in and out all day, burying toys in the backyard.”
“Smart boy.” He scratched the dog one more time, then stood up. He looked nervous, which gave her a mild dash of comfort. “Look, Kayla. There’s something I need to say.”
“Okay.” She shoved her hands in the pockets of her hoodie, twisting her fingers together. One fingernail caught the stitches in her thumb, and she ordered herself to ease up. “Go ahead.”
He took a deep breath, raking his hands through his hair. “Saying ‘I’m sorry’ doesn’t even begin to touch how monumentally I screwed up,” he said. “But I’ll start there anyway. I’m sorry, Kayla. I shouldn’t have pushed you away like I did.”
A thick lump formed in her throat, but she swallowed it back. “It’s okay. I really did have a deadline, and I needed to get home. And you had stuff to deal with.”
“Stuff,” he repeated, shaking his head. “So much stuff. Like the fact that I allowed myself to believe I’m horrible at relationships. That I don’t deserve love. But really, that’s an excuse.”
She stared at him, not sure where this was headed. She’d wished for a rekindling of the friendship but hadn’t dared to hope for more. She wanted it, sure, but the friendship would be enough. “How do you mean?”
Tony took a deep breath. “I’m scared. Scared of getting hurt, or hurting anyone else, or just plain getting it wrong. But that never mattered before. Not until you.”
She blinked back the tears that flooded her eyes. “It’s okay, Tony. We don’t have to do this.”
“No, we do. I do. I have to tell you how I feel, even if you don’t feel the same way.” He took a deep breath. “Kayla, you’re my best friend in the whole world. The person I can talk to about anything. The one who now knows me better than anyone, including guys I’ve fought fires with. That’s saying something, by the way.”
“I know.” She swallowed hard as emotion clogged her throat. “I feel the same. It sucked thinking we weren’t friends anymore.”
“We could never be not friends.” He grimaced. “That was shitty grammar, so thank you for ignoring it. I’m trying to get this out, and it’s not sounding right.”
“It’s okay.” She forced a shaky smile. “I know what you mean.”
She thought she did, anyway. And she wasn’t even that disappointed he seemed focused only on the friendship. “I’m glad we’re back to being friends.”
He looked at her, then shook his head. “No, that’s not it. I mean, that’s not the only thing.”
Reaching into his back pocket, he pulled out a rolled-up bunch of fabric. The lacy edges, the dusty blue linen. Something seemed familiar about it, but it wasn’t until he unrolled it that she gasped.
She blinked at him, trying to make sense of things. “You stole your mom’s cross-stitch?”
“No, I asked her for it.” He held it up, displaying the words he’d spit at her just a week ago. “‘Happiness is being in love with your best friend.’ I told her it always bugged me. That friendship and love—those things I secretly wished for—seemed a million miles away from what I saw between her and Bud.”
She stared at the words, then at the earnestness in his face. “What did she say?”
“She agreed.” His throat moved as he swallowed. “I don’t know if something finally got through to her, but she started crying and said I was right. That maybe she’d lost sight of that.”
Tears welled in Kayla’s eyes, but she blinked them back hard. Now wasn
’t the time to fall apart. “That’s great, Tony. I’m so happy for you. For her.”
“It’s for you.” He held out the fabric, pressing it into her hand. “I want you to have this.”
She stared at him, fingers clutching the fabric. “You’re giving me a wall hanging you hate?”
“I know it’s kind of a fucked-up grand gesture,” he said. “My brother told me about that, by the way.”
“It is, but I still don’t understand.” Or maybe she did but didn’t dare hope she could be right.
“And there’s this.” He reached into his pocket again, this time pulling out a map. “I marked the route from here to Ohio. Whenever you’re ready, I want to go meet your parents. Here, there’s a gas card, too.” He fumbled it out of his pocket, dropping it on the floor. As he stooped to grab it, he gave a sheepish grin. “I’m totally screwing up this grand-gesture thing, huh?”
“Not at all.” She wiped a tear away, staring down at the map. He’d drawn hearts all along the route from Oregon to Ohio. “It’s pretty perfect, actually.”
“I love you, Kayla.” She looked up with a start, and he grinned. “Not just as a friend, though you’re the best friend I have. I love you as the woman I love more than anyone I’ve ever met before. This sentiment, the stupid words on that stupid hanging—they’re what I always wished for, but I’d given up hoping I could really have it.”
She looked down at the words, understanding at last how much they meant to him. “It’s beautiful.”
“No, it’s really not,” he said. “It’s fucking ugly, to be honest. I hate the lace, and I hate where it came from, and I don’t care if we end up burning the thing in a big-ass fire in the backyard. But it’s the sentiment behind it that matters. This, Kayla—this is what matters. What I want with you.”
“Burning it.” She laughed, crumbling the fabric in her hands. “That might be fitting. Sort of a ceremonial step in moving forward.”
A flicker of hope flashed in his eyes. “So you’d be willing to do that? To move forward with me?”
She swallowed hard, considering. “I don’t want to screw up our friendship. It’s too important to me.”
“I know, and I’m right there with you,” he said. “But I think we could be more than that. I think if we’re careful and respectful and put each other first, we could be amazing. You already are amazing, Kayla. It’s why I love you so much.”
It occurred to her he’d said the words a few times now and she had yet to say them back. She’d thought them a thousand times—a million, maybe. But here he was, standing in her living room, offering her everything she’d wished for…along with an ugly wall hanging.
“I love you, too,” she said. “More than anything.”
The relief that washed over his face was almost palpable. “Thank God,” he breathed. “I know I don’t deserve another chance after blowing it with you twice before. I know you have every right to kick me out, but I’m so damn glad you let me in. That you gave me the chance to fumble my way through the dumbest apology in the history of apologies.”
“It wasn’t dumb,” she insisted. “And I thought it was pretty great.”
He laughed and pried the fabric from her hands, then the map. He set them on the couch, then laced his fingers through hers and looked into her eyes. “I love this about you. How you’re willing to forgive. How you’re smart and kind and capable and forgiving and so fucking good that it hurts me to look at you sometimes.”
Kayla swallowed hard, needing to get something off her chest. “I’m far from perfect. I’ve made a lot of poor choices in relationships. We never did get to grill my exes or you’d know,” she said. “And I’ve run away, too, when things are hard. Hiding from my family instead of dealing with my envy like a grown-up. I’ve made plenty of my own mistakes.”
He nodded, eyes still locked with hers. “I understand. I even understand if you count me as one of your mistakes, and to be clear, I don’t want to meet your exes. But I want you to know that I’ll do everything I can to become the best version of myself that I can be. You make me want to do that, Kayla. You inspire me to be a better guy.”
“You inspire me, too.” She laughed, because it sounded cheesy, but also because it was true. “I love you so much.”
“I love you, too,” he said. “A different kind of love than what we had before. Different from the friendship or from the whirlwind lust that first time around.” He laughed and slid an arm around her waist. “Not that I’m knocking lust, but—”
“It’s nice to have it all rolled together.” She thought about the wall hanging, about the sentiment behind it. “This is what I’ve always wanted, too. The friendship, the love—all of it, together.”
“You’ve got it, babe.” He planted a kiss on her collarbone, then another behind her ear in the spot that made her shiver. “Everything you want, I’ll give it to you.”
“No,” she whispered, pressing herself against him. “We’ll earn it together.”
“Damn straight.” He kissed her long and slow and deep, then drew back. “So…who won the bet?”
“Oh. You mean whether you have commitment issues or you’re just a lousy boyfriend?”
He pulled her closer so she felt the rumble of laughter in his chest. “Pretty sure I proved the lousy-boyfriend thing beyond a shadow of a doubt.”
She drew back and gazed up at him with a smile. “You’re here now. And I think that proves you’re not lousy.”
“And I’m sure as hell not afraid of commitment,” he said. “Not with you. Not anymore.”
As her smile widened, she dragged him down for a kiss. “In that case, we both win.”
Epilogue
Eight weeks later
Tony threaded his fingers through Kayla’s and gave her hand a squeeze. His chest felt swollen with pride, and the rest of him was damn near bursting, too. “Man, this is some turnout.”
“Right?” Kayla swiveled to survey the room, and Tony seized the chance to admire her from all different angles. Her legs looked impossibly long in black high heels, and her sexy black dress reminded him of the one she’d worn that night in Montana.
Man, times had changed. He knew without a doubt he loved her, now, and that she loved him back. They told each other about a hundred times a day.
More importantly, he worked like hell to deserve her. He wasn’t perfect—not by a long shot. But he’d been going to therapy, taking the steps required to be the kind of guy worthy of her.
When her gaze swung back to his, his heart flipped over in his chest. “Thanks for being here,” she said. “My first gallery show. It’s kind of a big deal.”
“Are you kidding me? I wouldn’t miss it for anything.” He grinned, squeezing her hand again. “I’ve been bragging to the whole crew about my smart, talented, gorgeous girlfriend the artist.”
Kayla laughed and tossed her hair over one shoulder. “That explains the giant pack of smokejumpers over in the corner.”
The guys must have heard her, because half of them turned and waved. Grady and Ethan and Jake and Ryan and even Leo, visiting from Washington. Tony loved that they’d come out to support her. To support him, too, since they knew what was happening this evening.
A shiver of anticipation ran through him, and he reminded himself to keep his focus on her. That’s what the night was all about.
“Did you see the piece in the paper this morning?” she asked, blue eyes wide with wonder. “The review of the show?”
“Yep. ‘Photographer Kayla Gladney perfectly captured the hope of rebirth and new life in the aftermath of tragedy.’”
She laughed and swatted him on the shoulder. “You memorized it? That might be overkill.”
He grinned and slung an arm around her. “I might be considering a tattoo of the last line. ‘Gladney has proven herself to be one of Hart Valley’s hottest emerging artists.’�
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“Now you’re just being creepy.” But it was clear from her smile she loved it.
“I might have read the article a few dozen times.” And each time, he felt a fresh burst of pride at how she’d managed to make something beautiful out of something so grim. From charred forests into hope and rebirth. He still couldn’t believe she’d pulled it off.
He took a few steps to the left, shifting her out of the path of a waiter toting champagne glasses on a tray. “This one’s my favorite.” He pointed to a framed image showing a burst of blossoms erupting from the base of a burned-out tree. “I love how the flowers are in color but the rest is black and white.”
“I wasn’t sure about the treatment, but I like how it turned out.” She grinned and nodded toward the far wall. “I thought for sure you’d be more into the outtakes.”
“Those are great, too.” He surveyed the wall of images labeled “Bloopers and Bonus Shots,” grinning as his gaze landed on one of Fireball lifting his leg on a sapling. “We’ll have to get the dog in here later to autograph that one.”
She laughed and leaned into him, her hair tickling his arm. “I’m so glad everyone’s here. I love that our moms are hitting it off.”
He followed her gaze to the far corner, where Connie was deep in conversation with Patty Gladney. His mom had her color back, and most of her strength.
More importantly, she had a divorce lawyer and the fortitude to finally call it quits with Bud. Tony still couldn’t believe it. Joel had flown back from Australia, and the two of them together had helped their mother pack.
“It’s never too late to change course,” he murmured in Kayla’s ear. “I’m glad it’s worked out for us, too.”
“Same.” She grinned and waved to her mother. “Did I tell you my mom says you’re worth the wait? She asked me when we’re making our next road trip.”
“Anytime,” he said, grinning. “Maybe when Katie has the baby?”
“Or when another sister gets knocked up and needs a maternity shoot?” Kayla laughed. “In other words, any day now.”
“Sounds good to me.”
