Victor waited for his father’s announcement, hoping for the first solution and fearing the second.
However, Raymond surprised him by regarding him with a sad look. “In truth, this is my fault. I’ve indulged you too long, coddled you too long. You believe you can do anything because I’ve never told you otherwise. That ends today.”
His father’s face became a work of stone. “You cannot put off Red Diamond. You cannot serve your triad with one foot in the underworld and one foot at this Tufts University.”
Raymond shook his head at Victor. “You do not have to follow me into this life. You can go to university in the States. Perhaps party with the other rich Chinese mafia kids who have opted for easy paths. You can marry some foreigner, for love, not for power. And I can find someone else to succeed me as the next dragonhead. If I can teach Han diplomacy, he might be perfect for the job.”
The thought of being replaced in a role he’d always assumed would be his cut Victor deep. He raised his hands, but once again, his father started speaking before he could get a sign in.
“Or you can do what you were groomed to do. You can step into my shoes, stay on the path I’ve laid down for you. You can prove yourself in Boston. Show me that my faith in you was not misplaced. You can become more rich and powerful than those other worthless Chinese children will ever be. I have banked so much future for you, Son. You only have to cash it. Or you can throw that all away for some girl.”
His father sneered, letting Victor know precisely which choice he favored.
“But you can’t have both. It is time for you to make a decision, Victor. Either you are with the Red Diamond, or you are not. Either you kill the girl and fully commit to your triad. Or you can have her and give up your place in it. There will be no in-between.”
19
DAWN
.
“Okay, give it to me straight,” I said to Phantom after he dragged me onto the elevator. “Are you going to kill me now? Is this the part where I have to fight for my life?”
Phantom cut his eyes at me like I was a buzzing fly in his elevator.
“Not yet,” he answered. His voice was low, gravelly, and dangerous. Like the Asian-American answer to Vin Diesel. “I’ll let you know when.”
Okay, well, that was not exactly reassuring. An urge to freak out rose inside of me. But it didn’t know where to go after that.
I couldn’t run. We were in an elevator.
Fighting was also out of the question. I saw the way Phantom sent Victor flying with just one kick. I stood negative zero chance against a guy like him in a fistfight.
I supposed I’d have to settle for Phantom’s “not yet.” As answers to the question “am I going to die” went, it was still a lot better than “yes.”
Okay, not a lot better. That was definitely an exaggeration. But 5% better for sure.
And maybe I’d get brownie points for going along with Phantom without a fuss? I peeped over at Victor’s cousin, who stared straight-ahead, stony-faced as a gargoyle.
Or maybe not.
After we got into the apartment, Phantom just pointed at the couch in the living room.
This was the second time in one night that someone had given me the bad dog treatment, but I took a seat. Victor and I had never actually used this particular piece of furniture. At first, because we were always doing homework at his specially designated study table. And then because we preferred the bedroom in his suite for kissing, and eventually other things.
That seemed like so long ago now. Our relationship was a watercolor that had begun to fade.
And what felt like hours passed before Victor finally showed up. He was wearing a white suit splattered in blood, just like Phantom.
I didn’t try to say hi this time. Lesson learned. Pleasantries do not work with this crowd.
It had to be midnight by now. Way past my bedtime. A bone-deep weariness slumped my back as I watched Victor and Phantom “talk.” Well, I watched Phantom talk. He did the same thing Victor’s father had downstairs. Blocked my sight of Victor’s hands so that I could only hear the Cantonese side of their conversation.
And I don’t want to accuse Cantonese of sounding super aggressive in general—I’ll just say that after months of listening to it, I still hadn’t been able to figure out if the speaker was happy or angry without facial cues. So with Phantom’s back turned to me, I couldn’t tell for sure how he felt about whatever Victor was telling him.
But eventually, he shoved my backpack at Victor, tossed me one (maybe final) glare, and walked out the front door.
Leaving Victor and me alone. For the first time since we’d had sex.
And he did not look nearly as happy as he had this afternoon.
Without giving me any signs whatsoever, he opened my backpack and started pulling everything out of it. The books, the art supplies, the casual clothes, and the second uniform I’d packed…
Funny, earlier this evening, Dad had reminded me of Victor when he was stomping on my phone. Now Victor reminded me of my dad as he threw everything inside my backpack to the floor.
And it felt like some kind of strange déjà vu when I demanded to know, “What are you doing?”
He dropped the backpack to sign, “What is this?”
“All my stuff,” I answered. Rising from the couch, I grabbed my backpack off the pile of my tossed-out belongings.
But before I could begin putting everything back into it, he grabbed me roughly by the chin so that I could see his other hand as he signed, “Why is all of your stuff in there?”
“Because I got into RhIDS!” I exploded, shoving his hand away from my face. I was so pissed, I threw the backpack down, so that I could sign as angrily as he was.
“I got into RhIDS,” I told him. “But my dad said I couldn’t see you again, so I came here thinking, I don’t know….”
I paused to rub my temples, still aching from everything I witnessed that night. “I don’t know what I was thinking. I guessed I thought maybe I could live here with you or something until it was time for us to go to college? To tell you the truth, I didn’t really have much of a plan past getting here.”
I shook my head, feeling dumber than dumb as I told him this out loud.
He looked down at me, probably also thinking that I was a total idiot.
Then he made a question with a sign I didn’t quite recognize.
He must’ve read the confusion on my face because he spelled out the sign when he asked his question again, “Tell me the truth. Are you a S-P-Y?”
“No!” I answered. “Before tonight, I didn’t even know there was something to spy on when it came to you. I thought your father kept you out of that stuff. Just like my dad did with me.”
For a moment, Victor stared at me, his expression furious.
But then he suddenly deflated.
“I’m sorry,” he signed. He hit me with a look that I could only describe as ravaged. “Your father hid this world from you. I hid this world from you. I wanted you to stay innocent. But I cannot make you not see what I did. What I am. Do you understand?”
Weirdly, I did understand. I also wished more than anything that I could stuff that genie back into the bottle.
“I’m sorry, too,” I signed, with extra emphasis because I meant it so much.
We stood there silent over the pile of my belongings, the shift in our relationship rocketing through us.
“You’re not going to let me go, are you?” I asked. “Not even if I promise not to tell anybody. I mean, who could I even tell? My dad is one of you.”
“He is not one of us,” Victor corrected me. “He is a criminal. But for Japan. Not for our China group. Also…”
His expression gentled, which made his next words all that more horrible. “There are many people you could tell. Many people who can use what you saw to hurt us. That is why I can’t let you go easy as you want. That is why my father told me downstairs that I had to choose. It is either Red Diamond or you.”
I nodded, wishing I didn’t get it but getting it, nonetheless.
Victor had come up here to kill me.
Strange, I almost felt numb. I always thought I’d be like that guy in the garage when faced with my own demise. But I didn’t cry. I didn’t freak out like I was thinking of in the elevator.
I just raised my chin high to ask, “May I at least have a weapon? A knife or something to defend myself?”
Victor looked at me like I was crazy.
“Dawn…” he started to sign.
“I know I don’t stand a chance,” I interrupted before he could finish. “But I don’t want to go out on my knees. If I die like that other guy, I want to go down fighting, not crying. Though, obviously, this makes me totally sad.”
It was a masochistic request. I knew how Victor operated. I’d seen it in graphic detail downstairs. He’d probably just make me turn around and put a bullet in my head. But I had to try. I thought of my parents. How they’d never know for sure what had happened to me after I ran away. They deserved better than a daughter who didn’t at least fight until the end.
“Dawn,” he signed again. “I’m not going to give you a weapon.”
Of course, he wasn’t. No surprise there. And still no tears. Maybe this was what I deserved for loving so hard and so stupid.
I ruined everything. Including my life. In the space of a few minutes. I should turn around and let him have the life Red Diamond was demanding. Just give up.
“But I liked your first plan,” Victor signed before I could. “I choose your plan.”
20
I choose your plan.
I blinked, not understanding. Not quite able to believe what he just signed. “You’re…you’re going to let me go home and pretend like I never saw anything?”
“I'm going to let you stay with me,” Victor corrected, his eyes soft and bemused. “You will stay with me here until we finish school. And then, we will go to America together. You will attend RhIDS, and I will attend Tufts. Like before. But not like before.”
Oh, my God. He chose me. He chose me over Red Diamond.
I got to live.
Even better, I got to be with the boy I love in America.
I should have felt relieved. Elated even.
Still, I hesitated to respond. He was saying everything I thought I wanted to hear. But his face was a careful blank. One I recognized. That was the expression he made when there was something he wasn’t telling me.
“I still love you. Do you still love me?” He signed after too many moments of me not responding. His expression…it was so many things. Angry, impatient, desperate. Like everything hinged on my answer to that question.
Maybe it did. I wanted to answer yes, to finally make some peace after this terrible night. But… “If I answered yes, how would you know if I was saying that only because I don’t want to die?”
A long beat of silence. Then he signed back, “I wouldn't know. I could never know for sure.”
We looked at each other, that truth resonating.
I hadn't cried when I suspected that my life was essentially over. But now, hot tears burned behind my eyes.
“Dawn, sit down,” he signed. His expression was grave.
I did as ordered, taking a seat on the couch. It was a nice one. No lumps from overuse. If I hadn't seen it so many times before when I’d entered Victor's apartment, I would assume it was brand-new.
Victor sat down beside me, not seeming to care about staining the sparkling white couch with his bloody suit.
I waited for him to berate me. For coming over here, for witnessing what I saw, for asking all the hard questions as opposed to just taking what he had offered.
I wish I could play along. I wanted to play along. But I didn't know how to with this hard suspicion buzzing in the back of my brain.
“My father said I had to choose. Between my triad and you. I choose you. But that choice comes with consequences,” he confessed. “The only way my father will allow us to be together is if we get married. So that he can trust you will keep our secrets.”
I shook my head, not understanding, “We have to get married? When?”
“As soon as we arrive in the States. Tokyo Progressive’s graduation ceremony is in a few weeks. I’d need a few weeks to make all the arrangements and get all of the documents I’ll need to live with you in the United States. But I looked it up, and the Providence Town Hall has same-day ceremonies. So we could get married a few days after we arrived. Say, May 25th.”
My heart thrilled at the thought of marrying him….then sank.
“But we’re so young,” I pointed out. “And I don’t want you to have to marry me. It will always feel like I’ve ruined your life.”
Victor started shaking his head before I was even done talking. “Dawn, I told you I looked this up. I did not tell you when. As soon as you agreed to be my girlfriend, I started making these marriage plans for us. Because I wanted you in my life. I had hoped to give you more time to feel the same way. I thought four years in college would be enough. But we no longer have this much time…”
To my shock, he slipped to one knee in front of me. “My father told me I had to choose. But it wasn’t a choice. I’ve chosen you from the start, Dawn. I will always choose you. I love you so much, Dawn. And I want to protect you. Forever. Please say you will let me do as I wish. Please say you will be my wife. I am sorry I don’t have a ring.”
More tears clogged my throat, making it so I couldn’t talk.
And Victor translated my silence as my answer.
“I understand you are scared of me after what you saw downstairs, but—” he began to sign.
He cut off when I launched myself at him, tackling him to the floor.
“Yes!” I shouted. “Yes, I’ll marry you!”
Then I kissed the hell out of the most romantic boyfriend on earth.
No, there was nothing I could say to make him believe me. But I could show him. I could show him that what I saw tonight, as horrific as it was, didn’t matter.
I still loved him, just like he still loved me. And I didn’t care who he was before he gave up that life. I just wanted to be with him, just liked he wanted to be with me.
Maybe he understood what I was trying to say. He kissed me back. Ferociously. Like I was the dinner we’d both missed.
This wasn’t a repeat of what happened this afternoon. He didn’t unwrap me and guide me through the steps and wait patiently for me to adjust to what was happening.
He engulfed me like an out-of-control fire. My shirt buttons went flying when he ripped it open. He tore it off my body along with my blazer. And he yanked my bra off over my head as opposed to simply undoing the clasp.
He paused just long enough to unzip his pants and put on a condom. But then he fell on top of me in his bloody suit, an animal in a total frenzy. He pushed up my uniform skirt, yanked aside my panties, and shoved himself inside of me with a loud groan.
This was more overwhelming than anything I’d ever experienced. But my body welcomed him. I wrapped my legs around his waist, taking him in even deeper. And far from just lying there, I pulled at his shirt, hands scrabbling until I found skin I could touch. I wanted him to know I had him, that every part of me was touching every part of him.
I didn’t care about my own pleasure. I didn’t care if I came. I just wanted to give him what he needed. Whatever he needed after this crazy night.
And what he needed was to claim me. Low, keening animal grunts fell out from his mouth as he took me with desperate thrusts. His body was so heavy on top of me. I couldn’t move anything below my neck. I could barely breathe.
But it didn’t matter. I stroked his hair as he fucked me so hard and whispered in his ear. I thanked him for choosing me. I promised that I’d love him forever and ever.
It didn’t take long after I told him that. He let out a guttural yell, and his entire body went rigid right before he emptied into the condom.
We lay like that,
wrapped up in each other. Breathing. Forgiving.
I no longer cared about what my parents would think. I just wanted to be with him. I felt crazed, like a didn’t need food or water. Just him. But eventually, he lifted off of me and signed, “Let’s sleep.”
I followed him into his bedroom, and there, we shed the rest of our clothes. The bloody suit and my school uniform skirt fell to the floor, and we slipped under the covers to snuggle the same way we had that afternoon.
As I drifted off, it almost seemed like everything that happened after I woke up was a nightmare. Just a little nightmare. It would all be okay, as long as Victor and I were in each other’s arms.
He woke me up with a gentle shake just a few hours later, though.
He’d turned the light on, probably so I could see when he signed, “I want to try sex again. I will go slower this time. So you can have an orgasm like before.”
As excuses to wake up your girlfriend in the middle of the night went, his wasn't too bad.
We kissed again like we used to before we did the deed. Except this time, when we crawled all over each other, he pushed into me gently. Then he held me tight against him and slowly pumped into me until I crumpled in his arms, the orgasm he had promised washing over me.
“Thank you,” he signed with one hand after I was done.
“No, thank you,” I signed back, making my voice and my “you” sign super emphatic.
We fell asleep again. Grateful and in love with the dream of an even better tomorrow.
21
A few hours later, it all fell apart.
“Wake up! Wake the fuck up!”
I woke up to bright lights in my eyes. Not the morning sun, I realized, blinking against them. Flashlights.
There were dozens of flashlights pointed at me. At us. Victor was sitting up in bed, too, his arm a bar across my naked chest, as if he was trying to protect me. But from what?
Victor: Her Ruthless Crush Page 13
